When Mom Is in Heaven . . .

In this Mother's Day UPGRADE, Dawn reminds us to honor our moms for as long as we can. Why? "When Mom is in heaven," she says, "a big piece of our heart is there too." This is my first Mother's Day without my mom; and my husband's mother went to heaven in late 2021.

A few days after I wrote this post, I received news that a dear friend's elderly mother was in transition. Family members have gathered, and they will likely experience Mother's Day without their mom too.

The simple fact is, Mother's Day looks a lot different when a loving Christian Mom is dying or already in heaven with Jesus.

It's just so hard!

My sister was my mom's caregiver for so many years. I know she is hurting too. While there is relief when our loved one is out of pain, caregivers also experience great sorrow.

People speak of "losing" someone in death, but I haven't lost my mom. I know exactly where she is.

Knowing Mom is safe and well in the place where she lives forever helps me deal with the pain.

More about that later.

Perhaps someone reading this is struggling. I hope this will encourage you.

Five things to remember when facing Mom's earthly absence on Mother's Day:

1) It's normal to grieve.

I watched a television commercial promoting a lovely Mother's Day necklace. A tear slipped from my eye. Never again this side of heaven would I be able to give my mom a gift of any kind. Not even a Mother's Day card.

We can change the channel when the commercial comes on and avoid the card aisle at the drugstore, but that won't bring her back.

Grieving is natural, and no one can tell us when to stop grieving.

We can look at old scrapbooks of special events with our mom in the photos, but suddenly we realize there will be no more photos. We close the scrapbook. It's just too hard.

In time, a new awareness sets in.

In grieving, we eventually realize that great grief means great love.

If we did not love our mothers so much, we would not grieve them so deeply.

So what helps?

• Pause for a while and feel the depths of your grief.
• Then take your pain to Jesus—totally human, totally God—the One who understands how you feel. He is intimately acquainted with your situation (Psalm 139:b NASB). You are not alone. He does not stand back, avoiding your pain. He wants to comfort your heart through the watch-care of the Holy Spirit.

2) Some memories are sweet, others are hard, and some are funny!

After pausing to feel grief, allow your thoughts to drift to happy days when your mother was still on earth. Ask God to help you remember some sweet memories.

It's OK for tears to flow.

Memories can still be sweet, even when difficult or painful.

We can know that, as Bible-believing believers, someday all those tears of grief will be wiped away, and death, mourning, crying, and pain will end (Revelation 21:4).

In the midst of grieving your mother's death, perhaps you will recall some funny memories. That's OK!

Some of my favorite funerals and celebration services included funny stories of the deceased. Loved ones laughed through their tears.

Stories are reminders that the one we love was completely human and will be missed.

So what helps?

• If you feel comfortable, pull out that scrapbook again, or look at photos on social media or on your phone.
• Try to remember the place and time for each picture. Choose joy, and thank God for the memories.

(Bob's mother, left, and mine — when they were young.)

3) It's God-honoring and mom-honoring to remember her legacy.

All moms leave some kind of legacy. This is hopefully doubly true in Christian families. There is Mom's legacy in family traditions, and her legacy in Christ.

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his faithful servants (Psalm 116:15 NIV).

If your mom lived even nominally for Jesus, that's more than the vast number of moms have done around the world—moms who have never trusted in the Lord. It's not that those other moms don't love their children. It's only that they could not show the love of God to their children.

If your mom walked closely with her Savior, however, she will likely have left a profound "heartprint" in your life—transformational truth, and inspiration to follow her heart as you follow in Jesus' steps.

So what helps?

• Your mom may not have been perfect, but thank God for giving you life (Psalm 139:13) and the legacy of her love. If she taught you about the Lord, His Word, and His ways, praise God for that (Deuteronomy 4:9; Proverbs 1:8-9).
• Thank God for her influence in your character and your understanding of Father God (Proverbs 31:25-27).

4) Life now is about more than trying to "make Mom proud."

