Five Ways to Speak God's Love Language

Debbie W. Wilson always has a fresh perspective on familiar Christian truth. In this Relationship with God UPGRADE, she reminds us that there are ways we can learn to "speak God's love language."

Debbie says, “My husband doesn’t show me love,” the distraught woman who sat before me complained.

I (Dawn) think that nearly every married woman has thought that from time to time. We just want more and more love—and not only from a spouse! But remember, when we "speak" someone's love language, it isn't always with words.

Debbie continues . . .

This woman’s husband provided for her financially, maintained her car without being asked, vacuumed the house, and cleaned up after supper. But she longed for quality time and deep conversations.

Because acts of service were not her love language, this woman had overlooked her husband’s demonstrations of love.

A hunger to express and experience love runs through the human DNA.

Considering this made me wonder if that need extends to our relationship with God. If so, what are some ways to enhance this love relationship? Does God have a love language?

Hebrews 11:6 says faith is God’s love language.

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (NIV).

Did you catch the reciprocal nature of faith as described in this verse? Those who believe in God also believe God rewards them for seeking Him.

Loving Jesus enables us to receive His love. John 14:21 says,

“Those who love me will have my Father’s love, and I, too, will love them and show myself to them” (GW).

Let’s look at ways to enhance our love relationship with God.

5 Ways to Speak God’s Love Language

1. Pray

Prayer demonstrates a relationship with God and faith that He is good.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened… Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matt. 7:7-11 NIV).

2. Demonstrate Trust through Thanksgiving

Gratitude demonstrates faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty. It shows I believe He is bigger than my mistakes and the wrongs I’ve endured (Rom. 8:28).

Faith allows me to pray with thanksgiving before I see God’s answer (Phil. 4:6-8).

A large ministry fired an honorable young man without cause. His mother wrestled with God over this betrayal. Before the year was out, a scandal hit the press concerning those who’d mistreated her son.

“God spared my son,” she said. “And I’d thought He’d forgotten him.”

“Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God’s will in Christ Jesus that you do this” (1 Thes. 5:18 GW).

3. Worship

Worship shows we believe He is worthy of our devotion and reminds us He’s bigger than anything clamoring for our time and attention.

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything” (Ps. 46:10 The Message).

4. Obey

Obedience demonstrates love and faith (Jn. 14:15-16).

“Whoever knows and obeys my commandments is the person who loves me” (Jn. 14:21 GW).

“In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome” (1 Jn. 5:3 NIV).

5. Live Clean

Receiving and appreciating our forgiveness shows faith in Jesus and increases our love for Him (1 Jn. 1:9, Titus 2:14).

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love” (Luke 7:47 NLT).

Through faith we express our love to God and experience His love in return.

Every step we take in faith causes God’s heart to sing. 

Does your relationship with God need a boost? Consider the list above. Which one needs your attention?

Debbie W. Wilson, Bible teacher and former biblical counselor, combines insight and encouragement to inspire people to trust Christ with their lives. Her books include Little Faith, Big God, Little Women, Big God, and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband Larry founded Lighthouse Ministries, a nonprofit biblical counseling and Bible study ministry. Debbie enjoys dark chocolate, a good mystery, and the antics of her two standard poodles. Find free resources and connect with Debbie at RefreshingFaith.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Kalhh at Pixabay.

How to Replace the What-Ifs of Fear

Debbie W. Wilson, a practical Bible teacher and counselor, continually points people to the "big God" she serves—the God who is always with us. In this Attitudes UPGRADE, she answers our what-ifs with biblical steps to become less fearful.

Debbie asks, "Have you ever been fearful over what might happen—to you, your child, your spouse, your country, or yourself?"

I (Dawn) am not normally a fearful person. Ok, strike that. I'm unreasonably afraid of house fires and snakes. And maybe empty grocery shelves.

What does the Bible teach us about our what-ifs of fear?

Debbie continues . . .

Most of my concerns fall into the what-if category.

Maybe you can relate to some I’ve felt or heard.

