Peggy Leslie's Legacy

My friend Peggy Leslie went home to heaven a few days ago. Since then, I've thought a lot about her legacy.

Yes, there were all the women who sat under her solid Bible teaching, and those who read her co-authored* mystery novels, and those who were blessed by her ministry in the church library. Her ministry in these and other places of service was sincere and deep, practical and always honoring Christ.

But Peggy's greatest legacy is in her children and grandchildren - those she and her beloved husband Gene (married 52 years) loved and taught so well. Most of all, I remember how Peggy loved to pray for every member in her family: her five grown children, the married children's spouses, and all her precious grandchildren. 

She told me once how she prayed for each child on a separate day. I remember being so convicted that I did not pray nearly enough for those I loved ... and that all changed for me because of Peggy's influence.

I am sharing this adapted version of a post she wrote for UPGRADE in April of 2015. (It's short and simple - but don't mistake how wise her words were!) I chose to run her words again to remind her family and friends what an extraordinary woman of God she was (and is).

As if they'll ever need reminding.

I love you, Peggy. I'm thankful for eternity.

I wonder if there will be "sweet tea" in heaven?

Dawn

“'Opposites' are supposed to be two different things. Right? So, how did I get five opposites in my five children?”

Our first three children were born in less than three years. Even before the first reached kindergarten, I observed that from the beginning each one, though in many ways like the others, was different from his or her siblings.

Karen, our firstborn, had a beautiful Sunshine Girl smile and could be very entertaining. Yet overall she was somewhat reserved, definitely not a chatterer.

Chuck, on the other hand, was one of those outgoing children who never met a stranger. We said he was “born talking.”

Scott was the observant one and the one most likely to share deep feelings. One day little Scottie came to me and said, “Mommy, I feel sad.” None of the others ever did that voluntarily.  

The differences continued as Kate (the sweet little “ham” and born teacher) and April (the sensitive musician) came along.

In the beginning I knew nothing about studies on temperaments, A-B-C-D “types,” or birth-order. But as I observed—and dealt with—each child’s idiosyncrasies, I concluded that to a point, each of my children was “born that way.” 

God had designed each one with a unique, inborn make-up that Gene and I needed to recognize.  

Here are a few things I learned along the way—some of which I wish I’d figured out sooner!

1. Pray, pray, PRAY to know how to “Train up your child in the way he should go . . . " (Proverbs 22:6)—which will usually be quite different from his siblings!

Gene and I have always prayed for our children, but for a long time in a kind of haphazard way, and usually individually. Many years ago, we came up with a plan.

We call it SPD—Special Prayer Day.

With seven in the family, each gets his or her own SPD. On that day, I usually contact that one by phone call, text or email and ask:

“Do you have any SPRs [Special Prayer Requests] today?”

I cannot count the number of blessings and answers and special moments that has brought to our family.  

Come up with you own plan. Just be sure to pray!

2. Observe each child so you’ll recognize differences and know the way that one should go.

3. Celebrate each one’s uniqueness.

Don’t try to force one into an area he’s not good at (sports, music, drama, etc.).

Don't expect, or try to make, one child like another one.

4. Encourage talents or skills God put there by providing ways to enhance them (sports sign-ups, music lessons, etc.).

5. Discipline when a child uses those talents and skills in inappropriate ways.

To me, those last two hints envelope the meaning of Ephesians 6:4b: ...bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

6. Pray. It bears repeating!

"Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her" (Provrbs 31:28).

* NOTE: Peggy Leslie and Donna Jeremiah co-authored and published two Christian mystery novels: Storm over Coronado and Intrigue in Coronado.

They're Taking It All In

Sharon Hoffman, a godly grandmother and author, knows the importance of touching the next generation for Christ. In this Grandparenting UPGRADE, Sharon encourages us to leave a legacy of spiritual heirlooms.

“Often extraordinary truths about God are taught in the most ordinary ways,” she says.

When my (Dawn’s) boys were young, I loved to embrace teachable moments; and now that I have three granddaughters, it’s still a pleasure. Sharon’s wordd remind me how crucial this is.

Sharon continues . . .

Because such moments come without warning and often at the most inopportune times, we’ve got to be ready to impart spiritual truths, seizing those fleeting teachable moments. They are more powerful than we can ever imagine.

Because I take my role of leaving a legacy of faith very seriously, not too long ago I made a commitment before the Lord, that with His help, the remainder of my life will be dedicated to ensuring that the heritage I pass along to my grandchildren is physically, emotionally, social, and most of all, spiritually rich.