Proverbs 17:6b (NLT) says,

Parents are the pride of their children. *

It's natural that children take pride in their parents. That's why we have special days to celebrate them—Father's Day and Mother's Day. God tells us to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12); and the scriptures go one step further with moms: We must never "despise" (neglect) them when they are old (Proverbs 23:22b).

Yes. It's good to take pride in our parents.

Children also normally want to make their parents proud.

It's suggested that Mom is glad when we're making wise choices.

May your . . . mother rejoice; may she who gave you birth be joyful!" (Proverbs 22:25).

Most parents are happily proud of their children, even if they don't communicate it. Parental pride and gladness are often linked. I remember telling one of my sons after he displayed an act of kindness, "I'm so glad you were born. I'm so proud of you."

You may hope that you made your mama proud; and that feeling may continue after she's in heaven.

But your mother would want MORE for you.

Your mom would want you to live a wonderful, fruitful, God-blessed life. She would want you to live for more than simply making her proud.

She would want you to make God smile.

Turns out, that's a biblical concept.

May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor. . .  (Numbers 6:25-26a NLT)

God smiles when He sees His children looking to Him for wisdom and direction. When we seek Him out for the right way to live (Psalm 119:35 Msg), He pours out His favor in our lives.

Your mom wouldn't want you to become a sour, legalistic Christian. But she would want you to walk in submission, faith, and obedience to God because that's the way to a blessed life.

So what helps?

• Why not write a note in your journal or to post on social media to celebrate your Mom's life—rise up and "call her blessed" (Proverbs 31:28). Your mom may be in heaven, but you can still share part of her story or why you loved her.
• Ask God how you can make Him smile. What would that look like? What would move God's heart to bless you? The Bible gives some insight: Hosea 6:6 NLT; Psalm 147:11 ESV; 1 John 5:3a NIV; Matthew 6:33 NIV)

5. We know we will see our Christ-following Mom again.

Only God knows our hearts, but if your mother has genuinely received Jesus as her Savior (trusting in His death, burial, and resurrection; and repenting of sin and asking for His forgiveness) — and you have genuinely done the same — you will see your loved one again.

Again, what helps?

• Praise God for your mother's salvation. ** (She's not only your mom. If you both know the Lord, she's your sister in Christ!)
• Be sure you know the Lord too. (How do you know—how can you be sure—you know Jesus? Here is a presentation of the good news of salvation in Christ; and here are some evidences of salvation.)

I cannot wait to see my mom, my husband's mom, and a few precious adopted "moms" I've loved along the way. What a wondrous day that will be!

Let me offer a prayer for those who hurt this Mother's Day.

Father God,

I ask you to encourage those who have mothers in heaven. Comfort them and bring them peace.

Remind them of sweet memories so they will have tears of joy mingled with their grief.

Show them how they can best honor their mothers this Mother's Day and in the years to come. Amen.

Is your mom in heaven? Could you try some of these suggestions to face this Mother's Day with peace, and a "heavenly" perspective?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Vlanka at Pixabay.

* Note: Most versions say "father" rather than "parents."

** I know that some moms give no evidence of receiving Christ. We cannot, however, see into their heart and mind. Perhaps they had a conversation wth God before they died. We just do not know—but God does. We can take comfort in the biblical truth that God is loving, kind, and just. And we can thank Him for the years He allowed our Mom to care for us.

Mother Was Right—What My Mother Taught Me and Why It Matters Now

Janice Thompson is my sister-in-love. We share a love for her mom, Adele Wilson. In this Mother's Day UPLIFT, Jan shares some of the powerful lessons she learned from her mother—lessons all of us in the "Wilson clan" have come to love and appreciate—and I hope they encourage you as well.

"I vividly remember the day when as a young adult I said to myself, 'Wow, Mom was right!'" Janice says. "Perhaps you look forward to the day your child "gets it" too!"

Yes, I (Dawn) remember a moment of awareness. I'd thought my own Mom didn't understand the complexities of today's culture, but as it turned out, the principles that guided her life were timeless—much like those that guided Adele Wilson.

Janice continues . . .

