Upgrade Your Fear Factor

Cindi McMenamin's specialty is strengthening women in their various roles. In this Attitude UPGRADE, she addresses something that holds many women back—the wrong kind of fear.

"Can fear ever be a good thing? It can," Cindi says, "but only when you are fearing the Right Thing."

I (Dawn) am a naturally fearful person, but I add my testimony to Cindi's here. Perspective is everything!

Cindi continues . . .

It occurred to me, as I was writing my book, Drama Free, that most of the drama we experience in life is a result of fear.

We tend to fear people—or circumstances—more than we fear God.

For instance, I was recently stressed out because I feared not being able to complete a deadline. But my fear was really rooted in failing to meet the expectations of others and then fearing what they would believe about me as a result.  

It bothered me to realize I was fearing what people thought of me more than I feared the God who had my back and could clear my name.

And couldn’t God equip me with what I needed to meet my deadline as I surrendered it to Him?

Throughout Scripture we are instructed to fear God (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

A friend once told me:

To fear God is to have a wholesome dread of ever displeasing the Lord.

That implies a love relationship with God in which we fear disappointing Him. That results in obedience, respect of His authority, and a careful intention to not break His heart.

The Bible also tells us, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom….” (Psalm 111:10, NASB).

I’ve come to realize the opposite of wisdom is drama.

When we exercise wisdom, we use discretion and we don’t make a scene.

When we demonstrate wisdom, we don’t bring distress to others.

When we display wisdom, we are not putting ourselves on display. 

If fearing the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, which negates drama, then fearing anything other than God is likely to trigger drama.

Instead of fearing God, you and I can tend to fear:    

• being misunderstood
• being treated unfairly
• being embarrassed (by appearing weak or incapable)
• being rejected
• being in a situation where I am not in control (My daughter has a fear of flying because she fears not being in control. And let me tell you, she can be drama on the airplane because of it!)

Sometimes we simply fear the worst. That is still a fear of something other than God. It is giving more power to what we fear than to God, who can handle those fears.

In Exodus 14:14 we are told: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (NIV).

That is ONE CAPABLE GOD—able to do far more than our fears, worries or drama can accomplish.

The more you and I get to know who God is and what He is capable of, the more our worries, fears, and freak-outs can be stilled.

We can be full of drama, or full of trust in an all-capable God.

I know which one I want to be.

What do you tend to fear more than God? I’d love to hear it in the comment section below.

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and author who helps women find strength for the soul. She is the author of sixteen books, including her newest, Drama Free: Finding Peace When Emotions Overwhelm You, upon which this post is based.  For more on her ministry, discounts on her books, or free resources to strengthen your walk with God, your marriage, or your parenting, see her website: StrengthForTheSoul.com.                        

Graphic adapted, courtesy of John Hain at Pixabay.

What's Better Than 'Counting to 10'?

In this Attitudes UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson helps us think biblically about our anger issues.

Some things just tick me off.

Insensitive people. Liars. Bratty kids. Government overspending. Immodest women in Wal-Mart. People who stab me in the back.

In the past, when I felt my ire growing, I practiced the old adage, “When angry, count to 10.”

The only problem is, I vented a lot of inner anger in between 1 and 9. And inner anger can be just as destructive as the kind we allow to explode all over others.

Between 1 and 9, I knew I wasn’t much like Jesus.

The mishandled stress and bitterness poisoned my soul. So, what’s better than counting to 10?

Breathing … praying … forgiving … thanking.

(1) Breathing

OK… to be honest, when I’ve “counted” in the past, I slowed down and breathed. It was calming. But it needed to be more than a physical exercise. We need to be still in those moments and acknowledge the presence of God (Psalm 46:10).

Now, when a circumstance arises that threatens to tick me off, I breathe out the venom and breath in God’s prescription for peace. At that moment, I surrender to what God is doing, and yield my rights to the Holy Spirit. 

I believe this is what Jesus did on the cross. He surrendered in the Garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:39-46), already determining He would not run from the plan to secure salvation for those who would believe. And indeed, He did not come down off the cross as His enemies “encouraged” Him to do with mocking remarks (Luke 23:37).

A surrendered soul is free to experience the tough things in life with sweet, inner peace. There may be a spark of protest, but it is quickly extinguished with the grace, love and forgiveness of Christ.

(2) Praying

One of the biggest heart changes for me—an action that turned reactions into responses—was to instantly pray (Philippians 4:6; Ephesians 6:18; Matthew 5:44). To pray for my offender. To pray for strength in my temptation. To pray for God’s grace in my time of need. Prayer turns our focus God-ward.

Try that when someone yells at you and you're tempted to react more like the devil than Jesus!

(3) Forgiving

I realized that we always have a choice to forgive (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32; Matthew 6:14). Rather than spewing angry words and bitterness that defile others, I can choose to cover them with kindness and pour out the love of Christ. Again, my heart attitude is God-ward rather than ruled by circumstances.

Try that next time someone cuts you off in traffic ... or takes your place in line ... or gets the praise you think you "deserve." Instant grace can be difficult, but it's a sign of spiritual maturity.

(4) Thanking

I’ll admit it. This one is tough. But the Bible says we’re to be thankful in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

We thank God, not necessarily for the circumstance itself—although we might recognize how a situation causes us to stop and think and perhaps find a lesson in the pain—but that He will use even this tough thing to shape us and make us more like Christ. We acknowledge that God uses and redeems all things for His glory (Romans 8:28).

So, if it helps you, count to 10 when you’re ticked off, but don’t stop there. Practice these biblical responses—breathe, pray, forgive, and thank—and watch God flood your life with His peace.

What really ticks you off? Own your anger ... and then consider which of these biblical responses could best help you deal with it.

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God, and Upgrade with Dawn. In these ministries and as President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego), Dawn encourages, edifies and energizes women. She wrote "The Blessing Basket" in the new book, It's a God Thing. Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.