Mom, Don't Forget to Take Care of You!

Melissa Mashburn, a busy pastor's wife, knows the importance of caring for herself so she can be strong to care for others. She shares this Upgrade for moms (with solid truth for all women).

As moms," Melissa says, "we wear many hats, we are a referee, a tutor, a police officer, a maid, a chef, a boo-boo kisser, a nighttime cuddler and also a taxi."

Oh how well I [Dawn] remember those busy days of motherhood. I gave and gave and gave, and it wasn't long before I felt depleted. I needed to step off the motherhood treadmill sometimes!

Melissa continues ...

Yes, we are always on the go and usually with our kids in tow. We manage our households with great care and grace, but when was the last time you actually did anything for yourself ... or better yet, by yourself.

Did you just shake your head and giggle a little? I think you did.

I know you might be thinking, “How on earth can I stop and do something just for for me? Don’t you know how many things there are to do right now?”

Listen mom, I know you’ve been running around getting a ton of things done for everyone else in your family, but do me a favor and don’t forget to take care of you too. The Psalmist said God cares for us:

Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall (Psalm 55:22 NLT).

But it's good for us to cooperate and take care of ourselves too!

You know when you are on a plane getting ready for take off and the flight attendant does the safety instructions? They always say, "In case there is a change in cabin pressure the masks will drop down. You need to place your mask on first before helping children or anyone else."

As a mom, that used to really bother me. But then I realized that if you don't, then you won't be able to help anyone else in an emergency. The same holds true in your everyday, ordinary life.

Taking care of you doesn’t mean you neglect all those other things, it simply means doing things a little differently so that you can enjoy the peace and perspective that comes when you do something just for you.

My kids aren’t little any longer. I learned along the way that I could be a better mom to them by taking care of myself a little in the process. It will take some planning and coordination on your part, but when you do take time for yourelf, you will actually be giving yourself the margin you need when life gets stressful and hectic.

Here’s a few ways you can take care of you:

1. Don’t forget your quiet time - Start your day in prayer, even if it means getting up earlier than you normally do. 

2. Make time for your marriage - Once a month, schedule a "date day" with your husband. Go ahead and hire the babysitter, and block the date on the calendar.

3. Call upon your girlfriends - Schedule some time for you to go get some coffee, lunch, a manicure, or something you can do and enjoy, either alone or with friends.

Get creative on how to make that happen:  babysitting swap with a friend, or even share a babysitter between the two families.

4. Get involved at your church, preferably in a Bible study or a community group. Get connected with other women and/or couples.

Here’s a tip though ... go into it with open hands. Life can get complicated, and even the best laid plans don’t always come together the way we would like them to.

By having your hands open, you release all the stress and pressure to make things “perfect” and allow room for life to happen even in the middle of the change. Rest in God's loving care: You gave me life and showed me your unfailing love. My life was preserved by your care (Job 10:12, NLT).

Making it a priority to take care of you isn’t a selfish thing, it’s not even something that “other moms” get to do. It’s a chance to stop and count your blessings in the midst of being a busy mom.

Go ahead, try it today.

What about you? What’s one way you can take care of you this week?

Melissa Mashburn passionately pursues God daily, taking her ordinary life and placing it as her offering to Him. She is a writer, speaker, mom, pastor’s wife, and trained communicator through CLASSeminars, with extensive background in Women’s and Kid’s Ministry, and her passion is helping women “keep it real” in their lives and ministries. Melissa is married to her best friend, Matt (20 years), and they have two teenage boys. She loves to relax with a great book and giant cup of coffee. You can find her at Mel’s World with Melissa Mashburn.

Your Ministry Needs You to Make Time to Rest - Part 2

Yesterday, Melissa Mashburn shared some warning signs so we can determine if we need more “rest” in our ministry. Melissa ended with these words:

“I, I, I...me, me, me. What I can do on my own, without leaning on God or listening to what He wants me to do next. When what we really need to do is just lay it all down and give it back to Him. It’s not ours anyways. It’s always been His."

Melissa continues today with some “steps to get ourselves back on track.”

She says …

When you see yourself showing some of those signs that you are past due for some rest, here are three things you can do to help get back on track.

1. The first thing I do when I can tell that I haven’t made rest a priority is PRAY.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me (Psalm 51:10, ESV).

You can’t move forward on your own, so by inviting God to renew your spirit you have just humbled yourself before Him; and then, and only then, can you start to hear His will more clearly.