Mom and Dad grew up together in a children’s home, each having lost a parent at a very tender age. Raised with 180 other children they called family, they both speak with gratitude of the care they received and the friends they made.

They also, however, determined when they married to try to create what they had missed—a welcoming home and intimate family life.

Mom is the first to admit they were clueless where to start, but God had His hand on them. They became Christ-followers shortly after marriage and immediately began to seek His wisdom. Between their study of Scripture and surrounding themselves with Christian families they wanted to emulate, they look back on their 72 years of marriage and trace God’s hand throughout their journey.

They are now enjoying the fruit of that dogged determination as they changed the course of their family’s trajectory and created a living legacy that has left a blessed imprint on three successive generations.

Mom gave me many gifts—including ones I didn’t always appreciate at the moment! I still marvel at how, without a mother’s role model, God gifted her with extraordinary wisdom.

She was undeterred during my adolescent years—that unpaved section of life—when I burst out in a tearful, “You don’t understand me!” She was on a mission, however, and nothing stopped her from standing firm on every value she held dear.

Here is my short list of what she taught me then and why it matters to me now.

1. Pursuit of God’s best. “If you’re going to do a job, do it right—the first time.”

If I were ever tempted to skim the surface, I’d best think again. I dreaded her white glove inspection of my half-hearted dusting chore. Good enough simply wasn’t. God deserved the best I could give, and I was never to short-change Him or her!

Gratefully, she was relentless, and that value served me well in my academic pursuit, career path, and raising my own children.  

2. Pursuit of Family Harmony. Conflict resolution was a non-negotiable. Frustration, even anger, were acceptable expressions as long as it wasn’t accompanied by disrespect, yelling, or fighting.

In Mom’s words, “There is enough fighting in this world; when you entered the doors of our home, it will be a place of peace, joy, and support.”

Mom had mastered conflict resolution skills that somehow allowed me to feel valued and heard even as I stewed in my anger. This led to a joy-filled home where my friends longed to be. Laughter was the norm, and my friends were always welcomed.

I found myself applying those same conflict resolution skills as we raised our children and in turn, enjoyed the blessing of being “mom” to many of our children’s friends as well.

3. Pursuit of Wise Stewardship. This one still amazes me as I see how much she taught me about God’s values concerning the use of time, talent and treasure. Let me start with...

TIME: Mom loved and served sacrificially. She worked long and hard, yet would always greet me with a cup of tea when I’d come home from a date no matter the lateness of the hour. She enjoyed sharing every detail of my experiences and used those late night chats to help shape my values.

I realized shortly after marriage how much she shaped my wishlist for my life’s partner and kept me from settling for less than God’s best. My husband is still my best friend, and I have Mom to thank for helping me understand that priority.

TALENT: Giving more than you take was another top priority. Mom taught me to always look for ways to contribute. If you are faithful with what God has put in your hand, He will, in turn, bless you with more to give.

I can’t begin to describe all the ways that value has played out in my life.

TREASURE: Wise financial stewardship was another non-negotiable.

Mom (and Dad) always put God first, spent less than they earned, avoided the use of debt, worked toward long-term goals, and were generous toward others. Those habits prepared them to live comfortably now.

That example also prepared me for a career helping others wisely steward their resources and their families.  

4. Pursuit of a Proverbs 31 Woman.  Mom was—and still is—a very beautiful and strong, independent woman. She modeled pushing through obstacles to achieve goals.

While always supportive, it was not her job to make life easy for me. She taught me to own my mistakes, minimize excuses, and figure out how to resourcefully get back on track.

She believed in me when I felt vulnerable and encouraged me to step into my calling even if it didn’t look “normal” or “traditional.” My subsequent career path landed me in what years ago used to be considered a man’s world. I ignored gender, however, and never allowed inferiority to keep me from starting my own company. Mom taught me to push through the hard stuff and count my blessings with every opportunity to make an impact.

Like my Mom, you have little control over the legacy you inherited, but a great deal of influence over what you leave behind.

