Are You Flirting with Burnout or Action Addiction?

Joan Webb encourages women to breathe. She knows the stress our constant struggle for perfection can do to harm us, as she notes in this Attitude UPGRADE.

“Have you dreamed of slowing down,” Joan says, “but keep hearing your internal-bully whisper, ‘There’s no stinkin’ way you can do that!’”

      

Oh my. Joan, you’ve nailed one of my (Dawn’s) personal struggles. And you are pointing us to our true source of help.

Joan continues …

Perhaps you’re one of many in service-related careers or ministries who are on the fast track to burnout.

Just in case you wondering, here’s a good definition of burnout. 

Burnout is the type of stress and emotional fatigue that occurs when a series of (or combination of) events in a relationship, mission, way of life or job fail to produce an expected result.

Awareness is an important step in changing this self-defeating lifestyle of overworking, overdoing, over-helping and over-committing.

The following questionnaire can help you identify your need:

• Do you have a difficult time relaxing?
• Are you crankier than you used to be–even though you try hard to keep it to yourself?
• Do you rush from one project to another?
• Are you tired on an ongoing basis?
• Do you feel increasingly depressed, anxious or hopeless?
• Are you increasingly angry and don’t know why?
• Do you spend less time with friends and family or in doing what you previously enjoyed?
• Do you work hard and long, but accomplish less?
• Is life (and/or your ministry) becoming a drag?

If you answered “yes” to several of these, you may be headed in the opposite direction of real life.

I know the prospect of changing is frightening and overwhelming, yet there is a way. Really.

The Bible says, “He [God] gives strength to the weary … those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength” (Isaiah 40:29, 31).

I felt positive that my commitment to hard work would bring me what I desired and was flabbergasted when I ran out of energy, enthusiasm and faith. Disillusioned, I asked: “Is there any hope for renewal?”

“Yes, Joan! Assured my loving Creator. “Though you stumble, you’ll one day soar on wings like an eagle, run and not grow weary, walk and not faith. Trust Me. I’ll renew your lost strength.”

I didn’t feel it or foresee it. I didn’t even have the strength to believe it, but since I couldn’t do it anymore, I stopped trying and left my stuff with God.

Miraculously, when I stopped striving, God took over.

There is HOPE … in the Lord.

(1) Admit your need.

(2) Ask God for guidance and insight.

(3) Seek help and resources.

(4) Take active steps to reshape your thoughts and behavior.

Then show someone you love (preferably a healthy, supportive person!) your responses to the questionnaire, above. Get honest, and then don’t back down.

God honors truth-telling, even if that truth—the reality facing you—feels negative.

There is life on the other side of burnout!

What do you do, where do you go—who do you seek—when you’re experiencing burnout? Have you sought the Lord, the source of hope?

Joan C. Webb is a speaker and author who has written thirteen books including The Intentional Woman (co-authored with Carol Travilla), The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right and a four book devotional series for children. As a Life Coach who specializes in working with writers and communicators, Joan helps set people free to become who they were designed to be and from what holds them back. For more information about becoming an intentional woman, visit Joan's website.

Note: Part of this post is an excerpt from It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, p. 24.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Survival Kit for 'Overwhelm City'

Dianne Barker lived in a "city" none of us likes to visit, but she found ways to survive, as she shares in this helpful UPGRADE post.

“Lord, please!” Dianne prayed. “Not Overwhelm City again!”

Overwhelm City. I (Dawn) hate that place. I keep finding myself there. But like Dianne, the Lord is teaching me how to choose wise responses in the midst of struggles and stresses I can't avoid.

Dianne continues . . .  

I didn’t see this coming. Over-commitment teamed with complicated circumstances and carried me kicking and screaming back to this place.

One, I could control. The other—not so much.

Saying “no” is a hard choice—but it is a choice . . . and the only fix for over-commitment.

Circumstances are life in action, piling stress upon stress:

crumbling marriages, prodigal children, career adjustments, financial difficulties, relationship issues, care-giving responsibilities, health concerns, assorted calamities, grief, terrorism, and fear.

