Upgrade Your Time with 'Littles'

Morgan Farr has always impressed me with her godly approach to coaching women, but I've also grown to appreciate her parenting skills. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she offers five ways to upgrade time with young children.

"If you hop on to any social media platform at any time of day you will see a TON of posts in the mom-of-littles realm," Morgan says.  

"I recently noticed a disturbing undercurrent of animosity among parents of young children… towards their children."

I (Dawn) know what Morgan says is true. The Bible says children are a heritage and gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3);  but sometimes—fueled by feminism, stresses in the culture or a me-first perspective—atttitudes toward parenting today are often discouraging.

Morgan continues . . .

If you want to see for yourself, check out the hashtag #kidsaretheworst on social media sites. Some of the posts are the silly antics of kids being kids. Other posts are the cries of people that are clearly overwhelmed with kids, and most of the posts are from parents.

These posts make me so incredibly sad, because it doesn’t have to be this way!

I want to share with you how to upgrade your time With "littles" to help avoid feeling like the hashtag is true.

I am not a parenting expert by any means. However, at one point I had three children under the age of three and my husband is active duty military, so most days it was just me and the kids.

The way I not only survived, but thrived, with three under three, was to use the SHRED method.

Upgrade with the S-H-R-E-D Method

1. Structure

Children flourish with routine and structure. Having a plan for your week and a layout for your daily schedule will help a child to know what is coming next.

If that is all too much to take on, start with bedtime. I consider bedtime to be the single most important structure in our day.

The CDC says 3- to 6-year-olds need between 10 and 12 hours of sleep per day! For our family, that means the children go to bed at 6:30pm every single day, with no exceptions.

Does that mean we miss out on some things? Sure, but it also means my kids get a full night’s sleep and that seriously cuts down misbehavior and tantrums.

2. Home

Take a look at the environment you and the kids are in.

Is it messy? Is it cluttered?

I know most adults feel anxious and stressed when they are in an environment like that. How can we expect kids to be calm?

I am not by any means saying that your home has to be spotless. What I mean is, can you tidy things up to create a space that is restful, even if it is just one room.

This is often where people say that they don’t have time to do that, but if you are practicing the structure and putting your kids down, spend 15 minutes doing a quick sweep of the house to get things back in their proper place before you slow down for the night.

3. Read

Reading is an easy way to set the tone for your kids.

Margaret Fuller said, “Today a reader, tomorrow a leader.” If you want your kids to be free thinkers, read to them often.

We have several places during the day where I have scheduled time for reading.

• At breakfast, we read a devotional geared towards science and how God made the Earth.
• In the car on the way to activities, we listen to chapter audiobooks.
• At tea time, we read poetry.
• At dinner time, we read a devotional for kids about the names of God.
• When I do bathtime, I set up the two not being bathed with audiobooks and a toy and they rotate.

Get creative! 

4. Educate

Education is completely different from reading.

Yes, you can become educated by reading, but reading isn’t all there is to education.

Help you kids have curious minds.

• When they ask why seeds grow, sprout some in your window.
• When they ask how electricity works, look up Youtube tutorials.
• When they ask about firemen, schedule a tour of your local fire department.

Inspire them to ask questions and teach them what it looks like to find the answers.

Help them to see God in everything, all around them, by learning about everything that interests them.

5. Diet

Anne Mulcahy said, “Investing in early childhood nutrition is a surefire strategy. The returns are incredibly high.”

Helping your children fuel their bodies well is crucial to helping them be healthy adults physically, mentally and emotionally.

Sugary breakfast cereals set kids up for a sugar crash at mid-morning. Sports drinks, soda, and sugar-filled juice rot children’s teeth and can contribute to dehydration.

Help your children see how important it is to treat their body like the temple that God gave them (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

• Allow your children to help you make healthy food choices.
• Let them help you cook in the kitchen.
• Model for them healthy body image by fueling your own body well.

Are kids a lot to deal with? Absolutely.

Are they worth it? Absolutely.

At the end of the day, you are in charge of the little people you are raising. God gave these little miracles to you.

Raise them to be people that you like and that you would want to be around.

What changes can you make to help you enjoy spending time with your little kids?

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is working to better love her husband, develop her three small children, and learn more about homeschool. Morgan is a homemaker dedicating her time to ministering to other Army wives through Bible studies, one-on-one mentoring, and physical training. She writes about her transition out of feminism and into biblical womanhood at The Forgiven Former Feminist.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Kevin Phillips at Pixabay.

