Your Marriage: Pulling Apart or Pulling Together?

In this Marriage UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson asks married couples to examine their relationships to see if they are healthy and supportive—pulling together or pulling apart.

"When we pull apart in willful self-interest, we impede progress, but when we pull together, we can accomplish much to the glory of God."

One night when I couldn't sleep, I turned on the TV and watched the program Dogs 101 on the Animal Planet channel.

I couldn't stop laughing as I watched one segment about the training of sled dog puppies.

Two adorable pups were gently linked with a rope. They instantly tugged and pulled, trying to get away from each other. They snipped at each other and barked, each trying to get the other to stop being stubborn and go their way.

As a result, they were stuck pretty much in one spot.

But the trainers didn't give up. They kept linking the dogs every day until suddenly, the pups realized if they pulled together, they'd get somewhere. At that point, the pups almost seemed to celebrate, and they were finally enjoying each other's company. They scampered together all over the yard.

They were on their way to becoming successful members of "a sled team."

I thought, "How like a marriage."

We have it in our power to make tremendous progress as "a marriage team" and do great exploits for the Lord when we pull together.

But the opposite is also true. When we are selfish and demand our own way, we hinder what God might want to do through our marriage—and through our spouse.

The sad truth is, when a couple pulls apart, their marriage can easily come apart!

In 2020 amid the lockdowns and restrictions with the COVID-19 pandemic, many couples experienced tremendous stress. For too many, that led to divorce.

According to an article at WebMd, sales of online self-help divorce agreements rose by 34% in the spring of 2020 compared to 2019; and family lawyers surveyed in April and July reported a 25% to 35% increase in requests to start divorce proceedings.

This wasn't just among unbelievers.

The website FamilyLife shared an article by Sabrina Beasley McDonald to its Christian audience about not becoming a coronavirus divorce statistic.

I wondered if the pandemic simply amplified what was already going on in our homes.

Pam Farrel—co-founder of Love-Wise with her husband, Bill, and co-author of Marriage Meet Ups— addressed this problem.

"Many who are seeking divorce say, 'We just drifted apart,'" she said.

"So if we drifted away from one another, we can set a course to drift back together. We can choose to set a course of marital success, intimacy, and unity in love."

Dr. Crawford Loritts, pastor of Fellowship Bible Church in Roswell, Georgia, said there's always a measure of conflict in a marriage. Early on in their relationship, he and his wife had times when they didn't see eye to eye. He admitted they knew there'd be stress, but early on, "we didn't know what to do."

But Crawford and Karen were determined to protect their marriagew. As a result, stress didn't drive them apart; it drove them to their knees—together.

Joni Eareckson Tada wrote about the early days of the pandemic when the "short fuses, bruised feelings, sharp words, and cold shoulders" in her marriage with Ken became "almost commonplace that first week of sheltering in place."

After a while, they grew tired of pulling together. Ken especially was getting weary since he had to constantly care for Joni—which involves a lot!—because her regular caretakers weren't able to come during the lockdown.

But Joni and Ken prioritized their love. They quickly realized they had to "get a grip."

They came to God's Word as a couple and focused on the word "persevering" (James 1:12). They found new strength and decided not to allow the devil to drive a wedge between them.

There is so much that could be written about how to build a marriage relationship. Ministries like Focus on the Family and the Farrels' love-wise.com share great insights.

The main purpose of this post is to invite readers to examine where they might be pulling apart in their marriage—and how they can determine to pull together. I'm not an expert on marriage, but God is! Be sure to seek His wisdom.

Sometimes what creates a "pulling together" marriage is simply the willingness of a couple to regularly take stock of their marriage and make adjustments.  

Helpful Questions, Suggestions, and Scriptures

Q#1. What actions in our marriage show we are being selfish as individuals and not cooperative or sensitive to our spouse's needs?

Be specific about those actions, but share them in a loving way (1 Corinthians 13:6; Ephesians 4:15; 1 John 3:18).

Avoid harsh accusation. When sharing, say, "I feel that ...." rather than "You always/never ....."

Q#2. What words to each other serve to push us away from each other rather than drawing us closer in our relationship?

Make a conscious effort to listen in conversations (Proverbs 12:15; 18:13; 17:28). Be "quick to listen" (James 1:19).

