All too often wives treat their husbands like the enemy, but they've got it all wrong! In this Marriage UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson considers the real enemy in so many homes.
"Our real enemy is not our spouse, as much as it might feel that way," Leslie Vernick wrote in How 
to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong.* "Our enemy is Satan and the evil he stands for."
Whether it feels like all hell is breaking loose or we're simply "ticked off" at our spouse's rude or insensitive behavior, it helps to remember there's more at stake then just "us two."
Satan delights in ruining relationships, especially when that relationship is supposed to picture the beauty of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:22-32).
Satan is an evil destroyer; he prowls around, trying to devour us as we follow Jesus (1 Peter 5:8). The devil hates what God loves and loves what God hates.
Satan hates a loving, God-honoring marriage.
And he's so tricky, so subtle. Here are some of His tactics:
1. The Father of Lies blinds us to the truth (John 8:44).
Every marriage partner has blind spots, and Satan wants to keep us in the dark about our weaknesses, pet sins, and how we can hurt our spouse. He loves it when we believe lies about our marriage.
2. He suggests evil thoughts and motives. (Examples of how he works: John 13:2; Acts 5:3)
This is why it is so crucial to stay in the scriptures, to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2) so we recognize evil.
3. He promotes disunity, bitterness and an unforgiving spirit (James 3:14-15; Ephesians 4:26-27).
He wants us to focus on our partner's short-comings and forget our own. He loves it when we hold grudges and speak angry, bitter words, forgetting how much we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32).
4. He tempts us to be sexually immoral (1 Corinthians 7:1-5).
Whether through impure thoughts, or immoral temptations like pornography and adultery, Satan looks for a "foothold" or opportunity (Ephesians 4:27) in every marriage.
The Devil's agenda is simple: Total Destruction! And he is cunning; he doesn't want us to understand he's in the middle of the messes in our relationships.
As Leslie Vernick wrote,
"His tactics always involve sin, and so we often end up fighting each other instead of our real enemy.
"When we react sinfully to our spouse's wrongs, Satan wins. He accomplishes his goal—to destroy our homes and our lives, not to mention our witness for Christ."
And we can't afford to be passive about this, because Satan's attacks are relentless.
So, how can you and I deal with the real enemy in our homes? We can:
- Seek the Lord in His Word and in prayer. God's divine power can "demolish strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:4) in our marriages.
- Submit our life and marriage to God (James 4:7a).
- Resist the enemy (James 4:7b).
- Wise up! Become more alert to Satan's tricks (2 Corinthians 2:11) in our life and marriage.
- Arm ourselves against the devil's wicked strategies (Ephesians 6:10-18).
Let me get personal.
If you're married, it's not all about you. It's not even about the two of you!
It's about the glory of God. It's about preserving the sanctity of marriage. It's about you and your partner's spiritual health. It's about a watching world. And if you have children, it's about leaving them a strong legacy.
On this last point, one of my sons once told me he is motivated to keep working on his marriage because of the examples he's seen in our and his grandparents' marriages, and other godly marriages in our extended family. Fighting the battle for marriage is so crucial for those coming after us.
What is your biggest struggle with your spouse? Do you understand who the real enemy is in your house?
Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.
* NOTE: I recommend Leslie's book to every married woman: How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong (Waterbook Press, 2001). Quotes: pp. 66-68.
Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.