Wind Up, Don't Wimp Out!

Yesterday (October 1st) was Dawn Wilson's birthday. While she won't give you her age, she'll let you in on the conversation that went on in her brain in this Attitude UPGRADE.

"You're over the hill," Satan whispered. "Beyond your productive years.”

The mirror didn't lie about the "over the hill" part. Laugh lines, wiry chin hairs, age spots—ugh.

Yet, although I was a bit depressed after Satan's assault, the truth is, I'd caught my spiritual enemy in a lie. "Only God knows how many years I have left," I quickly countered.  

And I counseled my heart: Stop acting like you have one foot in the grave!

I exited my pathetic pity party and planned my next adventure. I emailed my friend Judy about planning a conference together—something we'd talked about for a long time.

"Let's get this thing rolling," I said. This was no time to wimp out!

Yes, aging can bring a number of problems: forgetfulness, disillusionment, lack of motivation, negativity, stagnation, poor health and other issues.

But I am still alive.

I can decide to celebrate each day and not get stuck in regrets. I have hundreds, maybe thousands of fruit-bearing choices to make before God calls me home (Psalm 92:14).

I remember a cancer patient's advice to her loved ones: “Speak to the part of me that is still alive.” It's great counsel for anyone going through a crisis, but also for the senior set.

I realized I needed fresh ground rules—strong “finishing well” commitments. So I thought and prayed, and made these decisions:

1. I will keep "forever" firmly in view.

As a teenager, eternity seemed "a lifetime away;” but now I’m embracing and preparing for it.

Facing forever will affect how I live right now. I can learn to worship better, overcome hindering habits, and practice being holy, because God is holy (1 Peter 1:16).

Action Point: Study how to be more like Jesus, because we’ll live with Him forever (John 11:25; 1 Thessalonians 4:17).

2. I will seek God daily for His plans and deeper fellowship.

As a young wife and mom, it was often tough to have a consistent time alone with God; but today, with fewer distractions, I have more time to study and pursue intimacy with Him.

We’re never too old to learn new lessons from God.

Action Point: Don't get set in your ways. Cultivate a soft, teachable heart (Psalm 25:4-5).

3. I will dream big dreams and plan adventures with God.

On the far side of 50, I want to spend time on things that matter to the Lord. I want to take risks for the Kingdom, not play it safe in my comfort zone.  

There may be times I need to pause, and maybe take some extra rest breaks. I may need more time to pause, reflect and modify my ministry to fit my season of life. But I don't want to wimp out!  

I want to stay creative and intensely involved ... be a woman of influence ... and burn out for God!

Action Point: Study the lives of Noah, Moses, Daniel, Anna and Elizabeth to see how God called and used people mightily in their elder years. Emulate contemporary seniors who are still on fire for God.

4. I will invest in people, not things.

These are years to simplify, not to accumulate—to release my grasp on possessions with an eye to stewardship. Who can I encourage? Who can I help? (In many cases, lives are at stake!)

I can’t take my stuff into heaven, but I can store up things there that matter (Matthew 6:19-21). I can pour time and resources into people by sharing the Gospel, teaching truth, assisting those who are hurting and using my creativity to meet others’ needs.

Action Point: Give possessions and funds to relatives and believers who will use them wisely. (Note: Just because there is a specific need, it doesn't mean that particular need is where God wants you to give. Pray first!) Consider ministries too. Someone may be desperate for things gathering dust in your home.

5. I will make choices to leave a spiritual legacy.

I want to make a difference long after I've gone to heaven. You probably do too.

Action Points:

• Make sure your family knows you love them... and often, love is spelled T-I-M-E.
• If you’re not living a godly life, ask God to give you a fresh awareness of His presence and a desire to obey Him. The world needs to see Jesus in you!
• Scrapbook photos, adding snippets from your “life message” (Psalm 78:4).
• Create a will with spiritual impact: Who gets your Bible? Your stewardship funds? What do you want to say to loved ones after you’re gone?

There are a lot of “I will” statements here. The truth is, no matter our age, we cannot accomplish anything of lasting value without the help of the indwelling Spirit of God. Ask for wisdom and rely on His strength (James 1:5; Galatians 5:16a). 

I want to do all things for God's glory, in God's way, and by God's power. Don't you?

God doesn’t quit on us; we must not quit on Him. So don’t wimp out. Instead, wind up for the glory of God!

Which of these "I will" statements, acted on, would most revolutionize your life right now? 

