Cut Out the Hypocrisy

Morgan Farr is a rare voice for God in the culture, calling Christians to actually live out the truth they believe. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she addresses the problem of hypocrisy in parenting—not to shame parents, but to encourage them to do what is right not only for their children's sake, but also in obedience to the Lord.

"I have heard it said that character is caught, not taught," Morgan said. "I want my children to 'catch' from me not only a love of Jesus, but also a fear of the Lord."

I (Dawn) could not agree more. Parents make many mistakes—I certainly made my share. The biggest regret I have in my parenting is that I didn't model better the things I believe most. I trusted others to do that for me—Sunday school teachers, Church leaders, Christian friends, etc.

I shared Gospel truth, but often projected a "do as I say, not as I do" livestyle. It was a lost opportunity to influence them for God.

Morgan's call to cut out hypocrisy is rare in today's culture—even Christian culture.

Morgan continues . . . 

If that adage—"Character is caught, not taught"—is true, Christian parents should have the market on grounded, righteous, and well-behaved children who stay in church and don’t waver in their faith, right? 

WRONG! 

According to a 2019 survey, two thirds of church-going young adults leave the church between ages 18 and 22! 

One of the main reasons listed that young people are leaving the church? HYPOCRISY!

As a millennial, I can tell you from conversations with my own friends and family that this is pretty accurate. It breaks my heart.

The family is supposed to be a microcosm of Christian faith.

The father and mother represent the dual facets of God, each having strengths and weaknesses that help to point children to Christ. 

John Wesley—the preacher who founded the Methodist denomination—said, “I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians in England.”

Wow. 

I decided to poll my social media connections to get an idea about the main areas where hypocrisy is hurting the Christian family. The three main topics were pornography, debt, and reading the Bible.

Three Ways to Cut Hypocrisy Out of Parenting

1. Dealing with Pornography—Rethinking Priorities

Pornography is a word that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but it is a topic that must be discussed. 

The statistics about porn in the church are staggering.

• 68% of church-going men view pornography on a regular basis
• 50% of pastors view porn on a regular basis.
• 76% of Christian adults 18-24 years old actively search for porn
• 55% of married men and 25% of married women watch porn at least once a month

All of this while we (rightly) teach our youth to abstain from premarital sex and to enjoy the marriage bed! 

Now before you say, “Morgan, I NEVER watch porn!” — let me ask you, do you watch Game of Thrones? How about Grey’s Anatomy? Friends? The Office? What about the movies you watch and the books that you read? 

This is often where people say, “But that isn’t porn!” 

To which I say, "Nonsense."

Matthew 5:27-18 (MSG) says,

“You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt.” 

We cannot watch shows, read books, and play video games with titillating material and then espouse the virtues of waiting for marriage or remaining faithful in a marriage.

We need to take a step back and rethink our priorities here.

What is more important? Watching that show or teaching our children Christ-like discernment?

2. Conquering Debt—Leading by Example

The Bible teaches us not to have debt—but 80% of Americans are in debt!

Did you know the BIble has more than 2,000 verses dedicated to the topic of money? 

God cares a GREAT deal about how we handle our finances, and yet many Christian families lack a budget or solid financial plans to be able to manage the money God has given them. 

If we are going to teach and instruct our children in matters of finances, we need to take the log our of our own eyes and lead by example. 

There are amazing Christian financial resources to help us get back on track. (For recommendations, don’t hesitate to reach out!)

3. Reading the Bible—Showing Its Importance

How could reading the Bible possibly be considered hypocritical to our children? 

If we don’t actually do it. 

Lifeway conducted a survey in 2017 that showed that 36% of Protestants read their BIble every single day. Only 20% had read the Bible all the way through. 

How can we tell our children to love Jesus and fear the Lord if we aren’t doing that ourselves?

It is crucial as parents to be in the Word—not just so our children will learn but so that we will learn as well. 

Do you know what parenting takes? 

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Do you know how to get those? Galatians 5 tells us those qualities are the fruit of the Holy Spirit. In order to learn these things and have them be an integral part of our parenting, we have to be in our Bible daily. 

