Christmas? No Sweat!

In this Christmas UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson encourages practical and biblical responses to the holiday season that can reduce stress, even in a pandemic!

Last year, my Christmas looked so different. Circumstances made my family adapt and change so many aspects of the holiday season.

Preparing for a stem cell transplant, and caring for my husband who developed a serious physical issue that required hospitalization, I did all I could to reduce stress and still enjoy the holiday.

• Some family traditions were either set aside or left to others to fulfill.
• I put up the Christmas tree in September, because originally, my transplant was to be in October  (and then it was changed to December, and ultimately January)!
• I didn't have much energy, so I only put up one fourth of my holiday decor... and found I didn't miss the other things.
• I only made half of the holiday foods and treats I usually would make.
• We didn't put up out complicated outdoor Nativity display—disappointing our neighbors, but necessary.

During that December, I thought a lot about what makes Christmas — "Christmas."

This year, I prayed and decided to allow God to show me what is important, and what are simply "stress-builders." 

As a recovering perfectionist, I thought I had given all my expectations to the Lord, but I soon discovered my desires for the "perfect Christmas" still demanded my attention. And those unreasonable desires created stress.

That had to change.

God may bring certain stresses into our lives with purpose—usually to teach us something or mature us in our faith. But most of our stresses are of our own doing.

God wants to help us reduce or eliminate unnecessary stresses at Christmas. The Christmas season affords us many choices.

Here's how the Lord spoke to my heart.

Intentional CHOICES Can Eliminate Holiday Stress

1. Settle Who’s in Charge.

I've noticed how many of us would absolutely say, "Jesus is Lord," but we might not allow Him to take control of our Christmas celebration. We know what we want to do—why consult Him?

How ironic that we celebrate the One who came to lead us into peace, joy and love; and yet when we "take charge" we often leave Him out. And we can end up with stress and all sorts of other emotional issues.

Jesus said, "apart from Me, you can do nothing" (John 15:5), but we think we're more than capable of handling the holidays without even a simple prayer for His guidance and help.

The Lord wants to help us with our Christmas plans and relieve our stress, but we have to place our confidence in Him to know what is best for us and our families. We need to ask, listen, and obey.

Surrender your Christmas to the Lord; give Him your burdens and find rest (Matthew 11:28).

When we acknowledge God's sovereign control by faith, we may eliminate many of the holiday worries that cause us stress.

CHOOSE TRUST.

2. Stop Pursuing Perfectionism.

As I mentioned, perfectionism used to keep my head spinning. In pursuit of the "perfect" tree, dinner, gifts, etc., I pretty much ruined how I experienced so many Christmases.

No one and nothing is perfect on this earth. Only God is perfect.

We have expectations for ourselves and for others, and when those hopes or expectations aren't met, we can get heartsick with disappointment (Proverbs 13:12). (Worse, we can get angry when we don't get our way.)

I used to say, "Dawn, choose your battles at Christmas!"

Now I say, "Dawn, watch your expectations."

As we stop pursuing perfectionism, we can give everything our best effort and then relax. My new goal is to do my very best and leave the results to God.

There's nothing wrong with hard work and diligence toward a goal. That's not the same as perfectionism that drives and pressures us.

CHOOSE DILIGENCE.

3. Savor Simplicity.

Sometimes we get so elaborate, people and godly purposes get lost in the process.

Simplifying our lives is one of the best ways to remove stress.

Christmas isn't about complicated decorations and meals. It's about appreciating God's provisions and making memorable moments with the people we love.

Christmas memories are made in quiet chats with grandparents, fun baking sessions, walks in snow (or in San Diego, on the beach), drive in neighborhoods to see Christmas lights and other enjoyable moments. None of that needs to be complicated.

One of the unexpected sources of stress is the problem of "too much." I noticed something this year. I had so much Christmas decor put up, I lost sight of most of it.

It was a sparkly blur!

A wise fashion consultant once told me, "When you dress up to go out, before you go out the door, take off one piece of jewelry or accessory." She knew how easy it is to overdo, especially when we celebrate.

The concept of "less is more" works in fashion, home and Christmas decoration, and so many other areas of life.

God wants us to be content with what we have (1 Timothy 6:8) and be appreciative of the powerful simplicity in the birth of Christ (Luke 2:11).

So realistically, we don't need much to enjoy Christmas. But also—partly because of Covid-19 restrictions—we don't need a full calendar. Yes, there will be activities, especially if we have grandchildren. But sometimes drinking a cup of cocoa in front of the fireplace or munching on a Christmas cookie while watching a timeless holiday movie is all we need.

