Kathy Carlton Willis shines as she encourages writers and speakers, but she has insight to share with all of us about expectations in this attitude UPGRADE.

"Don’t worry. We all have them. Unmet expectations, unrealistic expectations, unhealthy expectations. These lead to disappointment—in others, in ourselves, even in God," Kathy says.

The Bible says, "hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Proverbs 13:12) and, believe me, I've been heartsick over unmet expectations during my lifetime - especially as a young woman. I wish I'd known some of the things Kathy shares in this post.

Kathy continues ...

Sometimes expectations are based on what we want to see happen—no matter how unrealistic. Other times our expectations are based on what another person has promised. But not everyone carries out his or her promises.

What to Do:

1. Pre-plan a healthy way to handle your expectations. It’s impossible to have a godly response in the heat of the moment without having a predetermined course of action.
2. Focus on the difference between reactions and responses. Reactions are based on emotional reflexes and are governed by the heart. Responses are based on disciplined actions and are led by the Spirit.
3. Disengage your feelings from the response so you’re not allowing others to push your buttons. (And we all have buttons—usually a mix-matched set!) Take it out of the realm of feelings and put it in the realm of godly thoughts and actions.
4. Pray for God’s wisdom and discernment.
5. When a situation arises, be intentional rather than irrational. Remove yourself for a timeout if you need to disconnect from your feelings. Refocus on what Christ’s response would be. Being intentional means you have a strategy in place ahead of time, and you act on that strategy. This is called reframing your thoughts.

The Problem with Expectations:

Often our expectations of others are another form of judging motives and intentions. We forget to offer unconditional love, extend grace, give the benefit of the doubt and practice The Golden Rule. It’s easier to assume, expect, and judge.

When we expect something outside of our control, we set ourselves up for all sorts of frustrating emotions, and it doesn't help us or the one on whom we’re projecting our expectations.

Bible Remedies for Expectations:

Philippians 4:6-7, The Message:

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

• How can your expectations be a cause of anxiety?
• What is to accompany your prayers and supplications?
• What do you need to let God know about?
• What does God promise that His peace will do for you?

Isaiah 26:3 (NLT):

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!"

• What can you expect God to give you when you truly trust in Him?
• When you focus on the unmet expectations, you overlook all the amazing stuff that God is doing in your life and in the world.

Prayer Points:

• When you have unmet expectations, take them to Jesus.
• Allow your unmet expectations to draw you closer to the One who can do “abundantly more than all you can ask or imagine.”
• Focus on the ways Jesus exceeds our expectations. He has eternity in mind, not just today.

What one thing can you take away from this to try as preventative maintenance so you upgrade the way you handle unmet or unrealistic expectations?

Kathy Carlton Willis shines for God, reflecting His light as a speaker at writer's conferences and women's retreats, and as an author - contributing to three books and writing hundreds of columns and articles online and in print publications. Her article today is an excerpt from Speaker to Speaker: The Essential Speaker’s Companion (Oaktara Publishing, to be released later in 2014). Kathy is also a publicist with Kathy Carlton Willis Communications. She and her husband/pastor, Russ, live in Texas.

Image in Text adapted, courtesy of Stuart Miles/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net.