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Countering Five Lies about Motherhood

I met Erin Davis at a True Woman conference where she encouraged young women to live for God; but she recently wrote a book about positive, biblical motherhood.

“Why does pinpointing lies about motherhood matter?” Davis asks. “Until we know how we’ve been deceived, we can’t weed out the old lies and replace them with God’s truth.”

Davis continues (an excerpt from Beyond Bath Time) …

Lie #1: Motherhood Is a Roadblock to My Happiness.

Most moms are guilty of thinking that the responsibilities, sacrifices and demands of motherhood are a giant roadblock on the path to their daily happiness. This lie can be traced, in part, to the feministic messages that promised equality in the workplace and at home would make all women happy. Clearly, happiness does not hinge on one life choice, whether it is work, marriage or children.

God’s truth shows us we can choose contentment in all circumstances, and that the frustrations of motherhood are actually blessings if they move us to press on in the power of Christ (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

Lie #2: Motherhood Is Defined by the Decision Whether or Not to Work.

Because you are God’s workmanship, He has prepared good works for you to do (Ephesians 2:10). The frustrations of parenting might surprise you, but they don’t surprise Him. He knows mothering is tough, and He thinks you can do it anyway.

We have the choice to see our circumstances as an opportunity to do the important work that God has for us or to dwell on the lie that He could use us more efficiently if we were living a different life. The most important question is, “Will I allow God to use the circumstances of my life and my family to accomplish great things for His kingdom?”

Lie #3: The Ultimate goal of Motherhood is Perfectionism.

The lie that perfection is the goal of mothering—or is even possible—has put many of us in bondage. A part of each of us wants to forget who we are at our core—specifically that we are prone to sin and desperately need God’s grace and help in our hearts and lives (James 3:2; Romans 7:19-20).

We can find great hope when we confront this lie with God’s truth (Philippians 3:12). You cannot mother perfectly. But that should never have been the goal. You can mother with purpose because Christ has promised that where you are weak He is strong.

Lie #4: If You Can’t Stand the Heat, Remodel the Kitchen

Ultimately, this lie has led some mothers to feel justified in walking away from motherhood, choosing to leave their children to chase their dreams. You may not be dreaming of leaving your family, but do you check out in other ways? Do you spend hours online or disengaged or angry in your attempt to cope with motherhood?

God never gives us a permission slip to do whatever it takes to feel good. God’s Word says to do what is right, to rejoice always, to pray continually, to give thanks regardless, to hold on to what is good, to run away from evil, to grab the promise that God is faithful and hold on for dear life (1 Thessalonians 5:15-24).

Lie #5: Motherhood Will Make You Holy.

Being a mom, even a great mom, won’t earn you preferred parking in heaven or automatically deepen your relationship with Christ.  Only God can make you holy (Galatians 2:20-23).

Likewise, no one owes you anything because you’ve chosen to mother. A sense of entitlement can mess with your head and heart. Committing your mothering to the Lord and seeking His purposes as you mother creates a panoramic view of what you’re doing that can move you beyond your sacrifices and help you cope.

Recognize the lies you’ve believed as a mom. Then do the hard work necessary to focus on God’s vision for motherhood.

What lie do you think trips moms up the most?

Erin Davis is passionately committed to sharing God's Truth and is the author of many books, including Beyond Bath Time: Embracing Motherhood As a Sacred Role.

When she’s not writing books, you can find Erin chasing down chickens and children on her small farm in the Midwest.



Before Your Next Date with Hubby

Arlene Pellicane offers lots of marriage tips in her book, 31 Days to a Happy Husband; What a Man Needs Most from His Wife. I'm glad she's willing to share some of them with our Project UPGRADE readers. In this post, Arlene encourages women to think through some practical ideas for "dating" Hubby.

"You know you’re supposed to go on date nights. People say it’s good for your marriage, kind of like taking a multivitamin," Pellicane says. "Yet you’re dragging your feet (taking vitamins isn’t sexy). Your schedule’s packed and dinner and movie just don’t seem that important."

Pellicane continues... 

As a mother of three young children, let me lean in closer and whisper in your ear:

Don't forget to date!

It’s critical to stay connected emotionally, physically and spiritually to your spouse. The daily grind typically doesn’t cater to that, so you have to create space to connect and have fun together. You don’t want to slowly drift apart over the years and end up as roommates. Instead, you want to keep courting!  

Here are four tips for your next date with hubby:   

1. Be playful and fun.  Date night is not the time to whip out the calendars and hash out who’s going to pick up dinner and who’s going to visit Aunt Grace in the hospital.

I love what Dr. David Clarke says about dating:

When you go out together on a “date,” it’s not romantic. It’s not playful. It’s not a time of fun and laughter. You’re going through the motions. It’s a good idea to go out on dates, so that’s what you’re doing. 

“We had a nice time,” you say. A date is not supposed to be a “nice time.” You have a “nice time” with your mother, or your Aunt Bertha. A real date with your spouse ought to be fun, stimulating, romantic and sensual. That’s why you got married!

2. Do something different. It could be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going to the mall and sampling new perfumes and colognes. If it’s always dinner and a movie, try a picnic dinner at the lake instead. 

3. Look your best. Just like you’d touch up your makeup before going to a party with friends, make sure you look attractive to your spouse. Be aware of your husband’s taste. (He may prefer a natural look or bright red lipstick, your hair up or your hair down.) My friend’s husband loves to see her in red. She doesn’t like red, but she does look great in it. She bought a few red blouses so she could go out with her husband … wearing red.

4. Heap him with praise. Date night is appreciation night! Spend the time complimenting your spouse about certain things he did that week. Hold his hand and cuddle up together. Be thinking about things you appreciate about your man and tell him all about it on date night. 

Which of these Hubby-dating tips encourages you to UPGRADE your relationship?

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of 31 Days to a Happy Husband and 31 Days to a Younger You.  She has been featured on Family Life Today, The Better Show, The 700 Club, Turning Point with Dr. David Jeremiah, The Hour of Power, and TLC’s Home Made Simple. Arlene lives in Southern California with her husband James and three children, Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy.





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