Since a legacy is inevitable, I encourage you to make it intentional because wisdom is challenging to transfer without it. Experiences and how you leverage them can turn brokenness into a blessing even when it doesn’t look like it at first glance. You don’t have to be perfect; just authentic and tenacious.

We have the powerful ability ever day to leave a lasting imprint on those we touch.

Prov 31:30-31 says,

She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed….

Charm is deceitful and beautiy is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised....let her own works praise her in the gates.

Mom, you were right on every point and I rise up today and call you blessed.

What makes you unique because of the legacy you’ve received? What value or wisdom point can you change or build upon to make the biggest difference in future generations you influence?  

Janice Thompson is the co-Founder and CEO of One Degree Advisors, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, a Life Stewardship Advisor, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children with three grandsons and one granddaughter. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

How to Inspire Your Daughter

Cindi McMenamin's books address topics for real women in the trenches of life. Her newest book will help moms of daughters.

"A mom starts out as the single most influential voice in her daughter's life," Cindi says, "Until the day her daughter might decide to look elsewhere for a role model."

As I watch my sons' wives raise their daughters, I'm glad to see how they are shaping these three young girls to love and serve God and people. Cindi has some ABC's for influencing daughters (and they work for sons too).

Cindi continues ...

Here are three ways that you can upgrade your influence in your daughter's life and be the one person she looks to, over anyone else, for advice, approval, encouragement and inspiration throughout her growing up years and beyond. 

A - Accept Her for Who She Is. You'd be surprised how many daughters believe they can never measure up to their moms' standards. Not feeling accepted by her mother was the most common wound I encountered as I interviewed young women to talk about their relationships with their moms.

Daughters need to know they are loved for who they are, not what they do.

In most cases where daughters didn't feel accepted, their moms were unaware their daughters saw them as critical and unsupportive. 

You can show acceptance to your daughter by supporting her dreams and ambitions even if they are different from yours. You can also show your love and support by understanding and accepting the ways she is different from you.

For example, you may be tidy and neat, she might not. You might have excelled academically, she might gravitate more toward the arts. Give her leeway to be herself and appreciate and affirm the ways she is unlike you, because those things make her unique.

B - Become Interested in Her World. Our girls will want to be around others who "get" them. We can better understand our daughters by asking them questions and listening to them or, better yet, listening to the music they are listening to.

Become involved in what she is interested in by being the driver (if she can't yet drive) or the greeter (who meets her at the door after she's spent a day or evening out), or the caller (who often asks how she's doing and what she's up to).

Be creative and find a way to take an interest in what she's interested in ... even if it is not something you would've liked when you were her age.

C - Cheer Her On, No Matter What. You and I, as moms, need to be doing all we can to build our daughters up, not tear them down. When I realized the power of encouraging words on my daughter, I began to use them more often when talking to her.  That caused her to listen more, rather than shrink away.

Through the years, I've found that Ephesians 4:29  is an excellent safeguard for how to talk to our daughters in a supportive way:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Our daughters are hard-wired to want to please their mothers and make them proud. That's why it's important that we affirm their efforts, but also let them know that it's okay to not excel at everything.  Your daughter may still be struggling to figure out what it is she does well and what she wants to pursue in life.

Give her time. Allow her to fail. And be her cheerleader every step of the way. She will want you around if you praise her more than you point out what she's doing wrong.

Which of these steps will YOU focus on in order to upgrade your influence in your daughter's life?

GIVEAWAY: Make a comment today here (or on the Upgrade Facebook page) about how you influence your daughter, and your name will be entered into a drawing for Cindi's new book, When a Mom Inspires Her Daughter. Drawing: 9-30-13.

Cindi McMenamin is a national women's conference and retreat speaker and the author of a dozen books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 100,000 copies sold), When a Woman inspires Her Husband, and When a Mom Inspires Her Daughter, upon which this article is based. For more on her books and ministry, or to download her free article "Suggestions for Mother-Daughter Memory-Making" see her website: StrengthForTheSoul.com.

Photo in Text: Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.