The Happy Truth about Valentine's Day

In this Valentine's Day UPGRADE, we can upgrade our understanding of this holiday—what it is and why we celebrate it, and whether Christians should happily take part. First, a little history lesson, and then some positive encouragement.

     What Is the Origin of Valentine’s Day?

I debated a man once concerning Valentine’s Day. “So what’s with Christians and Valentine’s Day,” he said. “Why celebrate a pagan holiday?”

To be honest, I stumbled around with my answers. I really didn’t know much about the celebration’s background, and the theories I put forth were woefully weak. Later, I decided to study it out; and maybe what I discovered will help you too.

St. Valentine’s Day, like St. Patrick’s Day, is popular in Europe and the modern west. While there are texts by Patrick himself that tell us about the godly man and help explain why he is celebrated, the origin of Valentine and Valentine’s Day aren’t entirely clear.

In secular articles, you’re sure to read about the pagan origins of Valentine’s Day. And in religious articles, the story is all about a martyred saint.

So which is right?

Maybe a little of both.

Some historians say the likely origin of the holiday was the ancient Roman festival, Lupercalia, which was celebrated on February 15^th. Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, but also to the Roman founders, Romulus and Remus, who were believed to have been cared for as infants by a wolf (a lupa).

The fertility festival was quite involved, ending with young women placing their names in an urn and bachelors drawing names to pair off for the year, a practice that often led to marriage.

Pope Gelasius (5^th century) abolished the fertility festival for its “un-Christian” practices, and replaced it with a day honoring St. Valentine.

The term “Volantynys day” showed up in a romantic, 14^th century poem, “Parliament of Fowls,” by Geoffrey Chaucer. The poem explicitly linked romantic love to Valentine. The concept behind the poem is that a group of birds gather on “seynt valentynes day” to choose their mates—hence, the day’s romantic theme. By the 15^th century, lovers sent each other love notes on Saint Valentine’s Day.

For some reason, Cupid was later added into the Valentine’s Day mix. The Cupid figure was originally Eros, the son of Aphrodite, in Greek mythology. Later, in Roman mythology, the name was switched to Cupid, the son of Venus. In both cases, he was the son of the mythical goddess of love and armed with a bow and two kinds of arrows—gold arrows to spark love and lead arrows to ignite hate.

Cupid was devious and played on his targets’ emotions. In later writings, Cupid was portrayed as a mischievous cherub, and later still, he became something like a mascot for Valentine’s Day.  

February 14 is listed on the “Calendar of Saints” in Anglican and Lutheran churches, but the Roman Catholic Church practiced it as a local celebration. The Eastern Orthodox Church celebrated Saint Valentine’s Day too, but on July 6.

The modern-day celebration is a romantic holiday, primarily developed in Victorian England. It included the giving of cards, flowers, and chocolates. Commercialized Valentine’s Day cards were created in the early to mid-19^th century. In some countries, the day is considered a celebration of friendship rather than romance.

The oldest known written valentine is at the British Library in London, written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife—from his prison cell in the Tower of London.

But what about Valentine himself?

Was Valentine a Martyred Saint?

The name “Valentine” was a popular name, with about a dozen early Christians having that name. The Catholic church recognizes at least three Christians named Valentine or Valentinus. All three were Christian martyrs, like Bishop Valentine of Terni who was beheaded.

Tradition, however, embraces Valentine of Rome, an Italian bishop who was killed on February 14, 296 AD, at the command of Emperor Claudius Gothicus of Rome.

As the story goes, Claudius decided that single men would make better soldiers than those who had wives and families, so he outlawed marriage for young men. Feeling this was an injustice, Valentine defied the emperor and continued to perform secret marriages for young lovers.

Emperor Claudius, angered to hear about Valentine's actions, interviewed Valentine and told him he could only escape death if he converted to paganism.

Instead, Valentine tried to convert Claudius to Christianity!

So was Valentine a true Christian? Unlike "St. Patrick," we don't know what Valentine believed about Jesus or salvation.

Only God knows Valentine's heart, just as He knows our hearts.

Stories about him were likely embellished to solidify his commemoration as a Catholic saint.

For example, prior to his execution, it’s said Valentine healed a jailer’s blind daughter, Julia, who encouraged him in prison. Some renditions of this account say he wrote a letter to Julia before his death, signing it, “Your Valentine.”