2. If you have hurt, offended or snapped at anyone because you’ve gone too long without rest, then stop and take a moment to go to that person and ask for forgiveness.

It is not always easy, but it is the right thing to do-for you, for them, and for your ministry.

3. Pull out your calendar—go ahead, grab it now while you are thinking about it—and schedule time to rest. I know, it might sound silly, but we schedule everything else, why not schedule in time to rest.

Rest looks different for different people.

Take some time to seek out what kind of rest you need:

• Sleep
• A good book
• A day at the spa
• An afternoon out shopping with your friends
• A day where you stay in your PJ’s all day
• Or time to work out and have some "you time"

Get it on the calendar now. Start small, but start.

Your ministry needs you to make time to rest. You can’t go at full speed all the time in ministry, it’s just not sustainable for the long haul.

Let’s look to the only One who lived a perfect life—Jesus. Even He took time to rest, to pull away, to seek solitude ... and He was Jesus!

Sweet friends, we have a lot of ministry left to do. Which of those signs that you are past due to rest resonated the most with you? What does rest look like for you?

You are doing a great work, but don’t forget that He is still doing a great work in you too. Make time to rest and your ministry will be all the better for it.

Oh yeah, there will still be stuff to do, things left uncrossed off your to-do list; but girl, this isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon and God has so much more in store for you.

What has God taught you about the kind of rest you need in ministry? Which of Melissa's three suggestions would make the biggest difference for you ... right now?

Melissa Mashburn is a southerner transplanted in South Florida. She’s been married 21 years to her best friend, Matt, and they have two teenage sons. Melissa’s heart is to encourage women to live with an authentic faith in their everyday, ordinary lives. Real Women. Real Life. Real Faith. is the heartbeat of her writing and ministry. Melissa is a pastor's wife and the Kids, Women's and Volunteer Ministry Director at her local church. As a speaker and author, she says she love “every crazy minute of ministry life.” You can find Melissa online at her blog and on Facebook.

Your Ministry Needs You to Make Time to Rest - Part 1

Melissa Mashburn is a busy pastor's wife. She understands the stresses of ministry and the need for rest. In this two-part post, Melissa calls us aside to UPGRADE our ministries.

Before she shares her heart about rest, Melissa quotes Madame Jeanne Guyon:

"Rest. Rest. Rest in God's love. The only work you are required now to do is to give your most intense attention to His still, small voice within.”

Five hundred and eight times, rest is mentioned in the Bible (NLT), yet it seems to be one of those things that gets pushed off the calendar for “another day” for most of us in ministry. The calendar is always overbooked with appointments, meetings, and discipleship and ministry events. The possibilities change day to day, and yet the heart of what we do remains the same–loving God, loving others.

Being in ministry for almost fifteen years, I have learned the hard way how important it is to make time to rest. I have run myself (and at times my family) ragged trying to meet all the demands that come with being in ministry.

The cherry on top of all that is that my husband is also in full-time ministry—which means, for our family, we both run at full speed all day long for the church and for those placed in our lives.

I absolutely love what I do. I consider it an honor to be used for His Kingdom in any means possible. Naturally, I already run at full speed most days. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But in the naivety of my youth while in ministry, I neglected to see the importance of making time to rest.

So here I am, bumped up, bruised and at times completely worn out.

Ministry is tough, people are complicated and it gets messy at times, but when you make time to rest in the midst of your ministry, you gain much needed perspective and time to renew.

If you are in ministry, whether at your local church or online, there are always going to be things that need to be done—that’s a given. What my heart is for you today is that you would be in your specific ministry for the long haul.

We need women who are passionately pursuing the purpose God has for them. Every single one of us has an important message to share, and unfortunately, I’ve witnessed far too many women in ministry who come out of the starting blocks charging full on, only to fall out of the race after a few short years because they didn’t make time to rest.

We need you, your family needs you, and the people God has placed around you need you for the long haul. So, let’s get real and practical here.

How do you know if you have already gone too long without making time to rest?

Signs You’re Past Due for Some Rest

• You are grumpy and/or moody.
• There is a general irritableness about you.
• You get frustrated or offended easily.
• It feels like everyone is out to get you.
• You feel like you are the only one working hard.
• You find it hard to pray for someone who has come to you for prayer.

Any or all of these could be a warning sign that you have gone too long without making time to rest.

