Finding Peace When Regret Cripples Your Heart

Dianne Barker is a positive author with a caring heart. In this Biblical Perspective UPGRADE, she reminds us where our peace comes from when our hearts are filled with regrets.

Dianne asks, "Are you looking back on what appears to be a colossal failure?"

I (Dawn) think we all have them—regrets about our failures. But we don't have to let regrets settle into our hearts. God made a way to confident peace, and Dianne helps us understand how that can change us.

Dianne continues . . .

Looking back on failure thrusts me into a reflective mood:

• wondering where I messed up,
• how I could have made better decisions, and
• what else I could have done to get the desired result.

The cliché hindsight is 20/20 is on target.

Sadly, we don’t have hindsight when we need it—BEFORE the colossal failure.

When it does show up, we beat and blame ourselves for not handling matters better, crying, "If only!"

A friend’s wise words helped me move beyond crippling regret.

I had arrived at our Bible study feeling discouraged and defeated after giving an angry response to someone I loved. Now my friend and I would teach other women about the Christ-filled life.

Feeling like a failure, I shared the situation with my co-leader, Amy, a precious and godly young woman who loved me unconditionally. 

She knew my angry response was out of character and that I would make amends. But at this moment, I needed to move beyond the incident and focus on the lesson.

With eyes communicating love and concern, she said,

“'Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.' If something happened five minutes ago, it’s behind.”

Learning to apply Philippians 3:13 in such a practical way changed me.

Our amazing minds do not forget, but we can choose to put a matter out of mind.

The top two reasons to forget the past: 

• It wasn’t very good.
• It’s unchangeable.

Why do we continue thinking about a disappointment that caused hurt? It’s past… unchangeable.

If we don’t put it out of mind, failure will rob our peace and joy going forward.

Maybe you had a colossal failure in a relationship. Maybe you made a devastating personal choice.

Here's how I've learned to deal with regrets:

1. Run to Jesus and confess the failure.

2. Accept His forgiveness.

3. Seek His wisdom and go in His strength to make amends, if amends are required. (Sometimes the issue is mine only).

4. Choose to put the incident out of mind and go forward giving praise to the Lord.

Our Enemy loves to berate us, reminding us of failure and pouring on regret.

Friend, it is past! Forgiven!

Actively trust in God's forgiveness, release the past to His grace, and surrender your life to walk in obedience.

King David had a colossal failure. Remember the Bathsheba-Uriah incident? He suffered unthinkable consequences for his poor judgment, but he confessed and received God’s forgiveness and blessing.

Let 1 Kings 15:5 encourage you:

“because David did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and did not turn aside from anything that he commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.” 

Is there a colossal failure you need to get past? When the Enemy pours on regret, how can embracing what God's Word says about intentionally "forgetting" your past—your regrets—give you peace?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host, and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Word Weavers International. Visit her blog for more information. www.diannebarker.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Foundry Co at Pixabay.

Arise from Your Past Season and Shine

Joanie Shawhan speaks truth into lives to help people see real change. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she invites us to move past our past and into a shining future.

"It was time," Joanie says, "to organize, pitch, and clean!"

When I (Dawn) first read that, I thought this would be an Organization UPGRADE. But Joanie had something far more important in mind.

Joanie continues . . .

The disarray of my physical environment was interfering with my productivity.

I’d start a writing project, but I couldn’t maintain my focus. So, I stuffed garbage bags with stacks of mail and magazines, deleted thousands of emails, shredded paper, and rearranged closets.

But decluttering my physical surroundings fell short of resolving my lack of productivity.

Maybe I needed to declutter another area.

My inner life.

Sometimes we need to arise from the dust of memories that trap and imprison us in the past.

We dwell on a history we cannot change. But Isaiah 52:2 tells us to arise and shake off the dust and remove the chains of slavery from our necks.

My word for this year is arise.

In order to walk in freedom, we need to arise and sweep away the ashes of lost dreams, disappointments, and hurts that have enslaved us and prevented us from walking in God’s best.

It’s Time to Arise FROM:

1. Regrets

We all have regrets, but occasionally we get trapped in a cycle of regret—the what-ifs.

But at the end of the cycle, our history remains unchanged. We can forgive and commit those painful events to God and receive his healing and forgiveness.

2. Failures

All of us experience failure. But if we focus on what we can learn from those experiences, we can move on.

3. Offenses

Holding onto offenses turns our focus from God, imprisoning us in a cell of unforgiveness.

Forgiveness sets us free and places the offender in God’s hands.

4. Bitterness

Bitterness can be sneaky, raising its ugly head through snarky comments, jealousy, and gossip.

