The Secret to COMPASS-ionate Ministry

Sue Badeau and her husband are two of the most compassionate people I know. In her Ministry UPGRADE, we can learn how to pursue more compassion as we serve the Lord.

"As travelers today, we use GPS so we’ll know where we’re going," Sue says, "Yet, I remember traveling with my husband and children using a map, highlighter and compass."

Ever get lost? The first time I (Dawn) got lost, I sure wished I had one! A "compass" can keep us on track in a lot of ways, and Sue describes an important compass for ministry.

She continues . . . 

There are many great needs in the world – people who are hungry, without clean water, abused, homeless, wounded – the list goes on and on. It's easy to become overwhelmed.

Jesus calls me to compassion, but where do I begin?In the face of such overwhelming need, can I make a difference?

Sometimes I wish I had a compass pointing me to the "true north" of showing Christ-like compassion in a hurting, chaotic and self-absorbed world.

     Compass.      Compassion.

These words don’t have the same roots in their original languages, but in English, the similarity gives me pause. Is there a compass to compassion?

Can I find and follow true north, tuning out noisy static and tempting distractions?

A compass is an "instrument for finding direction." God’s Word provides a compass, clearly laying directions to a compassionate life and ministry.

 “When He went ashore, He saw a large crowd, and felt compassion for them and healed their sick" (Matthew 14:14 NASB).

A Compass for Compassion

E (East): EMPATHY

Compassion begins with a deep feeling. Jesus felt compassion. He was moved.

No one person, family or church can meet all the needs they encounter. The first secret to a compassionate ministry is to tune-in to those needs that you feel deeply.

My husband once read a letter about refugees. He felt their plight so deeply he was moved to open our home to them. Later, he told me, "I didn’t even have to pray about that one; the letter itself was an answer to a prayer already inside me."

Of all the needs you see, which ones move you most deeply?

 S (South): SEEING

 Compassion requires seeing the humanity of all people, especially the suffering. Jesus saw first and then was moved. Compassion is never earned and rarely deserved.

The second secret to a compassionate ministry is to see people as precious children of God.

Twenty-five years ago, the woman who started the homeless shelter where my husband works encountered a beggar. She asked his name. He began to cry, saying that no one had asked his name in years. She was the first to see him.

That simple yet profound exchange began a ministry that has served thousands. It began when she was able to see as God sees.

W (West): "WHAT shall I do?"

 Compassion always moves us to action. Jesus saw people, felt compassion for them and acted.

The third secret to a compassionate ministry is to act.

Don’t get bogged down in planning, prayer and preparation. Act. DO something.

N (North): "NOT about me."

 Exercising compassion can be exhausting, overwhelming and seemingly thankless. Always remember: its not about me.

We are able to feel and act with compassion because Jesus showed us great compassion when we did not deserve it.

True north on the compassion compass will always and continually point to Jesus.

Do you want to have a compassionate ministry?

• Notice what moves you deeply.
• See the humanity and dignity of all people.
• Act on your feelings, and
• Always stay true to Jesus.

What is one example of a need that moves you deeply today? Are you ready to act upon your feelings with compassion?

Sue Badeau is a nationally-known speaker, author and child welfare and trauma expert. Sue and her husband Hector are lifetime parents of twenty-two children—two by birth and twenty adopted. They wrote the book Are We There Yet: The Ultimate Road Trip Adopting and Raising 22 Kids. Learn more about Sue at suebadeau.com and badeaufamily.com.

Graphic of compass adapted, from Pixabay.

How to Create a Stronger 'Sibling Bond'

Sue Badeau, a child welfare and trauma expert, knows a lot about encouraging children. She and her husband parented 22 children (20 are adopted)! In this Parenting UPGRADE, Sue challenges us with a riddle.

“What is the longest lasting relationship most people experience in their lifetime?” Sue says. “If your answer involved a parent, spouse or friend, you’ve missed the mark. For most people, the longest lasting relationship in their life is with a sibling (or two, or more).”

Even after years of separation, my (Dawn’s) sister and I have a sweet relationship. But it wasn’t without some ups and downs. I wish I’d known Sue’s tips for creating a stronger sibling bond.

Sue continues . . .

Scripture reminds us of the preciousness of these relationships in Psalm 133:1:

“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!”

As a parent of twenty-two, I know when the ‘dog days’ of summer stretch lethargically before us, we may feel like we are raising Abel and Cain, or Joseph and his brothers—nothing really pleasant about it!