Are You Struggling with Your New Year Goals?

Counselor Kate Hagen encourages women in a number of topics, including faith, parenting and grief. In this Goals UPGRADE, she encourages women to ask three golden questions to overcome struggles regarding their goals.

"Did you make goals for 2020 that you’re struggling to keep? If so," Kate says, "you're in good company! I have been there.

"But, I've learned some really helpful questions to make goals I will be more likely to reach."

I (Dawn) didn't make any New Year's goals this year, but Kate's ideas would have helped, if I had!

Kate continues . . .

Here are three simple ways to improve your chances of reaching your goals.

1. Make Positive Goals.

Often we focus on what we don’t want.

As I was thinking about my desires for 2020, I knew what I didn’t want. I knew I didn’t want to see people as a means to an end—whether that be in business, or just to get their friendship and approval.

So, I asked myself THE GOLDEN QUESTION:

What do I want to experience I’m not currently experiencing? 

I sat with this, and then it came as clear as day. I want to be sincere in everything I do. 

"Love must be sincere…" (Romans 12:9).

Now I had a positive goal: live with sincerity.

Do you see how it switched from the negative—I don't want to see people as a means to an end—to the positive: I want to live with sincerity?

2. Make Measurable and Observable Goals.

I had my positive goal, yet:

• How would I know if I was living with sincerity?
• What does a sincere life look like to me?
• What does it feel like?
• What will I be saying and doing that I’m not right now? 

THE GOLDEN QUESTION:  

If I had a video of what I would be doing two months from now, if I felt more sincere, what would I see myself doing?

Since my 2020 goal is a character trait instead of an action, this was an important step for me. I had to get quiet with my journal before God and answer these questions. 

• A sincere Kate would feel free and honest.
• I would be saying only what is true to me (being silent when appropriate), and not saying what I think the other person wants to hear. (I would choose to let people be disappointed in me, if it meant I was honest.)
• The "video" of a sincere Kate would show me honestly speaking up with a desire to give love instead of get love and approval. 

Now that I had a positive, measurable and observable goal, I needed to break it down. 

3. Set Micro-goals that Move You Forward.

These must be simple and doable. 

"The plans of the diligent lead to profit, as surely as haste leads to poverty...." (Proverbs 21:5).

THE GOLDEN QUESTION:

What’s the next right thing?

Have you heard of the concept of the 3-foot toss? Here is the idea.

In basketball, if you want to make a basket, it’s nearly impossible for the average person to score from half-court. Of course, if you did, it would feel amazing. But, most likely you will miss the points if you try.

This is how we often view our options. We have a goal and we try to make it happen from half-court. But, that’s usually not possible. 

What if we went for a 3-foot toss instead?

What if we stood at half court, yet there were multiple baskets every 3 feet until the final goal? We could try for the glory of a far shot, or we could take that easier—yet still forward progressing—3-foot toss.

So, for me, in my goal to be sincere, I have a 3-foot toss to make today. What’s my next right thing?

I won’t be sincere every moment of every day. But, I can make small progress.

I can ask God to help me be sincere as I write this post. My next 3-foot toss can be to choose to speak sincerely in the business phone call I have later today. And so on. 

In a 2011 Harvard Business Review article, researchers reported finding that “ordinary, incremental progress can increase people’s engagement in the work and their happiness during the workday.” 

In the NY Times, Tim Herrera wrote, "For any task you have to complete, break it down into the smallest possible units of progress and attack them one at a time... break down the very first steps you have to take and keep slicing them up into tiny, easily achievable micro-goals, then celebrate each achievement." 

Celebrate each achievement!

I love the reminder to make sure to celebrate each micro-goal you reach! So, when I’m done writing this post, I will celebrate!

Taking your positive goal, breaking it down into smaller measurable goals, then getting practical with micro-goals IS going to get you closer to reaching your goal.

It's almost guaranteed. 

How have your New Year goals been going so far? Does this inspire you to change them in any way?

Kate Hagen has a Master’s Degree in Biblical Counseling and has written, spoken and counseled women about mothering, faith and grief.  She enjoys creating a safe space for women at the day retreats she co-hosts. At her website, you can find upcoming retreats, schedule a coaching session and read her writing about parenting, grieving and sincere faith.