CHOOSE CONTENTMENT.

4. Set Wise Boundaries.

Setting wise boundaries helps reduce stress. I want to focus on just three areas for boundaries.

(1) Watch your budget. 

We don't need to go beyond our means. When we overspend, we not only lose sight of wise choices now, we have to deal with the stress of bills after Chrismas! Set boundaries on your checkbook and credit cards!

Ask God for wisdom (James 1:5) in the use of resources—practice good stewardship.

We seldom need "more." We often need a greater appreciation for what we already have.

Instead of buying more decor this year, I reduced what I have. A local charity got three boxes full of decorations others might appreciate, and I plan to go through my possessions this week to find coats, sweaters, blankets, mittens and other items the homeless might need as the weather turns chilly.

(2) Cut the Clutter.

Look around your room after decorating for the holiday. Does it feel "fussy"—more like a Christmas shop of displays than a home? (I'm so guilty of the over-do at Christmas!)

I know this is an individual thing, and you may want to keep heirlooms and antiques; but if your decor feels like clutter or even hoarding, rethink what you're keeping. You may need to set some boundaries for new purchases—after you cut the clutter now!

Christmas, like life, does not consist of an abundance of things (see Luke 12:15).

Notice the things that may still be in Christmas storage boxes or tubs. Why are they here? If they're not being used, do you really need them?

If you feel your decor is beyond healthy boundaries, here are a few ideas to pare down.

• Take pictures of groupings of items and email or text those photos to family members to see if they want some of your items. (You're just checking, not pressuring.)
• Can some things (good quality) be re-gifted?
• Consider giving to a charity where people can purchase decor at low cost, or use your "treasures" as gifts.
• Note: Sometimes taking a photo for a photo book to preserve and trigger memories can be just as satisfying as keeping the actual thing.

Simplifying by reducing or eliminating things—even well past Christmas—is a good way to get rid of a subtle kind of stress.

(3) Examine your relationships.

In some families, unhealthy relationships are strained throughout the year, and at Christmas, that stress can go over the top!

Set healthy boundaries, even with those you love.

• There's nothing wrong with valuing your time and doing what is best for you and your family. Don't be afraid to be clear about your time, needs or familiy's needs.
• Be kind and gentle (Ephesians 4:32; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7); but don't be afraid to say "no," when necessary.
• Antipate how relationship issues might trigger problems when you get together, and come up with good strategies to make these sticky interactions less stressful.
• Read scriptures about the tongue before Christmas—like "a gentle answer turns away wrath"(Proverbs 15:1)—because good communication goes a long way.)

We can make many wise choices when it comes to spending, our possessions, and relationships. God's Word has practical instruction.

CHOOSE DISCERNMENT.

5. Seek Moderation.

We tend to excuse bad habits during the holidays, thinking over-indulgence will lead to more joy. But overstuffed tummies and late-night binge-watching set us up for physical stress that don't help us.

Wise choices help us avoid upset stomachs and bleary eyes.

What we need is self-restraint, self-control. We can still rejoice and celebrate while practicing moderation (Philippians 4:4-5; 1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

• Yes, we can enjoy a reasonable meal and beverage—small portions; waiting between bites; focusing on people more than the food.
• Yes, we can have dessert—leaving room for it as we enjoy our meal.
• Yes, we can plan opportunities for special Christmas programs—but beware of mindless eating on the couch!

If we seek ways to practice moderation in our celebration, we'll likely be glad we did.

CHOOSE SELF-CONTROL.

6. See Christmas through Others’ Eyes.

It's easy to turn inward and only see our own circumstances. It helps to pause and think about others who have needs too. How can we relieve their stresses?

First, if you have children, intentionally take time to discuss the holiday with them.

• Many children are struggling during the coronavirus. Are they feeling additional stress this Christmas? Can you relieve some of their stress?
• What makes Christmas special for them? More than how many gifts they get (or how big), what activities with you will make these weeks memorable?
• How can you better help them embrace the true meaning of Christmas? How can you help them understand that because Jesus came, we have hope and help.

When it comes to gifts, be careful not to stoke unreasonable or unhealthy expectations. Focus on loving your children, not showering them with "more." Love may include giving, but love does not equal things.

Also, ask God to help you see other people through HIS eyes. Then, as you move through the season, determine to see Christmas through the eyes of those around you:

• a weary or struggling spouse,
• family members who have experienced loss,
• a needy family in your church,
• a homeless person or family,
• a widow or widower,
• an orphan,
• an elderly shut-in or someone who is sick,
• someone deployed in the military, or
• a single person who might be lonely.