Most of us relate to the Psalmist’s cry: “Save me, O God! For the waters have come up to my neck . . . the flood sweeps over me” (Psalm 69:1-2).

My husband and I have been taking care of people we love for our entire forty-nine year marriage—our parents, other relatives, and even friends who were close as family.

After leaving a successful journalism career to be a stay-at-home mom, I continued writing. My 1986 book Twice Pardoned was a number-one national Christian best-seller. The ink had barely dried when God led me from my public life as author and speaker to a secluded life—caring for our parents as their health declined.

I spent the next fifteen years in Overwhelm City, struggling to keep my head above water.

Routine housework wasn’t at the bottom of the list . . . it didn’t make the list. I did the gottas: cook, wash dishes, make beds, clean bathrooms, do laundry.

My priorities: driving our parents to medical appointments, grocery shopping, cooking and doing laundry for our three families. One week I made three trips to the coin laundry due to plumbing problems at home and washed a total thirty-two loads. Attending school functions involving our children and attending church completed my schedule.

During that complicated period, the Lord gave me an amazing gift:

• peace that I was exactly where He wanted me,
• purpose, doing what He designed;
• and a promise that someday He would expand my life again.

If this fresh New Year finds you at the outskirts of Overwhelm City, a few tools from my Survival Kit will help you make the most of the experience and sweeten the stay.

1. Simplify life. Eliminate non-essentials.

“He has told you. O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Micah 6:8).

2. Draw near to Jesus.

He said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

3. Accept that you are here by God’s design.

“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold” (Job 23:10).

4. Believe God has a purpose. We don’t have to see it to believe it. If nothing else, He’s developing endurance.

“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised” (Hebrews 10:36).

5. Keep a teachable heart. Ask: Lord, what do you want me to learn?

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you” (Psalm 32:8).

6. Encourage yourself with truth.

“Ah, Lord God! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you” (Jeremiah 32:17).

7. Rejoice. If I rejoice today, I rejoice in these circumstances.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances…” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

How will you spend your time in Overwhelm City? (It’s a sweet community of broken people. Visit me anytime. I’m right next door!)

Dianne Barker is a conference speaker, freelance journalist, radio host, and author. This post is adapted from I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life, which won the Christian Authors Network Golden Scrolls 2014 third-place award for non-fiction book of the year. Her forthcoming book, Help! I’m Stuck and I Can’t Get Out! The Maximum Marriage Maintenance and Repair Kit, will be available at www.diannebarker.com.

Your Ministry Needs You to Make Time to Rest - Part 2

Yesterday, Melissa Mashburn shared some warning signs so we can determine if we need more “rest” in our ministry. Melissa ended with these words:

“I, I, I...me, me, me. What I can do on my own, without leaning on God or listening to what He wants me to do next. When what we really need to do is just lay it all down and give it back to Him. It’s not ours anyways. It’s always been His."

Melissa continues today with some “steps to get ourselves back on track.”

She says …

When you see yourself showing some of those signs that you are past due for some rest, here are three things you can do to help get back on track.

1. The first thing I do when I can tell that I haven’t made rest a priority is PRAY.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me (Psalm 51:10, ESV).

You can’t move forward on your own, so by inviting God to renew your spirit you have just humbled yourself before Him; and then, and only then, can you start to hear His will more clearly.

2. If you have hurt, offended or snapped at anyone because you’ve gone too long without rest, then stop and take a moment to go to that person and ask for forgiveness.

It is not always easy, but it is the right thing to do-for you, for them, and for your ministry.

3. Pull out your calendar—go ahead, grab it now while you are thinking about it—and schedule time to rest. I know, it might sound silly, but we schedule everything else, why not schedule in time to rest.

Rest looks different for different people.

Take some time to seek out what kind of rest you need:

• Sleep
• A good book
• A day at the spa
• An afternoon out shopping with your friends
• A day where you stay in your PJ’s all day
• Or time to work out and have some "you time"

Get it on the calendar now. Start small, but start.

