How to Replace the What-Ifs of Fear

Debbie W. Wilson, a practical Bible teacher and counselor, continually points people to the "big God" she serves—the God who is always with us. In this Attitudes UPGRADE, she answers our what-ifs with biblical steps to become less fearful.

Debbie asks, "Have you ever been fearful over what might happen—to you, your child, your spouse, your country, or yourself?"

I (Dawn) am not normally a fearful person. Ok, strike that. I'm unreasonably afraid of house fires and snakes. And maybe empty grocery shelves.

What does the Bible teach us about our what-ifs of fear?

Debbie continues . . .

Most of my concerns fall into the what-if category.

Maybe you can relate to some I’ve felt or heard.

• What if I lose my job?
• What if my symptoms signal something major?
• What if our economy collapses?
• What if my prodigal never comes back?
• What if my husband can no longer work?

Do what-ifs steal your peace? Have you considered the influence of the little word “if”? An “if” in the wrong place undercuts peace and joy.

Too often I’ve allowed a what-if or an if-only to rob me. 

But there is another kind of what-if that empowers.

3 Steps to Becoming Less Fearful

1. Obey God’s Word.

Jesus told us not to worry about what to wear, what to eat, and what to drink. He concluded with, “So do not worry about tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34).

Paul said, “Don’t worry about anything” (Philippians 4:6).

What would happen if we obeyed Christ’s words?

Adam and Eve provide a vivid picture of what happens when we don’t obey God.

The forbidden fruit didn’t look harmful to the couple, but God knew the pain it would cause. Like catching a deadly virus, the poison began to multiply within them the moment they disobeyed God. The repercussions exploded over time.

If Adam and Eve had obeyed God there would be no COVID, no riots, no wars, and no death. We can’t fathom the ripple effect of disobedience.

When we disobey God, our peace, joy, and relationships suffer.

When Jesus says don’t worry, trust Him, He knows best.

When we treat Christ’s words as sacred commands we say, “I will trust you, even if I don’t feel like it. Even if not worrying makes no sense to me.”

2. Stop the Scent of Fear.

When my husband and I visited Yosemite National Park, videos and signs sprinkled throughout the park warned tourists that bears are attracted to the smell of food.

We locked up not only our food, but also lip gloss and anything that smelled like food. Otherwise bears might attack our car or cabin.

Satan smells worry and comes after you the same way bears follow the scent of food. Learn to cast your cares on Christ.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:7-8).

3. Choose Healthy What-ifs.

Instead of focusing on the negative what-ifs,” fix your thoughts on the Lord. Dread disappointing Him instead of what you fear.

Try these substitutes.

• What if God is for me?
• What if He is trustworthy?
• What if God uses this for our good—like He promised?
• What if He’s worthy of my worship and obedience?
• What if God is bigger than my fears and imaginations?

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego chose to worship God even if it meant enduring the worst they could imagine. Enraged at their defiance, King Nebuchadnezzar had them thrown into a fiery furnace that was so hot the men who threw them in died instantly.

But, when King Nebuchadnezzar looked into the fire, he leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, "Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?"

They replied, "Certainly, Your Majesty."

He said, "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods” (Daniel 3:24-25).

King Nebuchadnezzar SAW the preincarnate Christ in the fire with the three Hebrews.

But Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego EXPERIENCED Christ. He was their sanctuary in the fire.

Jesus never promised we wouldn’t go through trials. He promised to never leave us.

When we remember His character and focus on trusting and obeying Him, we shed the bothersome what-ifs and enjoy EVEN IF peace.

Can you identify a what-if you need to give to the Lord today?

Debbie W. Wilson is an ordinary woman with an extraordinary God. Drawing from her personal walk with Christ, twenty-four years as a Christian counselor, and decades as a Bible teacher, Debbie speaks and writes to connect sojourners to the heart of Christ. Despite time in Boston, the Midwest, and Southern California, she still says y’all. Her family, which includes two mischievous standard poodles, calls North Carolina home. Look for the release of her latest book, Little Strength, Big God, August 2022. Find free resources and connect with Debbie at debbieWwilson.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Mart Production at Pexels.

Rely on God through Your Child's Difficult Phase

Cindi McMenamin is committed to helping women find strength for the soul. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she reminds us God can strengthen us during our children's toughest "phases."

“Most of our children’s difficult phases are temporary," Cindi says, "but how we choose to handle them can have more lasting impact.”

I think I (Dawn) was one of those blessed moms. I don't remember a difficult phase in my sons' lives. They were relatively "easy." But as I watched some of my friends' struggles with their kids, I also  observed how much they called out to God for help to "get through" those days. Wise words here from Cindi.

She continues  . . .

Most of the things we worry about come down to a phase our kids are going through. A phase that eventually ends and then our kids seem normal again.

As I wrote my book, 10 Secrets to Becoming a Worry-Free Mom,  I interviewed moms of children going through the “questioning” stage, the “testing” stage, and the “lack of motivation” stage, to name just a few.

In some cases the phase lasted only a few months. In most cases, it lasted about a year. But in every case I've seen or heard about, it was a limited time – a short season of a child’s life.

One mom summed it up like this:  

“Every phase my kids went through, whether good or bad, seemed to change over time. I spent a lot of time worrying about something that wasn’t even an issue a year later.”

• Worry negatively affects our health.
• Worry damages our relationship with our children by making them not want to tell us what is going on in their lives.
• And worry models to our children a lack of trust in God.

So there has to be another way to deal with their difficult phases.

Philippians 4:6 commands us:

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" (NLT).

Here are some practical ways to keep this command to not worry—and keep your sanity—when your child is going through a difficult stage:   

1. Learn to Respond, Rather Than React.

When we react, rather than respond to our children’s behavior, it can escalate a situation between a parent and child, especially if you are reacting emotionally to something you don't understand (like your child's choice of dress or unusual request).

Instead of reacting to something your child might say from a bad attitude or an irrational thought, respond by calmly saying "Tell me more about that.”

2. Learn to Laugh.

It helps to have a sense of humor.  

See the “stage” as something to look back and laugh about later.

3. Learn to Count it Out.

One mom told me she "counts to ten" in every situation where she's tempted to blow.

Being patient by taking a deep breath and counting makes sure we are not as impulsive and emotional in our responses, as our children are in their actions.

4. Learn from Moms Who Have Been There.

God many times speaks to us through the wisdom of others. Talk to godly moms who are facing the same things with their kids and can offer sound biblical insight.

If you don't have a group of moms around you who can give you biblical advice, find a Moms in Prayer group at your children’s school or find a moms group at your local church.

5. Lean on God and His Word.

In Psalm 16:8, David said:

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

Life’s circumstances can shake us. Our children’s constant changes can take us by surprise and rattle us. But you can have the kind of confidence David had when he said “I will not be shaken.”

As you lean on God, who never changes, and His Word, which is rock solid, you can stand firmly and be a steady, immovable force in your child's life no matter what he or she is going through and no matter what changes are swirling around you.

Which step will you take to keep from worrying during your child’s difficult phase?

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker who helps women find strength for the soul. She is the author of 15 books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 125,000 copies sold), When a Woman Inspires Her Husband, and her newest book, 10 Secrets to Becoming a Worry-Free Mom.  For more on her ministry, books, or free resources to strengthen your walk with God, your marriage, or your parenting, see her website: StrengthForTheSoul.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Idahoeditor_Morguefile.