Kinda Kind

Kaley Faith Rhea is a bright young woman with a promising future, and her growth in wisdom shows! In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she zeroes in on the need for intentional kindness.

"We tend, Kaley says, "to try to teach our children to be kind—to share and to say sweet words and to play nice, right? But between you and me, fellow grownups, we can be some real sass-mouth kids to each other!"

"Sass-mouth." I (Dawn) have never used that word, but oh, does it ever describe what I hear when some women talk. We need some conversational wisdom, for sure!

Kaley continues . . .

As a culture, we’re inclined to celebrate the zingers. The quick come-backs, the smart insults, the comic teasing.

Something in us loves to shout, “Ohhhh! Apply cool water to that burn!” after a particularly glorious gibe. And a lot of times, it really is all in fun.

We like to laugh. Big deal.

The potential problem is that for some it can be a bit habit forming. Has it become weird to look someone in the face and speak sincerely some kind words to them? Or to hear kind words spoken to you?

The truth is, we can so train our brains in this method of verbal sparring that we look to score points with hardly a conscious thought, while trying to honestly encourage someone is like trying to do calligraphy wrong-handed.

It’s uncomfortable. And it probably doesn’t turn out like what you had in mind.

But Ephesians 4:22 tells us to, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted…” Those of you who have children, what could be sweeter to you than seeing your kiddos show kindness to each other?

Have you thought about ways you can bless your heavenly Father lately? Be kind. Be tenderhearted.

Where there may be discomfort or awkwardness or an odd feeling of vulnerability in the effort to replace glibness with kindness, think of Jesus and this opportunity you have to be sweet to Him.

I think sometimes today we get this idea that a kind person is this saccharine, obnoxious, weak, or false sort of person. So let’s be clear.

Kindness isn’t the same as lying or flattering or overlooking sin. In fact, sometimes confrontation is the kind thing to do.

Psalm 141:5 says, “Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it.”

Replacing truth with feel-goodisms is no kind of kindness at all. It’s more like apathy, in fact.

But kindness does require approaching someone in love and with the understanding that you are not their superior. That their struggle could just as easily be yours. Kindness is dismissing the desire to put someone in their place and instead asking the Lord to use you however He wants in that moment, that you might see someone else victorious in Christ.

There is something a bit sinister, too, in the habitual teasing: it tends to keep things on a superficial level. It’s difficult to share personal struggles or victories or vices with someone whose tendency is to laugh things off or call things out.

So even if sharp but funny insults are the popular thing, they’re not generally what people are thirsting for.

We may celebrate the wit of the jokesters, but we are drawn to the hearts of the kind.

Probably because when people are being kind, they’re being like Jesus.

Galatians 5:22-23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Kindness is an evidence of the work of the Holy Spirit in you.

If you find yourself defaulting to clever put-downs or brush-offs, ask Him to change your mind. Ask Him to show you how to bless Him by blessing others with your words and actions.

Don’t make the mistake of believing that kindness is a lesson we ought to reserve for children. It’s massively important. It’s a command.

And it’s impossible to do it well without the help of our tirelessly kind and merciful Father.

How can you take kindness out of the Sunday School classroom and be intentional about it in real life?

Kaley Faith Rhea is the co-author of Turtles in the Road, releasing soon, with two more novels in the works. Along with writing and teaching at writers’ conferences, she co-hosts the TV show, That’s My Mom, for Christian Television Network’s KNLJ in mid-Missouri. Kaley lives in the St. Louis area.

Graphic: adapted, courtesy of Morguefile.

I Did Not Plan for This

Kaley Rhea co-hosts a TV show with her comedian mom, but that doesn't mean Kaley lacks depth! In this encouraging "UPLIFT," she shares how the Lord taught her to hold her plans loosely.

"Tell me if I’m the only one," Kaley says. "But sometimes I get an idea in my head about how my day is going to go. I’m not even a to-do list kind of person or a details kind of person or an itinerary kind of person.

"Yet somehow I’ll have these moments where someone calls or something pops up that throws my preconceived idea of today, of right now, off by a few millimeters, and all my brain alarms go wild and my insides announce, loud-speaker style, 'Error, error. Please return to regularly scheduled life-having.'"

Yeah, you're the only one, Kaley.

No, seriously, I (Dawn) am such a planner, that almost never happens to me. But when it does, I get the same blaring alarms. Sort of a "Danger, Will Robinson!" thing. (But Kaley's probably too young to know about young Will.)

So let's let Kaley continue . . .

To be clear, this is a ridiculous phenomenon I’m talking about.

• “I didn’t realize the trashcan was full, and now I have to take the trash out, and I wasn’t planning on taking the trash out right now. Ugh, worst.”
• And “Oh, my friend is calling, and I love talking to her, but wait, we didn’t plan on talking right now; what is she thinking?”
• And “Child, why have you vomited on the carpet? We are on our way out the door; I’m not prepared for this!”

That moment of internal, irrational pushback I feel when something has intruded into my schedule, into my plans, and something—even something small—is required of me.

I’m confessing here. Sometimes I live my life with a perspective set about two inches from the end of my nose.

I guard my time, my words, my efforts with a sharp eye, unknowingly fixed on only spending them where I see fit.

And I’ve met me. So believe me, I know exactly how insane that is.

Of course, while ruminating on these things, I thought of Jeremiah 29:11:

“‘I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘Plans for welfare and not for evil. To give you a future and a hope.’”

I feel like we pass this verse out like candy, and I’m glad we do because these words are sweet and so important.

Any moment spent remembering that my God knows infinitely more than I do and has made infinitely better plans is a good and necessary moment.

