To My Children's Biological Mothers: My Heart Hurts for You

This Biblical Thinking UPGRADE by Julie Watson is a bit of a departure from our typical UPGRADE posts, but her message is one we all need to consider, and her "letter" to her children's biological mothers is a good read in itself.

Julie writes, “A child born from the heart is just as precious, just as significant, as one born from the womb.”

I (Dawn) remember when I wanted my husband to bring home an orphan from Russia for me to love and take care of. That didn't work out for me, but I've always had "a heart" for children who need a home. And the plight of the unborn in this country—don't get me started!

Julie continues . . .

This topic is heavy-hitting and hard to write about, but it’s my heart’s desire to honor God above all else.

He has impressed upon me that this is the time to share: 

We are in a season of substantial harvest.

For far too long a great divide has split this nation on matters of life and death—for the unborn.

Even among Christians, there seems to be a debate as to what’s “allowable” or “tolerated” in dealing with an unplanned or crisis pregnancy.

I worked for years in different pregnancy resource centers and saw hundreds of women come through our doors in the midst of a crisis pregnancy. It was never pretty.

Every individual had a story.

• Some were downright heartbreaking.
• Some were getting a second perspective from a doctor who was advocating for an abortion due to special circumstances.
• Most, unfortunately, were looking for a way to “get rid of the problem.”
• A good number of women came into our clinic thinking it was the Planned Parenthood just down the street from us.

Yet, those who came in for a free pregnancy test and ultrasound were undoubtedly changed, regardless of their decision to either continue or terminate their pregnancy.

Why?

Because they could not deny the life growing inside them once they saw and heard it with their own eyes and ears. And, once they opened their heart to truth, they usually chose life for their child!

We need to do more than just open our eyes—we need to see with our hearts.

If you’ve asked the Lord into your heart, then the Holy Spirit resides there. And, if He is there, guiding your heart, then you cannot deny what He reveals.

Nearly every woman who had an ultrasound cried when she saw her preborn child bopping around in her warm, protective womb.

My heart hurt for her.

To think that your “only choice” is to end your child’s life—heart-wrenching indeed!

Yet, when I hear Christians defending abortion, I get physically ill.

This is NOT God’s heart.

The sanctity of human life is, at the very core, His most important and significant creation. He created every single life with a divine purpose.

Jeremiah 1:5 tells us He knew us even before He formed us in the womb.

That means that we communed with God before He breathed life in us and placed us into our mother’s womb!

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us He has plans for us, to prosper us, not to harm us; to give us a hope and a future!

This gives me chills every time I think of it.

Why? Because when I see Jesus again, it won’t be for the first time—it will actually be a reunion of my spirit and soul with my Heavenly Father’s.

I also come to this issue with an adoptive mother’s heart.

I never had the joy or pleasure of being able to conceive and birth my own children. My children came from two different biological mothers who we pray for regularly.

The circumstances that landed my kids in foster care at very young ages were not pretty by any means. I have seen them at their worst and at their best. I’m thankful those really worse days are mostly behind us now.

However, when I hear the abortion debate lead down the road toward abused kids in foster care, I’ve had enough!

Have you heard that excuse yet? The one that says abused children would have been better off aborted (dead) than allowed to live through their horrible and traumatic circumstances.

Seriously?

With that logic, why should ANYONE ever be born? We all go through horrible things in life—but God created us to OVERCOME!

To my children’s biological mothers, I write:

"My heart hurts for you. I never had the joy or privilege to conceive and birth my own children—cancer took that ability from me—but I also can’t imagine losing them! I could not be more grateful for a chance at motherhood through God’s divine plan of adoption.

"I know you were very young, not emotionally stable or mature enough to be a mother. You had addictions that took your eyes off your number one priority—your children—and kept you imprisoned by your sickness.

"You did hurt them, make no mistake, but they forgive you and so do I.

The reason the kids love you is that you CHOSE to let them live. Even in the midst of your difficult circumstances, you did not abort them, and they are extremely thankful! You gave them a CHANCE to fulfill all that God designed for their lives—and they are going places. Each of them has amazing resilience and determination, something they might not have had if they hadn’t gone through what they did.

"You LOVED them enough to let them go, even if it wasn’t your desire. You didn’t fight the courts, and that’s honorable knowing there was a chance they could be adopted by a good family providing them opportunities you couldn’t provide. Sacrificing your desires for the sake of another’s needs is the most loving thing you can do.

"Lastly, we are praying for you. My kids do not want their birth mothers to perish; they want you to know the saving grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. They all love Him and pray you do too!

"In Christ,

"Your kids’ mom"

So, where does your heart lie when you reflect on life of the preborn? Does it align with the Father’s?

If not, really pray and ask God why. There is likely a deep-seated reason, and you may need counseling to bring it forth and deal with it.

Healing begins by acknowledging the pain or fear that imprisons us.

Lastly, ADVOCATE for the preborn in one or more ways the Holy Spirit leads you:

1. Vote for pro-life candidates.

We need to change the laws of our nation.

