Feeling Like a Failure as a Mom?

Kathy Collard Miller is treasure, shaped by God for specific ministry—reaching women who deal with anger issues, and teaching how to be a positive parent. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she reaches out to women who feel like failures in motherhood—an insightful post before Mother's Day.

"Don’t be alarmed," Kathy says. "Every mother at one point or another feels like a failure, but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t have help to improve her parenting skills."

I (Dawn) like that word "every." I am not alone in my mothering regrets. All mothers wish we could go back and redo something in our imperfect parenting. But what does God have to say about this?

Kathy continues . . .

If anyone could say they are a failure as a mom, it would be me.

Over 40 years ago, I was an abusive mom of our toddler daughter.

I feared I would kill her in one of my rages.

It seemed God had given up on me, because no matter how much I prayed to be a godly mother, nothing changed. Suicide seemed the only option, and I almost took my life.

But God intervened, gave me hope, and also gave me biblical and practical help to become the loving mom I wanted to be. Today, our family is intact and has healthy relationships.

So what can you do when mothering is overwhelming and feels hopeless?

Hope for "Failing" Moms

1. The story isn’t finished.

This might sound like a pat answer, but we feel hopeless because everything is going wrong. We believe our child’s life is ruined forever.

Think of the disciples while Jesus is in the grave. For three days they had no clue God was going to bring hope to the whole world through an astounding, unexpected act—the resurrection.

I certainly had no clue that God would not only help me become a patient mom and heal my daughter’s wounded heart, He would also open ministry doors that has included sharing my story in nine foreign countries, having over 60 books published, and sharing God’s hope in over 30 U.S. states.

None of us can predict how our powerful Father will use what seems hopeless. Because then His glory is brighter than ever.

2. What you are struggling with is only preparation for sharing help and hope with others.

Initially, I prayed for an instantaneous deliverance from my anger.

I couldn’t possibly comprehend any good coming from struggle.

But as I learned more and more, I could teach parenting classes and workshops.

I Peter 1:6-7 (ESV) tells us,

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

3. Have courage to share your struggle knowing you are not alone.

Satan loves to keep sin in the darkness of secrets. I thought I was the only one struggling.

I remember sitting during our church service after being angry toward our daughter that morning. I sat trying not to cry, and yet my heart was breaking.

The woman sitting next to me seemed visibly disturbed because I was so upset. I knew she didn’t know what to do, but I feared sharing because she would condemn me.

In time, God gave me the courage to share in the neighborhood Bible study I led, and my friends didn’t condemn me. They began to pray for me and hold me accountable.

James 5:16 (ESV) commands us,

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”

I saw God keep His promise of delivering me when I accepted His courage to tell others.

Whatever struggle you have is absolutely weak in comparison to your Heavenly Father’s power.

You will feel intimidated, but be courageous to share with others. If no one will help, keep sharing until you find the wise counselor you need.

What struggle seems too strong to ask for help from God and others?

Kathy Collard Miller has continued to be in awe of God’s ability to not only release His children from sin’s grasp, but also to use what He teaches us. God has used His journey for her through His opportunities to write over 60 books, speak in 9 countries and more than 30 U.S. states. Her memoir, No More Anger: Hope for an Out-of-Control Mom (available in print, Kindle, and audio) is her story, which also includes practical, biblical ideas for overcoming anger and being a positive parent. Kathy and her husband, Larry, of more than 50 years, are parents, grandparents, and lay counselors. They live in Boise, Idaho. Visit her at www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Liza Summer at Pexels.