Are you kind and forgiving—offering grace to your partner—or are you using put-downs and playing a blame game? (Proverbs 21:23; Ephesians 4:32; James 1:26)

Do you have unreasonable expectations for your spouse? Are they simply your preferences? How would you know your expectations are reasonable or not? What does God and His Word say about your expectations?

Q#3. How does our level of intimacy (personal/sexual, etc.) reflect that we are pulling apart or pulling together?

Consider the reasons (which are not excuses) for a lack of intimacy or diminished intimacy. (Intimacy may be revealed in verbal expressions; loving gestures; intimate conversations, etc.).

Study God's perspective on sexuality in marriage. The sexual relationship—especially a lack of sexual intimacy—might be an indicator of damaging stress in the relationship.

Don't allow pornography or adultery or any sexual immorality to rob your marriage of godly intimacy (Hebrews 13:4; Matthew 5:28; Proverbs 5:15-19; 1 Corinthians 6:18; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).

Be willing to discuss sexual issues with your spouse for the health of your marriage—and don't be afraid to discuss it with a Christian counselor, if necessary.

Here's a helpful article with steps to rekindle intimacy.

Q#4. Are we just "getting along," or are we intentionally growing a stronger bond to help us face tough times?

This is just logical. If we do not intentionally put as much effort into marriage as a job, parenting, friendships, hobbies, etc., how can we expect it to be successful?

We marry our partners for their strengths, but sometimes flinch over their weaknesses. God designed marriage to be a greenhouse for growth. Consider how you might help your partner—with his/her permission—grow into maturity in Christ.

A good marriage requires continuing investment—nurture yours daily in many practical ways (serving, encouraging, challenging, giving, etc.). Use your spiritual gift/s in positive and productive  ways.

Q#5. What are our godly rules of engagement for dealing with offenses in our marriage?

Every couple experiences times of confrontation, and attitudes are important. Do you "fight fair"?

How will you know when you've overstepped loving boundaries?

For starters, read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a —as you work through problems, be loving, patient, humble, calm, forgiving, and unselfish. Honor and protect your marriage, and place trust and hope in your partner for the best for your marriage.

Q#6. What tools that God has given us do we regularly use to pull together in our marriage?

Here are some tools for growth: prayer together, reading and discussing scripture together, attending church and/or Bible studies together, and meeting with people in the family of faith who can mentor us or demonstrate a strong marriage.

Q#7. How will we know when our marriage is in trouble... and what will we do?

Take time to discuss your own marriage "stress points."

Discuss and pray about mutual accountability to build up each other and your marriage (Proverbs 27:17; Galatians 6:1-2; Ephesians 4:25; 1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Decide now when you will call for help so you can better learn how to pull together. What is the trigger for intervention?

Be careful, friend.

No matter how strong you think your marriage is right not, the enemy wants to destroy it.

• Don't take anything for granted.
• Don't assume your partner is on the same page regarding your marriage.
• Work at your marriage every day.
• Spread everything about your marriage before the Lord and ask for wisdom! (James 1:5)

Remember those sled dogs!

Pulling different directions may be comical in pups, but not in marriage partners.

Which of those seven questions struck a chord in your heart? Is there something to begin working on today?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, at Revive Our Hearts, a blogger at TrueWoman.com, writes wiki-type posts at  Christianity.com, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Violetta at Pixabay.

Know the Marriage Code?

Pam Farrel knows how to encourage women (and her husband likewise encourages men). In this Marriage UPGRADE, Pam explains the "marriage code," and how understanding and applying it can transform marriage relationships.

"Codes are all around us and you need one to access just about everything that is important or sensitive," Pam says. "So, what is 'the marriage code'?"

I (Dawn) learned about this code—though I didn't call it that—at the beginning of my marriage. I can testify that the code God designed is a blessing, because it provides a healthy framework and perspective on this vital relationship.

Pam continues . . .  

What are the keys that unlock the potential in your love? They are found in Ephesians 5:33:

… each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Did you notice different commands are given to the husband and the wife?

The obvious question is, “Why?”

Why not just give general instructions that apply to both husbands and wives?

In our book, The Marriage Code, we point out there are diverse passwords that grant you access to the best parts of your relationship.

When this code is in place, your relationship appears to be relatively easy. The way you interact, love, argue, and make decisions is satisfying for you as a couple.

When the code is missing, all the systems of your relationship are awkward, your love for each other is elusive, and you seem to disagree on just about everything.