Plan for Lasting Love

Pam Farrel is a relationship specialist, and she knows the power of making wise and godly choices that enhance relationships. In this Marriage UPGRADE, she says we need a plan if we want love in our  marriage relationship to last.

"A lasting love isn’t a happenstance," Pam says, "rather couples who gain long lasting love all made ONE vital decision: they DECIDED they wanted a long-lasting love! Love is a choice!"

I (Dawn) believe in making powerful choices! And a good place to start, right after our choice to receive  Jesus as our Savior, is in our closest human relationship.

Pam continues . . .

We recently celebrated our 40^th anniversary. As a gift, our grown sons and daughter in laws, along with our five grandchildren, all contributed to a book they wrote, 40 Reasons We Value Your Lasting Love.

Here are a few of our favorites parts from that book—along with four vital choices we've made in our marriage.

You too can gain a lasting lifetime love! Here is how.

1. Sit Face 2 Face

"We love because He (God) first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

This verse was inscribed on our wedding gifts to each other. We knew going in, we would only succeed at long lasting love only if God was kept front and center as the glue to hold us together.

One of the less glamourous but most vital choices we made early in our marriage was to create a Marriage & Family Compass.

This includes:

(1) Marriage/Family Mission Statement

We penned ours about two years into our marriage, inspired by a marriage conference for seminary students lead by Dr. Norman T. Wright.

(2) Marriage/ Family Motto

We wanted a short phrase like you’d see on a coffee mug or T-shirt. Ours is, “Those who honor God, God honors”—based on 1 Samuel 2:30.

(3) Marriage/Family Moniker

This is a family crest. Ours has three L’s that stand for Leaner, Leader, who Loves God (what we prayed our children would grow into); plus two hearts that stand for Farrels keep their promises, especially in marriage; and a cross with a star symbolizing that when you have a vibrant relationship with God, He ignites the God-given passion inside and you “let your light shine” for Him.

We also made a commitment to have a weekly “Monday Morning Marriage Meeting” where we pray, then discuss things like money/finances, calendar items, work and family; and we delegate tasks, make decisions together, etc. In other words, we tackle the important "biz issues" of a marriage. 

The Marriage Meet Up and the Family Compass were vital, because we both came from very dysfunctional, chaotic homes. We needed to be proactive and positive.

We saw the fruit of this in the book our family gave us on our 40th anniversary.

• "You love each other—quirks and all"
• "You model healthy communication, aka conflict resolution and forgiveness."
• "Tenacity! We will make it through anything TOGETHER!"
  

2. Walk Hand 2 Hand

"I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well" (3 John 1:2).

An obvious tip on gaining a long-lasting love is: You must live longer and stronger by treating your body (and your mate’s body) as “a temple of the Holy Spirit”  (1 Corinthians 6:19).

Because we were both athletes when we met at age 19, and married at age 20, keeping active is a part of our love life.

We have always enjoyed a daily prayer walk, hand in hand.

We have supported each other’s exercise pursuits, but the real key is finding some activities you BOTH enjoy doing together.

Some of our favorites are kayaking, paddle boarding, jet skiing, biking, swimming and dancing under the stars—or while waiting for an elevator!

• "You two are not afraid to take risks, as long as you are doing it together."
• "You love going on adventures together—you see life as an adventure."
• "You always take time for date nights."

3. Hug Heart 2 Heart  

"I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go…" (Song of Songs 3:4).

We have cultivated romance. We kiss each other EVERY TIME we say grace.

We put weekly date nights, a monthly day away, and twice-a-year overnight getaways on our calendar FIRST! We even schedule “Red Hot Monogamy!” 

• "You are each other’s biggest fans."
• "As a kid growing up, you modeled for us vulnerability, forgiveness, grace, pure love, joy and commitment."
• "You both love waffles and spaghetti."

4. Bow Knee 2 Knee

"You will pray to him, and he will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows" (Job 22:27).

Prayer was a part of our relationship from the first moment Bill first asked me out on our first date!

We pray for one another and with one another.

We pray, hug and kiss, when we greet and when we depart from each other.

We pray over meals, over decisions, over family and friends, and over our failures and frailties. We wrap up in each other’s arms each night and pray and thank God for each other and one more day together.

