Help! I Feel Insecure!

Kathy Collard Miller is a truth seeker and truth teller, and she finds the truth that guides her life in the Word of God. In this Christian Growth UPGRADE, she offers wise, biblical counsel about insecurity.

"Feeling insecure is a common emotion and an attitude stemming from believe we are inferior," Kathy says. "What can we do about it?"

I (Dawn) never realized how insecure I was growing up, and I couldn't figure out the puzzle to make my insecurity go away! But just as Kathy shares, I finally discovered the biblical truths that helped me overcome my faulty beliefs.

Kathy continues . . .

I grew up thinking of myself as always guilty and always imperfect. I even thought God agreed with me.

But after I became a Christian at age 18, God began the slow process of showing me how He viewed me—as forgivable, worthwhile, and unconditionally loved. Little by little, my insecurity gave way to security.

Truth from several verses were a key part of this transformation.

1. Nothing can separate me from God—even my sin.

My insecurity had a lot to do with thinking God was waiting to see how well I performed before making my salvation "official."

Then I came across Ephesians 1:13a:

When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit (NIV).

When I was a teenager, it was popular to put melted wax on an envelope to seal it. I didn’t know that in biblical times, a scroll was closed with a wax seal to not only authenticate the scroll but also make sure no one broke open the important document. It was secure and safe from the information being changed by others.

In the same way, the gift of the Holy Spirit to us at the moment of salvation makes us secure and safe from the heart being deprived of its eternal spiritual inheritance.

2. God’s opinion of me is more important than the opinions of others.

A large part of my insecurity resulted from basing my worth and value upon the opinions of others. It won’t surprise you I’m a people pleaser.

I needed the approval of other people.

But Jesus’s example spoke volumes to me. At one point when He was pointing out why the Pharisees wouldn’t believe in Him, Jesus told them:

How can you believe since you accept glory from one another but do not seek the glory that comes from the only God? (John 5:44 NIV).

When I realized I was more interested in someone else’s “glorious” opinion of me than God's, I knew the reason I was insecure: people’s opinions were fickle. I couldn’t control them or convince them.

When I became convinced God’s love for me never changed, I felt secure because Jesus died on the cross and declared, “It is finished.” It could never be changed.

3. God Is Faithful.

Insecurity is fueled by thinking I have to make God look good by my good behavior.

I carry the weight of God’s reputation on my shoulders. If I falter, I’m responsible for how other people view God.

This fear creates tension and stress.

That lie was dissipated for me when I read 2 Thessalonians 3:34:

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one. We have confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command (NIV).

Interestingly, the Thessalonian believers were far from perfect. Paul was writing to them to get them back on the right path by reminding them God was the one who faithfully held them, strengthened them, and protected them.

Paul’s confidence wasn’t in believers “self-made security” but in God’s faithfulness. Then God would get the glory by keeping the true believers secure in Him.

       How to TRANSFORM Insecure Feelings & Attitudes

1. Look for the underlying causes.

Most often we are insecure because of wounds from our childhood and teen years. The comments of others and how we were treated communicated we weren’t valuable and important.

By rejecting those lies, we can push against acting as if they are true.

2. Use spiritual battle.

Insecure feelings can be overwhelming. By actively rebuking the lie with truth, the powerful feelings will diminish.

Say it out loud—“My Father God, you tell me I am valuable and important to you. That’s why you sent Jesus to die for me. I didn’t deserve His sacrifice but you made it possible because of your unconditional love for me.”

Repeat that truth over and over again, even if it’s many times a day.

3. Rehearse who God is.

Our security is based totally on the nature of God. He is faithful. He devised a salvation plan He wants to keep. He has a hold of you and me that cannot be broken.

We are secure in Christ because it brings glory to Him.

It really is possible to feel less insecure and more secure because of God’s unfathomable love!

What truth about your security will you repeat over and over again by faith?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 58 books and speaking in 35 states and nine foreign countries. Kathy’s newest book, co-written with her husband, Larry, is God’s Intriguing Questions: 60 New Testament Devotions Revealing Jesus’s Nature. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com; and check out her Amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/Kathy-Collard-Miller/e/B001KMI10S/

Graphic adapted, courtesy of John Hain at Pixabay.