But I also couldn’t get the Gerasene demoniac out of my mind.

Of all the people in the Bible, he’s where I landed. Luke 8:26-39 talks about this man who had been possessed by an entire legion of demons and was living this absolutely wrecked life. Jesus cast them out of him. Healed him.

So the man made this plan to go with Jesus. It seems like a perfectly legitimate reaction to what had happened. A good, appropriate response. So he asked, but Jesus told him to stay. To proclaim the name of Jesus where he was. And the man did.

It’s a convicting thought for me. Jesus has done a miracle in my life, rescued me from my sin.

I think sometimes I have this attitude like, “No, no, Jesus, I’m going to serve you this way and in this place and on this timetable."

And I miss out on opportunities He lays right in front of me to serve Him and glorify His name.

In ways that are simple. In ways that walk right up to me. And instead of thanking Him for these opportunities, in my heart I’m selfishly thinking,“Could you please step aside, opportunity? I’ve already scheduled my God-glorifying for 2 p.m., and it’s only half past ten now.”

Lord Jesus, wake up my heart. Help me see the things I miss when I focus on my own plans and my own understanding.

Holy Spirit, give me kindness. Help me see people the way You see them because I love You.

Defeat the selfishness inside of me and replace it with Your love.

Help me hold my plans loosely and always ask You to shape them into whatever You will. I trust You with my time and my desires.

Are you trying to put God in a box? How might you be making your plans without His wisdom and missing out on what He might have planned? For you!

Kaley Faith Rhea is the co-author of Turtles in the Road, releasing soon, with two more novels in the works. Along with writing and teaching at writers’ conferences, she co-hosts the TV show, That’s My Mom, for Christian Television Network’s KNLJ in mid-Missouri. Check out a sample here! Kaley lives in the St. Louis area.

Graphics adapted, courtesty of Pixabay.com.

The Multitasking Dance

Kaley Faith Rhea is a young woman with a heart for God and a unique perspective on life. (UPGRADE readers have read many posts by her mom, Rhonda.) In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE Kaley has an unusual take on multitasking.

"How to Multitask: In 3 Easy … What? Were you just saying something? Because if you were, I missed it," Kaley said. "Sorry—I was typing."

Oh, Kaley. You've nailed "multitasking" well. I (Dawn) recognize the craziness in that!

Kaley continues . . .

On one side we have our culture screaming at us to do more, better, faster, smarter, everything at once.

On the other we’ve got the experts telling us multitasking is physically impossible for our brains and will probably destroy us and all we hold dear. So…cool.

Maybe you’ve been here: You’re checking your e-mail or scrolling through Facebook or thinking through your massive to-do list, and someone begins to speak to you. Someone you love perhaps.

And you think you’re listening. You really believe it. You’re sure your brain can handle these two simple tasks at once. So when that person says, “Did you hear what I said?” you answer, “Mmhm.”

But then comes the dreaded, “Well, what did I say?”

And you realize you have no idea.

If you Google the word “multitasking,” you’ll get a whole host of articles and research studies and podcasts agreeing that when people call themselves “good multitaskers,” they’re fooling themselves.

Some of us may be able to switch from one thing to the next very quickly, but our attention can only truly be on one thing at a time.

Trying to do several things at once can leave you stressed, your tasks poorly or half done, your heart unfed, and your priorities out of whack.

Sort of like that Martha versus Mary thing (Luke 10:38-42).

I’ve done this dance so many times I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can admit my ability to multitask is garbage and move on. And ahh, I can tell you, that was a load off my mind. 

But then I came upon these verses in 1 Thessalonians 5:

Rejoice always (v. 16),

pray without ceasing (v. 17), 

give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (v. 18).

Whoa, Lord, whoa! Hang on!

Rejoice always? Pray without ceasing? Give thanks in all circumstances? No, but I just accepted that I can’t do more than one thing at a time!

• How can I rejoice while I’m trying to explain to a six-year-old why he may not use that word?
• How can I pray while I’m talking to my boss at work?
• How in the world am I supposed to give thanks while I’m rushing through the store to find that last minute birthday gift I forgot?
• How could I ever have that kind of relationship with You?

That sounds like multitasking! I can’t multitask, Lord.

You created me. You know this.

…for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Of course He knows we can’t. We physically cannot. That is what’s so wonderful.

Almighty, Creator God who can know everything, all at once, has willed it to be so. In Christ Jesus. For us. Not against us. Not to knock us down or burden us. But for us. For our good.

Through His power, I can filter the chaos of my broken life through the perfection and the healing might of Jesus Christ. That doesn’t mean I don’t have to still deal with all the broken things. But what a difference knowing Jesus makes.

What a vast distance there is between my own, knee-jerk, selfish responses to people, and the way I can respond with His grace by His grace. That way He gets all the glory.

Father, knowing I can’t is initially stressful and intimidating. But it’s so freeing when I realize You can. I’m relying on You for the supernatural ability to rejoice and to pray and to give thanks in every moment, even when my mind feels too cluttered to even think straight. You are my Lord and my God. I believe Your promises, and I live for every glimpse of Your glory.

Do you ever feel as unequipped for life as your brain is for multitasking? What are some ways God has proven He can do what is impossible for man to do?

Kaley Faith Rhea is the co-author of Turtles in the Road, releasing soon, with two more novels in the works. Along with writing and teaching at writers’ conferences, she co-hosts the TV show, That’s My Mom, for Christian Television Network’s KNLJ in mid-Missouri. Kaley lives in the St. Louis area.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Morguefile photos.