Kathy Carlton Willis is one of the most faithfully joyous women I know. In the midst of difficult situations, she looks for the God of joy, peace and wisdom. In this Relationships UPGRADE, she encourages Christ-followers to engage with our growing cultural divides through the powerful grace of God pouring through our lives.
“Now more than ever, I’m feeling the pressure of the great divide all around me,” Kathy says.
“There are so many issues where people are taking sides, and they assume I’m on their side or they judge me if they assume I’m on the other side. They do this, without even asking my view or my reasons!”
I (Dawn) can relate. I squirm in discomfort when there is conflict. And it seems to be everywhere these days!
Kathy continues . . .
To be honest, I’m more of a “Why can’t we all just get along?” kind of gal. I don’t want there to be sides. We can be mature enough to respect people who have a different viewpoint than us.
Do we have to match in opinions to make relationships work? I would hope there’s space for grace.
There are so many differing opinions these days:
- Masks or no masks?
- Self-isolating/social-distancing or back to normal?
- Republican or Democrat?
- All Lives Matters or Black Lives Matter?
- Homeschooling or public education?
- Big churches, small churches or home church?
- Technology-centric or simple-focus?
What do I do when people make a wrong assumption about me? Or worse, they judge me because of that assumption?
What can you do?
Don’t label fear in someone unless you know their brave story.
Be devoted to one another with [authentic] brotherly affection [as members of one family], give preference to one another in honor (Romans 12:10 AMP).
How to Engage with Grace, not Disgrace
1. Ask yourself if the battle is more important than the relationship.
2. Will the issue matter five years from now? If it’s temporary, you can get past it.
3. Start conversations by acknowledging how you value the other person.
4. Tell stories rather than discussing facts. Your experience is more important to the other party than something you’ve read.
5. Resist stirring the pot by making divisive statements.
6. Ask them for permission to discuss it before bringing up subjects that divide.
7. Decide in advance what you will do if the conversation gets uncomfortable.
8. Don’t drag others into the dispute. No one likes being put in the middle of someone else’s battle.
9. Avoid making personal accusations to make your point. In debate, we were taught you can tell when a side is losing when they start to attack the person rather than debate the issue.
10. Don’t make it your life mission to change people’s minds on things that don’t matter for eternity.
So I, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to you to live a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called
[that is, to live a life that exhibits godly character, moral courage, personal integrity, and mature behavior—a life that expresses gratitude to God for your salvation], with all humility [forsaking self-righteousness], and gentleness [maintaining self-control], with patience, bearing with one another [a]in [unselfish] love.
Make every effort to keep the oneness of the Spirit in the bond of peace [each individual working together to make the whole successful] (Ephesians 4:1-3 AMP).
Some things I’m doing:
- I’m listening more and talking less.
- I’m evaluating why certain opinions matter so much to me that I’d be willing to hurt a relationship to be right. The answer is, nothing matters more to me than people.
- I ask Jesus to show me the hearts of others as he sees them. Usually he shows me they are hurting, not hurting me.
- I’m learning to appreciate diversity. Differences can be beautiful, like a garden filled with various flowers.
- I’m finding common ground rather than fixating on our differences.
Today what will you do to be part of the BRIDGE and not part of the DIVIDE?
Kathy Carlton Willis, God’s Grin Gal, writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith, whimsy and
wisdom. She coaches others to remove the training wheels of fear and not just 
risk, but also take pleasure in the joy ride of life. She is known for her debut book, Grin with Grace, and for her grinning Boston terrier, Hettie. Her new book, The Grin Gal’s Guide to Joy is inspiring Joy Sightings everywhere. Learn more about God's Grin Gal.
Graphic adapted, courtesty of Klimkin at Pixabay.