The marriage code is based on the most common needs that men and women have.

When you meet the key need in your mate’s heart, you move above the “line of trust” in your marriage, where life and love is sweet and satisfying.

However, you are very different from one another, and you have different needs at the core of who you are.

HER Code

The password that will give a man access to his wife’s heart is: Security.

Security is the priority core need in a woman’s life. Because of hormones, a woman’s life is always changing. A husband wins at love when he makes it his ambition to meet his wife’s security need first in all things.

Any time she gets the message from him, “You are safe with me, and it is alright to be who you are right now,” her heart is drawn toward him and she relaxes in the relationship.

HIS Code

The password that will give a woman access to her husband’s heart is: Success.

She does this when she makes it her ambition to create an environment where her husband can succeed at work, with the kids, at church, in the community—and especially with her! 

Any time he gets the message from her, “I love the way you live, and I love the way you love me,” his heart is drawn toward her and he gains confidence in the relationship.

Your Marriage MEET UP

For over 40 years, Bill and I have had a weekly Marriage Meet Up.

• This regular meeting keeps us pulling in the same direction together.
• It also helps us stay connected emotionally and spiritually.

The Meet Ups keep the A.H.A. in our relationship.

1. A - Attitudes

We begin and end with prayer and scripture, so the Holy Spirit has room to work on us on as individuals and as a couple.  

2. H - Habits

The weekly Marriage Meet Ups include practical routines of matching calendars, talking through financials, tasks, To Do lists, and dividing up responsibilities.

3. A - Affection

We bookend the marriage meet ups with compliments and affirmations.

We thank each other for something we are grateful for in the past week, and at the end we affirm one another and speak life-giving affirmations on a trait or action we saw expressed in the meeting.

When you apply the Marriage Code, your weekly Marriage Meet Ups will go smoother if he enters feeling successful and she enters feeling secure.

Cozy up and make a date where you each finish these sentences:

Husband to the wife:

Honey, the things you say and do that help me feel most successful are . . . 

Wife to the husband:

Honey, the things you say and do that make me feel most secure are . . . 

Keep the A.H.A. in YOUR marriage!

What day and time can you and your mate meet up each week?

Pam Farrel is an international speaker, relationship expert, and the author of more than 50 books including their newest, Marriage Meet Ups: A His and Her set, 52 week devotional planner for couples that want purpose, passion and productivity. To go into the meet up happier,  download your free copy of Infectious Joy! Pam and her husband, Bill, Co-Direct Love-Wise Ministries. They invite you to become a member of the Living Love-Wise Community.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Maura Barbulescu at Pixabay.

Photo of Bill and Pam by Rebecca Friedlander.

Plan for Lasting Love

Pam Farrel is a relationship specialist, and she knows the power of making wise and godly choices that enhance relationships. In this Marriage UPGRADE, she says we need a plan if we want love in our  marriage relationship to last.

"A lasting love isn’t a happenstance," Pam says, "rather couples who gain long lasting love all made ONE vital decision: they DECIDED they wanted a long-lasting love! Love is a choice!"

I (Dawn) believe in making powerful choices! And a good place to start, right after our choice to receive  Jesus as our Savior, is in our closest human relationship.

Pam continues . . .

We recently celebrated our 40^th anniversary. As a gift, our grown sons and daughter in laws, along with our five grandchildren, all contributed to a book they wrote, 40 Reasons We Value Your Lasting Love.

Here are a few of our favorites parts from that book—along with four vital choices we've made in our marriage.

You too can gain a lasting lifetime love! Here is how.

1. Sit Face 2 Face

"We love because He (God) first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

This verse was inscribed on our wedding gifts to each other. We knew going in, we would only succeed at long lasting love only if God was kept front and center as the glue to hold us together.

One of the less glamourous but most vital choices we made early in our marriage was to create a Marriage & Family Compass.

This includes:

(1) Marriage/Family Mission Statement

We penned ours about two years into our marriage, inspired by a marriage conference for seminary students lead by Dr. Norman T. Wright.

(2) Marriage/ Family Motto

We wanted a short phrase like you’d see on a coffee mug or T-shirt. Ours is, “Those who honor God, God honors”—based on 1 Samuel 2:30.

