How to Spread a 'Sweet Aroma'

Mary James communicates messages from the heart in her music and her writing, and in this Spiritual Life UPGRADE she invites us to think about the “scent” of our lives.

“We absorb what we are exposed to, in ways that we cannot always see,” Mary said. “For a Christ follower, the value of others’ influence should never be taken for granted—especially while the world around them is continually sending out the message, ‘anything goes.’”  

I (Dawn) am influenced by so many people and things in our culture, as are you. Sometimes we aren’t even aware of their input. Maybe it’s time we pause to think: What or who does my life, my behavior, my attitudes, reflect?

Mary continues . . .

“What is that smell?” I asked was we picked up our six-year old Pekingese from Grandma’s house recently.

Because the odor resembled burning rubber, my dear mother replied, “Maybe there was an issue with the vacuum belt. It has given us trouble before.” 

Uh, no. Isaiah had in-fact had one of those infamous “skunk encounters.” 

Fortunately, it was not a direct hit, so my husband and I were able to tolerate the aroma for the duration of our 75-minute drive home. Well, almost. 

With windows rolled down and a lengthy debate over how our furry child could have possible been hit, we stopped at the grocery story to pick up a few needed items: Dawn dishwashing soap and tomato juice.

As I checked out, the clerks began commenting on a strange odor.

The first said, “Something smells like burning rubber.”

The second quickly chimed in, “It smells like skunk to me!” 

My stomach sank, but I had to laugh and then tell them our dog had just been sprayed.

I was completely unaware his aroma had rubbed off on me.

A few days later, the music of one of my favorite artists kept playing in my head. I finally dug out the CDs and listened once more to her incredible gift. She is one of the most artistic and thought-provoking singer-songwriters I have ever heard; yet the more I listened, the more sad and uneasy I became.   

With 100 items on my “to do” list, I stayed busy as the music played. But once I slowed down and focused on her words, I understood what was impacting my mood.

The lyrics were without hope and held a distorted worldview when it came to Jesus.

If there were references to God or Christ, they came as doubt-filled, rebellious undertones, or words of blatant discontent with God. 

Despite my spiritual maturity, her attitude had subtly rubbed-off on me to the point where my joy was drowned out by her faithless lyrics and sorrow-filled melodies.  

Why did I even open that can of worms? Good question. I had enjoyed her music for so long, I thought it would be harmless to listen again. Harmless. 

These two experiences are a valuable reminder of guarding the heart.

We absorb what we are exposed to in ways we cannot always see.  Who and what we hang around matters. 

No wonder Jesus (Mark 9:42-50) and Paul (Romans 14:13-23) warned us not to do anything that will cause another person to stumble. If you grumble enough, gossip enough, overeat, drink, smoke or cuss around those you are in relationship with, your “aroma” can subtly become theirs (or vice versa).   

For a Christ follower, the value of others’ influence should never be taken for granted, especially while the world around them is continually sending out the message, “anything goes.”   

I admit, this seems like a daunting charge, but all who understand God’s grace know that it is by His Spirit their steps are guided. 

God also created this amazing thing called “fellowship” where Christians can act as iron (or sharpeners) in each other’s lives. If someone has a bad attitude, speaking God’s truth over each other’s skunk-ed-ness, praying, lovingly suggesting a “spiritual shower” or simply turning off bad music can truly be medicine for the heart. 

This amazing transformative stuff that happens on the inside is what shows up on the outside, causing us to be pleasing aromas to God and those around us. Just think how anger on the inside shows up on the outside, or how discontentment on the inside shows up in your shopping cart. 

I don’t know about you, but when I leave a room I certainly want the smell that lingers—the words that I deposit into hearts and minds—to be sweet; words that strengthen hearts, not weaken them.  

Let’s always remember and respond to life with this truth in mind: “For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing” (2 Corinthians 2:15).

Has the smell of something not so pleasant rubbed off on you? Is there any music playing in your life that needs to be turned off?