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). She co-authored the devotional LOL with God with Pam Farrel and is a contributor to It's a God Thing.  Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of iosphere / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Water What You Want to Live

Some time ago, Dawn Wilson walked behind her shed to retrieve some old flowerpots for new plants. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she shares what she saw and learned.

Imagine my surprise to find a tiny red pepper growing from a "dead" plant. I didn't realize a bit of water from our sprinkler was just barely reaching the flowerpot. It was just enough moisture to give life.

I've seen something like this before: a plant shooting up in the midst of dry, cracking soil; a flower growing in the cracks of pavement. In all these cases, it only takes a wee bit of moisture to spur the growth.

When I saw the little red pepper hanging there, looking like a little heart, I smiled. It was like the Lord was saying to me, "Water what you want to live."

I thought about that for some time.

What do I want to "come alive" in my life?

I could water my dreams, hopes and plans. That's certainly what the world would tell me to do. And it's not necessarily wrong — if that's what God wants me to do. I can "water" my life with intentionality, commitment and passion. And I may reap a good harvest.

But as I prayed, God spoke to me about watering His purposes in my life.

• Watering a pure heart and godly character.
• Watering humble service.
• Watering wisdom and discernment.
• Watering obedience.
• Watering any "deadness" in my soul and seeking God for revival.

It only took a little sprinkling of water to revive my dried-up pepper plant. I wondered what it would look like if I'd consistently showered that plant with my garden hose.

It only takes a little water to bring life out of seeming death.

For the Christian, water is the symbol of God's Word applied to our soul through the power of the Holy Spirit. And Jesus and the Holy Spirit are the sources of living water (John 4:10; 7:37-39).

Spiritually, when we water what we want to live with the "water of the Word"— reading and applying scripture to our lives and trusting the Spirit to apply in our hearts what Jesus has done for us, then: 

1. We recognize that God is ultimately the One who makes things grow (1 Corinthians 3:7).

2. We daily drink in the Word. (The more, the better!) The Word gives life (Psalm 119:50) and success (Joshua 1:8; Psalm 1:1-3)

3. We surrender, through prayer and obedience, to the water's freeing, transforming (sanctifying) action (John 8:31-32; Ephesians 1:13-14; John 17:17).

4. We are strengthened in His Word (Psalm 119:28) and thoroughly equipped (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

5. We are "revived" (Psalm 119:25; 119:154; Nehemiah 9:3).

What do you need to water in your life so it will "come alive"? If you're not sure, ask God to show you what is "dried up" and needs a little sprinkling today.

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. In these ministries and as President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in Ministry (NEWIM San Diego), Dawn encourages, edifies and energizes women with scripture so they can better enjoy life, bless others and honor God. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Write a Thank You Note. Use Paper.

In this Relationships UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson writes about something we don't want to leave behind in our rush into more and more technology.

Don't get me wrong. I love the ease of Facebook and email. It's so easy to jot a quick "thank you" to friends and family.

But there's nothing like a handwritten note. I want to focus on that in this Relationship UPGRADE.

Writing thank you notes isn't just good for the recipient ... it's good for you!

Lawyer John Kralick's New Year's resolution in 2008 was to write one thank you note each day to family members, friends, co-workers, even his Starbucks barista! (His notes are recorded in the book 365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life.)

Kralik says,

"Things we write in cyberspace are so easily deleted and forgotten ... buried by the next 30 emails we recieve. In this day and age, a handwritten note is something that people really feel is special."

I once heard about a mom who kept a precious note in her Bible. She told friends she often read the note - written many years before - because, as she says, "It always encourages me when I think people don't appreciate me."

I began writing thank you notes years ago when I traveled with a revival team. Years later, I keep blank cards in my Bible and car. (You might also keep one in your purse. In my purse, it would likely get crushed!)

Kralik's 10 Tips for writing the "perfect" thank you note are helpful and practical. But I want to share just a few insights - Four Key Words that express what I've discovered through the years.

1. FOCUS. It's not about you.

A thank you note isn't written to impress someone or win their favor. People can read through that nonsense. Take time before you write to think about the person.

Why are you writing? Is it for a selfless reason? (Philippians 2:4) Is there something in a person's life you can highlight with praise? (Philippians 4:8)

And consider this: How can your thank you note focus on the Lord too - to glorify God? (1 Corinthians 10:31).

2. TIME. It's a gift.

It takes just a bit more time, perhaps, to write a handwritten note. You'll have to gather up a pen and paper or a special card (although Kralik wrote many of his on simple 3 x 5 cards). But treat your note as a special gift.