Do you ever feel like the sibling relationships in your household need a little upgrading?

While there is no “I” in team, I have found three “I’s” are essential in building and nurturing positive sibling relationships in a family, whether the family is created by birth, adoption, step-parenting or foster care, and whether or not any of the children have unique special needs.

These bond-building essentials are:

1. Individualize

Each child needs to be valued as an individual, not simply as one of the group. Siblings will be less likely to fight and more inclined to get along when they each individually know they are cherished for who they are.

Make sure every child has some private time and space. Plan one-on-one time with each child. 

For example, I always took a different child grocery shopping, and my husband took a different child to breakfast each Saturday morning. This not only gave us time together, it gave the children needed breaks from one another.

Private space might be a “footlocker” or dresser drawer where a child can keep a few treasured items that do not have to be shared.

2. Incorporate Interests

Mix and match children for activities in a variety of ways. Pair children up by interests rather than always by age or gender, and give them opportunities to work on tasks together (such as making dessert, washing the car or decorating the porch for a celebration). 

A shared accomplishment often becomes a foundation for a strong sibling relationship.

We had a teenage son and a six-year-old daughter who both enjoyed tap dancing, so we signed them up for lessons together. Another pairing matched a disabled older teen with a younger brother teaching each other computer skills. Many years later, these siblings share special memories and bonds.

3. Include Everyone

Each child needs to feel connected to the whole family. Create opportunities for bonds to grow between siblings who are often rivals.

“Catch” them getting along and frame that photo as a reminder of good times. 

Invite children to create a “last week of summer” family night, planning board games, snacks or other activities designed to bring the whole family together. Practice “planned spontaneity.” Announce a “backwards day” (breakfast for dinner) or jump in the car for a mystery ride to a park you’ve never visited.

When family members find themselves in new situations, sibling connections can blossom in creative and fun ways.

What are some of your fondest sibling memories? How can you recreate these precious moments with your own children?

Sue Badeau is a nationally known speaker, author, and child welfare and trauma expert. Sue and her husband Hector are lifetime parents of twenty-two children—two by birth and twenty adopted. They wrote the book Are We There Yet: The Ultimate Road Trip Adopting and Raising 22 Kids. Learn more about Sue at suebadeau.com and badeaufamily.com.

Parenting Wisdom from the Garden

Sue Badeau (and her husband Hector) share a powerful story about adopting and raising 22 children. Sue has a lot of experience and wisdom to share, as she does in this positive Parenting UPGRADE.

"I do not have a green thumb," Sue says. "I can’t even keep a cactus alive and cactuses barely require any attention! If I can’t nurture plants to bloom and flourish, how can I do it for children, especially those with special needs? Have you ever felt this way?"

Yes, Sue. Every parent faces challenges, and there were times I (Dawn) wished I had a special button to push to make my children immediately blossom into godly, productive human beings. Though Sue doesn't have a "fix-it-quick" solution for all your parenting issues, but she does offer wise counsel.

Sue continues . . .

When I was a child, my Papa had a huge garden. I loved spending time watching him there.  Being a pesky little kid, I peppered him with questions:

“Papa, why is this one in the shade?”

“Papa, why do those need stakes to hold them up, but the others don’t?”

“Papa, how can you tell the weeds from the good plants?” 

And on . . . and on . . . and on!

He always patiently answered me.

I’ve learned that being a mom, particularly to children with special needs, is a lot like being a gardener. You prepare the soil, plant and water. You fertilize, weed and prune. Most of all you pray, watch and wait.

Some flowers need lots of light; others need a cooler, darker place to grow. Water this one every day— that one only once a week. This one needs rich soil. This one does better in a sandy base.  

So much to keep straight.    

You have no control over the elements—sun, rain, wind. Early frost, squirrels, vandals. You pray, watch and wait.  

Some children are like zucchini. They grow and thrive anywhere. Some are like hot-house flowers—all conditions must be "just so" for them to reach their full potential. Some require so much more work than others, it's exhausting! 

When a bud appears, I rejoice and marvel in wonder at its beauty as it unfurls. When one begins to bow or break, I carefully provide extra supports and TLC.  

Sometimes, my best efforts are not enough.

And sometimes resilience, in spite of all my mistakes,  amazes me. 