• What if I lose my job?
• What if my symptoms signal something major?
• What if our economy collapses?
• What if my prodigal never comes back?
• What if my husband can no longer work?

Do what-ifs steal your peace? Have you considered the influence of the little word “if”? An “if” in the wrong place undercuts peace and joy.

Too often I’ve allowed a what-if or an if-only to rob me. 

But there is another kind of what-if that empowers.

3 Steps to Becoming Less Fearful

1. Obey God’s Word.

Jesus told us not to worry about what to wear, what to eat, and what to drink. He concluded with, “So do not worry about tomorrow” (Matthew 6:34).

Paul said, “Don’t worry about anything” (Philippians 4:6).

What would happen if we obeyed Christ’s words?

Adam and Eve provide a vivid picture of what happens when we don’t obey God.

The forbidden fruit didn’t look harmful to the couple, but God knew the pain it would cause. Like catching a deadly virus, the poison began to multiply within them the moment they disobeyed God. The repercussions exploded over time.

If Adam and Eve had obeyed God there would be no COVID, no riots, no wars, and no death. We can’t fathom the ripple effect of disobedience.

When we disobey God, our peace, joy, and relationships suffer.

When Jesus says don’t worry, trust Him, He knows best.

When we treat Christ’s words as sacred commands we say, “I will trust you, even if I don’t feel like it. Even if not worrying makes no sense to me.”

2. Stop the Scent of Fear.

When my husband and I visited Yosemite National Park, videos and signs sprinkled throughout the park warned tourists that bears are attracted to the smell of food.

We locked up not only our food, but also lip gloss and anything that smelled like food. Otherwise bears might attack our car or cabin.

Satan smells worry and comes after you the same way bears follow the scent of food. Learn to cast your cares on Christ.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:7-8).

3. Choose Healthy What-ifs.

Instead of focusing on the negative what-ifs,” fix your thoughts on the Lord. Dread disappointing Him instead of what you fear.

Try these substitutes.

• What if God is for me?
• What if He is trustworthy?
• What if God uses this for our good—like He promised?
• What if He’s worthy of my worship and obedience?
• What if God is bigger than my fears and imaginations?

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego chose to worship God even if it meant enduring the worst they could imagine. Enraged at their defiance, King Nebuchadnezzar had them thrown into a fiery furnace that was so hot the men who threw them in died instantly.

But, when King Nebuchadnezzar looked into the fire, he leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, "Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?"

They replied, "Certainly, Your Majesty."

He said, "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods” (Daniel 3:24-25).

King Nebuchadnezzar SAW the preincarnate Christ in the fire with the three Hebrews.

But Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego EXPERIENCED Christ. He was their sanctuary in the fire.

Jesus never promised we wouldn’t go through trials. He promised to never leave us.

When we remember His character and focus on trusting and obeying Him, we shed the bothersome what-ifs and enjoy EVEN IF peace.

Can you identify a what-if you need to give to the Lord today?

Debbie W. Wilson is an ordinary woman with an extraordinary God. Drawing from her personal walk with Christ, twenty-four years as a Christian counselor, and decades as a Bible teacher, Debbie speaks and writes to connect sojourners to the heart of Christ. Despite time in Boston, the Midwest, and Southern California, she still says y’all. Her family, which includes two mischievous standard poodles, calls North Carolina home. Look for the release of her latest book, Little Strength, Big God, August 2022. Find free resources and connect with Debbie at debbieWwilson.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Mart Production at Pexels.

A Certain Hope for Uncertain Times

Kathi Macias has become one of my go-to friends for biblical wisdom applied in practical ways. In this Encouragement UPGRADE, she reminds us circumstances may change, but our hope is in our God who never changes.

"My favorite scenario is that Jesus will arrive and scoop us up before the going gets REALLY tough," Kathi says, "but Jesus Himself told us that no one knows the day or the hour when He will return."

I (Dawn) admit that I'm also hoping Jesus returns... SOON! As our culture disintegrates, sometimes my heart fills with fear. But then I fix my eyes on Jesus, and something else too—which Kathy writes about here.

Kathi continues . . .

