Plan for Lasting Love

Pam Farrel is a relationship specialist, and she knows the power of making wise and godly choices that enhance relationships. In this Marriage UPGRADE, she says we need a plan if we want love in our  marriage relationship to last.

"A lasting love isn’t a happenstance," Pam says, "rather couples who gain long lasting love all made ONE vital decision: they DECIDED they wanted a long-lasting love! Love is a choice!"

I (Dawn) believe in making powerful choices! And a good place to start, right after our choice to receive  Jesus as our Savior, is in our closest human relationship.

Pam continues . . .

We recently celebrated our 40^th anniversary. As a gift, our grown sons and daughter in laws, along with our five grandchildren, all contributed to a book they wrote, 40 Reasons We Value Your Lasting Love.

Here are a few of our favorites parts from that book—along with four vital choices we've made in our marriage.

You too can gain a lasting lifetime love! Here is how.

1. Sit Face 2 Face

"We love because He (God) first loved us" (1 John 4:19).

This verse was inscribed on our wedding gifts to each other. We knew going in, we would only succeed at long lasting love only if God was kept front and center as the glue to hold us together.

One of the less glamourous but most vital choices we made early in our marriage was to create a Marriage & Family Compass.

This includes:

(1) Marriage/Family Mission Statement

We penned ours about two years into our marriage, inspired by a marriage conference for seminary students lead by Dr. Norman T. Wright.

(2) Marriage/ Family Motto

We wanted a short phrase like you’d see on a coffee mug or T-shirt. Ours is, “Those who honor God, God honors”—based on 1 Samuel 2:30.

(3) Marriage/Family Moniker

This is a family crest. Ours has three L’s that stand for Leaner, Leader, who Loves God (what we prayed our children would grow into); plus two hearts that stand for Farrels keep their promises, especially in marriage; and a cross with a star symbolizing that when you have a vibrant relationship with God, He ignites the God-given passion inside and you “let your light shine” for Him.

We also made a commitment to have a weekly “Monday Morning Marriage Meeting” where we pray, then discuss things like money/finances, calendar items, work and family; and we delegate tasks, make decisions together, etc. In other words, we tackle the important "biz issues" of a marriage. 

The Marriage Meet Up and the Family Compass were vital, because we both came from very dysfunctional, chaotic homes. We needed to be proactive and positive.

We saw the fruit of this in the book our family gave us on our 40th anniversary.

• "You love each other—quirks and all"
• "You model healthy communication, aka conflict resolution and forgiveness."
• "Tenacity! We will make it through anything TOGETHER!"
  

2. Walk Hand 2 Hand

"I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well" (3 John 1:2).

An obvious tip on gaining a long-lasting love is: You must live longer and stronger by treating your body (and your mate’s body) as “a temple of the Holy Spirit”  (1 Corinthians 6:19).

Because we were both athletes when we met at age 19, and married at age 20, keeping active is a part of our love life.

We have always enjoyed a daily prayer walk, hand in hand.

We have supported each other’s exercise pursuits, but the real key is finding some activities you BOTH enjoy doing together.

Some of our favorites are kayaking, paddle boarding, jet skiing, biking, swimming and dancing under the stars—or while waiting for an elevator!

• "You two are not afraid to take risks, as long as you are doing it together."
• "You love going on adventures together—you see life as an adventure."
• "You always take time for date nights."

3. Hug Heart 2 Heart  

"I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go…" (Song of Songs 3:4).

We have cultivated romance. We kiss each other EVERY TIME we say grace.

We put weekly date nights, a monthly day away, and twice-a-year overnight getaways on our calendar FIRST! We even schedule “Red Hot Monogamy!” 

• "You are each other’s biggest fans."
• "As a kid growing up, you modeled for us vulnerability, forgiveness, grace, pure love, joy and commitment."
• "You both love waffles and spaghetti."

4. Bow Knee 2 Knee

"You will pray to him, and he will hear you, and you will fulfill your vows" (Job 22:27).

Prayer was a part of our relationship from the first moment Bill first asked me out on our first date!

We pray for one another and with one another.

We pray, hug and kiss, when we greet and when we depart from each other.

We pray over meals, over decisions, over family and friends, and over our failures and frailties. We wrap up in each other’s arms each night and pray and thank God for each other and one more day together.

• "You guys have defied the odds and have a HEALTHY marriage."
• "You have completely changed the legacy of our family."
• "You model a chord of three strands is not easily broken."

Do you have hopes and dreams for your marriage?

I remember a drive together as a newly-engaged couple when one of us said, “We are years away from starting a family, but what will we want our kids to say about us on our 25th or 50th wedding anniversary?”

We made a verbal list, then we prayed and asked God to fulfill those hearts desires.

And He is!  

What new habits or activities do you want to add into your marriage or your family to secure the future God longs to give you?

