To My Children's Biological Mothers: My Heart Hurts for You

This Biblical Thinking UPGRADE by Julie Watson is a bit of a departure from our typical UPGRADE posts, but her message is one we all need to consider, and her "letter" to her children's biological mothers is a good read in itself.

Julie writes, “A child born from the heart is just as precious, just as significant, as one born from the womb.”

I (Dawn) remember when I wanted my husband to bring home an orphan from Russia for me to love and take care of. That didn't work out for me, but I've always had "a heart" for children who need a home. And the plight of the unborn in this country—don't get me started!

Julie continues . . .

This topic is heavy-hitting and hard to write about, but it’s my heart’s desire to honor God above all else.

He has impressed upon me that this is the time to share: 

We are in a season of substantial harvest.

For far too long a great divide has split this nation on matters of life and death—for the unborn.

Even among Christians, there seems to be a debate as to what’s “allowable” or “tolerated” in dealing with an unplanned or crisis pregnancy.

I worked for years in different pregnancy resource centers and saw hundreds of women come through our doors in the midst of a crisis pregnancy. It was never pretty.

Every individual had a story.

• Some were downright heartbreaking.
• Some were getting a second perspective from a doctor who was advocating for an abortion due to special circumstances.
• Most, unfortunately, were looking for a way to “get rid of the problem.”
• A good number of women came into our clinic thinking it was the Planned Parenthood just down the street from us.

Yet, those who came in for a free pregnancy test and ultrasound were undoubtedly changed, regardless of their decision to either continue or terminate their pregnancy.

Why?

Because they could not deny the life growing inside them once they saw and heard it with their own eyes and ears. And, once they opened their heart to truth, they usually chose life for their child!

We need to do more than just open our eyes—we need to see with our hearts.

If you’ve asked the Lord into your heart, then the Holy Spirit resides there. And, if He is there, guiding your heart, then you cannot deny what He reveals.

Nearly every woman who had an ultrasound cried when she saw her preborn child bopping around in her warm, protective womb.

My heart hurt for her.

To think that your “only choice” is to end your child’s life—heart-wrenching indeed!

Yet, when I hear Christians defending abortion, I get physically ill.

This is NOT God’s heart.

The sanctity of human life is, at the very core, His most important and significant creation. He created every single life with a divine purpose.

Jeremiah 1:5 tells us He knew us even before He formed us in the womb.

That means that we communed with God before He breathed life in us and placed us into our mother’s womb!

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us He has plans for us, to prosper us, not to harm us; to give us a hope and a future!

This gives me chills every time I think of it.

Why? Because when I see Jesus again, it won’t be for the first time—it will actually be a reunion of my spirit and soul with my Heavenly Father’s.

I also come to this issue with an adoptive mother’s heart.

I never had the joy or pleasure of being able to conceive and birth my own children. My children came from two different biological mothers who we pray for regularly.

The circumstances that landed my kids in foster care at very young ages were not pretty by any means. I have seen them at their worst and at their best. I’m thankful those really worse days are mostly behind us now.

However, when I hear the abortion debate lead down the road toward abused kids in foster care, I’ve had enough!

Have you heard that excuse yet? The one that says abused children would have been better off aborted (dead) than allowed to live through their horrible and traumatic circumstances.

Seriously?

With that logic, why should ANYONE ever be born? We all go through horrible things in life—but God created us to OVERCOME!

To my children’s biological mothers, I write:

"My heart hurts for you. I never had the joy or privilege to conceive and birth my own children—cancer took that ability from me—but I also can’t imagine losing them! I could not be more grateful for a chance at motherhood through God’s divine plan of adoption.

"I know you were very young, not emotionally stable or mature enough to be a mother. You had addictions that took your eyes off your number one priority—your children—and kept you imprisoned by your sickness.

"You did hurt them, make no mistake, but they forgive you and so do I.

The reason the kids love you is that you CHOSE to let them live. Even in the midst of your difficult circumstances, you did not abort them, and they are extremely thankful! You gave them a CHANCE to fulfill all that God designed for their lives—and they are going places. Each of them has amazing resilience and determination, something they might not have had if they hadn’t gone through what they did.

"You LOVED them enough to let them go, even if it wasn’t your desire. You didn’t fight the courts, and that’s honorable knowing there was a chance they could be adopted by a good family providing them opportunities you couldn’t provide. Sacrificing your desires for the sake of another’s needs is the most loving thing you can do.

"Lastly, we are praying for you. My kids do not want their birth mothers to perish; they want you to know the saving grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. They all love Him and pray you do too!

"In Christ,

"Your kids’ mom"

So, where does your heart lie when you reflect on life of the preborn? Does it align with the Father’s?

