Who Me? Delegate? Too Scary!

I've learned so much from Kathy Collard Miller. Her perspective is both biblical and practical. In this Relationships UPGRADE, she asks us to consider whether we delegate easily or not—and if not, why not?

"For some of us, delegating brings feelings of a loss of control and our reputation being at risk," Kathy says. "Yet, Jesus delegated. Why can’t we?"

I (Dawn) used to be terrible at delegating, and for a prideful reason. I simply thought I could handle things better than others. Did I ever have a lot to learn!

But there are other reasons people don't delegate.

Kathy continues . . .

There have been many times when delegating responsibility would have relieved me of stress and even grown my trust in God, but I resisted. Over years, I’ve learned that when God directs me to delegate and I obey, I’m actually being more like Jesus.

Let’s look first at what causes our fear of delegating.

1. My reputation will be damaged.

Delegating can seem dangerous, because I think the person I put in charge is a reflection of me. If I chose her and she dropped the ball, won’t that say something about me?

About my worth and value?

About my wisdom?

It doesn’t have to.

My reputation is protected by God. If someone makes a wrong conclusion about me, God can make sure her ideas are corrected with the truth.

And even if my “delegate” does something wrong, I didn’t force her to make that choice. She isn’t a reflection of me.

2. Someone may not perform as perfectly as I would.

This fear points to my perfectionistic expectations.

I’m expecting someone else to be perfect when I’m not perfect!

I should focus on God’s view of my worth and value in Christ (Ephesians 1:3-23), not the actions of another.

Proverbs 19:19 tells us,

“A man of great wrath will pay the penalty, for if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again.”

If our assigned person reacted in an inappropriate way, our job is to come alongside and inspire, but not rescue from the consequences because we are afraid.

We also shouldn’t tell ourselves, “I’m never going to delegate again.”

3. God will be displeased.

Actually, God is more interested in our challenges giving us opportunities for growing closer to Him.

If I’m afraid to delegate because I think a less-than-perfect outcome will displease Him, my view of Him is a surprised God who is clueless and unprepared.

Of course, we must follow His guidance in who we choose, but nothing that occurs is a shock to Him. He already knows how He will fulfill His will.

God is not wringing His hands.

Maybe He even wanted things to be different than we planned, because He knows the needs of the people who are impacted.

Some of those ideas seem totally different than our usual assumptions. Yet, consider instead these actions and reactions of Jesus so that we can be set free to risk delegating.

How Jesus Modeled Delegating

1. Instead of requiring perfection, Jesus wanted Martha to stop serving and learn from him instead.

He was aware and concerned about her distress (Luke 10:38-42). He could have created instantly a seven course meal for everyone. Instead He urged her to put aside her unrealistic expectations.

After all, she most likely had servants and could have delegated what needed to be done.

2. Jesus was never concerned about his reputation.

He “lowered Himself” to interact with the “least of these.”

It didn’t matter what other people said or thought about Him. His confidence was in who His Father said He was, not the comments of others.

Over and over again, He gave assignments to His disciples and was never upset with the conclusions of others about successes or failures.

3. Jesus rejoiced not so much in the result but in the heart.

At one point, he sent out 72 followers to tell others about Him.

When they returned, thrilled with the results, Jesus said to them,

“I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you. Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven” (Luke 10:18-20 ESV).

Even though He acknowledged the damage to Satan’s kingdom, Jesus urged them to not put their joy on the results, but on their future eternal life.

Their hearts—their spirituality—were more important than what they accomplished.  

4. Jesus allowed for someone to fail in order to grow.

When we don’t want to delegate, sometimes it’s because we don’t want someone to struggle.

Yet, Jesus knew Peter would deny Him and He didn’t prevent it. He knew Peter would become more powerful in the Kingdom in the future through his repentance after the failure.

It really is possible to have confidence in allowing God to work through others!

The next time God leads you to delegate, what truths will help you obey?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 58 books and speaking in 35 states and 9 foreign countries. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com. Kathy’s newest book, co-written with her husband, Larry, is God’s Intriguing Questions: 60 New Testament Devotions Revealing Jesus’s Nature. Check out Kathy’s Amazon author page at: https://www.amazon.com/Kathy-Collard-Miller/e/B001KMI10S/.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Gerd Altmann at Pixabay.

Are You a Perfectionist? 3 Ways to Know

Marcia Ramsland is an organizer extraordinaire! With that accolade, you might expect her to be a perfectionist, but the good news is, she knows what to do with that tendency. In this Wisdom UPGRADE, she not only pinpoints the characteristics of perfectionism, she offers helpful insight to recover from it.

"Are you a Perfectionist? I have to confess I am," Marcia said. "Sometimes I’m proud of it, and other times I have to sheepishly say 'guilty.' I bet you might be a perfectionist, too, in at least one area of your life.

I (Dawn) am right there with you, Marcia.

It's taken me almost a lifetime to learn how to deal with perfectionism, so I know what you say is true!

Marcia continues . . .

3 Ways to Know You’re a Perfectionist  

One of the ways to discover you’re a perfectionist is to listen to what you say.