(3) Marriage/Family Moniker

This is a family crest. Ours has three L’s that stand for Leaner, Leader, who Loves God (what we prayed our children would grow into); plus two hearts that stand for Farrels keep their promises, especially in marriage; and a cross with a star symbolizing that when you have a vibrant relationship with God, He ignites the God-given passion inside and you “let your light shine” for Him.

We also made a commitment to have a weekly “Monday Morning Marriage Meeting” where we pray, then discuss things like money/finances, calendar items, work and family; and we delegate tasks, make decisions together, etc. In other words, we tackle the important "biz issues" of a marriage. 

The Marriage Meet Up and the Family Compass were vital, because we both came from very dysfunctional, chaotic homes. We needed to be proactive and positive.

We saw the fruit of this in the book our family gave us on our 40th anniversary.

• "You love each other—quirks and all"
• "You model healthy communication, aka conflict resolution and forgiveness."
• "Tenacity! We will make it through anything TOGETHER!"
  

2. Walk Hand 2 Hand

"I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well" (3 John 1:2).

An obvious tip on gaining a long-lasting love is: You must live longer and stronger by treating your body (and your mate’s body) as “a temple of the Holy Spirit”  (1 Corinthians 6:19).

Because we were both athletes when we met at age 19, and married at age 20, keeping active is a part of our love life.

We have always enjoyed a daily prayer walk, hand in hand.

We have supported each other’s exercise pursuits, but the real key is finding some activities you BOTH enjoy doing together.

Some of our favorites are kayaking, paddle boarding, jet skiing, biking, swimming and dancing under the stars—or while waiting for an elevator!

• "You two are not afraid to take risks, as long as you are doing it together."
• "You love going on adventures together—you see life as an adventure."
• "You always take time for date nights."

3. Hug Heart 2 Heart  

"I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go…" (Song of Songs 3:4).

We have cultivated romance. We kiss each other EVERY TIME we say grace.

We put weekly date nights, a monthly day away, and twice-a-year overnight getaways on our calendar FIRST! We even schedule “Red Hot Monogamy!” 

• "You are each other’s biggest fans."
• "As a kid growing up, you modeled for us vulnerability, forgiveness, grace, pure love, joy and commitment."
• "You both love waffles and spaghetti."

4. Bow Knee 2 Knee

"You will pray to him, and he will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows" (Job 22:27).

Prayer was a part of our relationship from the first moment Bill first asked me out on our first date!

We pray for one another and with one another.

We pray, hug and kiss, when we greet and when we depart from each other.

We pray over meals, over decisions, over family and friends, and over our failures and frailties. We wrap up in each other’s arms each night and pray and thank God for each other and one more day together.

• "You guys have defied the odds and have a HEALTHY marriage."
• "You have completely changed the legacy of our family."
• "You model a chord of three strands is not easily broken."

Do you have hopes and dreams for your marriage?

I remember a drive together as a newly-engaged couple when one of us said, “We are years away from starting a family, but what will we want our kids to say about us on our 25th or 50th wedding anniversary?”

We made a verbal list, then we prayed and asked God to fulfill those hearts desires.

And He is!  

What new habits or activities do you want to add into your marriage or your family to secure the future God longs to give you?

Pam Farrel is a cheerleader for women everywhere! Bill and Pam Farrel are international speakers, relationship specialists, and authors of more than 50 books including the bestselling: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti; 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make (which explains how couples can create their own Family Compass: Mission, Motto, Moniker); Red Hot Monogamy (with more than 200 romance ideas). Their newest book is Marriage Meet Ups: A Planner for Couples Who Want a Productive, Passionate and Purposeful Life (to be released the end of January 2020). Discover more about Pam or the Farrels' ministry at  www.Love-Wise.com

10 Things I Would Tell the President in a Sit-down Chat

This is a bit of a departure from my normal UPGRADE posts. It is a Leadership UPGRADE that took shape when I had an image in my mind of sitting down with our President to share from my heart.

At first, this seemed a bit presumptuous. But then again, I love our President and pray for him and his wife and family, so my words would come from a heart filled with love.

The more I thought about what I would say, the more I realized I could speak this truth into any leader's life, because it is all based on scriptural truth.

We all need to grow spiritually. There is no room to think we've "arrived." But I believe we are to challenge each other to make better choices so we can grow, help others, and bring glory to God.

