Counselor Kate Hagen encourages women in a number of topics, including faith, parenting and grief. In this Goals UPGRADE, she encourages women to ask three golden questions to overcome struggles regarding their goals.
"Did you make goals for 2020 that you’re struggling to keep? If so," Kate says, "you're in good company! I have been there.
"But, I've learned some really helpful questions to make goals I will be more likely to reach."
I (Dawn) didn't make any New Year's goals this year, but Kate's ideas would have helped, if I had!
Kate continues . . .
Here are three simple ways to improve your chances of reaching your goals.
1. Make Positive Goals.
Often we focus on what we don’t want.
As I was thinking about my desires for 2020, I knew what I didn’t want. I knew I didn’t want to see people as a means to an end—whether that be in business, or just to get their friendship and approval.
So, I asked myself THE GOLDEN QUESTION:
What do I want to experience I’m not currently experiencing?
I sat with this, and then it came as clear as day. I want to be sincere in everything I do.
"Love must be sincere…" (Romans 12:9).
Now I had a positive goal: live with sincerity.
Do you see how it switched from the negative—I don't want to see people as a means to an end—to the positive: I want to live with sincerity?
2. Make Measurable and Observable Goals.
I had my positive goal, yet:
- How would I know if I was living with sincerity?
- What does a sincere life look like to me?
- What does it feel like?
- What will I be saying and doing that I’m not right now?
THE GOLDEN QUESTION:
If I had a video of what I would be doing two months from now, if I felt more sincere, what would I see myself doing?
Since my 2020 goal is a character trait instead of an action, this was an important step for me. I had to get quiet with my journal before God and answer these questions.
- A sincere Kate would feel free and honest.
- I would be saying only what is true to me (being silent when appropriate), and not saying what I think the other person wants to hear. (I would choose to let people be disappointed in me, if it meant I was honest.)
- The "video" of a sincere Kate would show me honestly speaking up with a desire to give love instead of get love and approval.
Now that I had a positive, measurable and observable goal, I needed to break it down.
3. Set Micro-goals that Move You Forward.
These must be simple and doable.
"The plans of the diligent lead to profit, as surely as haste leads to poverty...." (Proverbs 21:5).
THE GOLDEN QUESTION:
What’s the next right thing?
Have you heard of the concept of the 3-foot toss? Here is the idea.
In basketball, if you want to make a basket, it’s nearly impossible for the average person to score from half-court. Of course, if you did, it would feel amazing. But, most likely you will miss the points if you try.
This is how we often view our options. We have a goal and we try to make it happen from half-court. But, that’s usually not possible.
What if we went for a 3-foot toss instead?
What if we stood at half court, yet there were multiple baskets every 3 feet until the final goal? We could try for the glory of a far shot, or we could take that easier—yet still forward progressing—3-foot toss.
So, for me, in my goal to be sincere, I have a 3-foot toss to make today. What’s my next right thing?
I won’t be sincere every moment of every day. But, I can make small progress.
I can ask God to help me be sincere as I write this post. My next 3-foot toss can be to choose to speak sincerely in the business phone call I have later today. And so on.
In a 2011 Harvard Business Review article, researchers reported finding that “ordinary, incremental progress can increase people’s engagement in the work and their happiness during the workday.”
In the NY Times, Tim Herrera wrote, "For any task you have to complete, break it down into the smallest possible units of progress and attack them one at a time... break down the very first steps you have to take and keep slicing them up into tiny, easily achievable micro-goals, then celebrate each achievement."
Celebrate each achievement!
I love the reminder to make sure to celebrate each micro-goal you reach! So, when I’m done writing this post, I will celebrate!
Taking your positive goal, breaking it down into smaller measurable goals, then getting practical with micro-goals IS going to get you closer to reaching your goal.
It's almost guaranteed.
How have your New Year goals been going so far? Does this inspire you to change them in any way?
Kate Hagen has a Master’s Degree in Biblical Counseling and has written, spoken and counseled women about mothering, faith and grief. She enjoys creating a safe space for women at the day retreats she co-hosts. At her website, you can find upcoming retreats, schedule a coaching session and read her writing about parenting, grieving and sincere faith.