It’s also said that he gave parchment hearts to soldiers and to persecuted Christians to remind them of God’s love. Some stories suggest Valentine was killed for trying to help Christians escape torture in Roman prisons.

While the Valentine stories are murky, in all accounts, he was heroic and he deeply loved God.

Should Christians Celebrate Valentine’s Day?

So how does all this play out for Christians? A writer at the Bible research site Compelling Truth says that the holiday is “neither biblical nor anti-biblical.”

The Happy Truth about Valentine's Day is that it is permissible to celebrate, but perhaps in a uniquely Christian way.

“Christians are free regarding the celebration of Valentine’s Day,” the writer said. “There are many positive things to be said about celebrating love for one another.

There is nothing inherently wrong with expressing love through cards and gifts on a specific day of the year. "But there is nothing inherently righteous about it either," the writer said, "and we should also express our love for one another throughout the year and in a variety of ways.”

Valentine's "sainthood" is an issue for some. It's important to note that in early translations, believers in the Bible are called “saints,” meaning “holy ones” (Acts 9:32; Romans 16:2; Ephesians 4:12; Philippians 4:21)—even though some of them might have had serious sin problems. In some newer translations, they are simply called "the Lord's people" or "believers"—perhaps as a reaction to the misuse of the term "saint."

There is no such thing biblically as "sainthood" as it expressed by the Catholic Church.

• But there’s nothing wrong with commemorating Christian martyrs or faithful Christians in the past.
• Neither is there a biblical mandate to commemorate them.

In the article, “Valentine’s Day Belongs to God,” Jon Bloom at Discovering God says, “So what should Christians make of today’s Valentine’s Day?

"As much as purely possible!”

Bloom notes that “Valentine was a saint and Eros (love) in not Cupid’s domain.” So, he says, Christians should be “the most unashamed and exuberant celebrators of romantic love there are, and the strongest guardians of God’s design and boundaries, because God made it for us to enjoy, along with many other things (1 Timothy 6:17b).” For example, Song of Solomon is packed with intoxicating, romantic love. Solomon was intoxicated with his bride!

The mystery of married love is to be celebrated (Proverbs 18:22; Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Peter 3:1-7), and yet it is only a shadow of what is to come, Bloom said. He calls God the “greatest romantic in existence,” and said our Creator has designed romance to give us “a taste of the greatest romance that will ever exist, of which all Christians will experience.”

What does Bloom mean? At the marriage supper of the Lamb, when we drink the wine with our Groom and enjoy spiritual intimacy with Him that we had only previously known in metaphors (Revelation 19:6-8).

Four closing thoughts:

1. Valentine’s Day should not be something used to divide God’s people.

How should Christians deal with disagreement in the Body of Christ about Valentine’s Day? Biblically! 

Paul wrote about special days:

One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind (Romans 14:5).

In other words, we may not think the same concerning special "days," and we need to be careful in judging other believers. (Be sure, when you take issue with other Christians, that there's a biblical truth behind your concerns; and if you do share concerns, do it in a spirit of humility and love.)

2. Every day is a good day to celebrate biblical love.

Christians may disagree with the whole premise of Valentine's Day, but they can always celebrate the human loves God gives us.

• We can celebrate the love of a spouse.
• We can celebrate the love of our family and extended family.
• We can celebrate the love of friends.
• We can celebrate the love of those who have served and blessed us.

3. Use Valentine’s Day as a reminder of a greater love.

Valentine’s Day can be a might be a positive prompt for us to remember the love that surpasses all earthly loves.

First, there is the love of God for us in sending His Son, and second, there is the love of Jesus in becoming our Savior (Romans 5:8; 1 John 4:14).

And then their great love prompts us to love others (John 13:34; 15:12; Ephesians 5:2).

4. What might you say to Valentine?

Assuming Valentine genuinely trusted in Jesus, rejoice that you might meet him in heaven.

What would you say to him? Would you want to chat with him and all the others throughout history who died for their confession of faith in Jesus.

I think it would be wonderful to thank Valentine for modeling genuine love—in life and in his martyrdom.

How might you use Valentine’s Day to focus on your earthly loved ones and the One who loved you so much that He died for you?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. Dawn and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and she has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Monkia at Pixabay.