That said, here are my "10 Things I Would Tell the President in a Sit-down Chat"—

1. Seek God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.

This is more than a casual, superficial relationship. Be sure you know Him, not simply know about Him.

Get this relationship wrong and nothing else matters.

(Psalm 14:2; Matt. 6:33; Psalm 63:1; 2 Cor. 5:21; Rom. 3:23; 5:8; Titus 3:5; Eph. 2:8-9; Rom. 6:23; 10:9-10; John 3:16)

2. Love your wife*—your prime relationship after God.

Be faithful to her, listen with your heart, be sensitive to her needs, and appreciate her sacrifices for your career.  

(Prov. 18:22; Eph. 5:25-33) 

* Obviously, this would be a little different if the president were a woman.

3. Be a good example to your children.  

Model good character and service, and teach them what truly matters.

In parenting, observed actions matter even more than words.

(Prov. 3:21; 22:6; Deut. 11:18-19; Psalm 78:4; Prov. 13:22; 18:9; Eph. 6:4) 

4. Protect other key relationships—grandchildren, valued friends and co-workers.

People will always be more important than programs, possessions and profits.

Love and serve people well. 

(Psalm 78:4; Deut. 6:5-7; Psalm 112:1-3—Prov. 17:17; 27:17—Matt. 20:26-28; Prov. 16:11; Eph. 4:28; Col. 4:1; Deut. 24:14-15)

5. Surround yourself with wise advisors.

Wise is far better than smart.

Cherish those who dare to tell you the truth, even if it hurts. 

(Prov. 11:14; 13:20; 15:22; Col. 2:8)

6. Refrain from belittling those who disagree with you.

Personal attacks and name-calling are unnecessary. 

It’s OK to point out where and why a person is wrong, but do so with respect.

(Phil. 2:3; Rom. 12;10, 19; Luke 6:31; Eph. 4:24; 5:21; 1 Pet. 2:17)

7. Look for the positive in people.

Listen and consider how you might learn from them. Be willing to learn and change. 

Never neglect giving honor where honor is due. 

(James 1:19; Phil. 4:8—Prov. 3:27; Rom. 13:7b)

8. Always be quick to forgive and to ask forgiveness—even when it’s hard.

Pride can destroy a leader.

Humility comes before honor.

(Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13; Luke 6:37b—Matt. 18:21-22—Prov. 15:33; 18:12)

9. Practice self-control.

Every day you will encounter opportunities to:

• show patience,
• temper anger,
• resist bragging,
• overcome lust,
• and avoid temptation.

Be brave and choose well.

(Gal. 5:22-23; Rom. 12:2—Eph. 4:2; Prov. 15:18; James 1:19-20; Prov. 22:24; Psalm 37:8; Prov. 29:11; James 4:16; Phil. 2:3; Jer. 9:23; Prov. 27:1-2; 2 Cor. 11:30; Job 31:1; 1 Cor. 10:13; Gal. 5:16)

10. Leave a legacy that blesses those in your charge; but ultimately, seek to please God.

In the end, only what God says about you will matter—not what it says in life’s history books or on your tombstone.

(Rom. 12:1-2; Heb. 11:6; Psalm 147:10-11; Prov. 16:7)

Are you a leader? Are any of these truths lacking in your own life? What does God say you should do? Obey Him for greater blessing, and to bring Him praise.

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts  and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted from Jessica Gale at Morguefile.

Four Ways to Fire Up Your Marriage

Morgan Farr is a woman of purpose, a woman with a godly vision for her ministry, marriage and home. In this Valentine's Day UPGRADE, she suggests four ways we can fire up our marriages.

Morgan says, "Would it shock you to learn that Valentine’s Day is my least favorite holiday?"   

Yes, I (Dawn) was surprised by that question, but knowing Morgan, I was sure she had a good and godly reason. She loves to look at life from God's perspective in His Word, and marriage and sex are no exception!

Morgan continues . . .   

From movies, commercials, and even in the grocery store, we are bombarded with the idea that TODAY is the one day of the year that we should spend time showing that special person in your life how much they mean to you.

To be completely honest the whole thing to me is pretty sad. 

Let me explain. 

I don’t have anything against expressions of love. In fact, I think they are awesome! But, tomorrow all the reminders to “show your someone special how much you love them” will disappear.

For the secular world, Valentine’s Day is the one day a year that you show the one you love how much they mean to you.

The day after?

