Make Loving 'Investments' in Your Spouse

An article by R.C. Sproul, Jr. awakened Dawn Wilson to how much she was taking her husband's presence for granted.

In a poignant post, Sproul wrote of his sorrow after his wife's illness, homegoing and absence.

"I wish I had held her hand more." he said. "That is likely my deepest regret, that I did not hold her hand more."

It's not that Sproul—a brilliant man who is rector and philosophy/theology chairman at Reformation Bible College—never held his wife's hand. But it is likely, he said, "that I didn't as often as she would have liked."

Holding a partner's hand communicates, "in a simple yet profound way," connection. In Christian marriage, it is the "one flesh" connection.

"It would have, even in the midst of a disagreement, or moments of struggle, communicated, 'We're going to go through this together. I will not let go,' he said."

Sproul explained other symbolism inherent in the held hand:  friendship, the leadership/follower pattern, marital love.

"Hand holding is a way to say both, 'You are safe with me' and 'Follow me into the adventure,'" he said.

Sproul concluded:

Holding hands costs nothing "and bears dividends."

Dividends! We need to take seriously this concept of "investing" in our spouse. Just as we invest financially and watch our bank account grow, we can invest in a spouse and watch our marriage grow!

I started thinking about the simple, everyday things a couple might do that communicates connection, friendship, biblical roles and deep love.

Some are simple courtesies that we do for others - why not our spouse?

Some suggestions:

• For the guys, Be a gentleman - like when a man pulls back and scoots in a chair, holds a door for his wife, or comes to her side of the car to help her out.
• For the gals, Be a lady - like when a woman asks for help (especially when it's something her husband would find joy in doing), or allows her man to BE the man of the house.
• Listen without a wandering mind or trying to think of the next thing we will say.
• Praise our spouse in private ... and in public.
• Squash criticism and a judgmental spirit.
• Express gratitude for what our spouse does for us (financially, emotionally, spiritually, etc.)
• Encourage growth. Allow for failures and lessons learned along the way.
• Support dreams. Be ready for a new life "adventure." Don't immediately pour cold water on our partner's ideas—draw them out. Help our spouse think through the pros and cons.
• Meet a practical need: doing laundry; making a healthy-but-yummy smoothie for our partner; dusting their office;  fixing something that's broken (that our partner uses and needs); preparing mentally, emotionally and physically for sex, etc.

The Bible gives us many "one anothers" we're to practice in the body of Christ. They certainly could be practiced in our marriages as well.

Simple things like: Love one another (John 13:34), Forgive one another (Colossians 3:13), Serve one another (Galatians 5:13), Encourage one another (Hebrews 10:25).

A widow expressed regrets for all the things she didn't do for her spouse during their marriage. Although I told her, "No marriage is perfect. He knew you loved him," she would not be consoled.

It made me think:

What might I regret if my life partner died today?

It's not too late to change those things—to do those things—that might make a huge difference in our relationships.

It might be as simple as holding hands.

Can you think of something simple to enhance your marriage today—a way to "invest" in your partner and ultimately, your marriage? 

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic, adapted, Image courtesy of luigi diamanti at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.