If not, really pray and ask God why. There is likely a deep-seated reason, and you may need counseling to bring it forth and deal with it.

Healing begins by acknowledging the pain or fear that imprisons us.

Lastly, ADVOCATE for the preborn in one or more ways the Holy Spirit leads you:

1. Vote for pro-life candidates.

We need to change the laws of our nation.

Did you know that Norma McCorvey (also known as “Jane Roe” of Roe v. Wade), later became a Christian and pro-life advocate, trying to overturn the landmark law her case created? 

2. Donate your time, talents and/or treasures.

Pro-life efforts are the most powerful at the grassroots. That means your local pregnancy resource center needs your support!

3. Get involved in your church and community.

Become a pro-life point of contact assisting those in your neighborhood to get the help and resources they need if they are dealing with an unintended pregnancy.

The unborn voiceless need a protective voice, and ours is the only one they’re going to get in this world today.

If not us, than who? If not now, when?

Will you join me in defending these precious lives the Lord masterfully created?

Julie P. Watson is a Certified Health Coach and Author. Her cancer testimony, and how God healed her, can be found in Made to Overcome: Chronic Illness Edition. Julie is currently working on two more book projects: a 52-week devotional for foster and adoptive parents called, Simply Devoted, and, her own personal journey through the foster care system and subsequent adoption of three beautiful children. Julie worked in pregnancy resource centers and children’s ministries for 10 years as a Development Director, Executive Director and Grant Writer before becoming a stay-at-home mom to her kids. She and her husband, Shawn, live in San Diego with their precious family and several pampered pets.

Praying for Others: A Call to Commit

If you want to know someone with a tender heart, meet Julie Watson. In this unique Prayer UPRADE, she reminds us to be careful when we say, "I'll pray for you."

“Where, oh where, have all those gone who committed to pray for me?” Julie says.

OK. I (Dawn) just felt a pang of guilt. Did you? Instead of running from the conviction, I want to face it head-on. And Julie's here to help.

She continues . . . 

Praying for others is a vital and daily part of our Christian walk. Nowadays, with the popularity of social media, I now find myself praying for online unknown acquaintances several times a day. But, lately I have wondered, “Where, oh where, have all those gone who committed to pray for me?” 

Lately, I have felt forgotten.

I rarely ask for prayer for myself. I have always felt my needs were so small in comparison to the serious nature of others, I didn’t feel right to ask. I’m often the one asking, “May I pray for you?” At least, that was the case until recently. 

As my husband and I embarked on the most difficult journey of our lives two years ago, we knew we would need to be surrounded in prayer for every stage of this new adventure:  adopting children out of the foster care system. We had many people from all walks of life wrap their arms (literally and figuratively) around us in love, support and prayer. It has been an amazing experience to feel so cared for and to know that someone is always praying for us and our new children.

Now, let me preface the rest of this blog by saying:

Without a doubt, I know people continue to pray for us daily.

Without a doubt, I know we are on the minds and hearts of some wonderfully committed friends, family and church members.  

However, the numbers feel as though they’ve significantly dwindled. I have literally gone weeks, and even months, only hearing from a few dear friends. 

Many, with the best intentions, have said, “I will call you next week” or “Let’s get together for coffee and to talk/pray,” etc.—only to never call or check in again. 

While I know life is busy and throws us off track at times, there is significant importance to keeping our word in things we’ve committed to doing—especially in praying for others.

I’ve failed at this myself many times. I used to tell people, “I’ll pray for you.” However, I often didn’t remember to do so. I found life got busy and it wasn’t until I saw that person the next time that I remembered to pray for them.

So, in order to stay true to my word, I changed to say, “Can I pray for you right now?”  Or, “I am praying for you now.” This helped me connect with that person and address their immediate needs, hopefully showing them God’s love and concern for them in the process.

So, if you are struggling to stay committed to praying for others, here are a few suggestions to help you keep your word, build your own faith as you see others’ prayers answered and stand in the gap for those in need.

1. Don’t commit unless you are SURE you will do it.

Face it, your word is your vow. Show that it is not empty and spoken in vain. 

“You shall be careful to do what has passed your lips, for you have voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have promised with your mouth” (Deuteronomy 23:23).

“But whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected…” (I John 2:5). 

2. Once you commit, make a plan to STAY committed. 

 Whether you need to plug it into your calendar, create a reminder on your phone or write Post-it Notes all over your bathroom mirror, make sure you do something that works for YOU to keep your word.

