5 Ways to Bring God Naturally into Parenting

Sheila Wray Gregoire’s blog, “To Love, Honor and Vacuum,” often offers helpful counsel to parents. In this UPGRADE Your Parenting post, she gets to the root of spiritual influence in the home.

We want to raise our kids to love God, but it can seem awkward,” Sheila wrote. “We get scared that if we ‘push’ it too hard, then our kids will rebel.”

I (Dawn) have seen that happen time and time again. The very thing parents wanted for their children, they sabotaged with pushing. The scriptures tell us to teach and guide our children all day long (Deuteronomy 6:6-7), but it's not always easy to do.

So what’s the secret to natural discipleship of our children?

Sheila continues …

Certainly, if you push it, that can backfire; but if God is already a natural part of your life, then kids tend to see that and naturally gravitate to it.

Stress relationship, not rules. Christianity is about relationship, and when kids have that with you, and see you having that with God, it’s only natural that would spill over into your parenting.

1. Be sure God is a natural part of your life.

You can’t just “naturally” talk about God if you don’t actually know Him. Snatch moments through the day for your devotions. Join a Bible study that meets weekly. Start praying out loud there—force yourself! The more we can do these things naturally, the less awkward it gets.

If you are feeling awkward, it may be a sign not that your parenting is off but that you need to spend more time with God first!

2. Take time to talk.

You can’t expect to have deep conversations with kids if you don’t get much time with them. Limit your extracurricular activities. Plan technology-free times when you can talk—like over the dinner hour as a family.

If you know you’re growing apart from one of your kids, your instinct may be to grab hold hard. That often causes the child to withdraw. A better approach: find more time when you can just be with your child … with no agenda. Just “hang out.”

3. Do things together.

My youngest daughter and I get into the best talks when we go for walks together. Other people swear that their best conversations happen in the car.

4. Own up to your mistakes.

The best teaching times I’ve had with my girls are when I’ve messed up. That’s when I can really model God to them. Take those opportunities to offer a heartfelt apology. Model a prayer of confession when you remind your kids that you’ve also sinned against God. Ask for their forgiveness.

Let them see that confession isn’t weakness. It’s good to acknowledge our faults quickly when we make mistakes.

5. Make use of great resources.

Here are a few resources that I love:

• For Family Devotions - The vast majority of family devotionals I’ve found in Christian bookstores are, to put it simply, lame. Learning to Speak Life isn’t. Each week has a Fruit of the Spirit to work through. There are stories, role playing games, verses to memorize—even an activity to do as a family, if you so choose. There are thoughts for different ages; and it’s super easy to do without a lot of set-up.
• To Prepare Kids for the Opposite Sex - Preparing your kids to make good decisions when it comes to dating and the opposite sex has to start when they’re young. It’s not about having “the talk” with your kids. It’s about having an ongoing dialogue—multiple “talks”—that help keep the lines of communication open so they know that they can ask you anything. One of the best resources I have found to make this natural is Barrett Johnson’s The Talks (available in an ebook or paperback).
• Scripture Memory – Families use to memorize together as a key spiritual discipline. When children have a repertoire of key verses memorized, it puts them in good stead for life. I’ve written out my favorite 50 Bible verses to memorize. Try memorizing one verse a week with your family. It will make a tremendous difference!

Bringing God into conversations can feel awkward, but remember: “I’m just sharing with my kids my own heart. I’m sharing something that’s important to me.” If those things are true, you’ll find it much easier to parent with God.

How do you bring God in to your parenting naturally?

Sheila Wray Gregoire a syndicated columnist, blogger and speaker. The author of seven books, including How Big Is Your Umbrella and To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Sheila mixes humor and real-life stories to help women deal with the messy problems many of us face. She holds two Master's degrees from Queen's University, but says her real education has come as a wife to Keith and mother to Rebecca and Katie, who they homeschool and take on mission trips. Though Sheila is married to a physician, she still faints at the sign of blood! For more about Sheila, visit her website.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

How to Stop Yelling at the Kids

Sheila Wray Gregoire, blogger at To Love, Honor and Vacuum, writes and speaks to strengthen marriages. She addresses marriage and intimacy issues, parenting and homeschooling. When I read her great ideas for moms who “lose it” with their kids,* I knew she’d be perfect for an Upgrade Your Parenting post.