Have you ever said:

1. “I’m just about done. Give me another minute.” (And it stretches into 20 minutes.)
   
   
2. “I would have done a better job, but I had to turn it in.” (Blaming others is old school.)
   
   
3. “I don’t really plan to be perfect, I just want to do it right!” (Is that a problem?)

Yes, perfectionists want to do it “right” in the areas that are important to them, but have trouble recognizing when “enough is enough” on a task. 

This can be satisfying to our perfectionist tendencies, but irritating to those who have to wait for us to finish.

Another Way to Know You’re a Perfectionist

Being a Selective Messie!

Another way I can tell when a client is a perfectionist is to look at what’s NOT organized in their life. For example, their home might be immaculate, but their desk is a mess!

The reason a perfectionist’s lifestyle is so black and white is because perfectionists tend to not start a project until they know how to do it perfectly! Hence the cluttered desk, man cave, garage, or kitchen.

The 3 R’s of Perfectionism Recovery

Can we stop the dark side of our perfectionism and turn it around for good? Yes, of course! 

1. Recognize where perfectionism shows up in your life.

It could be in a small area like picking up everything at home before going out the door and arriving late to appointments.

2. Recognize what it’s costing you and how it affects others.

Check your family and friends displeasure and that could be a clue where your perfectionism lies.

3. Resolve to Make a Change in One Area at a Time

Rome wasn’t built in a day, nor will our tendency that took years to develop go away in a moment of insight. Be persistent to overcome the habit.

If you have trouble stopping your perfectionism—whether it’s responding to every last email or social media comment—it’s time to look at how this habit is impacting you and those around you. It may be time to “fess up” and drop a tendency that could be holding you back.

Why give up perfectionism? Because there’s so much God has for us to do to benefit ourselves and others.

The verse that motivates me personally to give perfectionism up is:

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).

Here's a Tip:

Learn the difference between striving for excellence and insisting on perfection.

Pursuing perfection zaps our energy, while striving for excellence brings joy in passing milestones toward our desired result.

Are you addicted to perfectionism? Do you want to recover? Which of the 3 R's for Perfectionism Recovery would help you most today?

Marcia Ramsland is well known as the “Organizing Pro” and author of the Simplify Your Life: Get Organized and Stay that Way book series, which has sold over 100,000 copies. Marcia regularly teaches online courses and coaches individuals to be highly productive personally and professionally. She believes anyone can become more organized and live with ease - even YOU! For courses and personal coaching, visit www.organizingpro.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Geralt at Pixabay.

Trying Too Hard vs. Enjoying Good Enough

I can't tell you how many time the wise counsel from Joan C. Webb has resonated with my heart. We are kindred spirits. In this Attitude and Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she tackles the unhealthy thinking that surrounds "perfectionistic thinking," even in the church.

"Tired after an extra-long work day, Richard and I decided to eat a simple dinner at home—by candlelight," Joan says. "I rested while he cleaned up. Then it happened!"

I (Dawn) often feel dog-tired, collapsing after a long day. Are you struggling with weariness too? Let's pay close attention to Joan's wise counsel.

Joan continues . . .

After our intentionally relaxing evening, the phone rang. Rushing to answer it, we inadvertently knocked over the burning candle. It flew, hit the piano, landing on the carpet. We spent two hours cleaning up globs of wax.

“How stupid!” Richard muttered. Previously I might have agreed.

This time I smiled inside.

I don’t buy that. It was an awkward situation, but no one or no thing is stupid because of it.

Perhaps like me, you may have at times believed that everything is either perfectly wonderful as you envision it should be or totally botched-up.

But the truth is that joy and fun can mix with mistakes and disappointment.

There is a fundamental difference between trying too hard to make it (someone, or something) “just right” and partnering with God for excellence.

I found relief as I began to understand these two underlying principles.

So how do you know when you’re trying too hard to make it “just right,” and what can you do about it?

1. Our culture focuses primarily on doing and it has led to an action-addiction epidemic. It’s wearing us out.

Pursue being first and doing will follow.

You and I have the joy of partnering with the Ultimate Being—the Great “I AM”, allowing Him to show us who we are and what He’s designed us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

2. Are you trying to avoid someone else’s disapproval? Or are you playing the comparison game?

You can let yourself off the guilt-hook: You don’t have to be the best mother, wife, worker, friend, or Christian compared to others.

You get to be the best version of yourself—the person God created you to be.

This is doable and reasonable.

3. When you get caught in the “trying too hard to make it just right” gerbil wheel, you may succumb to black and white thinking: It’s all good or all bad.

When you feel stuck, STOP.

Pause.

Make an intentional choice to think not in black and white, but in your favorite color. It is in this place that options, ideas, and freedom are found.

4. Pause and listen to your self-talk.

A mentee recently told me that she has a “Hitler-Type Bully” in her head. Listen for the “I should...," "I must...," "I have to..." demands you silently make on yourself.

This is not how God’s Spirit guides you.

