Cut Out the Hypocrisy

Morgan Farr is a rare voice for God in the culture, calling Christians to actually live out the truth they believe. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she addresses the problem of hypocrisy in parenting—not to shame parents, but to encourage them to do what is right not only for their children's sake, but also in obedience to the Lord.

"I have heard it said that character is caught, not taught," Morgan said. "I want my children to 'catch' from me not only a love of Jesus, but also a fear of the Lord."

I (Dawn) could not agree more. Parents make many mistakes—I certainly made my share. The biggest regret I have in my parenting is that I didn't model better the things I believe most. I trusted others to do that for me—Sunday school teachers, Church leaders, Christian friends, etc.

I shared Gospel truth, but often projected a "do as I say, not as I do" livestyle. It was a lost opportunity to influence them for God.

Morgan's call to cut out hypocrisy is rare in today's culture—even Christian culture.

Morgan continues . . . 

If that adage—"Character is caught, not taught"—is true, Christian parents should have the market on grounded, righteous, and well-behaved children who stay in church and don’t waver in their faith, right? 

WRONG! 

According to a 2019 survey, two thirds of church-going young adults leave the church between ages 18 and 22! 

One of the main reasons listed that young people are leaving the church? HYPOCRISY!

As a millennial, I can tell you from conversations with my own friends and family that this is pretty accurate. It breaks my heart.

The family is supposed to be a microcosm of Christian faith.

The father and mother represent the dual facets of God, each having strengths and weaknesses that help to point children to Christ. 

John Wesley—the preacher who founded the Methodist denomination—said, “I learned more about Christianity from my mother than from all the theologians in England.”

Wow. 

I decided to poll my social media connections to get an idea about the main areas where hypocrisy is hurting the Christian family. The three main topics were pornography, debt, and reading the Bible.

Three Ways to Cut Hypocrisy Out of Parenting

1. Dealing with Pornography—Rethinking Priorities

Pornography is a word that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but it is a topic that must be discussed. 

The statistics about porn in the church are staggering.

• 68% of church-going men view pornography on a regular basis
• 50% of pastors view porn on a regular basis.
• 76% of Christian adults 18-24 years old actively search for porn
• 55% of married men and 25% of married women watch porn at least once a month

All of this while we (rightly) teach our youth to abstain from premarital sex and to enjoy the marriage bed! 

Now before you say, “Morgan, I NEVER watch porn!” — let me ask you, do you watch Game of Thrones? How about Grey’s Anatomy? Friends? The Office? What about the movies you watch and the books that you read? 

This is often where people say, “But that isn’t porn!” 

To which I say, "Nonsense."

Matthew 5:27-18 (MSG) says,

“You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt.” 

We cannot watch shows, read books, and play video games with titillating material and then espouse the virtues of waiting for marriage or remaining faithful in a marriage.

We need to take a step back and rethink our priorities here.

What is more important? Watching that show or teaching our children Christ-like discernment?

2. Conquering Debt—Leading by Example

The Bible teaches us not to have debt—but 80% of Americans are in debt!

Did you know the BIble has more than 2,000 verses dedicated to the topic of money? 

God cares a GREAT deal about how we handle our finances, and yet many Christian families lack a budget or solid financial plans to be able to manage the money God has given them. 

If we are going to teach and instruct our children in matters of finances, we need to take the log our of our own eyes and lead by example. 

There are amazing Christian financial resources to help us get back on track. (For recommendations, don’t hesitate to reach out!)

3. Reading the Bible—Showing Its Importance

How could reading the Bible possibly be considered hypocritical to our children? 

If we don’t actually do it. 

Lifeway conducted a survey in 2017 that showed that 36% of Protestants read their BIble every single day. Only 20% had read the Bible all the way through. 

How can we tell our children to love Jesus and fear the Lord if we aren’t doing that ourselves?

It is crucial as parents to be in the Word—not just so our children will learn but so that we will learn as well. 

Do you know what parenting takes? 

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Do you know how to get those? Galatians 5 tells us those qualities are the fruit of the Holy Spirit. In order to learn these things and have them be an integral part of our parenting, we have to be in our Bible daily. 