From the mail that I receive and the 100-plus women I networked with in preparing my book—A Car Seat in My Convertible?—it is clear to me that a vast majority of women take their spiritual heritage very seriously, too, and have that same desire.

Edward H. Dreschnack said, “Just about the time a woman thinks her work is done … she becomes a grandmother.

And our grandchildren are taking it all in.

You, remarkable grandmother, can make the most of every moment when it comes to living out Deuteronomy 6:6-7:

"And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”

God wants us to be communicating scriptural truths along life’s way …

• When we look up at a rainbow;
• When we stand at the edge of a river;
• When we come upon an overflowing parking lot and need a space;
• When we pause to ask God to help the hurting people in an ambulance when we hear a siren;
• When we pray for healing or stop to help someone who is hurt.

All along life’s way we can be the hands and feet of Jesus before our grands.

Believe me, they’re watching and taking it all in. I don’t know about you, but as for me, even though I’m having the most fun ever in my grandmothering, I’ve found my body losing the vitality of my younger years, reminding me daily of the simple truth I’m not going to live forever.

I want to sow spiritual seeds in the fertile ground of my grandchildren’s hearts while I can.

Let me ask you some personal questions:

Is that what you desire?

What seeds are you sowing?

What kind of spiritual influence are you having?

How do you encourage your grands in the faith?

Is your life a reflection of the Savior?

You have an incredible opportunity to leave a legacy of spiritual heirlooms!

At the end of your life, will you look back at a bountiful harvest from the dozens of seeds you’ve planted, having influenced your grandchildren to love your Lord as you do?

Sharon Hoffman challenges women to change their world. Known for her warm demeanor and trademark smile, this vivacious author, speaker and grandma is the author of The GIFTed Woman, Come Home to Comfort, Untie the Rainbow, The Today Girl, and A Car Seat in My Convertible? Sharon wears “many hats,” including pastor’s wife. She and her husband, Rob, call Tennessee home.

Smart Smartphone Connections with Teens

I’ve been intrigued by Peggy Leslie’s intentionality to keep in touch with her grandchildren, especially after she told me about her method for praying for their needs. In this Grandparenting UPGRADE, she shares how technology gives her a creative edge.

“‘Hi, Grandma!’ Quick hug. ‘Where's PaPa?’

“I heard that greeting again and again when my 12 grandchildren—now ages 9 to 27—were small,” Peggy says. “I still cherish that special bond they had with their grandfather.”

Grandchildren are truly a blessing, and I (Dawn) appreciate Peggy’s insight into seven cutting-edge ways to stay in touch.

She continues . . .

Gratefully, my grandchildren all lived in San Diego County, so we saw them often those days. Then they began to reach the busy teen years, and I realized I needed to be creative to keep in touch with them, not just because I love them, but because God gives grandparents a special role and unique influence in their grandchildren's lives.

Of all things, my smart phone saved the day!

It began when they were slow to respond to telephone calls or check their voice mail. That's when I began using my phone to . . .

1. Email

That worked a little better, but sometimes they didn't check their email.

Email did come in handy when one grandson spent a school year in Venice, and I didn't have international texting. So I emailed him once a week on his "SPD" – Special Prayer Day, the day of the week my husband Gene and I concentrate on him and his family for prayer.  I also send the grands ecards on their birthdays.

From emailing, I began to . . .

2.  Text

Voilá! They nearly always responded quickly. In addition to occasional notes or questions, I text them on their SPD.  

Often their replies go, "Nothing today, Grandma." But I always look forward to when they share deep needs in their lives. What a blessing!

Sometimes instead of regular texting, I use . . .

3. Words with Friends

My oldest grandson introduced me to this “app.” It's a game similar to Scrabble, with the option to drop a note to your opponent. This way, my teen and I are not only "chatting," but playing together.

Everybody knows about . . .

4. Facebook

Occasionally, I check out the "wall" for the grandchildren who have them. Once one grandson posted a need for a certain book for a school assignment. As our church librarian, I knew we had that book, and posted a comment to let him know.

Facebook is fine. Trouble is, most of the young folks have moved on to . . .

5. Instagram

The app is designed to share pictures or videos. Upload the photo or video to Instagram from the smart phone, then add a message or caption if desired. Often the photo itself tells the story.

6. Facetime (or Skype)

With this one, I can video-chat, real time, with my teens. It's wonderful to see their faces no matter where they are! I'm new at this one, but getting there.