We Are Blessed to 'Decrease' and 'Increase'

As I (Dawn) thought back over the incredible blessings of 2019—blessings and gifts that God has showered into my life in spite of my Multiple Myeloma diagnosis last January—one word keeps coming to mind: "Increase."

In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, I want to focus on God's great gift to us, and how we might respond to that gift in the year to come. Then I want us to consider how the concept of "decrease / increase" might be a life changer for us.

I. God Gave an Incredible Blessing

Ephesians 1:3 says, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ."

Everything changed with the pronouncement of that blessing—"in Christ."

The scripture that repeatedly came to mind this past Christmas was 1 John 4:14—"The Father sent the Son to be the Savior of the world."

What amazing love. What tender mercies. What a blessing!

• We were "dead" and completely alienated from Him. (Ephesians 2:1-2).
• We deserved only wrath and eternal judgment. (Ephesians 2:3).
  
• Yet we found ourselves the recipients of astounding love. (Ephesians 1:4-5; 2:4-10)
  

How blessed we are! Jesus came from Heaven (Philippians 2:7-8a) and made a way—the only way (John 14:6; Acts 4:12; Philippians 2:8b)—for us to live with Him, our exalted King, in heaven (Philippians 9-10).

God intends to bless us forever in Jesus.

God always intended to bless His creation. He told Abraham, "... blessing I will bless you" (Genesis 22:17a). From Adam and down through the Patriarchs, God explained how much He wanted to bless His people, to multipy their numbers on the earth.

But they were still sinners. They still needed a Savior. They looked forward to the day God would send the promised One (Genesis 3:15). Today, we look back to that day. The day the Father sent the Son.

II. God's Blessing Invites a Response

We ignore this great blessing to our peril.

The blessing of God at Christmas invites a heart response. That's why pastors give invitations.

Some of the saddest verses in scripture are John 1:10-11. "He (Jesus) was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him."

Jesus came to be the Savior, but He was not received. In fact, He was rejected (Luke 4:14-30; Acts 4:11).

But one of the happiest verses in scripture is John 1:12: "But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God."

This is the response to the blessing that God desires. The Father sent the Son to be the Savior ... and He wants us to receive and believe.

III. My Unexpected "Blessing"

Sometimes our blessings aren't immediately recognized as blessings. This was the case with my Multiple Myeloma diagnosis.

God intends to use it for great blessing. That is why I have often called my diagnosis a "gift."

The Lord has already used my disease to open my eyes to many things:

• My laziness and short-sightedness regarding Kingdom priorities.
• Materialism that distracted me from true riches in Christ.
• Selfishness with my time and talents.
• Pride regarding my accomplishments.
• An earthly focus rather than living with eternity in view.

And so much more!

So as I have thought about the great blessings in my life in 2019—even those who come in "ugly wrappings"—I am more determined than ever to seek the Lord and His will in 2020.

Here are some things the Lord is saying to me . . .

IV. He—Jesus—Must "Increase"

We focus on Baby Jesus at Christmas—but must remember that in time, Baby Jesus grew up. The Bible says He "increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man" (Luke 2:52).

Incidentally, that is how the Father wants us to increase. And we will, if we become Christ-like.

When Jesus was ready to begin His public ministry, the disciples of John the Baptist saw that many of John's followers were splitting off to follow after Jesus. They questioned this sudden change. John reminded them that he was not the Christ, but had only been "sent before Him" to prepare the way.

It was natural that the public ministry of Jesus would take off as John's preparatory ministry would begin to shut down.

John told his disciples, "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30). Then John began to point them and others to the Lord's expanding ministry.

During 2019, the Lord urged me many times to consider my future, for as long as He allows me to live. It's not to be about platform building or making my name known (not that there's anything wrong with that if God calls you to it).

The Lord clearly said to me, "You don't know how many years I'll give you, but I want you to give those years to Me.

"I want you to magnify Me and make My name known."

He has already blessed me mightily. He has redeemed me. He has shown Himself merciful and faithful, powerful and good.

And my response?  

He must increase—I must decrease.

This is a matter of attitude and position.

In a culture that pushes pride and self-promotion, "decreasing" in order to highlight Jesus' magnificence to others is no simple assignment. But that is the path of humility. That is the path Jesus walked.

"Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus...." (Philippians 2:5).

It's taking on the form of a servant. Just as Jesus came not to be served but to serve (Mark 10:45), that is the lifestyle He calls His followers to as well.