Here are three top parenting tips I learned in Papa’s garden:

1. Learn as much as possible about each child’s unique needs.

Learn about temperament, learning styles and more so you’ll know how to provide the right amounts of "sun and fertilizer" for each child.

2. Forget about being "fair" if your idea of fairness is to treat each child the same.

Children bloom best when treated as individuals. All children will squawk about fairness; don’t let this tempt you to treat them all alike.

3. Pray, watch and wait.

There is much you can't control as a parent, just as there is for a gardener. Stay faithful in prayer, and wait expectantly for God to do a good work in each child, remembering: His timeline may be different than our own.

My children are not zucchini. 

But each one is a magnificent addition to my garden.

"Now He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness" (2 Corinthians 9:10).

Which of these parenting "garden" tips speaks to you today? Is there something you need to do to tend your family garden?

Sue Badeau is a nationally known speaker, author, and child welfare and trauma expert. Sue and her husband Hector are lifetime parents of twenty-two children—two by birth and twenty adopted. They wrote the book Are We There Yet: The Ultimate Road Trip Adopting and Raising 22 Kids. Learn more about Sue at suebadeau.com and badeaufamily.com.

Five Tips for Upgrading Your Love Life

Ever practical and with keen biblical insight, Sue Badeau shares a post-Valentine’s Day UPGRADE for every married couple.

“Valentine’s Day has passed. Long, dark winter days lie ahead,” Sue says. “Coughs, sniffles and bulky layers of winter clothing don’t exactly scream romance. Is it possible to keep flames of passion burning brightly during this dreary season?”

Isn’t that what all married couples want? I (Dawn) know there won’t be “flames of passion” every day, but there certainly are positive ways to “stoke” the flames of marital love.

Sue continues . . .

My husband and I were high school sweethearts. Our first date, a frigid February night in Vermont, involved walking home from a dance through snow and ice. Holding mittened hands was our first display of affection.

 

We celebrate the anniversary of this first date every February. More importantly, we celebrate our love throughout the year using the tips below to build a foundation for romance to flourish even in the darkest seasons.

1. Connect

We begin every day with Bible reading, conversation and prayer. Even when one is on the road, we enjoy our morning reflection by phone. Sometimes, due to busy-ness of life, or distance across time-zones, we only have ten or fifteen minutes for this daily practice.

We’ve found that when we share our spiritual journeys, we enjoy increased intimacy as well.

“My beloved said to me, ‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along” (Song of Solomon 2:10).

2. Touch

Working, managing a home, participating in church and community while raising children are fulfilling and meaningful activities. The by-product is often physical, mental and emotional exhaustion and susceptibility to seasonal illnesses. None contributes to “the mood.”

Frequent small moments of physical touching are essential. A pat-on-the-back, shoulder rub, hug, tickle or snuggle while watching TV don’t require much in the way of “mood” but are critical for maintaining closeness and intimacy in the relationship.

“Let his left hand be under my head and his right hand embrace me” (Song of Solomon 2:6).

3. Move

Get off the couch and do something! A brisk walk after dinner. Cook, wash dishes, shovel snow, or dance in the living room.

Doing one or more of these activities—or something more vigorous such as skating, biking or swimming—for just ten minutes a day is not only good for well-being, but being active together improves mood and a sense of connection.

“Draw me after you and let us run together!” (Song of Solomon 1:3)

4. Text

Turn all electronics off while engaging in the activities suggested above. On the other hand, it’s a digital age, so use electronics to add zest to your relationship.

Send encoded “racy” texts, a few brief words that tell your partner, “I miss you . . . can’t wait to see you . . . you excite me.” These missives are like leaving a trail of rose-petals with the promise of more to come.

Imagine texting this verse to your hubby:

“My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, Outstanding among ten thousand” (Song of Solomon 5:10).

5. Laugh

With bills to pay and the future of children to worry about, life is serious. When you begin to feel heaviness and gloom, break out the clown nose, bubbles or anything that makes you laugh. Laugh regularly with your spouse.

Finding moments for child-like delight decreases stress, strengthens relationships and increases opportunities for romance to bloom, even in the dead of winter.  

“Your hair is like a flock of goats” (Song of Solomon 4:1).

If that verse doesn’t make you laugh, watch this video - Vonda Skelton’s rendition. It's priceless! 

Maybe I could add another tip here, but it also fits under # 5. Eat Chocolate Every Day! At least it will make you smile!