The recipient will, if he or she chooses, be able to hold it, store it, treasure it. It's worth your time.

In fact, it's one wise way to use your time, especially when you are encouraging those who do not know the Lord! (Colossians 4:5)

3. GRATITUDE. It is a "thank you" note, after all.

Allow the gratitude in your heart to pour out onto the paper. Christians have many reasons to be grateful (Ephesians 5:20). God is the ultimate foundation for our grateful spirit. We can learn to see opportunities to express gratitude to Him - in fact, why not write a thank you note to the Lord today and slip it in your Bible? And we can thank others in Jesus' name (Colossians 3:17).

Don't think it must be about material things or what a person has done for you. Consider how he or she  has touched your life ... an attitude you admire, a character quality that has motivated you, a perspective that changed your mind.

It may be something simple to you, but expressing gratitude for even little things can bless others.

We can give thanks to God in every situation, and it's a privilege to express our grateful heart to others (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

4. SIMPLICITY. Forget the "flowers," unless they're on the card.

While we can aim for a "word fitly spoken" (Proverbs 25:11), keep notes simple.

It's tempting to get flowery with words, but that's usually a sign of trying to impress, not to express.

So forget the phoney frills. Consider what you're grateful for and just say it. Add a simple "blessing" prayer or scripture, when appropriate. 

Aim to encourage (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and "give grace" with your words - especially to those who do not know the Lord (Ephesians 4:29b; Colossians 4:6).

You may never know, this side of heaven, how your note has blessed another soul.

Do you have a treasured thank you note? How did that note encourage you?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. In these ministries and as President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego), Dawn encourages, edifies and energizes women with  scripture so they can better enjoy life, bless others and honor God. Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

9 Ways to Cultivate 'Lifetime' Married Love - Part 2

Today is Valentine's Day ... and I thank God for my "Valentine," my husband Bob. We've chosen for nearly 40 years to love each other through all the circumstances of this life, and our marriage has blessed us as we seek to honor God.

In part one of this post, I listed four characteristics of a "Lifetime" Love and encouraged readers to study some "Lifetime" marriages they know ... and their own marriages. Here are the first four points:

1. God is first
2. Giving 100%
3. Growth/ability to adapt
4. Granting freedom to fail

Let me continue ...

5. Good will: The sweetest marriages I've observed are those where partners offer each other their good will - kindness, graciousness, positive reinforcement and encouragement.

We all have "bad days" and meltdowns eventually. A Lifetime Marriage understands a partner cannot be perfect and reaches out with a gracious, encouraging spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:11), with the goal of building the marriage, not allowing the enemy or selfishness to tear it down.

6. Good times: Every marriage has its share of tough times. Financial struggles. Health issues. Problems with kids. Spats over little things that, in retrospect, didn't matter much.

A wise married couple will plan for plenty of good times, occasions to celebrate, opportunities to relax together (sexually and otherwise) and to simply play. These are way to bring some healing joy into the relationship.

(Read Song of Solomon and think about the joy and playful anticipation this couple enjoyed!) Don't lose the joy of your relationship!

7. Gratitude: When we're "used to" someone, we tend to take that person for granted. This can be a relationship killer.

Colossians 3:17 and 1 Thessalonians 5:18 encourage gratitude in every part of life and all circumstances. There are many opportunities in marriage. Practice sincere gratitude; look for ways to appreciate your spouse or say a simple, heartfelt "thank you."

8. Guidance without Judging: It's been said we should not offer unsolicited advice. That's true in most relationships, but in this "oneness" partnership, a wise spouse can learn how to challenge unbiblical or ungodly thinking and encourage a biblical perspective. Preachiness isn't welcome. Neither is nagging.

Helpful tip:  Guidance in marriage is a sometimes a matter of speaking truth in meekness and love to help our partner "sharpen" his life or to "lift" him out of error (Proverbs 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9-10); but be careful - other times it's wiser to overlook a fault (Proverbs 19:11). Many women find it helpful to ask "discernment" questions to help a partner consider behavior patterns or needed actions on their own. The Spirit of God can use our motivating (not manipulative) questions.

It's not about judging our partner. Before you share a word of "guidance," read I Corinthians 13:4-8a and examine your own heart. 

Want to be a help to your partner? Be ready with practical assistance, especially after you've offered biblical counsel. God may use you to encourage your partner's growth, but He may also want you to come alongside to assist. But never pressure your partner to change. It's God's work to renovate hearts.