Facing Insecurity: 4 Steps to Freedom

I love Kate Hagen's fresh insights into many of the problems that plague Christians. In this Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, she counsels us to conquer the enslaving problem of "insecurity."

"I have wasted too much of my precious life," Kate says, "caring about others' opinions."

I (Dawn) have too, Kate. I think many people, especially Christians get sidelined by people's opinions. But Kate shares some important steps to freedom here.

Kate continues . . .

I still find myself held back by my perception of what others think of me. I want to be free from needing the approval and affirmation of those around me.

I would love to have total confidence in every choice I make, not wondering how it will be perceived.

But, the truth is, I do care. Sometimes I care a lot. Certain people’s opinions are extra insecurity-producing for me.

And, that’s where I start. With the truth of the situation.

• I feel unsure and I want clarity.
• I feel like I am foolish and want confirmation that I am not.
• I feel insecure and want acceptance.

Phew. Even just being honest is helpful. It brings some clarity. I don’t have to hide what’s true about me. 

And, I choose to mourn—for a moment—the fact that I am not as confident as I think I “should” be at 43 years old. I choose to be sad—for a short time—that I still long for the approval of others. 

I know it is not healthy to stay in mourning too long (although I know the value of allowing grief as long as needed). So, eventually, I move on. 

These things I want—certainty, confirmation and acceptance—are legitimate needs! I’ve just been trying to meet those needs in a way that is not very successful.

Hoping others will consistently be the strategy I use to achieve confidence is an unstable route.

I have a choice to turn it around! Who do I want to be in this moment of insecurity? After being honest about my insecurity—and mourning it, if necessary—what can I do?

If I want certainty and security, where can I find it? I don’t want to get it from the opinions of those around me anymore. That gives them the power to determine who I am.

So, where can I find certainty about who I am?

In the quiet presence of the Father as I listen to the Spirit.

For me, that is where I find my identity. When I meditate on the reality that God’s Presence is always in and around me, I remember:  I am wanted! I am worthy of love!

And then I forget. Often within the hour.

But, the invitation is always there. Always available. To know, see, taste and smell God’s presence in each moment.

Today, as I find myself feeling insecure about what others might be thinking, I will ask myself this simple question:

Where is God's Spirit in this moment?

Once I’ve connected with Spirit, I can ask a quick follow-up question: 

Whose opinion of me do I want to believe in this moment?      

 My opinion of myself is usually much lower than God’s opinion of me. My perception of what others think of me is usually full of judgment.

God’s says to me, “Kate, you are:

• Loved,
• Seen,
• Known,
  
• Approved of,
• Wanted,
  
• Valued,
• Beloved,
• Beautiful,
• and Secure!"
  

(Just as I am... no good works required.)

And my soul expands. And the opinion of others seems small and insignificant. Because I am already full. In Your presence there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

Four Steps to Freedom over Insecurity

Step 1 - Be honest about your insecurity. Name it.

Step 2 - Mourn the fact that you are needing others approval.

Step 3 - Choose to turn it around. Make it a conscious decision.

Step 4 - Ask the two clarity questions: 

(1) Where is God’s Spirit in this moment? 

Connect with Spirit! Ask God to open your eyes to His presence.

(2) Whose opinion of me do I want to believe in this moment?  

Recall the ways God loves you. Live confidently free of others opinions… you are free indeed!

And don't be too discouraged if you have to repeat the steps again tomorrow.

Do you occasionally find yourself held back by what others think of you? If so, how have you dealt with this?

Kate Hagen spends most of her time teaching, knowing and loving her three kids in their beach community of Leucadia, CA. She has a Master’s Degree in Biblical Counseling and has written, spoken and counseled women about mothering, body image and health. She runs a small essential oil business from her home, and usually smells pretty good. At her website you can read her journey of grieving and laughing as her mom passed of cancer, as well as her thoughts on the Bible and body image.