SHOWING Jesus to Our Children

Finally, in our interactions during the day, we must show Jesus to our children.

• When we are on a walk in the neighborhood, we can talk about the creativity of God in how He designed nature.
• When a friend is ill, we can stop and pray for them.
• When there is political unrest, we can pray with our children for our country's leadership.
• We can let our children see us worship the almighty God in many ways.
  

We must show our children that loving Jesus and fearing the Lord is a relationship, NOT A SHOW for Sundays. 

What do you want your children to “catch” from you? 

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life… while moving all over the country. Morgan writes about her transition away from feminism and much more at The Forgiven Former Feminist.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Gerd Altmann at Pixabay.

Upgrade Your Finances: Financial Freedom in 2018

Ellie Kay, better known as "America's Family Financial Expert," loves to teach people how to find financial freedom. In this Financial UPGRADE, she focuses on three steps that can help anyone find that freedom in the coming year, and she shares her "financial testimony" to make this personal and practical.

“Sacrificing for a short time helped us gain financial freedom in the long run," Ellie says.

I (Dawn) think financial freedom is a wonderful tool for growth and ministry. Why? Because, as Ellie Kay shows in her own life and teaches so powerfully, there is so much we can do for the Lord if we're not deeply in debt!

Ellie continues . . .

In Romans 13:8 it says, “Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loves another has fulfilled the law.”

What does financial freedom mean to you?

When I think of the times I’ve felt truly free, it’s when I’m on a roller coaster, bungee jumping or on a zip line. These “adventures” are full of letting go, experiencing the moment and screaming until I’m hoarse!

Financial freedom is very similar, because it can be a roller coaster filled up ups, downs and unexpected turns. But it is also the freedom to let go of worry, live life in the moment and enjoy the adventure around the next bend.

Financial freedom doesn’t necessarily mean an early retirement, but it does mean you are financially healthy.

But that’s hard to do when living paycheck to paycheck or with excessive debt.

Conquering consumer debt can be as daunting as stepping into a roller coaster or stepping off the bungee platform . But it doesn’t have to be an overwhelming experience if you take a few easy steps to get started.

1. Assess Your Debt.

The first step toward financial freedom is to find out where you are in your journey and how far you need to go to reach your goal.

Start by ordering your credit report for free at annual credit report. Use this report to add all your consumer debt (for both spouses if married). Most consumers don't know how much debt they have, which is why this step is so important.

2. APR Reduction

This is where the miracle of compounding interest happens and it can either work for you or against you.

If you’ve been working on your credit score and still have high interest rates on your credit cards, then it may be time to call your credit card provider to ask them to reduce your APR. A lower APR can save hundreds of dollars a year. Just tell the customer service person you want to reduce your APR because your FICO has improved, you’ve been paying on time for many months and you could transfer the balance to a different card (outside of their company) if they can’t help you.

If you don’t get the answer you want, kindly ask to speak to a manager. Then repeat the process. You’d be surprised at how often this works.

3. Absolute Commitment

When my husband and I had 40K in consumer debt early in our marriage, we had to fully commit to getting out of debt. This helped us pay off that debt, on only one income, in 2 years.

This means all the money saved will go toward consumer debt including tax refunds, bonus checks, birthday dollars and items you sell. We even sold one of our cars, when we lived on base, and my husband rode his bike to work or car pooled for a year.

We realized that we couldn’t have debt and a lot of extras at the same time. Sacrificing for a short time helped us gain financial freedom in the long run.

What is one step you can take today to be financially free in 2018?

Ellie Kay is the best-selling author of 15 books, veteran of 2800 media interviews and podcaster of The Money Millhouse. She is the founder of Heroes at Home, a non-profit organization that provides financial education to military members. She’s married to Bob and they have seven millennial children.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of stevepb at Pixabay.

Heroes at Home - Fighting for Financial Freedom

Today, we have a special guest blogger, Ellie Kay, who is the founder of Heroes at Home, a 501(c)(3) dedicated to helping military families and all Americans find financial freedom. 