SHOWING Jesus to Our Children

Finally, in our interactions during the day, we must show Jesus to our children.

• When we are on a walk in the neighborhood, we can talk about the creativity of God in how He designed nature.
• When a friend is ill, we can stop and pray for them.
• When there is political unrest, we can pray with our children for our country's leadership.
• We can let our children see us worship the almighty God in many ways.
  

We must show our children that loving Jesus and fearing the Lord is a relationship, NOT A SHOW for Sundays. 

What do you want your children to “catch” from you? 

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life… while moving all over the country. Morgan writes about her transition away from feminism and much more at The Forgiven Former Feminist.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Gerd Altmann at Pixabay.

Developing Spiritual Taste Buds

Kathy Collard Miller wants women to understand how the truth of scripture can transform their lives. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she suggests ways we can learn to crave God's Word.

"If we had been told a year ago we would have unlimited time in seclusion at home," Kathy says, "I wonder how many of us would have thought, 'Then I’ll be able to to spend more time reading my Bible and praying'?"

I (Dawn) know I didn't think that way at first. But God spoke to my heart, and He created hunger for His Word and ways. I later wondered, "Why didn't I immediately think of opportunities for spiritual growth during the lockdown?"

Kathy continues . . .  

I would have been one of those, but my time with God hasn’t increased.

As much as we think choosing a spiritual devotional time is dependent upon available time, it’s primarily not. It’s that our spiritual taste buds are being dulled and satisfied by other kinds of “food.”

And for whatever reasons, they seem more satisfying and/or easier.

How can we enliven our taste buds?

Here are three empty spiritual practices PREVENTING our spiritual hunger.

1. Technology.

We won’t be surprised about this one. It’s just so easy, and it’s called “vegging” for a reason. But we aren’t receiving the nutrients of spiritual vegetables. Sometimes going cold turkey can be helpful—we’ll find out we won’t die.

My husband, Larry, tells how God challenged him to drive without listening to the radio for a month. That seemed like an easy assignment until he missed it. He realized he had been drowning out God's voice.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with listening to the radio, but for Larry, the radio had become a kind of empty source replacing a time of communicating with the Lord.

During his “fast” from radio, he found a rich time of seeking God as Psalm 119:37 says:

Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways. (ESV)

2. Relationships.

Do people dull our spiritual taste buds?

• Instead of seeking the Lord directly for guidance and direction, do we rush around asking for everyone else's opinions?
• Instead of seeking the Lord to define who we are, do the opinions of others define us?
  

Years ago, while caring for my mother-in-law in our home, the Lord began revealing how my mother-in-law’s opinions of me replaced God’s unconditional love for me. Because of the kind of dementia she had, her paranoia caused her to accuse me of trying to kill her with the “rocks” I put in her oatmeal.

I felt angry and misunderstood.

Thankfully, over the two-and-a-half years she lived with us, I understood more about God’s knowledge of my service. Also, my sinful demand she see me in a good light.

My spiritual taste buds became enlivened to depend upon His view of me as His Beloved. I saw the truth of Psalm 119:39:

Turn away the reproach that I dread,  for your rules are good.

3. Self-protection.

When Hannah's marriage was difficult, her escape plan nourished her soul, not God.

She explained, “I envisioned an open door labeled 'divorce.' I told myself, 'I'll stay in the marriage until the children are gone and then I'll divorce him. I can hold on until then, but I won't give him my heart.'

“Then one day the Lord told me, 'You're sinning. Close the door and lock it.' I couldn't do it. It was my way to survive.

"He gently continued to convict me and finally I surrendered. I mentally closed and locked the door. I began to offer my heart to my husband.

"The kids are long grown and my husband and I still struggle, but I know God has purified me as I've turned to His spiritual nourishment—not self-protection.”

Hannah turned from her own reasoning as Psalm 119:24 tells us,

Your testimonies are my delight; they are my counselors.

Here are three ideas for TANTALIZING your spiritual taste buds to hunger for God.

1. Think small growth.

An “all or nothing” attitude only discourages.

What ONE thing in ONE area does God want you to work on?

2. Notice the tiniest differences of those little choices.

Are you even a little more loving? Kind? Self-controlled? Patient?