We can dig out the roots of bitterness through repentance and make space for what God wants to grow. 

5. Wrong mindsets or attitudes

We can transform our minds by replacing the lies we believe about ourselves, others, and God with the truth of God’s word.

Even the apostle Paul knew the importance of letting go. He said,

One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. (Philippians 3:13 NKJV)

When we leave behind the trappings of the past, we are free to arise and walk in the present purpose and calling of God.

It’s Time to Arise TO:

1. A new level of intimacy with Jesus

We become more sensitive to the Lord’s voice in worship, scripture meditation, and prayer.

Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away (Song of Solomon 2:13 ESV).

2. Believe

Believe the truth of God’s Word.  

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:32 NIV).

3. Thanksgiving

Gratitude arises when we are unshackled from the chains that bind us. 

He… broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
(Psalm 107:14-15 NIV).

4. Speak

Whether we speak, write, or share our testimonies, we are called to offer hope to those he has placed within our sphere of influence.

Therefore prepare yourself and arise, and speak to them all that I command you (Jeremiah 1:17 NKJV). 

5. New opportunities

When we let go of the past, we are free to move into the plans and purposes of God, fully confident of His goodness and his direction.  

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV).

We experience a greater presence of the Lord in our lives when we release past hurts, mistakes, and disappointments to God. Instead of focusing on our pain, we are free to walk in the plans and purposes of God.

Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.

(Isaiah 60:1 NIV)

Where is God speaking "ARISE" to you?

Joanie Shawhan is an ovarian cancer survivor, registered nurse, speaker, and author of In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer. Her blogs and radio and television interviews can be found on her website: www.joanieshawhan.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Tyler Nix at Unsplash.

Goals to Redeem Regret in 2020

When I think of pure lovers of the Word of God, the name Cathy Horning always comes to my mind. She approaches the scriptures with an honest heart, and then vulnerably shares what God is teaching her. In this New Year's UPGRADE, Cathy looks back over the year and talks about a word no one likes: "REGRET."

"As 2019 comes to a close, I have a great regret," she says. "Yet as we welcome 2020, it is a regret I intend to redeem.

"My regret is a latent skill which has gnawed at my heart for decades, one I have ignored, neglected, and excused away the older I have grown."

I (Dawn) so identify with this. I have some regrets too. Some, I can't do anything to change now, but Cathy has inspired me to redeem the ones I can.

Cathy continues . . .

This regret surfaced only two weeks ago, after I traveled across the border into Mexico to share my testimony with a precious group of women who are stepping out of poverty and brokenness.

Thankfully, I was blessed with a wonderful interpreter. The Lord was very present, and at work to speak hope and encouragement for their futures. 

When I returned home, however, I was convicted that I had neglected to attend to the beautiful Spanish language which I studied in high school and college. You see, for the past forty years, I rationalized that I did not need this skill in my everyday life.

Memories came of how Señor Reyes, my high school Spanish teacher, instilled in me a love and a passion for his native language—as well as what a stickler he was for proper pronunciation.

Living in Arizona, it only made sense to continue learning this second language in college. Sadly though, once I married and had children, I rarely gave it a another thought.

Over the years, I mostly ignored the gnawing within me to refresh and invest in Spanish. Occasionally, I would listen to a Spanish Bible on CD or a pick up a workbook, always with the best intentions. But, because of a full and busy life, it never lasted.

Eventually, my Spanish was laid aside once again.

I justified, when would I ever use my rusty, latent skill anyway?

I never imagined, at the ripe age of 60, I would be invited to cross the border from my California home and speak to a beautiful group of women who primarily spoke Spanish.

But, GOD KNEW!

And, although I was provided an excellent interpreter to help share my message, I was unable to talk personally to the women, and their precious children. I knew the basics, and although a few were bilingual, I regretted I had not maintained and invested in my Spanish, so that I could speak and listen to each one of them.

The conviction of my neglected skill, and the assurance that I will be invited back to Mexico, has inspired this grandma to dust off and work on relearning her valuable Spanish speaking skills.

I realize I may never be accomplished enough to speak a whole message without the aid of an interpreter, but as I step into the new year, I plan to redeem the regret I have, simply because I did not continue to invest in and keep sharp my Spanish language skills.

FIRST, I intend to follow the example of my mentor and role model, my daughter, who faithfully and diligently continues to practice her skill of the French language every day. Only, I will practice Spanish.

SECOND, I will use the same phone app she uses, an alarm set and all, which helps her to keep on track and be accountable to practice daily.

THIRD, I will follow my daughter’s discipline to read and listen to books and music in the Spanish language that I now know I need to re-learn.