Because of Covid-19, many are hurting. Some feel desperate. Many have lost family members or jobs.

Be kind and compassionate, ready to counsel and comfort others during the holiday (2 Corinthians 1:3-4; Colossians 3:12).

CHOOSE LOVE.

We don't have to "sweat" the holidays because of stress. We can relax and choose biblical responses like trust, diligence, contentment, discernment, self-control and love that will bring us a greater measure of joy and peace.

What is causing you stress so far this holiday season? Which biblical response could help you today?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, at Revive Our Hearts, a blogger at TrueWoman.com, writes wiki-type posts at  Christianity.com, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

3 Steps to Upgrade Your Time during the Holidays

Morgan Farr, an Army wife, has four children and a new puppy. You can imagine how she needs to wisely plan her days. But Morgan is one of the most organized gals I know. In this Christmas Time Management UPGRADE, she shares three steps that help her use her time wisely during the holiday season."When someone says—'Are you ready for the holidays?'—people often sigh and joke about all the things Santa has to get done with the help of his elves," Morgan says. "It seems the holidays produce a lot of anxiety and pressure for many people."

I (Dawn) remember what it was like to have two young boys as I rushed around preparing for Christmas. I could have used some of Morgan's expertise back then!

Morgan continues . . . 

As I have gotten older and become a mother, I realize the “magic of Christmas” is actually a lot of hard work by family members to help make the holiday season bright. 

But in the age of Covid, political unrest, racial tensions, and the rest of the challenges that 2020 has brought, how do you make the holiday season bright? 

And more importantly, how do you do it without having to add extra hours into your day?  

Step One: Get organized

The key to any good plan is structure and organization. 

Now before you panic, I am not saying you need an organized home in order to organize your time. What I am saying is that you need to start with a clear idea of what you need to do.

1. Weekly Planning Meeting

My husband and I have a weekly planning meeting every Sunday night. It doesn’t matter what is going on or if he is TDY with the military, we still connect for a minimum of 15 minutes every Sunday night to sync calendars, manage any scheduling conflicts, and discuss upcoming major events. 

This is also a good time to check on your family budget and make sure your finances are in order. If both parties come to the meeting prepared this should take no more than 30 minutes, but can help prevent major issues later in the week. 

2. Nightly List Write Up

Each night before I head upstairs for bed, I grab my 99 cent spiral notebook and make a to-do list for the next day. I use the same notebook each day so I can roll over any unfinished activities from the day prior if need be. 

This practice takes about 10 minutes total, but it saves me a lot of time the next morning, because I can just glance at the list to see what my next steps should be. It also helps to prevent me from freezing up and being unable to decide what to do next.

3. Daily Involvement 

Get the whole family involved in daily management tasks! Every single day, everyone in my family is involved in the daily aspects of helping to keep the house running. 

• My children help with sweeping, wiping counters, clearing the table, and taking out the trash every single day.
• When it is time to bring in groceries? You bet my kids help bring them inside and help put them away.
• Laundry? Everyone is responsible for putting away their own clothing. 

In the early years, this can seem counter productive, but if you want your children to do it when they are twelve, start with small tasks when they are two. This teaches responsibility while also helping to keep the house orderly.

Step Two: Out with the Bad, in with the Good 

We, as a society, fill our hearts and minds with the most ridiculous things.

We also waste a lot of time on things that have zero eternal significance while bemoaning the lack of time we have.

So to combat this I have a few simple recommendations. 

1. Cut the Cord 

Did you know that the average person spends five hours watching TV every single day? That translates to 35 hours a week—which is almost a full-time job! 

At the end of the holidays no one is going to be sitting there saying, “Man, I wish I had spent more family time watching Netflix.”

If you cut out even one hour per day of TV watching, that will give you back 7 hours in a week. That is almost a full workday! 

2. Use Caution 

I know that during the holidays it can be really tempting to sit on social media and scroll through everyone’s gorgeous family pictures. I love seeing how creative friends and family are with their holiday celebrations. 

However, in 2019, the average person spent an average of 2 hours and 22 minutes on social media every single day! That is 15 hours a week on social media, often when our children should be doing other things like school and work. 

Scale back on your social media time. 

If you need help, most smartphones, tablets, and computers offer a way to set time limits on apps. Set a time limit for yourself or have someone hold you accountable. 