Paying attention to God’s work will activate the spiritual taste buds.

3. Claim God’s promises.

He wants communion with you.

You’ll notice I used verses from Psalm 119, because that powerful Psalm describes numerous rewards of seeing how God promises to meet our needs with nourishing spiritual food, not empty calories.

It really is possible to be wake up your spiritual taste buds!

What small change will you make to invest in your spiritual hunger?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 58 books and speaking in 35 states and 9 foreign countries. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com. Kathy’s newest book, co-written with her husband, Larry, is God’s Intriguing Questions: 60 New Testament Devotions Revealing Jesus’s Nature. Check out Kathy’s Amazon author page.

Graphic courtesy of Engin Akyurt at Pixabay.

Tell Me Another

To read Kaley Rhea's writing is to hear her talk. She's real, relevant, righteous and right-on! In this Uplift UPGRADE, Kaley gives us a fresh perspective on the Lord's relationship with us. And it's all good.

"I don’t tend to get attached to things," Kaley says. "My nostalgia-o-meter may be broken."

I (Dawn) thought that was an overall Millennial thing. As an older woman, I'm finding my family of millennials don't want my "stuff." But there's a greater, deeper truth here.

Kaley continues…

Seriously, I’m over here like:

• First Grade macaroni art? That was years ago; let’s let this go.
• Backyard clubhouse my dad built? This thing is a rotting deathtrap; burn it.
• A great, great aunt’s collection of fabric scraps? Why do we even have this?

Somebody—I hope—is reading this and nodding with me, thinking, Yes, girl. Same.

But I know some of you are reading this and going, You cold-hearted monster. Okay, I’ll own that.

But lemme tell you a story.

My sister Allie has a one-year-old little girl named Emerson. Emerson and I, not to brag, are buddies. So because we’re buddies, not long ago I sat on the floor with her while we watched a kiddie program.

As we sat, I found myself getting pulled into this show. I don’t know how it happened.

There was a princess, and she was still learning how to be a princess, and in her moment of victory, I found myself getting choked up. Like I had to pause and take a moment.

The emotions in a preschool animated musical got to be too much, and I had to pull up and do some focused breathing. Me. The unsentimentalist.

You know who made fun of me in that moment? My grown adult mom and sister.

And do you know who else? Nobody else, because Emerson is an emotional person and showed a mature amount of empathy.

All right, it was super funny.

It occurred to me (and Emerson, probably) that I did not become affected when I saw a picture of that animated princess. My eyes didn’t well up when I read the show’s description. Or when I learned her name.

Nothing about that silly show came anywhere close to touching me on a deep level until I learned her story.

Until I saw her struggle. Until I knew her kind, little princess heart.

I do not connect very well or very often to THINGS. But I can connect to a STORY.

Do you wonder sometimes about the different ways God could’ve chosen to relate to us?

He could have said, “I am God, and you are human. Worship me.” And that would’ve been right and just. But we wouldn’t have known Him.

He could have said, “If you possess this amulet or such and such trinket, or say these words to this statue, you may know My favor.”

He could’ve looked at us and been altogether like, “Nah.” But He didn’t.

He gave us His story.

From the beginning of time, through the Old Testament to the cross, the resurrection and the revelation, He loves us so much—has such a desire to connect with us—He wrote it down.

The places. The people. The evidence. The truth.

Does that blow your mind? That blows my mind!

Sometimes I get so caught up in mining the Bible for “What is right in this situation?” and “How does this apply to my life?” that I miss the joy of being swept up by God’s own history.

I forget to marvel over and revel in the God who is present in every page, in every story, in every moment He chose specially to preserve for millennia so my human tinymind could process even a fraction of an understanding of who Jesus Christ is.

Deep breath.

Am I getting emotional now? Emerson, get the tissues!

Wonder at these things with me:

• What we have is not a religion of relics we have to search out.
• What we have is not a boss wearing a nametag or a lord bearing a title instead of providing an introduction.
• We have a God who gave us His stories.
• We have a Friend who invites us to know Him.
• We have a Father who proves He has known us since before we knew anything.

All that gets to this cold-hearted monster’s heart every time.

“Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord” (Psalm 102:18-22).

How do you approach the Word of God? What story from the Lord speaks to your heart today? Take time to pray and say, "Tell me another, Lord!"

Kaley Faith Rhea is the co-author of Turtles in the Road, releasing soon, with two more novels in the works. Along with writing and teaching at writers’ conferences, she co-hosts the TV show, That’s My Mom, for Christian Television Network’s KNLJ in mid-Missouri. Kaley lives in the St. Louis area.

This post is adapted from Messy to Meaningful: Lessons from the Junk Drawer by Monica Schmelter, Rhonda Rhea and Kaley Rhea.

How Ready Are You to Celebrate Christmas?

Yvonne Ortega writes a lot about broken people, and to be sure, there are many broken people who struggle during the holiday season; but God desires to do beautiful things in their lives. In this Christmas UPGRADE, she asks us to examine our hearts before Christmas arrives.

“On a scale of 1–10, with 1 the lowest and 10 the highest," Yvonne says, "how ready are you to celebrate Christmas?”

I (Dawn) am one of those "ready early" kinds of people at Christmas, because I want Christmas week to be as peaceful as possible. But having a ready heart is not the same as a ready home.

Yvonne continues . . .

I’ve had people tell me, “I’m all set for Christmas. I bought the gifts in August, decorated the house, trimmed an artificial tree, filled the Christmas stockings with small treats, and mailed the Christmas cards.”

Others have told me, “I’m ready as can be. I did everything over the Thanksgiving weekend. Now, I can sit back and enjoy the Christmas lights, programs, and parties.”

From an earthly perspective, the person appears to be ready. However, as Christians with a heavenly perspective, we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Our readiness to celebrate his birth has nothing to do with Christmas decorations, a trimmed tree, gifts for family and friends, stockings filled with goodies, or Christmas cards.

These three steps will help you decide how ready you are to celebrate Christmas.

1. Have you forgiven family members, friends or co-workers who hurt you?

You don’t want anything standing between you and God.

Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (NIV).

Do you still feel unforgiven for past sins? Are you burdened with shame and guilt?

If you’ve confessed your sins, God forgave you. He didn’t make a mistake when he did that. You can do no less.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).

2. How often do you read your Bible, pray, and go to church—especially during the Christmas season?

If you do these things, how do you do them?

Do you do them on the run with an eye on your watch?

Do you do them grudgingly or cheerfully?

My late mentor often said, "You make time for what’s important to you."

In Matthew 22:37, Jesus said the greatest commandment is to "Love the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" (NIV). You show your love by how much time you spend with the Lord and get to know him.

Make time for the most important relationship in your life. It is one that will last for eternity.

3. How comfortable would you feel if your family, friends, and coworkers evaluated your trust in God?

Perhaps you’ve lost a job, a car, or a home. Maybe you received a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness or have a prodigal child in the family. You may have suffered a serious injury or lost a loved one. Any one of these situations can cause turmoil in your life.

It can also result in your questioning your faith and God’s character.

Rate your confidence in his promise in Philippians 4:19: “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

As I wrap up, I ask you the same question I did at the beginning:

“On a scale of 1–10, with 1 the lowest and 10 the highest, how ready are you to celebrate Christmas?”

Yvonne Ortega is a licensed professional counselor, a bilingual professional speaker, and the author of Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward (paperback, Kindle), Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer (Kindle), and Moving from Broken to Beautiful through Forgiveness, all available at amazon.com/books. She not only survived but thrived after a domestic violence marriage, breast cancer and the loss of her only child. With honesty and humor, Yvonne uses personal examples and truths of the Bible to help women move from broken to beautiful. Find out more about Yvonne at her website.

Graphic of candle, courtesy of Pixabay.

The Lonely Leather-Bound Book

Dawn Wilson wrote the original version of this back in 1983, but I find it is just as relevant—maybe more so—today. In this adapted Spiritual Life UPGRADE, which is a bit of a departure from our normal posts, let's think about our relationship to the "lonely leather-bound book."

“Oh, boy … it’s only 11 weeks until Christmas! I love Christmas. I seem so much more important then.”