FINALLY, like my daughter, I will keep this skill fresh and as sharp as I am able, for circumstances in the present, as well as for opportunities in the future.

Paul and Peter each admonish us in their letters:

"Do not neglect the gift that is in you..." (I Timothy 4:14 NKJV).

"Each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God" (1 Peter 4:10 NKJV)

Dear reader, as we enter a new year and a new decade, is there a stirring in your heart to learn or invest in a latent talent or skill? Perhaps, music, art, a language, a craft, hobby or other skill or interest? Is there a longing that lingers, one that never really goes away?

Could it be God’s whisper for eternal and kingdom purposes which He has created you for?

Cathy Horning has been a women’s ministry leader, Bible Study teacher, speaker and writer for almost three decades. She loves the Word of God. Nothing brings her greater joy than encouraging women how to walk in God's ways. Cathy is a popular speaker, blogger and writer, as well as a beloved wife to her husband of 37 years, mom to four, grammy to 13, and spiritual mom to many. She is the author of Letters from a Mother's Heart—Timeless Truths from One Mom's Journey. Read more here at her website.

Graphic adapted. Feather duster from Feather Duster Depot.

How to Kick Regret to the Curb

Counselor and Bible teacher Debbie W. Wilson encourages women to cultivate vital faith, and in this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she advises us to deal with mistakes biblically and "kick regret to the curb"!

Debbie asks: "Why would Eve trade paradise for the knowledge of good and evil? Why do I swap peace for worry?"

I (Dawn) can't count the times I've allowed worry to control my life. When I make a simple mistake, I let the enemy play with my emotions until I'm a total mess. But God's Word has solutions for that problem, and Debbie shares a powerful truth.

Debbie continues . . .

Eve and I share a common problem. We've both allowed the desire for knowledge to rob us.

Choosing fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil made her miserable. My desire for the knowledge of good, better, and best has stolen my joy.

Maybe you can relate.

I bought a neutral-colored jacket I thought would go with everything. But after I brought it home, I couldn’t find anything I wanted to wear with it. The time to return it ran out before I realized my purchase wasn’t as smart as I’d thought.

“If only I’d thought it through better,” I moaned.

That’s when the Eve analogy struck me. The serpent told Eve that if she ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, she would be like God (Gen. 3:5).

• Was my “If only I’d known,” an echo of Eve’s obsession with the tree of knowledge?
  
  
• Was I trying to be like God—all-knowing?
  
  
• Is my desire "to know" a way to replace my need for God?

Have you let decisions you’d like to do over with the knowledge you’ve gained from time and experience steal your peace?

Even though God’s Word and Spirit guide us, we still learn as we go.

Even young Jesus “grew in knowledge.”

Where did I get the idea errors are catastrophes? I've felt worse over a mistake than over sin.

I knew God forgives sin, but I felt I had to pay for my mistakes.

Here’s some grace and help to avoid or handle REGRET.

1. BEFORE a decision, ask God to lead you.

That may mean asking Him to help us want His will. God’s will is always perfect. Ours is shortsighted and inconsistent.

I practiced this during a visit to Chicago. A pair of boots captivated me. They were a timeless style, fit like a glove, and gorgeous. It was snowing outside (I needed them). I peeked at the price. Gasp!

The store held my size to give me time to decide. A battle between why they made sense and why I was CRAZY to think about them ping-ponged through my mind. The next morning I asked God to guide me.

I opened my Bible and read out loud. “Spare no expense!” (Is. 54:2 NLT).

Ginny and I laughed out loud. “Mom, you turned there on purpose.”

I hadn't, but it assured me God would lead me.

When I tried the boots again, they rubbed my heels. I walked away without feeling deprived.

2. BEFORE and AFTER a decision, exercise thanksgiving.

God causes “all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28 NASB).

Even when a decision doesn’t turn out like we’d hoped, we thank Him that He will use it for our good.

Maybe my jacket is meant for someone else or for another season. Perhaps it’s a reminder God’s bigger than my shortcomings.

3. LIGHTEN UP!

God created us to need Him.  

Joy comes from experiencing Jesus, not from avoiding mistakes.

There were two trees in the center of Eden. Satan diverted Eve away from the tree of life to the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Jesus is “the life” (John 14:6). Let's not let a decision draw us away from Him.

Before we left Chicago a pair of ankle boots grabbed my attention. Cute, comfortable, and affordable!

What pending or past decision wants to steal your peace?