Pam Farrel is a cheerleader for women everywhere! Bill and Pam Farrel are international speakers, relationship specialists, and authors of more than 50 books including the bestselling: Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti; 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make (which explains how couples can create their own Family Compass: Mission, Motto, Moniker); Red Hot Monogamy (with more than 200 romance ideas). Their newest book is Marriage Meet Ups: A Planner for Couples Who Want a Productive, Passionate and Purposeful Life (to be released the end of January 2020). Discover more about Pam or the Farrels' ministry at  www.Love-Wise.com

Appreciation Fans the Flame on Love

Pam Farrel really cares about marriages, and she wants people to know the value of romance in the loving husband-wife relationship. In this Marriage UPGRADE just in time for Valentine's Day, she focuses on an attitude that can "fan the flame."

Appreciation can positively change the atmosphere in our marriage; vastly improve the confidence of our mate and raise the temperature of our own passion toward our husband,” Pam says. “In short, appreciation steams up the windows of desire in our heart.  

It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and I (Dawn) agree. Appreciation is a great way for those who are married to prepare for this special day. Pam shares some practical ways to help your man feel he is number one in your heart—not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day!

Pam continues . . .

For the past few years, a few times a year, I run a Romance Challenge for Wives. Together, we look at the 26 traits, A to Z, that make a wife more loving, more caring—and yes, more desirable—to her husband.

These wives value love, cherish the institute of marriage and even recognize the significance of their man; yet they are looking for a few more creative ideas to fan the flame on love.

They long to keep that spark and sizzle in their love life.

In the heart of a woman is a desire to help their man feel like the luckiest, most blessed male on the face of the globe!

Yet, women struggle to keep gratitude and thankfulness in their hearts—especially toward the man God gave them to marry.

Because we women can drift to feelings of frustration toward our spouse, we need a way to drift BACK to emotions of appreciation, gratitude and gratefulness toward our husband and marriage.

If you are struggling to find anything positive about the man God gave you, here is the baseline:

He had the good sense to marry YOU!

We can have confidence that God will meet us in the middle of our desire to be more loving and appreciative because He commands us to have an attitude of gratitude:

In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you (I Thessalonians 5:18).

One of the basic components of a strong love is when a man feels appreciated, valued and esteemed.

I love the look in the eyes of newlywed brides. They beam as they hang on the arm of their groom. That gleam in the eye and broad smile—that is appreciation!

When he senses you feel you won the grand prize when you married him, his heart will be drawn toward you; and then your worth is like the upward trajectory of a positive stock market report. You become priceless!

The Bible encourages, “…esteem them very highly in love…” (1 Thessalonians 5:13). Esteem means to regard as particularly important; admire, approve, favor, treasure.

Is that how you feel about your husband?

As a motivated wife, you have the honor of being the spark plug for your marriage, the igniter of romance and the match to light the flame of intimacy.

If you want to kickstart appreciation to fan the flame on love, simply say “Thanks!”

How?

Try one of the ways below to tangibly express your gratitude to your man:

♥ Admire in a letter or with your verbal praise one of his good qualities
♥ Applaud his effort or an accomplishment
♥ Approve of his choice (of anything) heartily!
♥ Commend of him in front of his friends or colleagues
♥ Compliment one of his handsome features
♥ Positively inquire more information about one of his interests
♥ Accept one of his quirks with a quick hug or kiss when you see it
♥ Laud an accomplishment with a gift or a family party to celebrate.
♥ Warm toward an idea he has brought up by asking to learn more.
♥ Support one of his dreams by placing a photo of him doing it on your desk or refrigerator.
♥ Sympathize with an emotional hurt with a hug. 
♥ Adore his body in the bed room.
♥ Enthusiastically embrace one of his opinions with an “I so agree!”
♥ Show pleasure of his company with a “So nice to have you in my life”.
♥ Be sensitive to his stress by giving a shoulder or neck rub.
♥ Be mindful of one of his needs by running an errand or picking up an item without being asked.
♥ Be responsive to one of advances for “red hot monogamy”.
♥ Order a coffee mug with “I thank God 4 U!” printed on it, then bring him breakfast in bed, complete with the coffee mug.
♥ Place a thank you note on a helium balloon and float it into his office.
♥ Make your own list, A to Z, why you are thankful for your man, then read it to him; give it to him, one letter at a time; create a photo book with pictures of him for each letter and each trait you find attractive; or write the list on the same kind of paper you sent the first love note on!

Which of these “appreciation fans" would make the biggest difference in your marriage today?

What are you waiting for?

Pam Farrel is an international speaker, author of over 45 books including Red Hot Romance Tips for Women (which this blog is adapted from); Red Hot Monogamy,  A Couple’s Journey with God, and  best-selling Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti. Pam encourages women to join the 26 day Red Hot Wife Challenge, and her husband Bill hosts the Her Best Friend phone APP to equip husbands to romance their wives. Learn more about Pam and Bill Farrels’ ministry at www.Love-Wise.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Tumisu at Pixabay.