7. Twitter

This app allows 140-character messages called "Tweets." My grandchildren don't use it, but if your teens do, go for it.

Proverbs 17:6 says, "Children's children are a crown to the aged....!" They’re a blessing!

Grandparents can bless the younger generation too (Genesis 48:8-9), and can point them to the Lord (Psalm 145:4) and influence them to grow in faith (2 Timothy 1:3-7).

This grandma is no techie, but she wants to keep in touch with the grandchildren she loves so dearly and to fulfill her God-given role in their lives. So she has bitten the bullet – or hit the Internet – with her smart phone.

It has been a smart – fun! – move.

Are you ready to "get smart" in order to keep in touch with the grandchildren God blessed you with?

Peggy Leslie is a long-time Bible teacher and international speaker. She and her husband Gene, married 51 years, are the parents of five grown children. They love to spend time with their 12 grandchildren and are blessed to have all of them living in San Diego County. She and co-author Donna Jeremiah have published two Christian mystery novels: Storm over Coronado and Intrigue in Coronado.

Graphic adapted, photo by Joas Silas, StockSnap.io.

Grandparenting with G-R-A-C-E

In this Relationship UPGRADE, Deb DeArmond offers encouragement to grandparents who must deal with their children’s divorce and the own desire to build an ongoing legacy with their grandchildren.

“When the family divides, grandparents may find themselves excluded,” Deb said. “How to manage? It may not be easy, but it is simple. Face it with G-R-A-C-E!”

Grandparenting can be a rewarding experience, but I (Dawn) know many difficulties can arise when divorce is involved. It helps to have some solid strategies to build relationships with the grandkids.

Deb continues . . .

“It’s in the wee hours when my defenses are down, that my heart breaks all over again,” Sandy says explaining to friends how the absence of her grandson, Charlie, affects her. “Being without him is tough, to say the least.”

A strained relationship following her son’s divorce led to her daughter-in-law’s decision to keep Charlie from Sandy and her husband.

Unfortunately, their story is familiar for grandparents everywhere.

When the family divides, grandparents find themselves excluded, praying for a few sweet moments with a much-loved grandchild.

Divorce can create disruption in the relationship. But other issues may factor in: 

• A rebellious or prodigal child may punish his parents by withholding the grandchildren.
• A strained relationship between you and your child’s spouse can be an issue.
• The stress of seeing your grandchildren raised in an environment you find unsafe, unhealthy or chaotic can be difficult. Your comments may put you on the “no visit” list.
• Grandchildren are sometimes used to extract something of value from the grandparents in exchange for time together.

Children are busy today. School, church, sports and other activities keep them on-the-go. There may be little time for grandparent visits.

So what are grandparents to do? Face it with G-R-A-C-E.

G - Give it to God.

Focus on calming thoughts and let go of what you can’t control. Search out and write down “God replacements” – thoughts and scripture that reassure.

1 Peter 5:7 is a great place to start.

“Casting all your cares upon Him for He cares for you” (NKJV).

God knows the hurt of rejection. Seek His comfort by giving hurts to Him.

R - Recharge yourself.

Sorrow can bring loneliness, grief, even depression to “forgotten” grandparents. “I had to learn to live a new normal,” Sandy remarked.

Exercise, good nutrition, and patience help to recharge emotional batteries. Choose activities that restore you spiritually.

Friends who’d had similar experiences brought comfort and insight to Sandy. “They helped me understand that peace and joy in life is still possible, even if you don’t get to see a beloved grandchild for many years.” 

A - Adjust your expectations.  

Our adult children have families, careers and responsibilities. We become guests (hopefully, honored guests) in their lives.

Your grandchildren may be raised differently than the way you raised your own.

Different is not always wrong; it’s just different. If you measure their parenting using yourself as ruler, they’ll always come up short. Raising kids is tough duty. Pray for your grandchildren and their parents.

We play second fiddle in this band, but the music can still be sweet.

C - Communicate!

Do it often and without judgment. Call frequently. Send notes, cards, and photographs. Keep at it, even if they go unanswered. Do what you can and let God manage the results.

Don’t put grandkids in an awkward position by asking about mommy and daddy or blaming their parents for missing time together. Keep adult issues between adults.

E - Educate yourself.

Paper and pen may be your preference, but computers, texting, and social media are tops with today’s kids. My 83 year-old mother-in-law is computer savvy and active on Facebook. She knows what’s going on in the life of her kids, grandkids, and great grands by following their activity. She knows their prayer needs as she’s part of their everyday lives.