V. Yet ... I'm Blessed to "Increase" Too!

Even as I am called to DECREASE so Jesus can increase, there are some areas of my life that should INCREASE as I follow my Savior.

1. My Surrender Should Increase

"... present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship" (Romans 12:1).

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me" (Galatians 2:20).

"For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it" (Mark 8:35).

2. My Love Should Increase

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength" (Mark 12:30).

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another" (1 John 4:11).

"Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves" (Romans 12:10).

"And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more...." (Philippians 1:9a).

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44).

3. My Praise Should Increase

"Let us praise God for His glorious grace, for the free gift He gave us in His dear Son" (Ephesians 1:6).

"Praise Him—He is your God, and you have seen with your own eyes the great and astounding things that He has done for you" (Deuteronomy 10:21).

"We proclaim how great you are and tell of the wonderful things you have done" (Psalm 75:1).

4. My Ministry Should Increase

"And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed" (2 Corinthians 9:8).

"For the ministry of this service is not only supplying the needs of the saints, but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanksgiving to God" (2 Corinthians 9:12).

"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 15:58).

5. My Giving Should Increase

"You will be enriched in every way to be generous on every occasion, and your giving through us will produce thanksgiving to God" (2 Corinthians 9:11).

"Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Corinthians 9:7).

"Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act" (Proverbs 3:27).

You can perhaps think of other areas that should INCREASE AS YOU DECREASE (in humility), and follow hard after the Lord.

Do you know how much you've been blessed? What is your response to that blessing? Could there be some fresh area of "increase" that would honor the Lord this Christmas and in 2020?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, at Revive Our Hearts, a blogger at TrueWoman.com, writes wiki-type posts at  Christianity.com, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Analogicus at Pixabay.

Joy: The Key to Unlocking Love for Your Relationships

Pam Farrel, relationship specialist, is always on the lookout for Word-based insights to encourage stronger, healthier relationships to the glory of God. In this Relationship UPGRADE, she shares a special “key” to unlocking greater love.

“Love and joy are intricately connected—like a hook and eye, peanut butter and jelly, salt and pepper, or keys of ebony and ivory,” Pam says.

“Love and joy pour into each other until our life plays the beautiful melody of happiness God intends for each of us.”

I (Dawn) think this is a truly special insight. We tend to only think about love in relationships, but link that to sincere joy and an amazing thing happens. Love blooms.

Pam continues . . .

Mother Teresa said, “A joyful heart is the normal result of a heart burning with love."

And Mark Twain believed, “To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”  

During the last year, while writing Discovering Joy in Philippians, I pondered how joy positively impacts a person’s life and relationships.

Most people see Philippians as primarily a book about joy, but as I plunged a bit deeper, I easily saw some relationship best practices revealed in this short, but powerful book of the Bible.

One of the keys to unlocking health in relationships and producing more joy is revealed in a simple equation:

The more of the Word in you, the more love and joy in you AND the more love and joy you will have spill out into your relationships.

Here’s how the Word empowers us to have healthier and happier relationships.

1. Wash In the Word

To keep my attitude positive and to stay more attuned in all my relationships, I like to integrate various study techniques so the Word washes over and through me, delivering positive life improvement.

One way to gain a new mindset is to allow God’s Word to play the soundtrack to your life.

You can do this in the daytime by layering God’s Word throughout your day:

• Play Christian music,
• Post verses,
• Hang scripture art,
• And place devotionals and Bible studies throughout your home.

At any time, the transformative Word is in sight and within earshot. 

While writing Discovering Joy In Philippians—and in the next year, now that I am teaching it online—I fall asleep to the audio version of Philippians, or a play list with worship songs about joy.

By listening to God’s Word, my fears are calmed, I am infused with joy and courage, and my heart is refined.  

2. Walk Out the Word

This priority on relationships is reflected in the letter of Philippians:

“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you” (1:3).

People can tell when you feel thankful and appreciative of them.

We want to live in such a way that when people recall us, or someone even mentions our name, they light up with praise and delight.

Also, by thanking God for someone, our “attitude of gratitude” builds a sense of deeper respect, honor and gratefulness toward the person. 

“always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy” (1:4).

Praying for someone is one of the greatest gifts you can give to a person.

Knowing someone is praying for you, with JOY, draws us to people because they express gladness and sincere excitement when they see us. 