"How would you like to live debt free?" Ellie asks. "Even as we celebrate Independence Day and the men and women who keep our nation stay free, we also can become financially free."

I (Dawn) believe there are many kinds of freedom we can experience as members of the family of God. Financial freedom is one kind of freedom that can affect your family, career and even how you give to ministy! God wants you to be a wise, intentional and cheerful giver (Proverbs 21:20a; 2 Corinthians 9:7), and one way to do that is to operate out of financial freedom!

Ellie continues . . .

In my work helping service members with financial readiness, there are tips that apply to everyone.

1. Credit Credibility

No matter what your financial picture is, it’s critical for every person to improve her own FICO (Fair Isaac Credit Scores). These scores determine not only the APR you pay on a home or car loan, but they also impact auto insurance premiums, whether you’ll get the promotion or the job (many employers check FICOS), whether you pay a security deposit for utilities, and much more.

You can go to Credit.com to check your score and they’ll even give you specific ways to improve each area of your credit score.

You can improve your FICO in three easy steps:

• Pay early – Set up automatic payments online so you will never be late.
• Pay More - Add $5 to $10 more than the minimum balance that is due; this indicates you are paying down debt.
• Pay Proportionally – Also known as credit utilization—make sure you don’t have more than 30% of the available credit charged on any one card at any time. For example, a card with a $5000 limit should never have more than $1500 charged.

2. Savings Savvy

It only takes 15 minutes to save hundreds of dollars! Once you save money in one area, use those funds to pay down consumer debt or to build up a savings account.

• Auto Insurance – Once a year, compare policies by getting a variety of quotes. Take the cheaper price back to your existing provider and tell them you will switch companies unless they can match the price. (Be sure to check out quotes from USAA.com if you are military and qualify to be a member.)
• RetailMeNot – If you have a smart phone, download the RetailMeNot app or bookmark it on your computer. This is a code site that offers 400,000 coupon codes at any given time. Just enter the store’s name and you’ll see all the codes to get the better prices. Use this on entertainment, travel, electronics and any kind of online shopping or in the mall.
• CouponMom.com – I was one of the original extreme couponers and it’s served me well all these years. If you go to this site, she’s done all the work for you and will tell you what is on sale in your neighborhood, what codes are available, what coupons are out for the item and which stores double coupons. I calculated that over the course of twenty years, I saved our family over 160K!  

3. Debt Deal Dilemma

With a slow economy comes an influx of those who want to "help" prepare you for the worse by consolidating your debt. However, most “for profit” debt-counseling companies charge a hefty fee for their services, which is usually tacked onto your debt load.

Instead, go to the National Consumer Credit Counseling Service at www.nfcc.org and use their free services.

4. Budget Baby

If you don't have a budget—as part of your lifestyle—then yesterday was the day to start! Set one up with online budgeting tools, found at mint.

The problem for a lot of families is not having a budget, it’s sticking to a budget.

Set up a “budget date” once a month with your spouse to revisit how the plan is working.

This kind of regular accountability works as well in finances as it does in Weight Watchers. When you know there will be someone asking you why you bought that purple mohair sweater for $198, you’re less likely to give into the impulse to go off budget.

Can you celebrate your "Financial Freedom" today? If not, which of Ellie's tips might help you claim your independence?

A special JULY 4^th note:

During this time of the year, be sure to thank those heroes at Heroes at Home ... thank them for their service. [For more information on where Ellie Kay’s Heroes at Home is visiting next, explore their website at HeroesAtHome.org.]

Ellie Kay is the best-selling author of fifteen books including Lean Body, Fat Wallet, and Heroes at Home. She is a Toastmaster Accredited Speaker as well as a popular international speaker and media veteran who has given over1,200 media interviews including appearances on ABC, CNBC, CNN and Fox News. As a popular columnist, she writes for six national magazines and has been a Subject Matter Expert for the Wall Street Journal, New York Times and Washington Post. Currently, Ellie provides financial education to military members through her “Heroes at Home Financial Event” sponsored for USAA. Ellie is married to LTC Bob Kay and they have seven children. 

