How to Help Your Husband Be Holy

Julie Sanders has a knack for getting to the heart of matters. In this Marriage UPGRADE, she suggests a powerful way to strengthen marriages.

"My wants don’t always match up to God’s wants for me, but when it comes to having a holy husband, we’re on the same page," Julie says.

"We look for a mate to live 'happily ever after,' but 'happy' pales in comparison to 'holy.'"

I (Dawn) agree with Julie; and I also believe a holy husband is an integral element in a God-honoring  marriage.

Julie continues . . .

When a couple is pronounced married, some of us hear, “I now pronounce you husband and Holy Spirit.” 

With good intentions, we may enter matrimony with a plan for our mate’s makeover.

Before we say “I do,” God’s plan is underway for us both to grow more godly, producing a life more loving than we achieve on our own.

God doesn’t call a wife to change her husband.

God’s Spirit is the one who renews a life (Titus 3:5) and causes a person to become joyful, peaceful and hopeful (Romans 15:13).

Before there’s a ring on our finger or a name on a certificate, God has a plan to use our human relationships to work out His divine plan in us personally. 

1. Your MARRIAGE: a structure for holiness

Marriage results from, “what God has joined together,” (Matthew 19:6). With divine action, “they are no longer two, but one flesh,” (Mark 10:8).  

Fusing two into one isn’t easy! It creates tension and pressure as individuals learn to know each other.

To yield, share and help requires us to function in a regular structure with daily choices.

Will we respond God’s way or our natural way?

Marriage is hard, but it helps when we’re growing more holy.

2. Your HOME: a setting for holiness

A holy home helps holiness to take hold in a husband’s heart.

A house may look charming and up to date with shabby chic, whitewashed furniture or retro pieces with colors that pop. Photos with hand-lettered words like “Faith” and “Family” might adorn clean walls, and string lights may warm up the porch. 

But without hearts growing in holy ways, it’s just a well-decorated building with disappointed people inside.

Don’t get me wrong. I have string lights. A few of my colors pop, and I’m saving up to trade our sagging couch for a linen one with good lines.

But my husband’s heart is more likely to grow in holy health if I carefully curate the content of our life instead of just the collections we love. 

Even a clean house is no substitute for a clean heart.

Ask: Am I reading what is lovely and watching what is hope-filled? Am I saying what is kind forgiving?

Our hearts become what we practice. Philippians 4:8 describes the “look” we want to go for in creating a home that says, “Holy.”

3. Your LIFE: a support for holiness

A wife may not be responsible for her husband’s holiness journey, but she can cooperate with God’s plan to get him there.

Some say as a couple spends years together, they begin to look alike.  In a similar way, godly character in one spouse supports godly growth in the other.  

By removing obstacles like bad attitudes, habitual temptations, or negative influences, a wife can clear the way for God’s program of holiness in her own heart and in her husband’s.

Knowing this, “let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,” (Hebrews 10:24) by the way we do life beside our mate.

Career decisions, family relationships, time management, recreational choices, health needs, and raising children together all have a way of creating opportunities to encourage each other to have a holy approach by having one ourselves.

A life lived with holy habits is a life with a holy influence.

Marriage is a structure God uses to grow us, in homes where we can practice holiness in our lives, as we support His plans for each of us.

Instead of taking on a spouse improvement plan, clear the way in your own heart and engage the power of prayer for God to do the heart work in your husband only He can do.

What habits in my life ensure my heart is clean, not just my house? When my husband takes steps towards holiness, what response from me would encourage his growth?

Julie Sanders can’t believe she’s been married to Jeff nearly thirty years. Now they call the Northwest home, where on summer nights you can find them sitting under a few string lights, talking over God’s plans for them. Julie writes from her online home, “Come Have a Peace.”

Graphic adapted, courtesy of HarveyMade at Lightstock.