How to Kick Regret to the Curb

Counselor and Bible teacher Debbie W. Wilson encourages women to cultivate vital faith, and in this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she advises us to deal with mistakes biblically and "kick regret to the curb"!

Debbie asks: "Why would Eve trade paradise for the knowledge of good and evil? Why do I swap peace for worry?"

I (Dawn) can't count the times I've allowed worry to control my life. When I make a simple mistake, I let the enemy play with my emotions until I'm a total mess. But God's Word has solutions for that problem, and Debbie shares a powerful truth.

Debbie continues . . .

Eve and I share a common problem. We've both allowed the desire for knowledge to rob us.

Choosing fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil made her miserable. My desire for the knowledge of good, better, and best has stolen my joy.

Maybe you can relate.

I bought a neutral-colored jacket I thought would go with everything. But after I brought it home, I couldn’t find anything I wanted to wear with it. The time to return it ran out before I realized my purchase wasn’t as smart as I’d thought.

“If only I’d thought it through better,” I moaned.

That’s when the Eve analogy struck me. The serpent told Eve that if she ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, she would be like God (Gen. 3:5).

• Was my “If only I’d known,” an echo of Eve’s obsession with the tree of knowledge?
  
  
• Was I trying to be like God—all-knowing?
  
  
• Is my desire "to know" a way to replace my need for God?

Have you let decisions you’d like to do over with the knowledge you’ve gained from time and experience steal your peace?

Even though God’s Word and Spirit guide us, we still learn as we go.

Even young Jesus “grew in knowledge.”

Where did I get the idea errors are catastrophes? I've felt worse over a mistake than over sin.

I knew God forgives sin, but I felt I had to pay for my mistakes.

Here’s some grace and help to avoid or handle REGRET.

1. BEFORE a decision, ask God to lead you.

That may mean asking Him to help us want His will. God’s will is always perfect. Ours is shortsighted and inconsistent.

I practiced this during a visit to Chicago. A pair of boots captivated me. They were a timeless style, fit like a glove, and gorgeous. It was snowing outside (I needed them). I peeked at the price. Gasp!

The store held my size to give me time to decide. A battle between why they made sense and why I was CRAZY to think about them ping-ponged through my mind. The next morning I asked God to guide me.

I opened my Bible and read out loud. “Spare no expense!” (Is. 54:2 NLT).

Ginny and I laughed out loud. “Mom, you turned there on purpose.”

I hadn't, but it assured me God would lead me.

When I tried the boots again, they rubbed my heels. I walked away without feeling deprived.

2. BEFORE and AFTER a decision, exercise thanksgiving.

God causes “all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28 NASB).

Even when a decision doesn’t turn out like we’d hoped, we thank Him that He will use it for our good.

Maybe my jacket is meant for someone else or for another season. Perhaps it’s a reminder God’s bigger than my shortcomings.

3. LIGHTEN UP!

God created us to need Him.  

Joy comes from experiencing Jesus, not from avoiding mistakes.

There were two trees in the center of Eden. Satan diverted Eve away from the tree of life to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Jesus is “the life” (John 14:6). Let's not let a decision draw us away from Him.

Before we left Chicago a pair of ankle boots grabbed my attention. Cute, comfortable, and affordable!

What pending or past decision wants to steal your peace?

Debbie W. Wilson, drawing from her personal walk with Christ, twenty-four years as a Christian counselor, and decades as a Bible teacher, speaks and writes to help others discover relevant faith. She is the author of Little Women, Big God and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband, Larry, founded Lighthouse Ministries in 1991. Share her journey to refreshing faith at debbieWwilson.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of kconnors-Morguefile.

Admit Your Mistakes!

Yvonne Ortega has rested in Christ to overcome the challenges and heartaches in her life, and she is truly a beautiful soul. In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, Yvonne shares one princple that can help us exchange our shattered dreams for the promises of God and watch Him heal the broken places in our lives.

Yvonne writes, "After the legal separation I told our son, 'You paid the price for my mistake. I’m the adult and your mother. As a parent, I should have protected you and never have allowed you to go through all that you did. I was wrong to pretend everything was okay.'”

I (Dawn) believe this kind of admission takes courage, but it is rooted in love for God and others. Yvonne "owned up" to her mistake in a God-honoring way.

She continues . . .

Perhaps you wonder how I managed to admit my mistakes to my son.

Here are four tips I learned about the admission of big mistakes.

1. I realized the admission of mistakes requires PREPARATION.

My preparation included journaling, prayer, Bible study, individual counseling, and my recovery group.

I leaned on the promises of three Bible verses and reviewed them frequently. One verse was 1 John 1:9:

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (NIV).

What will you do to prepare?

2. I had to admit my mistakes WITHOUT making EXCUSES for them.  

That type of admission requires honesty and humility. I had to take responsibility for my mistakes without any excuses, justification, defensiveness or blame. That way my child could believe I was sorry and trust me to protect him.

Why is it hard for you to admit your mistakes without making excuses for them? If the person you hurt has passed away, you can write a letter of admission and domeapologize. Then read it to a friend, mentor, or counselor.

Take ownership of your mistakes so they lose their power over you.

3. My admission of mistakes could either be ACCEPTED or REJECTED.

The longer I stayed in a domestic violence environment, the worse it became for my son. I had failed him. He suffered from the lack of peace and safety in the home. He could either accept or reject my admission of wrongdoing and my apology.

My heavenly Father gave me the courage to admit my mistakes by reminding me of Proverbs 28:13:

“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy" (NIV).

Your admission of mistakes may have nothing to do with domestic violence or hurting your child. It may involve:

• a strained relationship with a coworker,
• conflict with your in-laws,
• or a misunderstanding with a partner in ministry.

Whether your admission is accepted or rejected, the Lord will keep His Word.

4. I needed to make AMENDS to the best of my ability.

Life wasn’t perfect after my admission. However, it improved, little-by-little, as I worked to be the adult and parent my child needed and deserved.

Years later, he called and said, “You were a good mom.”

I cried for joy when I heard those words. The amends paid off.

I did my part, and God did His. I received the mercy the Lord promised in Proverbs 28:13.

When will you make amends? It’s worth the effort. 

Yvonne Ortega is a licensed professional counselor, a bilingual professional speaker, and the author of Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward,  and Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer. She has not only survived but also thrived after domestic violence, breast cancer and the loss of her only child. With honesty and humor, Yvonne uses personal examples and the truths of the Bible to help women move from broken to beautiful. Visit Yvonne’s website for more information.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.