It is back to life as normal. Sadly for many marriages this means putting romantic love on the backburner. But it could (and should!) be so much more. 

I believe that for a follower of Christ, we should have the corner on absolutely amazing marriage relationships.

In the Bible, we are taught that there are four different kinds of love: Storge, Philia, Agape and Eros;  and we have the ability to use them all!

In this Upgrade, I am going to share Four Ways to Fire Up Your Marriage based on God’s descriptions of love in the Bible.

1. Agape

This word is used in the Bible to define God's perfect, sacrificial, unconditional, gift for mankind (Romans 5:10). This love is best exemplified by Jesus himself. This love is a pure, selfless love.  

With Agape I like to think of: EMPATHY.

How can you show this love to your spouse?

When your spouse has had an awful day at work, you could draw him a bath, make his favorite meal, or take the kids out of the house so he could have some quiet time alone. If he is a verbal processor, listen while he talks through the events of the day.

2. Storge

The word Storge is defined as family love (Romans 12:10). This is the amazing bond that grows between members of the same family: parents and children, and brothers and sisters.

With Storge I like to think of: TRIBE.

How can you show this love to your spouse?

This is where having family traditions and rituals can help to create a lasting bond between family members.

Our family likes to read out loud at the dinner table from William J. Bennet’s The Book of Virtues and discuss what happened in these moralistic stories.

You could also do a weekly game night, or take up a sport or activity as a family. (I would stay away from movie night though as it does deter conversation.)

3. Philia

This love is a close and powerful friendship (Hebrews 13:1). It is described in Greek as a very powerful bond between comrades. This is the kind of friendship forged through standing beside one another in battle, guarding one another’s backs from the attacks of the enemy.

With Philia I like to think of: BATTLE BUDDIES.

How can you show this love to your spouse?

This is the love where you share the trials you are facing.

Is your spouse struggling with moral purity? Intercede on his behalf to your heavenly Father. Go through your movies, books, magazines, and catalogues and remove anything that could be a stumbling block.

Is your husband struggling to get fit? Do some research and help him learn to eat better. Offer to workout with him or go on a walk together.

Does your husband struggle with feeling like he isn’t enough? Build him up with words of affirmation and praise.

4. Eros

I saved Eros for last because it is often the love that people think about most often in relationship to marriage.

Eros is defined as sensual or romantic love (Read the entire book of Song of Solomon).

In my opinion, it is impossible to have true Eros without the other three loves in place.

The secular world will tell you that you can, but in all honesty the “passion” or “sexual attraction” that is felt outside of a relationship with Christ is really just lust. However, when in a Christ-centered, romantic relationship… sparks should fly.

With Eros I like to think of: EROTIC

How can you show this love to your spouse?

• Initiate sex frequently and in a variety of ways.
• Jump into the shower with him and ask him to wash your hair.
• Give him a massage.
• Make his favorite dinner and show up wearing his favorite shirt and nothing else.
• Learn one another’s bodies well.
• Take time to really understand what works for each of you.

A note here: I totally understand if you have a little one at home. I have a four year old, a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old, I totally get it. There are a couple of things that you can do to make intimacy more of a priority when you have little ones at your skirt.

One of the best ways you can show love to your spouse is to schedule sex during busy life seasons. Pick a day and make certain that you make sex a priority on that day. Then, if you can also surprise him during the week. If you can’t manage a spontaneous time during the week, he can always count on that time that you specifically set aside to meet a need for him that only you can meet.  

Voltaire said,

“Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination”.

For believers we know that it wasn’t nature, but rather God that has given us our spouses to love. It is up to us to keep the fire burning in our marriages. We have the backing of the creator of the Grand Canyon, tiny babies, and the majestic eagle.  

Such a creative God encourages us to use our own creativity to love our spouses well so that the fire of the marriage doesn’t just simmer, it roars!

Which type of love can you work on in your marriage this week?     

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd. Currently stationed in San Diego, California, this Army wife is working to better love her husband, develop her three small children, and learning more about homseschooling. Morgan is a homemaker who dedicates her time to ministering to other Army wives through Bible studies, one-on-one mentoring, and physical training. Morgan writes about her transition out of feminism and into biblical womanhood on her blog, The Forgiven Former Feminist. You can find her training programs, nutritional information and meal plans on her blog, Farr Functional Fitness.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Prawny at Pixabay.