Cultivating Joy in Your Family This Christmas

Becky Harling, a conference and retreat speaker, is the creator of many praise challenges. She just bubbles over with joy! For this Christmas UPGRADE, I asked her to share how we might cultivate joy in our homes during the holidays.

"The angel who announced the birth of Jesus to the shepherds declared that the birth of Christ was good news of great joy," Becky says, "Yet, so often during the holidays, 'joyful' is not the word someone might use to describe our homes. Tense, hurried, stressed or chaotic might be a better fit.

"Yet, God wants us to experience great joy."

Try as I (Dawn) might, I tend to exhibit all the characteristics of "holiday hurry" disease. I have to be intentional about peace, or my days are robbed of joy. Are you like me? Let's learn wisdom and cultivate some joy!

Becky continues . . .

How do we experience great joy in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the Holiday season? And, how do we encourage joy in our kids during one of the most demanding and draining times of the year?

In search of the answers to these questions, I did a bit of research on joy.

I discovered that: (1) joy is primarily relational and (2) our brains have a joy center!

I know, right? Isn’t that amazing?

Studies indicate the "joy center exists in the right orbital prefrontal cortex of the brain. It has executive control over the entire emotional system.”

The joy center grows in infancy. Neurologists and psychologists teach us that when infants see delight in the eyes of their parents, the joy center of their brain is strengthened.  In other words, when babies see their parents’ eyes sparkle and light up in response to them, they know they are loved and their joy center develops.

“If the joy center develops correctly, an individual can find the path back to joy, in spite of the most difficult trauma.” * 

Even if your joy center didn’t develop properly in childhood, that part of your brain can be regenerated. Not only can you as a parent develop your child’s joy center, you can strengthen your own joy muscle!

Strengthening your joy muscle begins when you internalize the truth that you are the sparkle in your Heavenly Father’s eye.

Friend, God--your heavenly Father--is madly and categorically in love with you! God's Word teaches that He take great delight in you. He even sings and dances over you. (Zephaniah 3:17) His eyes sparkle and light up when you come to spend time with Him.  

It’s possible that you’ve never felt like anyone was particularly glad to see you. That’s not true of God. You are the sparkle in God’s eye. As you internalize that truth you are more able to pass the sparkle on to your kids, your spouse, your friends and neighbors.

So, how do you go about internalizing that truth and passing it on to your kids--especially during the Holidays? I have a few suggestions.

1. Spend a few moments praising God each day.

As you lift your focus to the sparkle in God's eye, your cares won’t feel nearly as burdensome, and you’ll feel His love more deeply.  

Listen to Christmas music that is focused on praising Jesus Christ. As you listen, remind yourself: God’s eyes sparkle when He gets to spend time with you! He’s glad to be with you. Praise Him that He designed you to experience joy and you have the privilege of passing that on to your child.

2. Smile often. 

Smiling sends the message that you’re happy to see someone. When your kids wake up in the morning or come home from school allow them to see the sparkle in your eye. Communicate that you’re glad to see them and you’re happy to be with them.

3. Sing when you’re stressed.  

When you feel stressed out or tense, start singing or turn on some music. Music often lightens our mood and helps us to enjoy God’s presence. Even if you can’t carry a tune, your efforts will release some of the stress.

4. Speak affirming words.

Let your kids know you’re proud of them and you praise God for them.

It’s easy to criticize when you’re stressed over busy schedules or tight finances; but scolding doesn’t strengthen anyone’s joy center. So, let it go and choose to affirm.

Friend, I think we need more joy in our world, don’t you? The angels acknowledged this when they proclaimed at Jesus' birth, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy" (Luke 2:10).

As you look at the Holiday season with all its demands, why not make it your goal to cultivate joy. Praise God that He is the joy giver and that you are the sparkle in His eye. Seek to strengthen your joy center and your child’s.

Make it your goal to PASS ALONG THE SPARKLE this Christmas, and I think you’re going to find your home a much happier place!

Which of the four “S’s” for cultivating joy can you begin today?

Becky Harling. Authentic. Passionate. Funny. Insightful. Becky is a frequent speaker at conferences, retreats, and other venues. She is the author of Rewriting Your Emotional Script, Freedom from Performing, The 30 Day Praise Challenge and The 30 Day Praise Challenge for Parents. Becky is married to Steve Harling and has four adult kids and five grandkids. Visit her website and blog!

* Quote from James G. Friesen, E. James Wilder, Anne M. Bierling, Rick Koepcke and Maribeth Poole, Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You (Van Nuys, CA: Shepherd's House, 2000), p. 12

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of suphakit73 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Christmas Joy

Kelly DeChant is one of the most joy-filled women I know. I asked her to share her take on what brings the most joy at Christmas in this Holiday UPGRADE.

“Christmas Joy—is it what you give or what you spend?” Kelly asks. “Think about it . . . is it what you GIVE or what you SPEND?”

Christians would likely answer, “what I give,” but I (Dawn) think that’s still not the best answer, as Kelly points out so clearly.

She continues . . .

As you meandered down the aisle at Costco, making your way to the pumpkin pie counter for your fall dessert choice (mid-October), what came over you when you saw the nicely manicured Christmas trees adorned with every color bulb imaginable? 

Did you succumb to a numbing effect—ice running through your veins at the very sight of the trees? Did you immediately check you Smart Phone calendar to verify the date? It just couldn’t possibly be that time yet! 

Were you overcome with sheer panic of the thought that Christmas was in fact only 75 days away and you were counting at a warp speed? 

To fight off the anxiety, did you grab the nearest spoon to politely (of course) begin shoveling spoonfuls of the delightful pumpkin pie into your mouth?

Oh yes, it has happened to us all. And once you have recovered from the initial shock, the truth of it all sets in. What are you to do? 

You can commit to spending money on things that people will rarely acknowledge as valuable, or you can rethink your entire Christmas season strategy. I challenge you to sit with a nice cup of peppermint tea and gain complete and total perspective. 

It all begins in the way you think. To change your behavior, you have to change the way you think. Let’s begin with “The Reason for the Season.” Simply put, it’s Jesus. He is the reason we celebrate.

How will you keep Him center stage in your Christmas? He is where our true JOY will be found.

I think of it like this: JOY = Jesus Occupying You

Yes, occupying—occupying your thoughts, your actions, your spending and your giving. 

This is His party, and He wants us to celebrate Him. We do this by keeping Him first in our giving. As we spend time with family and friends, we are giving of ourselves. It’s not about the gift giving, but rather the life living. That is the greatest gift we can give Jesus this birthday. 

How do we celebrate? Is it the Hallmark Christmas movies that tug at your heart to get you in the Christmas spirit . . . or is it the reading of His birth announcement in Luke 2  that sends heart-throbbing joy into your soul?

Think about that journey taken by Jesus’ earthly parents to bring this child to us.  

“For unto us a Child is born. . . .” He was born to be our Savior, and there is no greater gift ever given. 

Throughout the season, read each day from the Gospels—Matthew, Mark, Luke and John—their difference renditions of that precious time in history. It will bring a newness to your Christmas season and you will keep Him at the center. 

Remember: Jesus Occupying You! That’s Christmas Joy, not what you give or spend.

What are you doing this December to refresh the wonder of Christmas joy in your heart?

Kelly DeChant, a wife, mother and Grammy, enlists herself as a Disciple of the Risen King. She is passionate about sharing the Gospel to everyone she encounters, and she does so with great joy!

Graphic #1 adapted from layoutsparks.com. Graphic #2, Costco Insider. Graphic #3, adapted, Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.