“Question 1: Do you yell at your kids because you’re too busy?” Sheila asks.

Thinking back on my parenting years, I nod my head. Uh, huh—too busy. And Sheila addresses some other common reasons.

She continues …

Most of the time I yell it’s because I’m aggravated. And the reason I’m aggravated is because: (1) I have plans, and things to get done, and (2) other people aren’t getting with the program.

We yell because we think the real issue is #2. But what if it’s actually #1?

In many scenarios, the children are behaving perfectly normally. The problem is not that the children won’t get with the program; it’s that you have made decisions which make it virtually impossible for the children to cooperate.

It’s that what you’re asking them (and what you’re asking of yourself) may very well be unreasonable.

Take a look at the last three times you really yelled at your kids. What was going on? Were you in a hurry? What was your schedule like? Is there something YOU can do differently to prevent getting annoyed with everyone and everything?

Question 2: Do you yell at your kids because you’re afraid of something?

Anger is often a secondary emotion. We often feel anger because it’s “safer” to feel than some of the other emotions—insecurity, fear, guilt. So when someone pushes a button that triggers a “scary” emotion, we often react in anger, sometimes without realizing what the real trigger is.

The next time you find yourself yelling, ask yourself: what am I really feeling here? Am I scared of something? Am I feeling guilty about something? Pray about that feeling instead.

Question 3: Are you taking time to talk to your kids?

It seems as if you can never get any time alone, away from constant demands!

Here’s the truth: kids like to “check in” and know that they’re secure and safe. They know that when they have your undivided attention. If you can give your child some undivided attention throughout the day, even if it’s just in short spurts, they’re far more likely to let you have some of your own alone time later. Before you start something where you need the kids to leave you alone, take some one-on-one (or one-on-two) time with them. Make it a habit of giving your kids some attention before you need them to leave you in peace.

Question 4: Are you setting consequences for bad behavior, and letting the consequences do the work?

Yelling is not a punishment, yet when we’re mad, often the first thing we do is yell. Kids often learn to drown it out. You yell; you vent some steam; but nothing really changes.

It’s better to have consequences for bad behavior that are immediate, known, and obvious. When you start following through with consequences, kids usually start listening to you—and listening to the warning, better.

Question 5: Are you using a serious voice?

Have you ever noticed how little kids especially are more inclined to listen when dad says something? Dads have deeper, and thus scarier, voices. We moms have this sing-song voice. You’re likely using the same voice that you use for everyday conversation.

If you have something you really want your children to do, use a lower voice and fewer words. In a deep voice. Change your tone and issue a command; don’t make a statement. Let kids know you mean business, and it may not escalate. Kids need to know the difference between you talking to them and you asking them to do something.

Question 6: Are you letting God help you?

I want to reassure you that God wants to help. He doesn’t want you yelling at your precious children, since they are also His precious children. He says in Ephesians 4:29,

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

He also says we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. So when you feel weak, ask Him to help you be a great mother to these kids. Even this struggle can help bring you closer to God, and through that He can open the window onto some other things in your heart, and can help heal you and your whole family.

Which of the six questions do you need to work on? Do you have other suggestions to stop the yelling?

* NOTE: Adapted from Sheila’s complete post on this topic, including scenarios for each point. Visit her blog post at To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

Sheila Wray Gregoire is a syndicated colunist, blogger and speaker. The author of seven books, including How Big Is Your Umbrella and To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Sheila mixes humor and real-life stories to help women deal with the messy problems many of us face. She holds two Master's degrees from Queen's University, but says her real education has come as a wife to Keith and mother to Rebecca and Katie, who they homeschool and take on mission trips. Though Sheila is married to a physician, she still faints at the sign of blood! For more about Sheila, visit her website.