3. Check in REGULARLY with the person you’ve committed to praying for. 

How will you continue to know how to pray—or rejoice in an answered prayer—if you don’t check in with those you are praying for? Just put it on that calendar or phone or Post-it Note to check in within a reasonable amount of time.

4. Create a HABIT of praying for others as a daily routine. 

 Whether you have committed to pray for anyone or not, remember: God calls us to pray for others, period. (1 Timothy 2:1, James 5:13,16, Ephesians 6:18, Romans 8:26-27)

Whether I hear from others or not, I can rest assured knowing my Heavenly Father loves and cares about me. I know that praying for others is an important part of my walk and it’s essential to keep my word.

When I pray for others I will be personally blessed and grow in faith as I watch God answer prayer. 

Where are you struggling? Are you struggling with keeping your commitment to pray for others?  Or, do you need someone to wrap their arms and prayers around you today? 

Right now, go to the Father in prayer. He will provide the right prayer partner for you—trust Him!

Julie Watson worked in children’s ministries for 10 years and as an Executive Director and Grant writer before becoming a stay-at-home mom to three beautiful children. She and her husband Shawn know these children were hand-picked by God to be their own, and plan to adopt them as soon as they are legally allowed.

Graphic adapted, photo by Jordan Sanchez, Unsplash.com. 

Living in Uncertainty: Waiting on God

Julie Watson is a gifted woman who not only has technical expertise, she also has deep compassion for people who hurt. In this UPGRADE, she encourages us with powerful words about patience.

“Having patience, standing in line, waiting my turn … these are things I learned in kindergarten,” Julie says, “but still didn’t do well ... until now.” 

Watching Julie in her long waiting season has inspired me (Dawn) and taught me to trust God’s timing. But what I value most are the lessons God has taught her.

Julie continues…

I quit praying for patience long ago because I realized every time I did, I’d somehow get stuck behind the slowest drivers known to man!

God is not surprised by my impatience, but for my journey, He gave me something very special to wait for.

Nearly 17 years ago I married the man of my dreams. As most young couples do, we made plans for our future. Children were a part of that plan. However, life throws you curveballs, and mine came in the form of a slow growing type of ovarian cancer. Long story short, having children—natural children, that is—were no longer in our plans.

We were saddened, but not devastated. God had other plans … perfect plans!

Fast forward to Easter week 2013. Adoption was always something we wanted to do once we found out we couldn’t have children. It just took us a LONG time to get there.

When my husband and I separately received confirmation from God that it was time to move forward (on Good Friday of all days) we were READY! And, when I say ready, we literally prayed someone would drop a child onto our doorstep the next day!

Needless to say, adoption doesn’t work like that. We waited… and waited… and waited some more.

Living in uncertainty is never fun. Waiting for something I had wanted for so long stirred a whole range of new emotions, and I learned some things along the way:

1) Don’t ever stop talking to God—keep praying diligently for His will to be done and leave your own will out of it!

2) Don’t stop listening to God—keep reading His Word, be still and allow His truth to penetrate your heart! (Proverbs 4:11-13)

3) Don’t alienate yourself by shutting others out—keep your support team on standby; you’ll need their continuous encouragement and prayer!

4) Don’t hold in the anger, frustration or disappointment—keep it real and be honest with yourself and God. You can even yell at God; it doesn’t surprise Him and He can take it—plus it might be very cathartic for you!

5) Don’t doubt the path God placed you on—keep your eyes on the prize and persevere! (Isaiah 40:31; Jeremiah 17:7-8)

6) Don’t stop planning—keep your priorities straight, your routines normal and don’t stop living just because you don’t know when “that something” is coming! (Philippians 4:12-13)

So yes, I hate waiting (even still). But, I now see God’s handiwork in the wait. I know the wait will equip me for the task ahead. And, I know that if I trust God and wait on Him, He will accomplish great things in and through me (Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28).

Lastly, even while writing this article God revealed to me why I needed to wait for what was coming.

We were about to embark on the hardest journey of our lives and marriage.

We chose to open our home to a sibling set of abused and neglected foster children who needed a ton of love. But what do they need almost as much as love? A mountain-sized amount of PATIENCE (1 Corinthians 13:4a).

Had I not gone through this waiting game, I never would have been ready for the most important job of my life: motherhood.

Are you waiting on God for something? How can you use this time to prepare (physically, emotionally, spiritually) for what’s to come?

Julie Watson has worked with pregnancy care centers over the years and is currently a Grant Writer. She and her husband Shawn are new parents to three beautiful children who have forever changed their lives. The process of becoming foster/adoptive parents was neither painless nor short, but was well worth the wait. They know these children were hand-picked by God to be their own, and plan to adopt as soon as they are legally allowed.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net