Mary James, living out the charge found in 1 Peter 2:9 that we are “Saved to proclaim the excellence of Him who called us out of darkness into His marvelous light,” uses  music and transparent, biblically-centered messages to tear down walls and point people to Jesus. Since entering ministry in 2000, Mary has released five full-length CDs and shared the platform with Dr. David Jeremiah, Kay Arthur, Sheila Walsh, Greg Laurie, Bob Goff, Kirk Cameron and many others. She is a three-time Inspirational Country Music Female Vocalist of the Year Award winner and two-time ICM Music Evangelist of the Year Nominee.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of fotographic1980 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

How to Inspire Your Daughter

Cindi McMenamin's books address topics for real women in the trenches of life. Her newest book will help moms of daughters.

"A mom starts out as the single most influential voice in her daughter's life," Cindi says, "Until the day her daughter might decide to look elsewhere for a role model."

As I watch my sons' wives raise their daughters, I'm glad to see how they are shaping these three young girls to love and serve God and people. Cindi has some ABC's for influencing daughters (and they work for sons too).

Cindi continues ...

Here are three ways that you can upgrade your influence in your daughter's life and be the one person she looks to, over anyone else, for advice, approval, encouragement and inspiration throughout her growing up years and beyond. 

A - Accept Her for Who She Is. You'd be surprised how many daughters believe they can never measure up to their moms' standards. Not feeling accepted by her mother was the most common wound I encountered as I interviewed young women to talk about their relationships with their moms.

Daughters need to know they are loved for who they are, not what they do.

In most cases where daughters didn't feel accepted, their moms were unaware their daughters saw them as critical and unsupportive. 

You can show acceptance to your daughter by supporting her dreams and ambitions even if they are different from yours. You can also show your love and support by understanding and accepting the ways she is different from you.

For example, you may be tidy and neat, she might not. You might have excelled academically, she might gravitate more toward the arts. Give her leeway to be herself and appreciate and affirm the ways she is unlike you, because those things make her unique.

B - Become Interested in Her World. Our girls will want to be around others who "get" them. We can better understand our daughters by asking them questions and listening to them or, better yet, listening to the music they are listening to.

Become involved in what she is interested in by being the driver (if she can't yet drive) or the greeter (who meets her at the door after she's spent a day or evening out), or the caller (who often asks how she's doing and what she's up to).

Be creative and find a way to take an interest in what she's interested in ... even if it is not something you would've liked when you were her age.

C - Cheer Her On, No Matter What. You and I, as moms, need to be doing all we can to build our daughters up, not tear them down. When I realized the power of encouraging words on my daughter, I began to use them more often when talking to her.  That caused her to listen more, rather than shrink away.

Through the years, I've found that Ephesians 4:29  is an excellent safeguard for how to talk to our daughters in a supportive way:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Our daughters are hard-wired to want to please their mothers and make them proud. That's why it's important that we affirm their efforts, but also let them know that it's okay to not excel at everything.  Your daughter may still be struggling to figure out what it is she does well and what she wants to pursue in life.

Give her time. Allow her to fail. And be her cheerleader every step of the way. She will want you around if you praise her more than you point out what she's doing wrong.

Which of these steps will YOU focus on in order to upgrade your influence in your daughter's life?

GIVEAWAY: Make a comment today here (or on the Upgrade Facebook page) about how you influence your daughter, and your name will be entered into a drawing for Cindi's new book, When a Mom Inspires Her Daughter. Drawing: 9-30-13.

Cindi McMenamin is a national women's conference and retreat speaker and the author of a dozen books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 100,000 copies sold), When a Woman inspires Her Husband, and When a Mom Inspires Her Daughter, upon which this article is based. For more on her books and ministry, or to download her free article "Suggestions for Mother-Daughter Memory-Making" see her website: StrengthForTheSoul.com.

Photo in Text: Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.