Ultimately, no one will remember if your place setting was perfect for Instagram, or if the gifts were wrapped Pinterest perfect.

What people will remember is spending time—safely during Covid—with the people they love.

Make sure you are giving the gift of your presence this holiday season, not just presents. 

Step Three: Remember the Reason

Finally, remember the reason the holiday even exists.

There are some excellent advent devotionals available for both children and adults. (*)

I have also found that listening to the book of Luke on an audio Bible is really good for my heart. There are 24 chapters in Luke and reading or listening to one per day for the month of December leads me through Jesus' life while I am celebrating His birth.  

[Note: There are many audio Bibles on YouTube. Here are three of the Book of Luke: (NKJV), (KJV), and (NIV).]

"Jesus is the Reason for the Season."

That is the saying you can find all over decorations and signs during the holiday. As Christians, we need to remember the entire point of Christmas is to celebrates the coming of Jesus Christ and His eventual redemption of our sins. 

What we focus on during this season says a lot about our faith and what we believe about the importance of Christ’s birth.

Let’s make sure we are honoring God with our advent celebrations. 

Which step can you take to help upgrade your time this holiday season?

(*) If you need recommendations for advent devotionals, feel free to send me an email at my blog link, below. ~ Morgan

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life… while moving all over the country. Morgan writes about her transition away from feminism and much more at The Forgiven Former Feminist.

5 Tips to Jumpstart Your Holidays

The first thing I learned about Marcia Ramsland is, she cares about people. The second thing I learned is, because she cares, she creates constructive ways to help them. In this Christmas UPGRADE, she encourages us to jumpstart our holiday preparations so we can experience peace at Christmas and not stress.

“If you do anything more than once in life,” Marcia says, “organize it and simplify it. That’s especially true for the holidays that come year after year like clockwork!”

I (Dawn) have learned so many things from reading Marcia's books, and appreciate this approach ... because they work!

Marcia continues . . .

After staying up late Christmas Eve to wrapping presents for years, I finally figured out “The Holiday Plan” to simplify the whole season! Now we all get a good night’s sleep at Christmas.

You can, too!

To get you started on the right foot for the busy Holiday Season, here are “5 Tips to Jumpstart Your Holidays.”

1) Look Ahead and Mark Your Calendar.

Mark family celebration dates, guests coming, vacation days, holiday parties, church concerts, plays, and annual holiday events you enjoy. Post the calendar where you can see it regularly—like in your kitchen.

This is a unique time of year you need especially good planning skills.

2) Schedule 2 Hour Segments of Weekly Holiday “Prep” Time.

Schedule weekly shopping time online or in the mall, cleaning house, decorating. Schedule Thursday nights for shopping, Saturday for baking and decorating, and Sunday afternoon for wrapping presents.

3) Write a Master Gift List on One Form.

Pull out your gift list from last year to create a duplicate. Don't have one? Download my annual  FREE Master Gift List  to stay organized with your ideas, purchases, and budgets. Use it every year to keep your ideas organized.

4) Make the Most of Your Limited Time.

Combine your limited social time by inviting friends to an upcoming event and getting together for dinner ahead of time or dessert afterwards.

Create a memory on one night instead of two.

5) Sort Your Holiday Decorations Early.

Sort your Holiday decorations when you put them up the first weekend in December.

Immediately donate what you don’t put up to a charity so you can help someone else have a light and bright Christmas.

Planning is powerful! And with a good plan and your eye on the calendar, you can simplify your holiday season. Every year over 800 people download my week-by-week holiday planning calendars and Master Gift List to put in the front pocket of their Holiday planning book, Simplify Your Holiday Season (see book link, below).

Instead of playing “catch-up” and feeling stressed, you will experience freedom and calm.

This year with your advanced planning you can say—like the angelic heavenly host who praised God when they appeared to the shepherds—“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rests” (Luke 2:13-14).

Be sure to bring the Lord into the midst of your holiday preparations.

You might pray:

Dear God, today as I work on preparing my heart and home for Christmas, may I reflect on the events of the first Christmas and find strength in knowing you have a special plan for my holidays this year. I ask you turn my mental chaos into calm with your presence every day. Amen!

What will you do better this year to ease the stress of the holiday season?

Marcia Ramsland is known as The Holiday Coach, author of “Simplify Your Holiday Season” planning book and “Simply December Devotions” devotional. Download your FREE Holiday Planning Calendar and Master Gift List and join her weekly Monday Holiday Class at www.OrganizingPro.com/holidays.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of morguefile.