In this Mother's Day UPGRADE, Dawn reminds us to honor our moms for as long as we can. Why? "When Mom is in heaven," she says, "a big piece of our heart is there too."
This is my first Mother's Day without my mom; and my husband's mother went to heaven in late 2021.
A few days after I wrote this post, I received news that a dear friend's elderly mother was in transition. Family members have gathered, and they will likely experience Mother's Day without their mom too.
The simple fact is, Mother's Day looks a lot different when a loving Christian Mom is dying or already in heaven with Jesus.
It's just so hard!
My sister was my mom's caregiver for so many years. I know she is hurting too. While there is relief when our loved one is out of pain, caregivers also experience great sorrow.
People speak of "losing" someone in death, but I haven't lost my mom. I know exactly where she is.
Knowing Mom is safe and well in the place where she lives forever helps me deal with the pain.
More about that later.
Perhaps someone reading this is struggling. I hope this will encourage you.
Five things to remember when facing Mom's earthly absence on Mother's Day:
1) It's normal to grieve.
I watched a television commercial promoting a lovely Mother's Day necklace. A tear slipped from my eye. Never again this side of heaven would I be able to give my mom a gift of any kind. Not even a Mother's Day card.
We can change the channel when the commercial comes on and avoid the card aisle at the drugstore, but that won't bring her back.
Grieving is natural, and no one can tell us when to stop grieving.
We can look at old scrapbooks of special events with our mom in the photos, but suddenly we realize there will be no more photos. We close the scrapbook. It's just too hard.
In time, a new awareness sets in.
In grieving, we eventually realize that great grief means great love.
If we did not love our mothers so much, we would not grieve them so deeply.
So what helps?
- Pause for a while and feel the depths of your grief.
- Then take your pain to Jesus—totally human, totally God—the One who understands how you feel. He is intimately acquainted with your situation (Psalm 139:b NASB). You are not alone. He does not stand back, avoiding your pain. He wants to comfort your heart through the watch-care of the Holy Spirit.
2) Some memories are sweet, others are hard, and some are funny!
After pausing to feel grief, allow your thoughts to drift to happy days when your mother was still on earth. Ask God to help you remember some sweet memories.
It's OK for tears to flow.
Memories can still be sweet, even when difficult or painful.
We can know that, as Bible-believing believers, someday all those tears of grief will be wiped away, and death, mourning, crying, and pain will end (Revelation 21:4).
In the midst of grieving your mother's death, perhaps you will recall some funny memories. That's OK!
Some of my favorite funerals and celebration services included funny stories of the deceased. Loved ones laughed through their tears.
Stories are reminders that the one we love was completely human and will be missed.
So what helps?
- If you feel comfortable, pull out that scrapbook again, or look at photos on social media or on your phone.
- Try to remember the place and time for each picture. Choose joy, and thank God for the memories.
(Bob's mother, left, and mine — when they were young.)
3) It's God-honoring and mom-honoring to remember her legacy.
All moms leave some kind of legacy. This is hopefully doubly true in Christian families. There is Mom's legacy in family traditions, and her legacy in Christ.
Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his faithful servants (Psalm 116:15 NIV).
If your mom lived even nominally for Jesus, that's more than the vast number of moms have done around the world—moms who have never trusted in the Lord. It's not that those other moms don't love their children. It's only that they could not show the love of God to their children.
If your mom walked closely with her Savior, however, she will likely have left a profound "heartprint" in your life—transformational truth, and inspiration to follow her heart as you follow in Jesus' steps.
So what helps?
- Your mom may not have been perfect, but thank God for giving you life (Psalm 139:13) and the legacy of her love. If she taught you about the Lord, His Word, and His ways, praise God for that (Deuteronomy 4:9; Proverbs 1:8-9).
- Thank God for her influence in your character and your understanding of Father God (Proverbs 31:25-27).
4) Life now is about more than trying to "make Mom proud."
Proverbs 17:6b (NLT) says,
Parents are the pride of their children. *
It's natural that children take pride in their parents. That's why we have special days to celebrate them—Father's Day and Mother's Day. God tells us to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12); and the scriptures go one step further with moms: We must never "despise" (neglect) them when they are old (Proverbs 23:22b).
Yes. It's good to take pride in our parents.
Children also normally want to make their parents proud.
It's suggested that Mom is glad when we're making wise choices.
May your . . . mother rejoice; may she who gave you birth be joyful!" (Proverbs 22:25).
Most parents are happily proud of their children, even if they don't communicate it. Parental pride and gladness are often linked. I remember telling one of my sons after he displayed an act of kindness, "I'm so glad you were born. I'm so proud of you."
You may hope that you made your mama proud; and that feeling may continue after she's in heaven.
But your mother would want MORE for you.
Your mom would want you to live a wonderful, fruitful, God-blessed life. She would want you to live for more than simply making her proud.
She would want you to make God smile.
Turns out, that's a biblical concept.
May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor. . . (Numbers 6:25-26a NLT)
God smiles when He sees His children looking to Him for wisdom and direction. When we seek Him out for the right way to live (Psalm 119:35 Msg), He pours out His favor in our lives.
Your mom wouldn't want you to become a sour, legalistic Christian. But she would want you to walk in submission, faith, and obedience to God because that's the way to a blessed life.
So what helps?
- Why not write a note in your journal or to post on social media to celebrate your Mom's life—rise up and "call her blessed" (Proverbs 31:28). Your mom may be in heaven, but you can still share part of her story or why you loved her.
- Ask God how you can make Him smile. What would that look like? What would move God's heart to bless you? The Bible gives some insight: Hosea 6:6 NLT; Psalm 147:11 ESV; 1 John 5:3a NIV; Matthew 6:33 NIV)
5. We know we will see our Christ-following Mom again.
Only God knows our hearts, but if your mother has genuinely received Jesus as her Savior (trusting in His death, burial, and resurrection; and repenting of sin and asking for His forgiveness) — and you have genuinely done the same — you will see your loved one again.
Again, what helps?
- Praise God for your mother's salvation. ** (She's not only your mom. If you both know the Lord, she's your sister in Christ!)
- Be sure you know the Lord too. (How do you know—how can you be sure—you know Jesus? Here is a presentation of the good news of salvation in Christ; and here are some evidences of salvation.)
I cannot wait to see my mom, my husband's mom, and a few precious adopted "moms" I've loved along the way. What a wondrous day that will be!
Let me offer a prayer for those who hurt this Mother's Day.
Father God,
I ask you to encourage those who have mothers in heaven. Comfort them and bring them peace.
Remind them of sweet memories so they will have tears of joy mingled with their grief.
Show them how they can best honor their mothers this Mother's Day and in the years to come. Amen.
Is your mom in heaven? Could you try some of these suggestions to face this Mother's Day with peace, and a "heavenly" perspective?
Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, 
and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.
Graphic adapted, courtesy of Vlanka at Pixabay.
* Note: Most versions say "father" rather than "parents."
** I know that some moms give no evidence of receiving Christ. We cannot, however, see into their heart and mind. Perhaps they had a conversation wth God before they died. We just do not know—but God does. We can take comfort in the biblical truth that God is loving, kind, and just. And we can thank Him for the years He allowed our Mom to care for us.