Did you know that Norma McCorvey (also known as “Jane Roe” of Roe v. Wade), later became a Christian and pro-life advocate, trying to overturn the landmark law her case created? 

2. Donate your time, talents and/or treasures.

Pro-life efforts are the most powerful at the grassroots. That means your local pregnancy resource center needs your support!

3. Get involved in your church and community.

Become a pro-life point of contact assisting those in your neighborhood to get the help and resources they need if they are dealing with an unintended pregnancy.

The unborn voiceless need a protective voice, and ours is the only one they’re going to get in this world today.

If not us, than who? If not now, when?

Will you join me in defending these precious lives the Lord masterfully created?

Julie P. Watson is a Certified Health Coach and Author. Her cancer testimony, and how God healed her, can be found in Made to Overcome: Chronic Illness Edition. Julie is currently working on two more book projects: a 52-week devotional for foster and adoptive parents called, Simply Devoted, and, her own personal journey through the foster care system and subsequent adoption of three beautiful children. Julie worked in pregnancy resource centers and children’s ministries for 10 years as a Development Director, Executive Director and Grant Writer before becoming a stay-at-home mom to her kids. She and her husband, Shawn, live in San Diego with their precious family and several pampered pets.

Your Position in the Family

Kolleen Lucariello is a gifted writer who greatly desires to help Christians understand their identity in Christ. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she encourages us to "live loved."

"When I was seven-years-old my parents adopted a little girl from Korea who bore the name of Park Sun Duk," Kolleen says. "I remember scanning over the pictures of children provided by the adoption agency until the face of a little girl captured our attention. It was love at first sight!"

I (Dawn) always wanted to adopt a child; the Lord didn't have that in His plans for me. But adoption has always been dear to my heart, and I love the picture of God adopting us into His family. So I appreciate this powerful encouragement.

Kolleen continues…

In early April, after months of waiting, our family of five piled into our borrowed grandfather’s car and took off for the eight-hour-trip to the Chicago airport soon to become a family of six.

I only remember bits and pieces of the trip, but one thing I recall is how extremely excited we were to meet our new sister.

When she finally appeared, I could not take my eyes off of her. She was the cutest baby I had ever seen, and boy, did we show her off.

Once she was placed in my mother’s arms, a new name, as well as a new life, awaited her. She was now Kara Louise, a member of the Okerlund family. I loved her instantly.

Of course, like most families—I won’t say all, as there actually may be some families who never experience sibling stuff—but like most, we had our sibling squabbles. As the baby of the family, she could drive me crazy; as cute as she was, she was also just as stubborn. But I loved her. 

Throughout the years, we’ve clashed and had our share of disagreements, but I never stopped loving her. We’ve had moments of contention and seasons of silence, but through every emotion and every moment, I’ve continuously loved her.

The funny thing is, regardless of how loved she was, she never fully believed or accepted the love of her adoptive family.

It didn't matter how much we spoke it, tried to show it, or showered love upon her, she just had a very hard time living life loved by us. Simply because she was adopted.

She had moved in, but continually struggled to fully accept that our parents’ love for her was the same regardless of the origin of her birth.

Because of this struggle, she never completely felt secure in her identity as an Okerlund.

I imagine Father God’s heart breaks for His own adopted children who fail to experience the fullness of His love.

Many move in, but continue to live in doubt, wondering how God could love them. We refuse to accept His perfect love based on our simple understanding of love, not His.

Through faith we've been adopted into His family, yet, for some reason, we struggle to feel secure in our new identity as a believer in Jesus.

What a tragedy to reject this kind of love.

In June my sister slipped from her earthly home into her heavenly one, and I believe her struggle to live loved finally ended.

Now, in the presence of Jesus, she is fully aware of the extent of what real love is.

While my heart always broke for her battle here, it now rejoices for her as she finds rest in the fullness of God’s love.

But, why wait? Trust His love is for you, now.

You UPGRADE your life when you:

1. ACCEPT your new identity in Christ!

“Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NLT)!

Your new identity awaits you. Change your name. You are now a child of God!

2. BELIEVE the celebration is for you!

Jesus said there’s great rejoicing in heaven over the lost sinner who returns home (Luke 15:7).

Share in the excitement. Rejoice in your salvation! Let Him show you off!

3. CLAIM your position in the family!

“God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure” (Ephesians 1:5, NLT).

It doesn’t matter where you’ve come from, when you move in with Christ, you are home.

“And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise” (Galatians 3:29, NKJV).

You’ve captured the attention of God. Now it’s time to move into His plans for your life.

What thinking must you overcome to accept, believe and claim your position in the family of Christ and live loved?

Kolleen Lucariello, #TheABCGirl, is the author of the devotional book, The ABC’s of Who God Says I Am. Kolleen and her high school sweetheart, Pat, reside in Central New York. She’s a mother of three married children and Mimi to four incredible grandkids. She desires to help others find their identity in Christ, one letter at a time. Read more from Kolleen on her website.

Family photos from Kolleen.