Is Overcoming Jealousy Really Possible?

I love how Kathy Collard Miller always goes beyond surface issues to deeper heart motives. In this Attitudes UPGRADE, she deals with the unsavory and distructive attitude of jealousy.

“I don’t understand why I didn’t get that opportunity,” Kathy said. “It’s perfect for me. God made a mistake.”

Have you ever thought that? I (Dawn) have. The ugliness of jealousy has side-tracked me from submitting to God’s will many times. I appreciate Kathy’s wisdom here.

Kathy continues . . .

I really did think God had done me wrong. From my perspective, it was obvious I should have been chosen for the responsibility.

But this wasn’t the first time I’d misjudged God’s plan.

I had to be honest with myself and recognize I had a problem with jealousy.

I wanted what others were given to do. And I wasn’t grateful for the opportunities God gave me.

One time, a friend asked me to participate in an informal survey identifying on a scale of 1 to 10—10 being the most—how much I struggled with jealousy. When I told her 10, she said, “You’re the first person to answer that.”

I was ashamed, but I became motivated to recognize the reasons for my jealousy and ask for God’s power to correct it.

When I read the Lord's perspective, I was motivated:

“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice” (James 3:16 ESV).

Since then I’ve found some truths that have helped me.

1. Jealousy seems to have a good result, but that’s a lie.

Solomon recognized that when he wrote,

“Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man's envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind” (Ecclesiastes 4:4).

On the one hand, it seems jealousy is a good motivator to do better. But it only brings “vanity,” a kind of self-focus which leaves out God. Jealousy is only as profitable as trying to catch the wind. It doesn’t really bring the good results we think.

2. Dealing with jealousy is possible.

God wants every good gift for us (James 1:17). James wrote, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5 ESV).

God’s love for us is so extreme, He never wants to leave us without His power to respond in a godly way to every challenge.

When my heart becomes disgruntled with jealousy, I remind myself, “Kathy, you are not alone in this battle. God wants to help you.” Then I thank God by faith that He is ready to assist me.

I also don’t depend upon my feelings to judge whether He is being successful. Every feeling may not be destroyed, but God always empowers us to make wise choices.

3. Jealousy is related to arrogance.

I Corinthians 13:4 tells us, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.”

There seems to be some connection between jealousy and arrogance because both are the opposite of love.

Jealousy is fueled by believing we know better than God.

That’s why I thought God had done me wrong. I believed He didn’t know what he was doing. I’ve been immediately repenting of my jealousy by thanking God that He knows everything and what is best.

These three truths began to transform my thinking.

I actually am jealous less often. My thoughts more often are, “If God has chosen that person for what I’d love to do, He knows best for that person and for me. Thank you, Lord, for giving me and her your best gifts.”

It really is possible to be less jealous!

What can create jealousy in you? Which of the truths shared here is most important for your journey to overcome jealousy?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 56 books and her speaking in over 30 states and 9 foreign countries. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com. Kathy’s newest book, co-written with her husband, Larry, is God’s Intriguing Questions: 100 Devotions Revealing God’s Nature and Our Motives. Check out Kathy’s Amazon author page at: https://www.amazon.com/Kathy-Collard-Miller/e/B001KMI10S/

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Robin Higgins at Pixabay.

What's Up with Sheep?

Becky Harling is funny and insightful, and always shares fresh insights for timeless truths. In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, she writes about sheep and their shepherd. But don't miss this fresh take on a common Christian theme.

"Throughout the scriptures, we are compared to sheep," Becky said. "Have you ever wondered why? I mean, what’s up with sheep? Right?"

I (Dawn) used to think, "Oh, how sweet. God describes His children as adorable little lambs." But there is much more to that picture, as Becky describes here.

Becky continues . . .

I did a little research and discovered some random facts about them that help me understand why God used sheep to describe us so often in scripture.

1. Did you know that sheep are fearful and easily panicked?

Who knew? Can you relate?

In our humanness, most of us are fearful. In fact, that is the number one concern I hear from women and men as I travel the world.

If panicked, we do stupid things, and you know what? So do sheep.