And I think the most successful Christian marriages have another element ... and it's a characteristic for all Christians.

9. Glory to God: The couple realizes the marriage is more than "about us." It's about Him! (1 Corinthians 10:31) It's about God's design ... His purposes ... His glory.

What about your own marriage? Is there a new or stronger "Love Choice" you can make, starting today?

[Note to Christians in marriages of 30+ years ... are there other tips that have helped your marriage last for a lifetime? Please share them in the comments.]

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. In these ministries and as President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego), Dawn encourages, edifies and energizes women with  scripture so they can better enjoy life, bless others and honor God. Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons and three granddaughters.

Married couple Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net - adapted.

9 Ways to Cultivate 'Lifetime' Married Love - Part 1

Whether your marriage is picture perfect or marred with problems, one thing is for sure - Love that lasts for a lifetime doesn't just happen; and any of us who are married can UPGRADE our marriages. It's a choice!

For the Christian, it's a biblical choice, a choice that brings blessing.

Actually ...

A Christian 'Lifetime Marriage' is a series of daily choices wrapped around commitment and enabled by God's grace.

There are basic characteristics of a marriage that lasts.

I've observed a number of marriages over the years - some for almost 40 years - watching them for clues to their longevity. My marriage watching started long before I said my own "I do."

I traveled with a revival team, and we stayed in people's homes in each new church location. Whenever I got to know a new family, I decided to take note of what worked (and didn't work) in their Christian marriages, believing I'd walk the aisle myself someday. I felt it would be wise to learn from others' experiences - that maybe I'd make fewer marriage mistakes that way.

What I discovered were common threads woven through these "Christian Lifetime Marriages." Let me highlight the nine characteristics that influenced my own marriage the most:

1. God is first: Jesus instructed us to seek God first (Matthew 6:33), and this is instruction for every area of life, including marriage. Before husband and children and anyone else, God is in first place. He is the "glue" that holds a Christian marriage together, the source embraced for help and encouragement, the foundation for a solid relationship that creates purpose and stability.

The simple truth is, as each partner draws closer to the Lord, they are far more likely to draw closer to each other. There is strength in this.

2. Giving 100%: We are to love one another as Christ loved us (John 13:34); and His love is sacrificial.

At least one of the partners must understand the concept of total, sacrificial living and loving. It may take two to tangle, but it doesn't take two to make marriage a success. As long as one partner understands marriage is not about each partner giving 50% - but rather, total commitment - there is a good chance the marriage will survive, possibly even thrive.

When one of the spouses is an unbeliever, this can be tricky. But especially in the case of wives, a husband can be "won" (1 Peter 3:1) by his wife's behavior. (How? Surrender first to God, and He will enables you to love and respect your husband.) Giving 100% does not ever mean we must tolerate abuse, but it does mean we can consider ways to love our spouse with the love of Christ.

3. Growth and ability to adapt: Partners who stretch and grow as they "rub shoulders" with each other will contribute to a stable relationship. Growth comes as we adapt not only to changing circumstances, but also to changes in our spouse.

No one ever stays exactly the same in a relationship - people tend to change (for good or ill). We are wise if we allow our partner to flex new interests and concerns within a loving relationship. Give space for growth.

Communication is key. Be quick to "hear" (James 1:19). Take time to hear words; but don't forget to listen to your partner's heart. God may be doing a new work, giving a fresh perspective, and it's important in your relationship to "hear and understand." Ask questions. Listen and learn.

4. Granting freedom to fail: It's been said, "The friends we keep the longest are the friends who forgave us the most." There's a lot of forgiveness present in lifelong marriages. The Bible says, "bearing with one another ... forgiving one another" (Colossians 3:13), and encourages humility, gentleness and patience (Ephesians 4:2).

The wise partner forgives failings - granting grace. Don't miss the blessing of cutting your spouse some slack.

I’ve found the best approach is to glance regularly toward each other, and then gaze on Jesus!

(NOTE: This post will be continued tomorrow:  9 Ways to Cultivate 'Lifetime' Married Love - Part 2. In the meantime ... Take time to study the successful Lifetime Marriages around you.)

Do the Christian marriages you observe have all or some of these characteristics?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. In these ministries and as President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego), Dawn encourages, edifies and energizes women with  scripture so they can better enjoy life, bless others and honor God. Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons and three granddaughters.