I’ve noticed that a lot of people tend to be dividing into two different camps lately:

• those who run around pulling their hair and screaming that the sky is falling, and
• those who have no clue, nor do they care what’s going on beyond their own little self-developed bubble.

This wouldn’t disturb me so much if it were strictly unbelievers reacting this way, but even some Christians seem caught up in one or the other of these behaviors.

I have a tendency to lean toward the screamers, since I too sense we are living in perilous times.

But then again, when in history have times not been perilous, at least somewhere in the globe?

Of course, I don’t want to discount prophecy, and it’s difficult not to listen to the news and try to line it up with Scripture.

But whether we’re in the last days, the next-to-last days, or the last of the last days—

Is stocking up on peanut butter and toilet paper really what we are called to do as Christians?

All right, I admit that I’m of practical German stock, and I like the feeling of security I get from being out of debt and having enough canned soup on hand to last me until the millennium—just in case.

My favorite scenario is that Jesus will arrive and scoop us up before the going gets REALLY tough, but Jesus Himself told us that no one knows the day or the hour when He will return. The only thing we can know for certain is that He WILL come . . . and when He does, it will be at the perfect time.

So where does that leave us, particularly as we work our way through 2021, with looming economic problems, virus vaccines and lockdowns, and uncertainty at every turn?

It leaves us in exactly the same place as when things were going more smoothly and everything seemed right within our own little world. It wasn’t right, of course; it only seemed that way because our personal life situation wasn’t threatened.

And that’s the point.

People have lived with threats and wars and terrorism and economic instability since Adam and Eve were exiled from the Garden.

Might we be living at the end of the age, when everything comes to a head and Jesus really does return? Most certainly.

Then again…

It really doesn’t matter, for how we live is not to be based on what we think tomorrow might bring, but rather on what God has called us to do TODAY.

• “Every commandment which I command you TODAY you must be careful to observe…” (Deuteronomy 8:1, emphasis added).
• “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for THE DAY is its own trouble” (Matthew 6:34, emphasis added).
• “TODAY, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts” (Hebrews 3:7-8, emphasis added).

We are called to be faithful TODAY—not to lament our failures of yesterday or fret about tomorrow.

If we are true believers, then we are to be about the Father’s business, as Jesus was when He walked the earth. We are to fulfill the Great Commission of going into all the world to proclaim the gospel and make disciples.

That’s what we need to focus on TODAY—whether tomorrow seems to threaten turmoil or promise peace. For the Scriptures are clear that regardless of what we face, God’s thoughts and plans for us are “of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Several years ago, I wrote a book called The Moses Quilt, a contemporary romance told against the backdrop of the life of one of America’s greatest heroines, Harriet Tubman.

This amazing woman of faith and courage was born into slavery and went through life uneducated and nearly penniless. Yet she not only escaped slavery herself but went back into the “lion’s den” nineteen times to successfully lead out about 300 other slaves, including her elderly parents—all the time knowing there was a “wanted dead or alive” bounty on her head.

How was she able to do it? By refusing to allow the circumstances to dissuade her from following what she believed was God’s call on her life.

Harriet stood on God’s promises.

She stood on scriptures she had memorized from hearing others recite them—because she was unable to read—and lived accordingly.

Those same promises that fortified Harriet Tubman’s courage are available to us.

With that in mind,

• we don’t need to scream and pull our hair,
• nor do we need to hide within our personal safety bubbles and ignore the world around us.

God is calling us to so much more; He is calling us to be about His business and to enter into those plans and thoughts He has for us… to give us a future and a hope, just as Harriet Tubman and so many others did before us.

How are your responding to these uncertain, sometimes scary times? How might standing on God's promises and the encouragement in His Word give you sure hope and a plan for moving forward in obedience to Him?

Kathi Macias (www.kathimacias.com) is an award-winning author of more than 50 books. A wife, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother, she lives in Southern California with her husband, Al.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of ambermb at Pixabay.

Listen to Your Donkey!

Susan K. Stewart is practical and wise. She often sees lessons in the simplest things. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she encourages us to listen for God's voice in His Word, but also in other "messengers" He might send to us.