It may not be easy, but it is simple. So . . . what’s your first step to face it with G-R-A-C-E?

Deb DeArmond’s passion is family—not just her own, but the 

relationships within families in general. Her most recent book, I 

Choose You Today: 31 Choices to Make Love Last, reveals the power 

of choice to create the marriage you desire. Her first book, Related by 

Chance, Family by Choice, explores tools and tips to building sound 

relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Deb and 

her husband, Ron, live in the Fort Worth area. For more about Deb, 

visit her "Family Matters" site.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Holiday Hoopla at 50+: Making Memories

Deb DeArmond, the co-founder of "My Purpose Now," eagerly encourages women to live for the Lord in their second half of life. This optimistic mid-lifer has a special Holiday UPGRADE for those of us who still want to make a difference at 50+!

“As we get older,” Deb says, “making new memories is more important than ever!"

I (Dawn) am well past 50, and although I might move a little slower these days, my mind is always dreaming up some ways to create fresh family memories. So I appreciate Deb’s perspective.

She continues . . .

Two years ago we did what most people our age don’t do. We upgraded by purchasing a bigger home. We got an extra two bedrooms and another full bath in the deal and traded a small lot for nearly a quarter acre.

Crazy this late in our fifth decade? Maybe. But it’s all part of the plan.

What plan? To make room for more memories.

This year we will be blessed with five little grandboys gathered in our home for the holidays. (They will be bringing their parents along.) A sixth grandson is waiting in the wings, arriving after the New Year. The boys range in age from three months to seven years old.

It’s going to be noisy.

          And messy.

                    And all kinds of wonderful.

I do enjoy watching the kids as they open something special—selected just for them. But the holiday hoopla includes the marketeers working to convince the little ones that “this new thingamajig” is something they can’t live without.

As grandparents, how do we bring balance, with a focus on honoring Christ and enjoying the season in awe of the depth of God’s love for us?

As it says in Proverbs, "A good life gets passed on to the grandchildren . . . " (Proverbs 13:22, The Message).

Several years ago, my hubby and I proposed a new Christmas plan to our sons and daughters-in-law. We concluded we no longer needed anything, wanted anything or had room for anything else in our home.

But just like Jell-O, there’s always more room for memories.

Our suggestion? A shared experience in place of gifts. There were a few raised eyebrows and requests for clarification, but eventually, thumbs up all around.

The first year we rented a mountain cabin where the snow and the crackling fire kept us inside playing games, watching movies and talking. Remember talking? It’s been downgraded thanks to the (anti)social media mania.

The kids skied and we all indulged in a furious snowball fight. We exchanged letters on Christmas morning, each writing a note to the others acknowledging the gifts and gratitude of doing life together. One of the best holidays ever.

Disney was beautiful the next Christmas, and one year we opted for California sunshine. Eventually, the first couple of kiddles joined us as travelers. I wouldn’t trade those trips and the time together for anything.

This year with three babies 18 months and under, plus a very pregnant mama-to-be, travel is not an option. At least not one sane people would choose. So we’ll be making holiday memories with a new flair this year. Here are some tips on how to do that with your tribe.

(1) Turn holiday chores into an event. A baking date with my daughter-in-law, or a tree trimming extravaganza with food and holiday music can make the mundane magic.

(2) Expand holiday traditions to the next generation. The traditional holiday tea with my best friend will include our daughters this year at a lovely public garden. Wrangle the older kids to deliver gifts at a nursing home or sing carols to shut-ins. Dress up the littles in their holiday best and go to a holiday concert.

(3) Select experiences that are new for the entire family. We’re planning a ride on a local version of the Polar Express aboard a restored vintage train. Perhaps a holiday “cook off” with each of the couples taking on a day of the week-long menu plan. Vote for your faves and award “family chef” prize to the winners.

It’s easy to buy a gift. Creating memories might require more imagination, but is worth the effort. Perhaps we can help influence the grandbabies to choose wealth by wanting less stuff and living more life.

As grandparents, we have a responsibility to the next generations so Jesus, not things, becomes the focus.

This year, upgrade to making holiday memories!

Deb DeArmond’s passion is family—not just her own, but the relationships within families in general. Her recent book, Related by Chance, Family by Choice, explores tools and tips to building sound relationships between moms and the girls who marry their sons. Deb and her husband, Ron, live in the Fort Worth area. For more about Deb, visit her “My Purpose Now” site and her "Family Matters" site.