• "You guys have defied the odds and have a HEALTHY marriage."
• "You have completely changed the legacy of our family."
• "You model a chord of three strands is not easily broken."

Do you have hopes and dreams for your marriage?

I remember a drive together as a newly-engaged couple when one of us said, “We are years away from starting a family, but what will we want our kids to say about us on our 25th or 50th wedding anniversary?”

We made a verbal list, then we prayed and asked God to fulfill those hearts desires.

And He is!  

What new habits or activities do you want to add into your marriage or your family to secure the future God longs to give you?

Pam Farrel is a cheerleader for women everywhere! Bill and Pam Farrel are international speakers, relationship specialists, and authors of more than 50 books including the bestselling: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti; 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make (which explains how couples can create their own Family Compass: Mission, Motto, Moniker); Red Hot Monogamy (with more than 200 romance ideas). Their newest book is Marriage Meet Ups: A Planner for Couples Who Want a Productive, Passionate and Purposeful Life (to be released the end of January 2020). Discover more about Pam or the Farrels' ministry at  www.Love-Wise.com

Goals to Redeem Regret in 2020

When I think of pure lovers of the Word of God, the name Cathy Horning always comes to my mind. She approaches the scriptures with an honest heart, and then vulnerably shares what God is teaching her. In this New Year's UPGRADE, Cathy looks back over the year and talks about a word no one likes: "REGRET."

"As 2019 comes to a close, I have a great regret," she says. "Yet as we welcome 2020, it is a regret I intend to redeem.

"My regret is a latent skill which has gnawed at my heart for decades, one I have ignored, neglected, and excused away the older I have grown."

I (Dawn) so identify with this. I have some regrets too. Some, I can't do anything to change now, but Cathy has inspired me to redeem the ones I can.

Cathy continues . . .

This regret surfaced only two weeks ago, after I traveled across the border into Mexico to share my testimony with a precious group of women who are stepping out of poverty and brokenness.

Thankfully, I was blessed with a wonderful interpreter. The Lord was very present, and at work to speak hope and encouragement for their futures. 

When I returned home, however, I was convicted that I had neglected to attend to the beautiful Spanish language which I studied in high school and college. You see, for the past forty years, I rationalized that I did not need this skill in my everyday life.

Memories came of how Señor Reyes, my high school Spanish teacher, instilled in me a love and a passion for his native language—as well as what a stickler he was for proper pronunciation.

Living in Arizona, it only made sense to continue learning this second language in college. Sadly though, once I married and had children, I rarely gave it a another thought.

Over the years, I mostly ignored the gnawing within me to refresh and invest in Spanish. Occasionally, I would listen to a Spanish Bible on CD or a pick up a workbook, always with the best intentions. But, because of a full and busy life, it never lasted.

Eventually, my Spanish was laid aside once again.

I justified, when would I ever use my rusty, latent skill anyway?

I never imagined, at the ripe age of 60, I would be invited to cross the border from my California home and speak to a beautiful group of women who primarily spoke Spanish.

But, GOD KNEW!

And, although I was provided an excellent interpreter to help share my message, I was unable to talk personally to the women, and their precious children. I knew the basics, and although a few were bilingual, I regretted I had not maintained and invested in my Spanish, so that I could speak and listen to each one of them.

The conviction of my neglected skill, and the assurance that I will be invited back to Mexico, has inspired this grandma to dust off and work on relearning her valuable Spanish speaking skills.

I realize I may never be accomplished enough to speak a whole message without the aid of an interpreter, but as I step into the new year, I plan to redeem the regret I have, simply because I did not continue to invest in and keep sharp my Spanish language skills.

FIRST, I intend to follow the example of my mentor and role model, my daughter, who faithfully and diligently continues to practice her skill of the French language every day. Only, I will practice Spanish.

SECOND, I will use the same phone app she uses, an alarm set and all, which helps her to keep on track and be accountable to practice daily.

THIRD, I will follow my daughter’s discipline to read and listen to books and music in the Spanish language that I now know I need to re-learn.

FINALLY, like my daughter, I will keep this skill fresh and as sharp as I am able, for circumstances in the present, as well as for opportunities in the future.

Paul and Peter each admonish us in their letters:

"Do not neglect the gift that is in you..." (I Timothy 4:14 NKJV).