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Morguefile.

A Fresh Start for Your Finances

Do your finances need a fresh start in the New Year? Ellie Kay, known as “America’s Family Financial Expert”®, is sharing a timely Financial UPGRADE today.

“After the holidays, most Americans face some pretty hefty credit card bills in January,” Ellie says. “In fact, it will take until May of this year to pay off the new credit card debt from the holidays and this doesn’t even include what debt may have already been on the card.”

Been there, done that, and I (Dawn) have “financial scars” to prove it! I had to learn some wisdom from the Bible and practice good stewardship. (*See end of this post.)

Ellie continues . . .

It may seem like a game to juggle debt, but it’s one that you can win if you are determined to get a fresh start. Through the power of prayer and a desire to follow God’s wisdom in your finances, you can get the fresh start you desire.

As a child, I loved Monopoly®. I pretended all the play money was real—and mine! Sometimes we view real money as if it were play money.

When faced with the hard facts about their finances, many families go through five different stages—similar to the stages of grief:  shock, denial, depression, anger and acceptance. Your fresh start is just on the other side of this journey.

1. Shock

Shock depends on what you believed in the beginning. For example, if a family already knew their total consumer debt load (credit cards, car payments, furniture loans, etc.) was around 40K, they would only be mildly shocked at how 40K in debt looks on paper. But another couple may think they are only a couple of years away from being debt free and they discover they are twenty years away. That kind of a severe shock can take time to absorb. 

Use shock as a starting point to make better decisions. There are excellent budgeting and debt repayment tools at my website. I absolutely love the free Mint app.

2. Denial

Denial is not a river in Egypt.  It is the most common stage in financial recovery. Continual denial makes people more likely to succumb to scams such as email phishing schemes or “Payroll Loans.” Once you face denial, you can overcome it.

Several red flags of financial denial include:

• Paying late fees
• Missing Payments
• Balancing or staggering bills, or
• A perpetual lack of cash.

Oftentimes, this stage will find you stuck—you are unable to reduce your debt, or if you do, you are soon back into debt again. There’s hope when you begin to follow God’s principles of good stewardship.

3. Depression

A series of money problems that press in can bring on financial depression characterized by:

• Lack of concentration,
• Insomnia,
• Guilt, or
• Hopelessness.

Consumer Credit Counseling Services is a non-profit organization specializing in debt reduction and financial education. A counselor can get credit card interest rates lowered, payments deferred, and help develop a plan to emerge from the debt depression cycle.

4. Anger

The anger stage is sometimes scary. Anger can be manifested through a wide range of emotions at a high intensity level. It can be as mild as being a grump or as severe as significant arguments.

At this point, some people even get mad at God and blame Him.

When the number one issue cited in divorce today is “finances,” it’s easy to see how couples in this stage end up in the “debtor’s prison” of divorce court.

Refuse to put your anger on someone else. Talk with someone—professionals, your pastor or church counselor. It helps diffuse feelings.   

5. Acceptance

You’ll know you’ve reached this final stage, acceptance, when at least some of these elements are evident:

• Change – You discover what you need to change and you’re willing to make changes.
• Responsibility – You’ve stopped blaming someone or something else and have accepted responsibility for what you and your spouse did to contribute to your current financial status. 
• Accountability – Besides mutual accountability, couples agree to make themselves accountable to another couple or financial counselor. 
• Hotspots –You’ve identified hotspots where you’ve fallen short financially, and you purpose to avoid them through prayer and God’s help. 
• Patience – You have hope. You are more tolerant of your own mistakes and have decided to learn from them. 

Invite God into the equation. Through the power found in a relationship with Jesus, we can be more than conquers, even when it comes to our finances. Take it a day at a time and, in the future, you will be on the other side of this problem.

Then it will be your time to help someone else.

What will you do to get your financial fresh start in the New Year?