"Have you heard the story of Balaam’s donkey (Numbers 22)—the talking donkey?" Susan said. "Recently I dug a little deeper and learned more about the circumstances that prompted this animal to speak."

I (Dawn) have often thought this was one of the strangest accounts in the Bible. But Susan sheds some insight on this remarkable story.

Susan continues . . .

Balaam was a prophet who didn’t always put the Word of God first in his life.

Balak, king of Moab, was troubled by all those Israelites roaming in the desert, and he feared losing his kingdom to them. He decided the best thing to do was get a prophet of God to curse the Hebrews.

Balak chose Balaam.

On Balak’s first attempt to entice Balaam, God tells Balaam not to go and not to curse Israel. Balaam tells Balak’s messengers God won’t let him go, but fails to mention the not cursing part.

Balaam was partially obedient. He omitted the part he didn’t really agree with.

Balak was not a man to be stopped. He sent a second group of emissaries appealing to Balaam’s love of money. Once again, Balaam said he needed to talk to God.

We know God had already given his instructions: Don’t go. Don’t curse.

God let Balaam have his way, but God wasn’t happy about it. In fact, Scripture tells us God was angry (Num 22:22). God allowed Balaam to go with Balak’s servants; God still forbade the cursing of Israel.

The next morning, Balaam saddled his now famous donkey and rode off to Moab.

God sent an angel to block Balaam’s path to self-destruction. This angel had his sword drawn, ready for battle. The angel wasn’t bringing a message of glad tidings or joy. The heavenly creature was bringing warning and was prepared to enforce God’s command.

The donkey did what any smart creature would do: She stopped.

The donkey wasn’t being stubborn. True to her nature, she was being cautious. Why would anyone want to move forward in the path of God’s messengers brandishing a sword?

Balaam beat the creature until she spoke up.

Aren’t we guilty of not heeding God’s instructions?

How often do we think partial obedience is fine?

Too often, we, like Balaam, press forward with our plan presuming the blessing of God. Can you not see God on his throne slapping His forehead: “Didn’t I tell her not to do that?”

I’m thankful God has not chosen to send a warrior angel to stop me. I’m sure I would cower much like that little donkey did. Still I wonder, would I be like Balaam and lash out at those around me, those who try to warn me, instead of looking at the problem?

I’m afraid sometimes I’m a Balaam.

What can we do to NOT be a Balaam?

1. Listen to God.

God spoke directly to Balaam.

Oh, how many times I wished to hear directly from the mouth of God. My goodness, I’d accept an email. I like to think that, unlike Balaam, I would heed God’s direction.

2. After hearing God’s Word, follow His direction.

How many times does God speak to us in various way, but we don’t really listen? It doesn’t have to be big commandments, like don’t steal or murder. It can be a small thing, like don’t go to that town.

3. Follow God’s instructions—completely.

Too often we pick the parts we like and ignore what we don’t.

This is only partial obedience, and it can land us in a mess with only one way out—obeying God fully, which we should have done in the first place.

4. Don’t rush in as a fool.

Satan knows our weaknesses and uses them against us.

Balaam had a weakness for money and acclaim. Satan used that to get Balaam to do his bidding. He foolishly rushed to satisfy his weakness, no matter the cost.

5. Open your eyes.

Balaam was focused on his own gain, not on God’s instructions. He could only see what appealed to him: gold and fame.

He was blind to anything from God, even a sword-wielding, angelic warrior.

6. Look for God’s messenger.

God picks the way to get His message to us, and He will get his message through to us.

Balaam was so set on doing things his way, he didn’t see the godly messenger. It took the little donkey.

God uses what we will heed.

7. Stop.

We must stop whatever it is we are doing when we can’t go further. God may be blocking the way.

Stop, rethink, pause and pray.

Don’t try to keep pushing forward. Rest and seek God.

Sometimes it takes the inconsequential—like a meek, little donkey—to get our attention.

We need to listen.

When God opens the mouth of YOUR donkey, are you listening?

