A Friendship Wake-up Call

Sylvia Lange is a talented, compassionate singer and speaker. But she's also the kind of woman you'd want to call "friend." In this Relationship UPGRADE, she shares her journey into real friendships.

"Years ago over coffee," Sylvia said, "a friend slapped me in the face. In public. Well, maybe not a physical slap but she sure got my attention when she quietly murmured, 'You know, it isn’t always about you.'”

Talk about a wake-up call! I (Dawn) don't know how I would have responded. But I'm glad Sylvia took the high road and responded Godward so she can give us biblical insight.  

Sylvia continues . . .  

No one had ever spoken to me like that before.  My initial indignation quickly morphed into embarrassment as I wondered who else thinks the same thing?

A review of my roster of friends revealed that the majority of my social connections were pretty superficial. With few exceptions, I had surrounded myself with people I could either control or from whom I could get something.

I had very few equals and certainly, no true heart friend. I needed an overhaul.

Someone once said in order to have a good friend you must first be a good friend. I soon realized I really didn’t know how, so starting on that painful day, I got busy.

I began spending time with authentic Christians who practiced a lifestyle of service. They helped me understand that although I am “made in the image of God,” I am no better than anyone else. In fact, I needed to just be a “worker among workers.”

I began to create some space between myself and people who didn’t share my core values. 

"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a sister" (Proverbs 18:24).

I zeroed in on those who believed in me, recognizing that anyone functions at their best when they have their own private cheerleading squad.

I also started to emulate people with strong friendships of their own. Although many actions were initially awkward, over time, behaviors that were once foreign became automatic and the impact on my relationships was immeasurable.

That was twenty-five years ago. And although I will always be learning, I have picked up a few truths:

1. Real friendship isn’t about you.  

Let’s face it: it is rarely convenient to truly attend to someone at their level of need . . . not on the level that’s convenient for us.

True, deep friendship requires intentional effort, can cramp our comfort, impinge on our time, and sometimes even cost money . . . but the payoff is priceless. 

Today, my friendship quiver is full of a variety of unselfish, loving people who put their money where their mouth is.

2. Friendship plays to each other’s strengths and celebrates its differences. 

My long-time friend and ministry partner Billye and I recognize we have no natural chemistry and agree that our friendship has been the most challenging either of us has ever had. In our early years we often brought out the worst in each other, but over time, we have learned to value our differences and recognize that together, we’re stronger than on our own.

3. Friendship leaves its ego at the door.  

 My good intentions’ only go so far if I don’t notice how my friend needs to be communicated with, served and loved, regardless of how I need to be communicated with, served, and loved.

4. Friendship is trustworthy. 

A trustworthy friend keeps her promises, is reliable and would never do anything that would compromise the security of her friend, no matter how she might gain otherwise. 

What is your definition of real friendship? And to what lengths should a person go to be a real friend?

Sylvia Lange, a popular women's ministries speaker both on her own and with her duo Crimson Bridge, is  known for her infectious candor that invites listeners to know more about the God to Whom she owes her life. Whether blogging, speaking for a women's ministries event or sharing from one of her five albums, she speaks with Spirit-propelled authority to those who don’t yet know Christ and those who have forgotten Who He is. To book Sylvia or purchase her music, visit www.sylvialange.com. Sylvia is also committed to Compassion International, an outreach to starving, diseased children in the 3rd World.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.