Ellie Kay has been a regular expert on national television with ABC NEWS NOW’s Money Matters and Good Money shows. Ellie is also a national radio commentator, a frequent media guest on Fox News, and CNBC, a popular international speaker, and the best-selling author of fifteen books including Lean Body, Fat Wallet (Thomas Nelson, 2014).

* A few scriptures to apply wisdom from the Bible regarding finances (Proverbs 15:22; 21:5; 22:7; 27:12); and stewardship (Psalm 24:1a; Matthew 6:21; Luke 12:42-44; Romans 14:12).

Get Back on Track after Holiday Spending

In this special, much-needed Financial UPGRADE, Ellie Kay—"America’s Family Financial Expert" ®—will help us become better stewards of our resources, helping us get back on track in the New Year.

"The worst decision you can make in regards to your finances," Ellie says, "is to have no plan for financial recovery."

Financial stewardship and use of resources is taught throughout the Bible, encouraging wisdom (Proverbs 21:20), proportionate, unselfish, cheerful giving (Deuteronomy 16:17; Luke 6:38; 2 Corinthians 9:7) and right priorities—putting God and His work first (Malachi 3:10).

Whether we've been careful in our spending or we've "blown it" financially over the holidays, I (Dawn) think Ellie has some wise principles to help us move forward into greater financial freedom.

She continues . . .

Sometimes, a decision that starts as a New Year’s Resolution can end in a dream come true when you let those resolutions become a new way of life.

Our family did this to get out of debt and pay cash for our cars. We wanted to be better stewards of the resources that God gave us and we decided to give our finances an upgrade by doing things wisely.

Here are some common resolutions that can get you back on track in the New Year, even as they did for our own family.

Resolution #1: Pay off Consumer Debt

An excessive amount of consumer debt usually means a lower credit score (FICO), which means higher annual percentage rates (APRs) on existing credit cards. By improving your FICO, you can lower the APRs, thus paying off that debt in a fraction of the time.

It’s not hard to improve your FICO by following three easy steps:

Step 1 - Pay on Time 

Not only does a late payment mean high late fees, but part of your score is determined by payment history. Set up automatic payments online with each card to make sure you’re never late again.

Step 2 - Pay in Proportionally 

Utilization, which is the ratio of debt to available credit is important. For example, if your card has a limit of $5,000 and you have $2,500 charged, your ratio is 50%.  Adjust the balances on your cards to make sure each has no more than a 50% ratio.

Step 3 - Pay it Down!

Pay as little as $5 to $10 more than your minimum credit card payment.  It shows up on paper as the consumer trying to “pay down” the debt. 

You can also get out of holiday debt sooner if you reduce spending and repurpose those funds.

As soon as you save in one area, immediately channel the money you saved toward your debt load. If you don’t take that saved money and put it toward a credit card or other debt, then it will just get reabsorbed into your spending.

Resolution #2: Pay Cash for Your Cars

The least expensive car you can own is the paid-for car that you currently drive.

By going to my tool section at EllieKay.com and clicking onto the “Automobile Affordibility Calculator” you can see how much to save each month in order to afford to pay cash for a newer car. It is a lot easier than you think.

Once you’ve paid off your current car, don’t trade it in, but keep making payments to yourself in the amount of the former loan. So let’s say you put $350 per month into a car fund and invest it in a fund that makes 5% annually. You would have around $4400 at the end of the year, plus the value of your existing car (let’s estimate $5,000) to put almost $10,000 down on a newer car than you now own.

If you keep saving and keep trading up, then you’ll be able to pay cash for your cars for the rest of your life!

In the first fifteen years of our marriage, on one (military man’s) income, we bought 11 cars this way, paying cash and even donated some of those used cars to charity! When you do things God’s way, He often provides ways for you to be a blessing to others.

What will you do to get on track after Holiday spending?

Ellie Kay is a regular expert on national television with ABC NEWS NOW’s Money Matters and Good Money shows. Ellie is also a national radio commentator, a frequent media guest on Fox News, and CNBC, a popular international speaker, and the best-selling author of fourteen books including her  newest release, The Little Book of Big Savings (Waterbrook, 2009).

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.