Your ministry needs you to make time to rest. You can’t go at full speed all the time in ministry, it’s just not sustainable for the long haul.

Let’s look to the only One who lived a perfect life—Jesus. Even He took time to rest, to pull away, to seek solitude ... and He was Jesus!

Sweet friends, we have a lot of ministry left to do. Which of those signs that you are past due to rest resonated the most with you? What does rest look like for you?

You are doing a great work, but don’t forget that He is still doing a great work in you too. Make time to rest and your ministry will be all the better for it.

Oh yeah, there will still be stuff to do, things left uncrossed off your to-do list; but girl, this isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon and God has so much more in store for you.

What has God taught you about the kind of rest you need in ministry? Which of Melissa's three suggestions would make the biggest difference for you ... right now?

Melissa Mashburn is a southerner transplanted in South Florida. She’s been married 21 years to her best friend, Matt, and they have two teenage sons. Melissa’s heart is to encourage women to live with an authentic faith in their everyday, ordinary lives. Real Women. Real Life. Real Faith. is the heartbeat of her writing and ministry. Melissa is a pastor's wife and the Kids, Women's and Volunteer Ministry Director at her local church. As a speaker and author, she says she love “every crazy minute of ministry life.” You can find Melissa online at her blog and on Facebook.

Your Ministry Needs You to Make Time to Rest - Part 1

Melissa Mashburn is a busy pastor's wife. She understands the stresses of ministry and the need for rest. In this two-part post, Melissa calls us aside to UPGRADE our ministries.

Before she shares her heart about rest, Melissa quotes Madame Jeanne Guyon:

"Rest. Rest. Rest in God's love. The only work you are required now to do is to give your most intense attention to His still, small voice within.”

Five hundred and eight times, rest is mentioned in the Bible (NLT), yet it seems to be one of those things that gets pushed off the calendar for “another day” for most of us in ministry. The calendar is always overbooked with appointments, meetings, and discipleship and ministry events. The possibilities change day to day, and yet the heart of what we do remains the same–loving God, loving others.

Being in ministry for almost fifteen years, I have learned the hard way how important it is to make time to rest. I have run myself (and at times my family) ragged trying to meet all the demands that come with being in ministry.

The cherry on top of all that is that my husband is also in full-time ministry—which means, for our family, we both run at full speed all day long for the church and for those placed in our lives.

I absolutely love what I do. I consider it an honor to be used for His Kingdom in any means possible. Naturally, I already run at full speed most days. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But in the naivety of my youth while in ministry, I neglected to see the importance of making time to rest.

So here I am, bumped up, bruised and at times completely worn out.

Ministry is tough, people are complicated and it gets messy at times, but when you make time to rest in the midst of your ministry, you gain much needed perspective and time to renew.

If you are in ministry, whether at your local church or online, there are always going to be things that need to be done—that’s a given. What my heart is for you today is that you would be in your specific ministry for the long haul.

We need women who are passionately pursuing the purpose God has for them. Every single one of us has an important message to share, and unfortunately, I’ve witnessed far too many women in ministry who come out of the starting blocks charging full on, only to fall out of the race after a few short years because they didn’t make time to rest.

We need you, your family needs you, and the people God has placed around you need you for the long haul. So, let’s get real and practical here.

How do you know if you have already gone too long without making time to rest?

Signs You’re Past Due for Some Rest

• You are grumpy and/or moody.
• There is a general irritableness about you.
• You get frustrated or offended easily.
• It feels like everyone is out to get you.
• You feel like you are the only one working hard.
• You find it hard to pray for someone who has come to you for prayer.

Any or all of these could be a warning sign that you have gone too long without making time to rest.

 You know how I know? Because I have felt every single one of these things a time or two (or more) in my time in ministry. Um, yes … even as a pastor’s wife and ministry leader. I’m not proud of it, but if any part of what I have learned can help you as you go on your journey, then it is absolutely worth it.

Guess what happens as a result of any of those things listed above? Your ministry suffers. Your family suffers. Your own personal walk with God gets crowded out, because at that point you are no longer listening to His voice, but rather, your own.