With His loving and gentle guidance, you can change your self-chat. Ask a safe mentor, coach or counselor to help you stay committed to this new way of thinking.

I do believe there is an epidemic of this kind of “perfectionistic thinking.” It seems to be a tactic of the enemy. He wants to keep us overly-busy and exhausted, because when we are we become vulnerable to the subtle “trying too hard” misbeliefs mentioned above.

This hinders the kingdom-work God wants to do through us and the enemy is pleased.

For those of you—and it includes me—who have a tendency to over-try to make things “just right" and then get bone-tired, what one small choice will help you enjoy “good enough” this week?

Go ahead. It is okay with God.

He’s not trying to make it harder for you. He wants to lighten your load (Matthew 11:29-30).

For more about the difference between “trying too hard” and “partnering with God for excellence,” see Joan's free resource.

Joan C. Webb is a speaker and author who has written thirteen books including The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right, The Intentional Woman and a devotion titled, It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life. As a Life Coach who specializes in working with writers and communicators, Joan helps set people free to become who they were designed to be and from what holds them back. For more information about her books, services and teaching, visit www.joancwebb.com.

Upgrading Your 'Pinterest Perfect' Christmas Season

Morgan Farr is a young, highly-motivated wife and mom and her passion to help women build physical, emotional and spiritual strength makes me smile. In this unique Christmas UPGRADE, Morgan shares a personal story that changed her perspective.

Morgan says, "As a new mom and a recovering perfectionist, I was in search of a 'Pinterest perfect' Christmas season until God reminded me of what really matters."

I (Dawn) have felt that pressure to be "perfect" at Christmas. Haven't you? That pressure does not make for peace! Thank the Lord, there's a better way.

Morgan continues . . .  

Normally, Christmas is a beautiful time. The music, the juxtaposition of the red and green—it just gives a warm and delicious feeling.

This time last year was an especially beautiful time of the year for me because our first son, William, was born. It was such a sweet and lovely time.

But this year is a little different. I recently learned:

God will humble us exactly where we need it—even during the holiday seasons.  

Let me set the stage for you. I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with our second son, Henry, and I have been experiencing some morning sickness.

Recently, I was getting ready for my group of ladies to come to my home for Bible study and some holiday festivities.

Now, I should clarify that I like for my home to be spotless when the ladies arrive. I color coordinate for the season we are in, I have coffee and tea available, and I always have some kind of little snack for the ladies as well.

On this particular morning, my son needed a diaper change. As I changed him, I got hit with a horrible bout of morning sickness. I left my son clean but naked on the floor as I ran to the sink to be sick.

I didn’t quite make it.

Instead I was sick on my son, on the floor, on part of the wall and the snacks that I made for my ladies.

My son proceeded to play in the mess, and then grab onto my leg with his dirty little hand. So my outfit was ruined, the snacks were ruined, and my son was crawling around the house naked smearing vomit on the floor. My husband came downstairs to help and all I could get out was a strained, “catch the baby!”  

My friends were so understanding when they arrived, yet I was irritated I had ruined our holiday festivities. And that is when God humbled me. He used this gross little episode to teach me what is important in the holiday season. Yes, God used morning sickness and a toddler to teach me the meaning of Christmas.

This is what I learned: 

1) We have to recognize that it is all about Jesus.

The Christmas season isn’t about the wrapping paper. It doesn’t matter that I have a beautiful centerpiece on my table if I let people leave our Christmas party without the knowledge that Jesus is their Savior. Without Him, they are bound for hell (Matthew 25:46).

The Christmas story isn’t awesome because of the story itself, but rather for the story that follows 33 years later when that little baby grew up and died on the cross for us.    

2) We have to recognize that it can’t be perfect. 

Until we are reunited with God in heaven, nothing here can be perfect.

Jesus was born in a manger, and it's not the pretty scenes you see in yards during the holiday season. He spent his first two years in Egypt hiding from Herod who wanted to kill him. Not pretty.

No amount of red, green, and gold at the holiday season will cover up the reality that we live in a world of sin, and this world is temporary (2 Corinthians 4:18).

3) We have to recognize that God loves us anyway.

God doesn’t love us because we are perfect. The fact is, we aren’t.

God loves us because of what His one and only Son did for us (Galatians 1:4). When Christ died and rose from the dead, He defeated Satan and his evil plans for the world. Through Christ’s death and resurrection, we have been invited into the Kingdom as a child of God.

Oh, how much He loves us!

God used a toddler, morning sickness and a Bible study to remind me of the point of this holiday season.

What about you? What things do you need to let go of to keep focused on Jesus during this holiday season?

Morgan Farr is an Army wife currently stationed at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, with her wonderful husband Brian. They currently have two children, one-year-old William, and Henry, who they will welcome in April. Morgan is a homemaker who dedicates her free time to ministering to other Army wives through Bible studies, one-on-one interactions and physical training. She writes about her transition out of feminism and into biblical womanhood on her blog, The Forgiven Former Feminist. You can find her thoughts on fitness, health and training programs on her other blog,  Farr Functional Fitness.  

Graphic adapted from a photo at Pixabay.