Speaking into the lives of Millennials but with truth for every season, Kaley Faith Rhea provides both humor and insight. In this Attitude UPGRADE, she tackles the hypocrisy problem with grace and truth.
Kaley says, "One of the first things they’ll tell you at Singleness Camp: 'Never go on a second date with someone who’s rude to the restaurant wait staff.'"
HA! I (Dawn) think that's simple common sense, but you'd be surprised how many people can't decipher the lies of a hypocrite.
Kaley continues . . .
This isn’t a post about dating or singleness. But as a single person, I hear a lot of dating advice, good and bad, and it’s interesting to me the seemingly universal nature of this rule.
People will tell you stories.
“The date was going well, and he seemed really nice… until he thought he saw a hair in his salad, and he made the waiter cry. I blocked his number while we were still at the table, and he was so offended.”
Or “She seemed cool. But then she sent her food back three times and started swearing about the silverware? I ran away. Just literally started running. In. A. Direction.”
People of all different philosophies, backgrounds and theologies seem to agree: if you come across someone who wears different faces for different occasions, do not align yourself with that person.
But what about me?
I have to confess, I align myself with… myself far too often and way too staunchly.
It is so easy to spot hypocrisy when it’s sitting on the opposite side of the table.
But when I allow myself the comfort of that sort of farsightedness, the only real change I can effectively affect is adding fuel to the fire of my own arrogance and blindly participating in the irony of my own hypocrisy.
The number one way for me to fight hypocrisy is to ask the Lord to fight it—in me.
Remember Romans 2:1-5?
“Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.
"We know that the judgment of God rightly falls on those who practice such things.
"Do you suppose, O man—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself—that you will escape the judgment of God?
"Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?
"But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed.”
Oh, man.
To be clear, it’s NOT hypocritical to call wrong things wrong or right things right based on the Word of God. And it is absolutely right and just to call out abuse where it exists and remove abusers from positions of power, every time.
But in my everyday, it’s hypocritical when I hard-heartedly set myself up as righteous as if anything other than the sweet, miraculous, merciful grace of God could ever make me right.
It’s hypocritical when I decide God should deal graciously with my sins, but I should deal harshly with yours.
It’s hypocritical when I call your wrong things wrong and my wrong things nothing.
So here’s my little checklist that starts with this prayer:
Holy Spirit, soften my heart, and don’t allow me to hide or to justify. Lead me to repent, fully confident in Your goodness, trusting in Your mercy, and grateful beyond words for the powerful way You forgive and produce real heart-change.
Hypocrisy Check:
- Am I doing anything that's counter to God's Word of His character?
- Am I doing anything I would be upset with someone else for doing?
- Am I doing anything that is entirely about being seen by someone rather than being Jesus to someone?
- Am I miffed at someone for not putting me first when I'm definitely not putting them first?
In Luke 6:41-42, Jesus gives us this famous word picture.
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
"How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother's eye.”
You hypocrite? Sigh. ME hypocrite.
But the Lord doesn’t leave us there, all log-eyed and useless.
And isn’t it wonderful how, even in all the moments we don’t deserve a second date, our sweet Savior has still lovingly, unflinchingly called us his bride?
Just in case you're wondering whether you are log-eyed, go back over that Hypocrisy Check. Is there something you need to confess to the Lord and allow Him to change in you?
Kaley Rhea is the St. Louis-area co-author of Christian romantic comedy Turtles in 
the Road (along with mom, bud, and writing partner Rhonda Rhea) and this year’s non-fiction release Messy to Meaningful: Lessons From the Junk Drawer (co-written with Rhonda Rhea and Monica Schmelter). To read more by Kaley, visit her blog.