Debbie W. Wilson, drawing from her personal walk with Christ, twenty-four years as a Christian counselor, and decades as a Bible teacher, speaks and writes to help others discover relevant faith. She is the author of Little Women, Big God and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband, Larry, founded Lighthouse Ministries in 1991. Share her journey to refreshing faith at debbieWwilson.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of kconnors-Morguefile.

How To Run without Looking Back

In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, I want to encourage readers to run the race of life wisely, and especially without looking back!

How are you running the race God gave you?"

Pause. Think. Read on.

I hated field hockey. As a junior high student, I didn't like anything about it—the endurance running (with my asthma), the craziness of scrambling after the ball, and especially all those swinging sticks!

But I remember one game in particular where I really blew it and suffered embarrassment for days.

My stance was fine, my Indian dribble fair, and my slap shots sufficient. But my coach repeatedly yelled, "Stay focused, Dawn. Quit looking back."

Pretty good advice considering I froze and looked back every time I heard the pounding of footsteps behind me. Whenever I had the ball "corraled" and girls rushed toward me from behind, I tended to spin around and get out of the way to avoid being run over!

My athletic sons would shake their heads in embarrassment if they could time-warp to see me back then.

One day, when the stampede of girls behind me once again scared me to death, I spun around, lost my footing and fell awkwardly, spraining an ankle and hitting my head. Sprawled on the grass, little birdies spun around my head, tweeting. (Back then, those were life's original "Tweets.")

Not exactly a star player.

I never really liked those wayward hockey sticks either. Or bruised knees (when players somehow missed my shin guards).

Like I said, I hated field hockey.

But that "looking back" thing? I still do it. In life.

I look back when I live with regrets, compare myself to others, or lose focus.

Life, unlike a field hockey game, isn't optional. And I don't want to stay stuck in fear. I want to grow in faith.

The Lord wants me to learn, grow and run my race well "to get the prize" (1 Corinthians 9:24).

So ... what am I DOING about that "looking back" problem?

1. I'm dealing with regrets biblically.

I know I can't go back for life re-dos. Looking back is fruitless except as I take my past to the Father and allow Him to redeem it (Isaiah 44:22).

When we confess our failings and leave them with the Lord, His forgiveness, mercy and grace allow us to move forward with God-confidence and fresh obedience (1 John 1:9).

The Lord will keep refining us as we run our race (Psalm 66:10; 1 Peter 1:7). It's His work, and He will perfect us (Psalm 138:8; Philippians 1:6).

2. I'm learning to compare myself only with Jesus.

My sidetracking temptation in playing field hockey was to idolize the best players. When I did that, there was never any real progress—at least not as far as I was concerned.

The truth is, my coach didn't want me to become Beth, Angie or Mary. He wanted me to be the best Dawn possible.

That's what the Lord wants for all of us too.

It's so easy in Christian circles to compare ourselves with women who have it "all together for Jesus," forgetting they have their own struggles—their own weaknesses, sometimes hidden beyond our view.

The Lord simply wants us to live in the ways and for the purposes He created us, all "to the praise of His glory."

Earthly comparisons are foolish (2 Corinthians 10:12). But finding out God's purposes and imitating Jesus in pursuing those purposes—that's wisdom.

3. I'm learning to focus on the Father's will.

• The goal isn't to look back and regret what might have been.
• The goal isn't to look around and constantly strive to be better than others.
• The goal is to finish the race God sets before us in ways that please Him.

We will desire to be obedient. Holy. Wise. Purpose-driven. Loving and compassionate. Serving in kindness. And we will allow the Holy Spirit to produce fruit in us as we follow hard after the Lord.

The goal is to imitate Jesus and align ourselves with what our Father God is doing (John 5:19).

We accomplish this goal in the power of the Holy Spirit—not in our own strength, and certainly not with our own agenda (Zechariah 4:6; I Corinthians 2:4).

As Dr. Charles Stanley wrote, "Spiritual power is the divine energy God is willing to express in and through us and the divine authority needed to carry out the work God has called us to do... God will not place you into a position or ask you to accomplish a task for which He will not fully equip and enable you." *

So we are empowered, equipped and enabled; but our FOCUS is crucial.

The look is important:

• Looking back, we'll stumble around in painful regret.
• Looking around, we'll be distracted and hindered.
• But looking forward and up toward the Lord, there is sure hope for progress in Christ.

Let's think more biblically, and run our race with a God-centered focus.

Running with wisdom, we're less likely to take a tumble!

Are you living with regrets? Comparing yourself to others? Unfocused or confused about the goal? Ask the Lord to help you clear direction from His Word and empower you to finish well.

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Field Hockey graphic courtesty of keithjj, Pixabay

* Charles Stanley quote, here.