The leather-bound book sighed. He remembered happier days when his owner spent hours reading and focusing on God’s timeless words.

“I don’t get used nearly enough these days. Years ago, when my owner asked Jesus to be her Lord and Savior, I was used every day—picked up from my special spot, opened with tender, loving hands, and read at least an hour. She just couldn’t get enough of me! (Psalm 1:2; 1 Peter 2:2)

But that was then.

I’ve been resting here undisturbed for a couple of months now, but Christmas is coming and I hope my owner will at least read the Christmas story. She used to pull me out all the time when her sons were small. She told her husband it was important to teach the boys about Jesus. And she seemed to have a hunger for the truth in my pages. (Matthew 4:4; Psalm 119:103; Job 23:12)

But last Christmas she didn’t open me at all. She was too preoccupied with parties and shopping.

And then, after Christmas, she made a lot of New Year’s resolutions about reading me regularly and maybe even taking me to a Bible study, but I guess her resolutions were empty promises. Again.

Oh, I know she’s been terribly busy. There’s the scrapbooking class and trips to the mall, and she’s especially fond of that spa.

She reads several books each month that talk about me. It’s not the same, though. I’m the real deal.

I do get dusted off occasionally, along with the coffee table and candy dish. She feels she needs to make a good impression for company. Anyone who knows my owner knows she’s very concerned about appearances, and I’m such a ‘spiritual’ decoration.

Please understand. It’s not that I don’t get picked up. I get carried to church every Sunday—though heaven only knows why. My owner doesn’t bother to look up the verses when the Pastor preaches. I’m just good ‘for looks,’ I guess.

And I suppose in a few years I’ll be replaced by a newer, snazzier model. I hope it will get used more than I have, but I doubt it.

She’s already got six translations, a big print version, and two devotional Bibles on her bookshelves.

Last month was a thrilling time for me, though. My owner had a lousy time with her kids, and she got so upset she sent them to bed early. Frustrated, she plopped down on the couch for a good cry. I was there on the coffee table—ready, as usual. She stared at me for a long time through her tears, then reached out and picked me up.

I was so excited!

She thumbed impatiently through my pages, wishing I’d fall open to a good answer or a quick promise … something, anything that would speak to her heart.

How I wish she’d get familiar with me before these moments of crisis arrive.

She did seem somewhat encouraged as she lingered in the psalms, though, and I was glad to help. One of her boys got out of bed to visit the bathroom, and he seemed surprised to see my owner reading me. No, shocked would be a better word.

Most of the time, I remain here forgotten, or at least, neglected. Once in a while she gives me a guilty glance. Oh, how I laughed at her expression when the Women’s Ministries director stopped by last week. She glanced over her shoulder at me, shocked to hear me screaming. (Actually, it was her conscience doing all the screaming.)

She’s been in denial about me for so long she can’t recognize her desperate need.

She forgets I bear witness to the One who gives life—not just eternal life, but the daily life her heart craves. I could show her God's wonders and help her understand His ways. I could teach and equip her to serve the Lord. Most of all, my words could make her more like Jesus! (John 5:39-40; Psalm 119:18, 130; 2 Timothy 3:16-17; John 17:17)

Sometimes I feel like extra baggage, especially on vacations. I can’t believe how much I traveled last summer. I was in seven states, but she didn't use me once.

Once she even took me on a cruise. I didn’t see much, though, except the inside of my owner’s suitcase. Her priorities were clear. She pulled everything else out several times, but I can’t see why I even went along. I just took up space.

The house is pretty chilly today, but I feel hot and stuffy. It’s hard to breathe when I’m covered up with magazines and all those catalogs. I can just barely peek out.

Sometimes I get lonesome and wish for the ‘good old days’ when my owner loved me more than anything, even food. (Jeremiah 15:16)

I was alive and powerful in her life—a real eye-opener, motivator, wise counselor and friend. I brought her peace and joy. I showed her how to make God smile.

Oh… she’s coming!

Hey, I’m over here—over here!”

Do you have a "lonely Bible" too? Could you schedule some regular visits?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the Director of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

This post was adapted from an article I wrote for Spirit of Revival magazine, a publication of Life Action Ministries, in 1983. Used with permission.