There's no Song of Solomon reference for that, but the book does make reference to milk and honey, apples and pomegranates, wine, figs and spices. All are good, but seriously . . . where's the chocolate?

You can upgrade your love life, even in dark, dreary winter months. It only takes a little effort and it is always worth it!

Which of these tips would encourage the “flames” in your relationship today?

Sue Badeau is a nationally known speaker, author, and child welfare and trauma expert. Sue and her husband Hector are lifetime parents of twenty-two children—two by birth and twenty adopted. They wrote the book Are We There Yet: The Ultimate Road Trip Adopting and Raising 22 Kids. Learn more about Sue at suebadeau.com and badeaufamily.com.

Mittens in Graphic: “Romantic Mittens” at trendhunter.com.

The 'A B Cs' of Growing a Child's Wonder at Christmas

A child's wonder at Christmas is a joy to behold. Sue Badeau explains three ways to expand that wonder in this Holiday UPGRADE.

“Growing a child’s wonder at Christmas is as simple as A, B, C,” Sue says, “and you can create many; special memories to ponder all year long.”

Do you have special holiday memories? Unique traditions? I (Dawn) have found they don't have to be complicated, just full of meaning for you and your family.

Sue continues . . .

When Hector and I first became parents, we hoped our children would ask, “I wonder what it was like to be in the field with the shepherds?” or “I wonder how I can celebrate Jesus birthday in a new way this year?” instead of “I wonder what Santa will bring me for Christmas?” So we set about planning Advent activities that wouldn’t focus on material gifts.

We wanted our children to truly experience the fullness and richness of the entire Advent season, and after a few hits and misses, we came up with a three-part strategy that we use to this day—now with grand and great-grandchildren.

A - Activities

Our activities engage all senses in discovering the true Christmas story.

We have a book of daily Advent readings, filled with scriptures and prayers that we read each night at the dinner table, followed by lighting the Advent candles. Everyone has a turn to be a reader as well as a listener.

In addition, throughout the month we find unique and creative opportunities to share, reflect upon, gain new insights into and re-experience the Christmas story through music, art, dance, crafts, baking—we made an elaborate Nativity scene out of bread dough one year—and more.

Our children connect with the miracles of the season by seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching things that enrich and deepen their ability to understand not only with their minds, but with their hearts and spirits.

B - Build

Build memories by repeating traditions. Whether it’s baking my mom’s shortbread cookies each Sunday during advent, or Hector’s mother’s tourtiers (meat pies) on Christmas eve or setting out Mexican luminarias for Las Posadas, repeating traditions from year to year deepens family bonding, creates anticipation and provides opportunities for re-telling the stories that illuminate the heart and soul of the season.

One year after our children were grown, we proposed eliminating a couple of traditions and nearly had a riot on our hands!

Traditions link the past to the present inviting memories and questions while also creating a sense of hopeful anticipation of a future where the legacy will be inherited by a new generation.

C - Celebrate

Celebrate every day. We create our own Advent calendar each year with an activity planned for each day, often tying the activity to a cultural celebration unique to one or more of our family members’ heritage.

Some of the activities are simple, such as reading a particular story, or hanging the stockings. (Stockings are hung on December 6^th, St. Nicholas’ Day, and we also reflect on the lessons we can learn from the life of the original St. Nicholas about giving in secret.

Other activities are more involved, such as shopping for gifts for needy children or going caroling throughout our neighborhood.

With an activity planned for each day, the sense of wonder, excitement and anticipation about this special season grows just as surely as the lights on our advent wreath grow brighter from week to week.

By the end of each Christmas season, like Mary, I have many special moments to ponder in my heart (see Luke 2:19) and I believe that each of my children do as well.

How can you upgrade your Advent celebration by providing opportunities for your children to experience Christmas with all of their senses throughout the season?

Note: Sue shares more of the wonder of the season in her two newly-released Christmas stories, The Christmas Primer, and Umoja—both released by Helping Hands Press.

Sue Badeau is a nationally known speaker, author, and child welfare and trauma expert. Sue and her husband Hector are lifetime parents of twenty-two children—two by birth and twenty adopted. They wrote the book Are We There Yet: The Ultimate Road Trip Adopting and Raising 22 Kids. Learn more about Sue at suebadeau.com and badeaufamily.com.

Graphic image adapted - Image courtesy of digidreamgrafix at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.