Susan K. Stewart, Acquisition Editor with Elk Lake Publishing, teaches, writes, and edits non-fiction. Susan’s passion is to inspire readers with practical, real-world solutions. Her books include Science in the Kitchen, Preschool: At What Cost? and the award-winning Formatting e-Books for Writers. Her latest book, Donkey Devos: Listening to Your Donkey When God Speaks, is scheduled to be released in the summer, 2020. You can learn more at her website—www.practicalinspirations.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesty of JacLou DL at Pixabay.

Keeping the OTHER Commandments

Life coach Letitia (Tish) Suk encourages women to live intentionally, focused on the practical truth in the Word of God. In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, she expands our thinking about God's commandments with some scriptures we perhaps never thought about as "commands."

"I find keeping the Ten Commandments not that hard," Letitia says. "Lying, stealing, adultery don’t tempt me. I would have a hard time taking the Lord’s name in vain. I can honor my mother and the memory of my father most of the time. I like keeping the Sabbath."

I (Dawn) think we all struggle at some time with some of the commandments, but I wondered where Letitia was going with this.

Letitia continues . . .

It is the OTHER Commandments that keep me coming back for another round of help.

Tucked mostly into the Epistles, a whole other set of Ten Commandments is given to help us follow in the way of Jesus. Have you noticed them?

The commandment I have the hardest time keeping wasn't even mentioned on Mt. Sinai.

Jesus gave the instruction and later Paul picked up the theme.

"Don't be anxious about anything."

Sometimes it's worded "don't worry," but the main idea is the same.

I break that one every day. I think you do too. I would like an exclusion clause—stuff it is OK to be anxious about, like global conflict or warming, the world economy as well as my own. I feel justified being anxious about health and the safety of those I love. And whether or not it is going to rain on the day of my son's outdoor wedding.

In fact, being anxious feels like I am doing something, making my contribution.

But no, not allowed.

The Word says:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Is it possible to never be anxious?

Probably not, but a few practices have helped me manage it better along the way.

• Hand over the issue in prayer as soon as the anxious thoughts show up rather than way into it— you can often throw the worry into reverse gear.
• Remember God’s faithfulness in all the past circumstances which seemed scary. There are a lot of examples you can come up with. Ask him to bring some to mind if you are stuck.
• Recognize most “worst case scenarios” never happen.
• Text a few friends to pray for you to get through the rough spot. Ask them to do the same towards you in their anxious moments.
• Hold your hands out or up and ask for the promised peace.

By the way, if anxiety has a deep hold on you, get help from a professional.

I still agree with that one being the hardest commandment, but I have noticed a few more nominees for the award.

Here are nine more commandments for your consideration:

1. Do everything without grumbling or arguing (Philippians 2:14.) I definitely fail on the “everything” part. 
2. Rejoice always (1 Thessalonians 5:16). I think I can say “often,” but for sure not always.
3. Pray continually (1 Thessalonians 5:17). I think I have this one covered some of the time.
4. Give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18). How about just the ones I like?
5. Be patient in affliction (Romans 12:12). Nope, not yet. Working on it.
6. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). Two disclaimers on this one. Whew! What if the whole world followed this one?
7. Do not judge (says Jesus.) Ever? No exceptions here.
8. Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds (James 1:3). Really? Usually not my first response.
9. Do not be afraid (all over the Bible.) I think we must need a reminder of this one the most as it is mentioned so often, don't you?

The good news is:  

If God asks us to pay attention to these commandments, He will help us work them into our day-to-day lives.

Picture how following any one of these OTHER Commands might change your perspective. It could be so amazing!

Which one would you like to start with? "Stop grumbling about the weather" is a good place for me to begin!

Letitia (Tish) Suk, www.letitiasuk.com, invites women to create an intentional life centered in Jesus. She is a blogger and the author of Getaway with God: The Everywoman’s Guide to Personal Retreat, Rhythms of Renewal and the upcoming 100 Need-to-Know Tips for Moms of Tweens and Teens. She is a speaker, personal retreat guide, and life coach in the Chicago area. Find out more about Tish at www.letitiasuk.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of free Clipart.