An entire bunch of sheep is easily prodded into a stampede. They have a mob mentality.

But here’s the thing, when sheep know the shepherd’s voice, His voice calms their fears and settles their panic.

This is why Jesus said, “I am the Good shepherd” (John 10:11). He also said His sheep "follow Him because they know His voice” (John 10:4).

Friend, if you want to calm your fears, get to know His voice.

2. Did you know that sheep get jealous easily and push for dominance?

Sound familiar? Maybe this hits too close to home, but it’s so easy for us to become envious of others, isn’t it?

This is the cry behind “That’s not fair!”

Our human tendency is to want life to be fair. If our friend has a beautiful home, we want one too. If our co-worker gets a raise, we want an increase as well.

Here’s the thing: according to the parable of the vineyard (Matthew 20:1-16), our Christian walk was never meant to be “fair.” If it was fair, we would all deserve hell, right? Praise God that isn’t the case!!

One of the most convicting stories of Scripture is when Jesus sits on the beach with His disciples after His resurrection. After He re-commissions Peter, He tells Peter how he will die.

Peter looks at his friend John and wonders if his death will be easier—he blurts out to Jesus, “What about him?”

Jesus replies, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?” (John 21:15-22).

Ouch! I love this story because it reminds me that I must never sink to comparing my life to another.

In Jesus’ kingdom, life may not seem fair, but it is good.

Our quest for fairness will rob us of the abundant life Jesus promised His sheep (John 10:10b).

3. Did you know that sheep are creatures of habits and they are resistant to change?

Many of us are creatures of habit as well. When God calls us to shift our thinking or embrace change, we panic or pout.

As our Good Shepherd, Jesus knows if we are going to live life to the fullest we must keep being transformed.

The truth is we can’t be transformed without change.

Friend, understanding our similarities to sheep can help us focus on Jesus as our Good Shepherd.

He’s the One who laid down His life for us (1 John 3:16).  

Which of these random facts about sheep best describes you today? How can you better relate to or trust in your Shepherd?

Becky Harling. Authentic. Passionate. Funny. Insightful. Becky is a frequent speaker at conferences, retreats, and other venues. She is the author of Who Do You Say That I Am?, Rewriting Your Emotional Script, Freedom from Performing, The 30 Day Praise Challenge and The 30 Day Praise Challenge for Parents. Becky is married to Steve Harling and has four adult kids and five grandkids. Visit her website and blog!

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Pixabay.

Break Free from the Shackles of Comparison

Comparison is a prison, Dawn Wilson says in this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, but our Maker holds the key to release us from our shackles.

I used to excuse myself when I got caught up in comparisons, but not anymore. I’m recognizing comparison for what it is: an ugly prison that keeps me and others caught in its destructiveness—self-focused and paralyzed.

Anyone with a “performance addiction” understands the comparison prison. Behind the bars of that prison we are shackled to selfishness, pride, envy, jealousy, discontent, ingratitude and the constant quest for acceptance and affirmation. It’s a constant battle.

The prison walls of comparison have a thick wallpaper of “if only”s.

• If only I looked like so-and-so.
• If only I could speak like so-and-so.
• If only I was as smart as so-and-so.
• If only I had a house like so-and-so.
• If only I had a loving husband like so-and-so.
• If only I had obedient kids like so-and-so.
• If only had so-and-so’s money… or travel expenses … or clothing allowance … or …

She sad truth is, so-and-so might even be in a prison of comparison herself, wanting what YOU have!

Locked in this dark prison, we are caught in a bitter cycle of “better or worse.”

It goes something like this:

“I’m better than that person” (and that’s pride). Or “I’m glad I’m not like that person” (and that’s also pride). We need a good dose of humility to conquer the pride of comparison.

Performance addiction and comparison addiction are cousins. In both, we use our own measuring stick to make judgements both about ourselves and others, and we ignore God’s perspective.

When we’re bound in the shackles of comparison, we live unhealthy, ungodly lives.

But the Lord holds the key to release us—the truth and power of the Gospel in Christ. He will unlock the shackles that bind us when we begin to recognize who we are and what we have in Him.