“It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace…”  (1:7).

My husband, Bill, and I use this verse as the theme to our book, The Marriage Code. We love how God gives the goal of living as “partakers of grace”, then He shares HOW to do that: “hold you in my heart.”

This means we choose to NOT make a relationship about a list of behaviors.

To “hold on your heart” means carrying someone with constant love while giving the benefit of the doubt to their intentions.

When a relationship is based only on behaviors, NO ONE can stay good enough, long enough to succeed at a relationship.

Love gives the grace that trumps human imperfection.

“And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment” (1:9).

3. Wade into the Word

Another way to gain a fresh appreciation of a verse and how to apply it is to read it in a few translations or paraphrased versions. 

I appreciate the expanded vocabulary definitions included in verses 9 and 10 in the Amplified version:

“And this I pray, that your love may abound more and more [displaying itself in greater depth] in real knowledge and in practical insight, so that you may learn to recognize and treasure what is excellent [identifying the best, and distinguishing moral differences], and that you may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ [actually living lives that lead others away from sin]” (1:9-10, emphasis mine).

I also cherish these verses in The Message as it is a wholesome challenge for how to live out love and joy to positively impact relationships:

“So, this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of…” (again, emphasis mine).

As we wade deeper into the Word, we can often gain fresh insights and anticipate God working. 

Are joy and love overflowing out of your heart and into your relationships? Of the ideas shared in this blog on how to process the Word to raise the quality of what you have available to pour into your relationships, which idea can you begin with to have to biggest positive impact?

Pam Farrel is the author of 46 books including many bestsellers like: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti and Discovering Hope in the Psalms: A Creative Bible Study Experience .  She also enjoys co-authoring with Jean E. Jones and artist Karla Dornacher, and their next book, Discovering Joy In Philippians: A Creative Bible Devotional Experience , releases May 2019. Pam also loves mentoring and coaching women online; and she and her husband, Bill, stay active speaking and writing on marriage, family, relationships and on Living Love-Wise.  

Graphic of graffiti wall adapted, courtesy of Angela Yuriko Smith at Pixabay.

Women Who Love Lavishly

With her book Fantastic after 40!, Pam Farrel encouraged me years ago as I entered my "seasoned" years, but this Relationship UPGRADE is a message for women at any age!

"Women who know how to love lavishly, heartily, fervently, faithfully and artfully are women people want to be around," Pam says.

That phrase "love lavishly" captured my (Dawn's) heart. What woman doesn't want to know how to love lavishly?

Pam continues . . .

As we learn to love lavishly, over and over again, we will find it changes us; and as we look into the mirror, we'll find we like the woman looking back in our reflection.

Let's take a closer look at love through the eyes of three angel reminders: Faith, Hope and Love.

1. The Angel of Faith

Women who love lavishly have an ability to see the potential, the positive and the promise—not the problem.

Hebrews 11:1:

"Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses" (Amplified).

Faith is like a post-dated check. We can't get our hands on the money yet, but we know one day we will.

In the same way, a woman of faith sees the promise as good as reality. Her faith helps her function in the realm of "what can be."

Your vision is focused by faith-colored glasses, and those glasses help you look better too, my dear!

1. The Angel of Hope

Hope can be hard to nail down. What does hope look like? What does hope act like? What would be a working definition of hope?"

When I am trying to grasp a big picture principle or wrap my mind around a difficult-to-understand truth I often will read about it: (1) in context of the entire passage of scripture it is in and (2) look at many translations or paraphrases of the Bible of that same verse.

Galatians 5:5-6 says:

"For we through the Spirit by faith, are waiting for the hope of righteousness. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything, but faith working through love" (NASB).

In The Message, Eugene Peterson interprets these same verses this way:

"Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit, for in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love."

Women who love lavishly have a hope that waits expectantly.

• Hope is the feeling you had as a kid on Christmas Eve, the day before the last day of school, or the morning you went school shopping for that fresh box of crayons and new outfit for the class picture.
• Hope is excited about life. Hope is enthusiastic. Hope is energetic.
• Hope throws confetti before the parade begins.
• Hope sends out the party invitations months before, or sometimes years before, the celebration will be held.
• Hope holds on and holds out for life's best.
• Hope looks for the creative way to keep a promise of love.

