Help, Lord ... She Has Breast Cancer!

Janet Thompson is a three-time breast cancer survivor, but that’s not her complete identity. She is a godly woman with incredible wisdom for the body of Christ, and in this extended Ministry UPGRADE, she helps us with a sometimes-scary topic.

“It’s hard to know what to say or do when a friend or relative drops the bombshell news that she has breast cancer,” Janet said. “Often our natural response is to recoil and retreat.”

I (Dawn) don’t know about you, but sometimes my heart moves me to share with people who are hurting—people I dearly love—but fearful thoughts hold me back. Janet’s practical wisdom will help us minister with strength and compassion.

(Keep reading to see why the little lamb in that picture is so meaningful!)

Janet continues . . .

Maybe it’s the fear of facing our own mortality or the time and emotion required if we do get involved. We ease our conscience by thinking: she would rather be alone right now anyway. Or she needs her family at a time like this. Or she has so many friends; I know someone will help her.

We may send a card or make a call offering to help, closing with “I’ll be praying for you,” then on we go about our life while her life crumbles. Yet the Bible clearly tells us,

“Help each other in troubles and problems. This is the kind of law Christ asks us to obey” (Galatians 6:2 NLV).

How can we put that verse into practical terms? Here are some ways my friends and family came along side me during my initial breast cancer journey and two recurrences.

Helping with the Bad Days

1. Don’t Just Offer to Help—Do Something Tangible.

When asked the generic question, “How can I help you?” our common response is, “I’m fine, but thank you for asking.” Truthfully, we need everything but are afraid to ask.

Another well-meaning comment I received was, “Just call me if you need anything.” Now how many women are going to pick up the phone and ask for help, especially if they are not feeling well?

So instead of offering to help—just jump in and do something. 

• Schedule her friends, family, and church to bring meals. Use your lunch break to take her lunch and eat with her.
• Offer to drive her to doctor’s appointments or treatments and take notes for her.
• Shuttle her kids to and from school or find someone who can.
• Sit with her during chemo treatments or accompany her to radiation. Talk, read a book to her, or just hold her hand.
• Take her children on a play date or to your house.
• Do her laundry.
• Do her grocery shopping. If she is too sick to dictate a list, take an inventory of her refrigerator and cupboards and make your own list.
• Answer her email.
• Bring her a gift that makes her feel feminine.
• If she feels like talking, sit and chat with her. When she doesn’t feel like talking, just be a presence in her home so she doesn’t feel alone.
• Babysit her kids so she and her husband can have some private time.
• Clean her house or pay someone to do it.
• Go with her to pick out a wig or prosthesis.
• Pick up prescriptions.
• Run errands.

 2. Don’t Say, “I’ll Pray For You,” Unless You Mean It.

A promise to pray isn’t just a feel good phrase. We are telling someone that we will petition God on her behalf, and we are living falsely if we don’t. I find it’s best to stop in the moment and pray right then. It keeps me honest and blesses the other person.

Helping Her Enjoy the Good Days

1. Be Happy with Her When She’s Happy.

Cancer is a grim word. Overnight life becomes serious, tense, and laden with fear. Capitalize on the moments when there is an opportunity to laugh or smile. Be ready, because it may only last a moment, but the break from pain and fear is immeasurable.

Avoid topics that you know will bring her down. You aren’t minimizing or making light of the seriousness of the situation, but you are giving her a recess from the intensity. Don't fake happiness, but take advantage of humorous or lighter moments. Don’t let the serious eclipse the humorous.

2. Nurture the Little Girl Inside Her.

The nurse in charge of the breast-care unit gave me a white stuffed toy sheep named “Fleece.” Taking Fleece with me everywhere, I held him as a shield in front of my sore breast, tucked him under my arm as an armrest, and snuggled next to him in bed.

I indulged my childish need for security and no one chastised me for it. They acted like it was normal.

3. Shower Her with Love.

Love is the best gift you can give to your friend suffering with breast cancer. Don’t desert her when she needs you most. Right now, she requires extravagant love, and God will help you when your heart is breaking or it just seems too sad or too hard. John 13:34 tells us to love one another just as God has loved us.

God is the author of love and He knows just what your friend needs. He will show you how to love her when she is feeling unlovable.

Surprise her. What woman doesn’t love an unexpected gift or demonstration of how valuable she is to us?

The Bible assures us in Proverbs 17:17,“A friend loves at all times.” As a three-time breast cancer survivor, I assure you there are three things that will endure through the good and bad times—faith, hope and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Did Janet's "bad days ... good days" counsel help? Or are you still struggling with what to say to someone with breast cancer? If so ...

Check out Janet’s helpful suggestions in “The Top Thirteen Things to Do or Say and NOT to Do or Say to Someone with Breast Cancer.”

Janet Thompson is a three-time breast cancer survivor, speaker, and author of the “Dear God” book series including, Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer: A Companion Guide for Women on the Breast Cancer Journey. Janet found purpose in her breast cancer journey by writing for her breast cancer sisters the book she wished she had going through her surgeries and treatment. Visit Janet on her website.

This article includes excerpts from Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer: A Companion Guide for Women on the Breast Cancer Journey.

Graphic: stuffed Hansa sheep is available on Amazon.