[I've found a book titled The ABC’s of Who God Says I Am by Kolleen Lucariello helpful. She explains in simple terms exactly who we are in Christ:  A for Accepted, B for Beloved, C for Changed, etc.]

After many years caught up in a performance mentality, I learned an important truth.

The Christian life isn’t a matter of working harder or trying to measure up to a faulty “image” we have for ourselves or of others.

Father God wants us to rest in His provision of grace and look only to Jesus, because His “image” is the only one that matters.

God unlocks the shackles when we embrace the truth of His grace in our lives, but we still have to learn to walk as free people. We need to walk in newness of life. Lies have distorted our thinking and we need the truth of Scripture to learn how to become holy, faith-filled saints.

It’s a process.

Here are a few things I’m doing to encourage change.

1. I Notice When I Tend to Struggle with Comparison.

Sometimes it’s a kind of event or a particular set of emotions that drive me. Sometimes it is a past issue I’m still struggling to overcome in Christ. Many times, the root is seeking the approval of man rather than desiring to please God.

What are your specific comparison “triggers”?

2. I See My Tendency to Compare for What It Is.

Paul was clear about comparisons when he wrote: “We do not have the audacity to put ourselves in the same class or compare ourselves with some who [supply testimonials to] commend themselves. When they measure themselves with themselves, they lack wisdom and behave like fools” (2 Corinthians 10:12, AMP).

The Message version of this verse warns against “comparing and grading and competing.”

Comparing is not necessarily a sin—though it can lead to sin—but it’s certainly not wise. I need to stop it! And if it does cross over into sin, I need to repent!

3. I Purposefully Fill My Mind and Heart with God’s Truth.

I read, reflect on, and saturate my mind and heart with the Gospel so the Lord can transform my behavior.

As I realize how much the Lord has done for me, how He has extended great grace and mercy, there is no room for comparisons.

4. I Keep on Reminding Myself of My True Identity.

I counsel my heart concerning the truth of who God says I am in Christ.

5. I Challenge My Pride with Christ-like Humility.

Pride sets me up for boasting. Or a judgmental spirit. The Lord wants me to be humble; so I am asking the Lord to break my pride and help me think with “sober judgement”, not judgmentalism.

Are you wondering if you need to be “broken”? It helped me to meditate on this list.

6. I Try to Remember Everything I Am and Have are from the Lord.

“…What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?” (1 Corinthians 4:7)

Without the Lord, I can do nothing; and when I remember no one else can do anything without Him either, it helps me think straight about foolish "comparing."

7. I Ask God to Open My Eyes to See People as He Does.

We are all created in His image. And every believer is “accepted in the Beloved.” Every child of God has strengths, gifts, weaknesses, and besetting (habitual) sins.

Comparing each other is like comparing apples and oranges.

God has made all of us unique for His purposes.

8. When Tempted to Compare, I Choose Gratitude Instead.

Sometimes it doesn’t just happen. I have to choose gratitude, cultivate it, and practice it every day.

9. I Practice the Godliness of Contentment.

Covetousness is a sin. The Lord wants me to practice contentment. When I focus on eternal things rather than temporal, I can more readily release my grip on earthly desires.

And I need to remember The Lord calls people in different ways. We can’t compare our lot with others’.

10. I Choose to Be Genuinely Happy for People.

Rather than focusing with envy or jealousy on their gifts, abilities, etc., I can pursue love and rejoice in them, what they have and their accomplishments.

Criticism that arises from envy (wanting what someone has) or jealousy (grudgingly wishing they didn’t have it) destroys relationships. Love and jealousy are mutually exclusive. James says envy comes from the pit and it causes disorder and wickedness.

“If I love neighbor as myself, there will be no reason at all for the least twinge of jealousy, because I will be just as happy that he has what I wanted as I would be if I had it.” – Elisabeth Elliott, The Music of His Promises.

That's my goal. I want to get to the point where I'm always rejoicing in and over the blessings of others.

I praise God He is helping me break free from the hideous shackles of comparison.

Do you struggle with comparisons? Which of my 10 “in process” choices might encourage spiritual growth in your life?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Jeremiah7 at Pixabay.