Trying Too Hard vs. Enjoying Good Enough

I can't tell you how many time the wise counsel from Joan C. Webb has resonated with my heart. We are kindred spirits. In this Attitude and Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she tackles the unhealthy thinking that surrounds "perfectionistic thinking," even in the church.

"Tired after an extra-long work day, Richard and I decided to eat a simple dinner at home—by candlelight," Joan says. "I rested while he cleaned up. Then it happened!"

I (Dawn) often feel dog-tired, collapsing after a long day. Are you struggling with weariness too? Let's pay close attention to Joan's wise counsel.

Joan continues . . .

After our intentionally relaxing evening, the phone rang. Rushing to answer it, we inadvertently knocked over the burning candle. It flew, hit the piano, landing on the carpet. We spent two hours cleaning up globs of wax.

“How stupid!” Richard muttered. Previously I might have agreed.

This time I smiled inside.

I don’t buy that. It was an awkward situation, but no one or no thing is stupid because of it.

Perhaps like me, you may have at times believed that everything is either perfectly wonderful as you envision it should be or totally botched-up.

But the truth is that joy and fun can mix with mistakes and disappointment.

There is a fundamental difference between trying too hard to make it (someone, or something) “just right” and partnering with God for excellence.

I found relief as I began to understand these two underlying principles.

So how do you know when you’re trying too hard to make it “just right,” and what can you do about it?

1. Our culture focuses primarily on doing and it has led to an action-addiction epidemic. It’s wearing us out.

Pursue being first and doing will follow.

You and I have the joy of partnering with the Ultimate Being—the Great “I AM”, allowing Him to show us who we are and what He’s designed us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

2. Are you trying to avoid someone else’s disapproval? Or are you playing the comparison game?

You can let yourself off the guilt-hook: You don’t have to be the best mother, wife, worker, friend, or Christian compared to others.

You get to be the best version of yourself—the person God created you to be.

This is doable and reasonable.

3. When you get caught in the “trying too hard to make it just right” gerbil wheel, you may succumb to black and white thinking: It’s all good or all bad.

When you feel stuck, STOP.

Pause.

Make an intentional choice to think not in black and white, but in your favorite color. It is in this place that options, ideas, and freedom are found.

4. Pause and listen to your self-talk.

A mentee recently told me that she has a “Hitler-Type Bully” in her head. Listen for the “I should...," "I must...," "I have to..." demands you silently make on yourself.

This is not how God’s Spirit guides you.

With His loving and gentle guidance, you can change your self-chat. Ask a safe mentor, coach or counselor to help you stay committed to this new way of thinking.

I do believe there is an epidemic of this kind of “perfectionistic thinking.” It seems to be a tactic of the enemy. He wants to keep us overly-busy and exhausted, because when we are we become vulnerable to the subtle “trying too hard” misbeliefs mentioned above.

This hinders the kingdom-work God wants to do through us and the enemy is pleased.

For those of you—and it includes me—who have a tendency to over-try to make things “just right" and then get bone-tired, what one small choice will help you enjoy “good enough” this week?

Go ahead. It is okay with God.

He’s not trying to make it harder for you. He wants to lighten your load (Matthew 11:29-30).

For more about the difference between “trying too hard” and “partnering with God for excellence,” see Joan's free resource.

Joan C. Webb is a speaker and author who has written thirteen books including The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right, The Intentional Woman and a devotion titled, It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life. As a Life Coach who specializes in working with writers and communicators, Joan helps set people free to become who they were designed to be and from what holds them back. For more information about her books, services and teaching, visit www.joancwebb.com.