 You know how I know? Because I have felt every single one of these things a time or two (or more) in my time in ministry. Um, yes … even as a pastor’s wife and ministry leader. I’m not proud of it, but if any part of what I have learned can help you as you go on your journey, then it is absolutely worth it.

Guess what happens as a result of any of those things listed above? Your ministry suffers. Your family suffers. Your own personal walk with God gets crowded out, because at that point you are no longer listening to His voice, but rather, your own.

It comes down to this: it’s a control issue.

If I can just... 

If I would...

When I get this done, then... 

I, I, I...me, me, me. What I can do on my own, without leaning on God or listening to what He wants me to do next? What we really need to do is just lay it all down and give it back to Him. It’s not ours anyways. It’s always been His.

Are you identifying with any of the six “Signs You’re Past Due for Some Rest”? Tomorrow, discover three things you can do to get back on track and get the rest you need.

Melissa Mashburn is a southerner transplanted in South Florida. She’s been married 21 years to her best friend, Matt, and they have two teenage sons. Melissa’s heart is to encourage women to live with an authentic faith in their everyday, ordinary lives. Real Women. Real Life. Real Faith. is the heartbeat of her writing and ministry. Melissa is a pastor's wife and the Kids, Women's and Volunteer Ministry Director at her local church. As a speaker and author, she says she love “every crazy minute of ministry life.” You can find Melissa online at her blog and on Facebook.

Getting Your Creative 'Mojo' Back

Melissa Mashburn's ministry is authentic, relevant, passionate and Kingdom-focused. In this and future posts, she will share how to do ministry from the heart and to the glory of God.

“Ministry is in a constant state of change,” Melissa says. “What worked yesterday may not work today and almost certainly will not work next year.”

That is so true. With the changes in culture, there are changes in ministry opportunities, and we need to prepare for them. More than ever, we need God-given creativity.

Melissa continues …

When change comes, and we know that it will, there are a few things you can do to stay current and fresh.

That isn’t always easy when you are neck deep in an overflowing email inbox, ministry demands, the responsibilities of your family, and—let’s face it, ministry isn’t a 9-5 job. It can be overwhelming at times, that’s for sure.

Here are few things that help me get my creative mojo back:

(1) Pray First

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33 NIV). 

If I leave it up to me and my own personal creativity, then I severely limit what God wants to do through ministry. By taking time to stop and pray before you do anything else, you allow God to take over.

(2) Change Your Location

• Get Outside - Go to the park, sit on the back porch or go for a walk.
• Go on One-day Getaways - Visit a coffee shop, go on a scenic drive or picnic in the park for a day.
• Go on an Adventure for the Day - Go to a museaum or play, or be a tourist in your own city.
  

(3) Change Your Music

If you are like me, you always have some sort of noise going on around you, whether it is the kids, the boss, the husband or the ministry team. And let’s not forget the people in the coffee shop. I love all those people and all the noises that come along with them, but sometimes you need to do more than just changing your location. You might also need to change your music.

"Music takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are, and what, whence and whereto." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Change things up a bit by changing the music you are listening to. Some of my favorite Pandora stations are:

• Epic Soundtracks,
• John Coltrane,
• Classical Music

(4) Surround Yourself with Creative People

There are creative people all around you. Ask one of them to meet with you over a cup of coffee. (Hint, if you ask them, then you should buy their coffee.) You aren’t going to copy them, because you aren’t them, but hearing their heart and what they are passionate about may help to ignite a new idea for your own ministry.

Getting your creative mojo back is a process.

Taking the time to figure out what works best for you is not always easy, but it’s worth it when you can step back and see God’s hand all over it.

What are some things you do to get your creative mojo back?  Which of the four things mentioned above might be something you are going to try?

Melissa Mashburn is a woman passionately pursing God by taking her everyday, ordinary life and placing it as her offering to Him (Romans 12:1-2). With authenticity and a ministry about “Real Women, Real Life, Real Faith,” Melissa shows women their uniqueness and special calling. An author, speaker, Pastor’s Wife, and Kids & Women's ministry leader, Melissa is mom to two incredible teenage sons. She and her best friend Matt, married for 20 years, live and enjoy ministry in sunny South Florida. Visit MelissaMashburn.net. 

Photo Image in text: Ernest Hemmingway House, Key West, Florida at MelissaMashburn.net.