It comes down to this: it’s a control issue.

If I can just... 

If I would...

When I get this done, then... 

I, I, I...me, me, me. What I can do on my own, without leaning on God or listening to what He wants me to do next? What we really need to do is just lay it all down and give it back to Him. It’s not ours anyways. It’s always been His.

Are you identifying with any of the six “Signs You’re Past Due for Some Rest”? Tomorrow, discover three things you can do to get back on track and get the rest you need.

Melissa Mashburn is a southerner transplanted in South Florida. She’s been married 21 years to her best friend, Matt, and they have two teenage sons. Melissa’s heart is to encourage women to live with an authentic faith in their everyday, ordinary lives. Real Women. Real Life. Real Faith. is the heartbeat of her writing and ministry. Melissa is a pastor's wife and the Kids, Women's and Volunteer Ministry Director at her local church. As a speaker and author, she says she love “every crazy minute of ministry life.” You can find Melissa online at her blog and on Facebook.

Holiday Time: Keeping It Together

Like most of us, Diane Dean is a busy woman, and she understands how the holiday season adds extra stress. But she offers helpful tips for “keeping it together” as we move toward these celebrations.

“You can be organized for the holidays,” Diane says. “No kidding!”

Organized? What if a woman doesn’t feel all that organized? What if organization is foreign to her skills and gifting? Is there hope for her?

Diane continues …

Trying to get rid of never ending list of tasks? Christmas time can be fun and exciting, especially if there are children or grandchildren in your life. However, it can also be a stressful time dealing with family issues, finding time to decorate, the added expense of gifts, and a busy schedule. 

Let me share a number of things that help me stay organized and keep my sanity.

1. Start your day with Scripture. It gives a positive mind set and peace knowing that things in this life are temporal. 

2. Pray and ask the Lord to guide your day because it is bound to change.

3. Look at the needs of others and how you can add joy to someone's life. It takes the focus on any issues you may be facing. Things can always be worse. The more you look at the lives of others, the more you will appreciate the life you have.  

4. The night before you go to bed, make a list for tomorrow’s tasks. Categorize it into:

Have to do. (List things in order of importance and, if driving, map your route so you don't back track.)

Good to do, if possible.

Can wait for another time.

A little tip: It has been proven if your bed is made and bedroom is picked up before you start your day, you will feel more organized.  

5. Plan your menu for the week. Make a shopping list to make sure you have the ingredients you need so you don't have to run to the store at the last minute.  

6. Make a list of extra groceries you need for a party or holiday dinner. When you grocery shop, add a few extras each time instead of buying everything at once. It keeps from having a large grocery bill in one trip. It seems more manageable. Using coupons makes it even better.

7. Cook some ground beef and poultry and freeze it. That gives a jump start on casseroles.  

8. Double a recipe and freeze half. It will give you a meal for a busy day.

9. Set your table when you empty the dishwasher. It looks nice and saves a step at dinner.

10. Start a load of wash at bed time. You can throw it in the dryer while you get dressed in the morning. Fold it when the dryer stops and you will feel like you already accomplished something.

11. While on the phone, dust, clean a drawer, or do some mending. I like to iron when I have phone calls to catch up on. I use my cell phone and a blue tooth so I am hands-free. It is amazing how quickly my ironing seems to get done!

12. When you bring your Christmas gifts home, wrap them right away. Keep gift wrap handy in an under the bed container and you can pull it out and wrap your gifts on the bed. (The kids aren't as likely to snoop if the gifts are wrapped!)

13. Find time for your family. Plan it into your day. If you are alone, call someone you love to see how they are.  

These are just a few ideas that will hopefully make your holidays less stressful.

Are you ready? Which of these "keeping it together" tips are you already implementing? Is there something new you can try to UPGRADE the Holiday season?

Diane Dean is a ministry wife, mother, grandmother, Bible teacher, seminar and retreat speaker, and designer for Diane Dean Interiors, LLC. Her blog, Diane's Traditions, is a potpourri of information from her personal experience and she welcomes questions.