3. The Angel of Love

Love is easy to define and hard to live out. But at least God provided a model for us (Romans 5:8; Ephesians 2:4-5; 1 John 4:9-11; John 3:16)

Love is always others-centered. Love chooses to give rather than take. Love is the fuel injected into another's dream.

Love seeks to understand, give compassion, guidance or boundaries—whatever is necessary for the person who is the recipient of love to reach her God-given potential.

Lavish love is like infinity; it just keeps extending all that is good, kind and true forever, not because a person deserves it, but just because it is right to be loving.

Which role of an "angel" is easiest for you? Which is hardest? Select one—faith, hope or love—and think of a creative way to express that action to someone in your world this week.

Pam Farrel is a challenger, cheerleader and coach. With her husband Bill, the Farrels are international speakers, and authors of more than 40 books including Pam's newest, 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman. Other books include: Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti; Woman of Influence; 10 Best Decisions a Woman Can Make;10 Secrets to Living Smart, Savvy and Strong; and Becoming a Brave New Woman. The Farrels are relationship specialists who help people become “Love-Wise ."

This post was adapted from Chapter 7 in Fantastic After 40!

The angel in the graphic is "Angel of the Heart," by Susan Lordi for Willow Tree / Demdaco, 2000.

Upgrade Your Integrity

Pam Farrel is on a mission to help people grow with God’s truth and godly wisdom. In this Character UPGRADE, she focuses on the priority of integrity.

“Sin leaves a wake,” Pam says. “Behind every selfish action is a sea of hurt and pain.”

My (Dawn's) husband used to say, "It's not a matter of whether we're selfish, but rather how selfish we are." Selfishness can erode the strongest marriage!

Pam continues . . .

Bill and I are known as relationship specialists; experts on love and romance. This means is we need to live out our love! We need to make every effort to get along, work through issues, and give plenty of mercy and grace to protect our marriage.

Because our love—and yours—is about living and leaving a family legacy.

Protect Love and Legacy: the Bible tells us this is a priority:

“Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough? Clean out the old leaven so that you may be a new lump...” (1 Corinthians 5:6-7).

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

The “A Priority” is to guard our life and protect the gift of love God gave.

God will bless your choice to keep your vows:

“He who walks in integrity walks securely…” (Proverbs 10:9).

“He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity” (Proverbs 2:7).

“For the Lord is righteous, He loves righteousness; The upright will behold His face” (Psalm 11:7).

 “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).

In my newest book, 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman: Success in Keeping It Together, I share that on my desk are several items to remind me that it pays to walk in integrity.

On my desk you’d find:

1. Photos of me with Bill as well as photos of our children, grandchildren, mentees, parents—all those whose lives I would undermine if I cheated on my vows.

2. A compass given to me by a wise mentor in leadership who said, “Let God’s voice be your compass”

3. All my Bibles. Looking at God’s Word all day, every day, reminds me to be in it—and to let it impact the way I live.

4. A barnacle attached to a stone as a reminder that a barnacle cannot live apart from the stone just as I cannot survive apart from Christ, the Rock of my Salvation.

5. A frame with verses about living with integrity visible on the front, and stories of the harmful wake others left when they wandered from Christ and His plan for committed love.

6. A heart paper weight to remind me to have a whole heart for God.

7. A figurine with an umbrella on it, reminding me that life is best when lived under what I call “God’s umbrella of blessing.”

“For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord, You surround him with favor as with a shield” (Psalms 5:12).

8. A turtle, because if you see a turtle on a fence post you should ask, “How did that turtle get there?

Turtles can’t climb, so someone placed the turtle on high. In the same way, God gave each of us a legacy, a platform, so God can take us down a few notches—or elevate and bless us—depending on our choices. 

“Be humble in the Lord’s presence, and he will honor you” (James 4:10).

Integrity may not be easy—but it can be SIMPLE. Guard your heart, your life, your love and your legacy.

What will you place on your desk to remind you that “those that honor God, God honors”? (1 Samuel 2:30) 

Pam Farrel and her husband Bill, are international speakers and authors of 40 books including their two newest: 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman and 7 Simple Skills for Every Man, each designed to help a person, using simple skills, to create a life that he/she will love to live, and a way to love those in his/her life. Find them at www.Love-Wise.com, where they are helping people in all their most vital relationships by intersecting God’s wisdom with people’s desire to be loving. 

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of usamedeniz at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.