"Each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God" (1 Peter 4:10 NKJV)

Dear reader, as we enter a new year and a new decade, is there a stirring in your heart to learn or invest in a latent talent or skill? Perhaps, music, art, a language, a craft, hobby or other skill or interest? Is there a longing that lingers, one that never really goes away?

Could it be God’s whisper for eternal and kingdom purposes which He has created you for?

Cathy Horning has been a women’s ministry leader, Bible Study teacher, speaker and writer for almost three decades. She loves the Word of God. Nothing brings her greater joy than encouraging women how to walk in God's ways. Cathy is a popular speaker, blogger and writer, as well as a beloved wife to her husband of 37 years, mom to four, grammy to 13, and spiritual mom to many. She is the author of Letters from a Mother's Heart—Timeless Truths from One Mom's Journey. Read more here at her website.

Graphic adapted. Feather duster from Feather Duster Depot.

Follow Me As I Follow Christ

In this Christian Living UPGRADE, I (Dawn) want to inspire readers to inspire others in 2020—all to the glory of God!

One of the most difficult comments I received several years ago was this: "Who do you think you are? Do you think you are on some sort of pedestal?"

It was a hard comment to receive. At first, I reacted. "And who do you think YOU are ....?"

But then—upset that I reacted so quickly—I chose to respond in prayer.

I asked the Lord, "Is there some element of truth here?"

As it turned out, there was. The Lord showed me a strong streak of pride.

I did have a lot to be proud about.

But I was proud of the wrong person.

I should have pointed people to Jesus—the One who enables us to accomplish great things for His glory.

Since that time, I've been intrigued by the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 11:1: "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ" (NIV). Or in the Amplified version: "Imitate me, just as I imitate Christ."

From the human standpoint, Paul had every reason to be proud of himself and his accomplishments.

Even before his conversion, Paul was a deeply religious man. A model Jew. He wrote, "If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more"—and he described his high religious pedigree (Philippians 3:4-11).

Paul wasn't being arrogant or smug. He was just being honest.

But then, becoming a Christ-follower changed Paul's heart. He saw his incredible spiritual heritage in a new light.

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ," he said. "Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord" (Philippians 3:7-8a).

He saw his good works as "rubbish" (v. 8), because he knew his true righteousness would only be found in Jesus.

"... not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith" (Philippians 3:9).

Paul trusted only in the work of Jesus for him on the cross. He no longer wanted to boast in good works and accomplishments.

Rather, he boasted in his weakness so that Christ's strength would be perfected in and manifest through him (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

And he said, "Follow Me."

As I read of Paul's change of heart, I find his invitation to believers to follow him as he followed Christ so beautiful.

It is the humble spirit that best points to the One who deserves true praise.

God opposes the proud, but He gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5b-6). And out of that undeserved grace, we praise Him. We exalt Him.

No one but Jesus is perfect, but we are made righteous in Him (Romans 3:22a; 5:1).We are not yet sinless, but hopefully we are cooperating with the Holy Spirit and growing into Christ-likeness (Romans 8:29).

Certainly, we will fail the Lord many times this side of heaven, but He still calls us to follow Him. Trust Him. Obey Him. And make Him known.

We should want our words and deeds to inspire others to follow Jesus.

When we fail, we confess our sins to God and if need be, to others (1 John 1:9; James 5:16) and we continue to grow in grace (2 Peter 3:18a).

At the beginning of this post, I wrote about a comment that revealed to me my strong streak of pride. But many things have changed in my life since then. One of the biggest changes is the unexpected "gift" of disease that has taught me to follow Jesus more closely, so aware of my own needs.

A recent comment to me—and I give God all praise and honor for this—shows how the Lord can use us as we are vulnerable and honest about our struggles and yet trusting in Christ's sufficiency.

A friend said something like this: 

"Thank you for encouraging me to follow Jesus. Your faith and obedience have inspired me, and I love Jesus more because of you."

Those words brought tears, because I know my heart's new desire is to put Jesus on the pedestal He so highly deserves.

So yes, friend.... follow me as I follow Christ.

I may trip and fall, but I am on the right path. And I want you to walk with me.

How does your life inspire others to follow Jesus? What might need to change so others will want to walk with you?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, at Revive Our Hearts, a blogger at TrueWoman.com, writes wiki-type posts at  Christianity.com, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, Footprints in the Snow, Wallpaper courtesy of yesofcorsa.com.