How to Become a More Influential Storyteller

Maria Keckler knows how to build effective bridges between people and to her audiences. In this Influence UPGRADE, she helps us focus on the gift of storytelling.

“Jesus got the attention of his audiences, stirred their emotions, and helped them remember key messages because he presented principles through the best communication vehicle at our disposal: Story,” Maria says.

“You have an important message to share. Shouldn’t it be delivered well?”

Brevity is not my (Dawn's) strength in public speaking, and I can learn from Maria today; but I know the power of storytelling in driving a message home. Thankfully, both are skills we can learn.

Maria continues . . . 

“Stacie, my sixteen-year-old daughter, was outgoing and beautiful, full of hopes and dreams. Until one man destroyed them in a single moment. He stalked our family for two weeks and waited until Stacie was home alone….”

Lorraine’s gripping story spells out one key message: Through the power of Jesus, one can forgive and still make an impact despite terrible loss.

You can become a more influential communicator—whether sharing your testimony or your next marketing idea—by learning to be a more compelling storyteller.

Sometimes a Powerful Story is Only ONE Chapter of a Bigger Story.

Lorraine’s story of loss and forgiveness is by no means her complete testimony as a disciple of Jesus Christ. It is, however, one chapter God is using to bring thousands of incarcerated men and women to faith through her prison ministry.

So the question at hand is—how do we share powerful stories, without rambling, so that we earn the right to share more or have the opportunity to influence others in positive ways?

Four Steps to Sharing Stories Like Jesus Did

First: Embrace empathy.

How? Learn to consider the needs of your audiences. You can read more about what that looks like in my previous article.

Second: Share only one story at a time.

Whether he addressed the Pharisees, the masses, or his disciples—Jesus shared one complete story at a time. Each story had a clear beginning, middle, and end that drove home a key message for a particular audience.

Third: Choose vivid word pictures.

Jesus’ stories were rich with concrete and vivid details that evoked the senses.

Even today, we can almost see and smell the oil and wine the Good Samaritan poured on the wounds of the beaten traveler. We can picture the Prodigal Son contemplating the food of swine—and leap with joy as the father runs to welcome him home.

Fourth: Practice brevity.

In the words of Max Lucado, “We learn brevity from Jesus. His greatest sermon can be read in eight minutes (Matthew 5-7). His best-known story can be read in 90 seconds (Luke 15:11-32). He summarized prayer in five phrases (Matthew 6:9-13), and he reduced all his teachings to one command (John 15:12). He made his point and went home.” 

Bottom line:

We all must overcome the temptation to share our entire life story or grand idea in one sitting. It’s helpful to think of our opportunity to share as one piece of a larger story.

Start applying the previous lessons by answering these questions: 

1. What stories do I want or need to share with others?
2. What story is best suited for the audience God has given me today?
3. What is the key takeaway of my story?
4. What vivid details can I use to evoke my audience’s senses?
5. How can I be as brief as Jesus?

God is using one of Lorraine’s stories to bring a message of hope, forgiveness, and redemption to imprisoned men and women. As you continue preparing to share yours well, God will provide a larger audience for you too. 

Maria Keckler is the author of Bridge-Builders: How Superb Communicators Get What They Want in Business and in Life. Maria is an executive coach, corporate trainer, and the President of Superb Communication. With her husband, Sam, Maria has also been helping married couples improve their communication. Check out Maria's blog!

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Andrew Phillips, Stocksnapio.

Change Your Mind, Change Your Future

In this Attitudes and Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson shares an important truth about how changing our mind can take us a new direction.

I've always heard, "It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind." We can change our mind any time or day without notice! (On the other hand, I'm told a husband must never change his mind without consulting his wife!)

Women are said to change their minds because we're more emotional (blame it on the hormones); but really, gender has nothing to do with making choices.

Decision-making is a skill we learn. We might change our mind because information changes, or because we have a new perspective.

But one thing is sure: Changing your mind will change your circumstances, because ultimately, it will change your behavior. We become what we think about.

The apostle Paul exhorted us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2).

God cares that our thoughts are right, because He knows where those thoughts will lead us!

I want to unpack three thoughts about "changing our mind."

1. You can Change Your Mind about the PAST.

I've discovered what I tell myself about myself, as a result of my past experiences, colors my perspective today. But I've also learned I can challenge my learned beliefs by holding them up to the truth of scripture.

We don't want to hold onto beliefs that are based in the enemy's lies (John 8:44), or cling to unhealthy thinking. We don't want to be paralyzed by our past either. Maybe we made a wrong choice that led us down a path of wickedness. Maybe someone injured us—abused or molested us, perhaps—and left us with deep emotonal scars.

We have to decide we'll no longer play the victim role. It's healthier to move into an "in Christ" victor's role!

In order to change my thinking about the past, I had to learn the gift of the lessons God had for me in my past circumstances--even the horrible ones.

2. You Can Change Your Mind about the PRESENT.

Ifa doctor told you you would have to spend the rest of your life in debilitating, excruciating pain--unless you spent 15 minutes today (and every day from now on) doing one thing ... exercising. Would you miss an exercise session? No! Every 15 minutes would more than justify the cost of a pain-free life.

But what do we do with our thought life? We're content to live with stinkin' thinkin'. We allow poisonous thoughts to cause us to live in pain and frustration. We need to take action and replace those stinkin' thoughts with right thinking. This is the Replacement Principle found in Romans 12:2 and Colossians 3:8-11. 

There are some thoughts to "put off," and some to "put on."

For example, if my wrong thinking leads to people pleasing, I can replace this thinking with biblical thinking as found in Galatians 1:10 (which explains the importance of seeking God's approval instead of always trying to please others. We need to rehearse the truth in our thinking—one precept at a time—until our mind changes (Deuteronomy 6:6-9; Isaiah 28:13a). Right thinking takes practice!

3. You Can Change Your Mind about the FUTURE.

You can design your future just like you freshen up and renew your home.

Peter Walsh from TLC's past series "Clean Sweep" helped people get a vision for what they wanted in their rooms, and then showed them how to eliminate everything that didn't belong. That's what we need to do in our thinking.

We need a clear understanding of how the Lord wants us to think (see Philippians 4:8), and then eliminate the thinking that doesn't belong. 

John 8:32 says, "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." That's what we want in our future, isn't it? Freedom to be what God created us to be? Freedom to serve Him without giving in to the discouraging, defeating lies of the enemy?

Our thoughts can determine our destiny, and when our thoughts are God's thoughts, our entire perspective for the future changes!

We know we will spend eternity with the Lord. We need to be sure our thoughts are conducive to building Kingdom-ready lives.

With that in mind, here are some parting thoughts:

• We become what we think about, so we need to guard our thoughts (Proverbs 4:23).
• We need to challenge unhealthy thinking and replace it with healthy, biblical, life-building thoughts.
• We need to examine our choices, because they are often the voices of our heart (what we're thinking).
• We need to daily renew our minds with the scriptures.

Is there anything in your past that still clouds your thinking? Are you struggling with thoughts today? How might changed thinking propel you into a more satisfying and God-honoring future?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God(with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the Director of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net/

8 Ways to Avoid Affairs

Dr. Laurel Shaler encourages the positive intersection of faith, culture and emotional well-being. She offers wise counsel in this Marriage UPGRADE.

"Although most people have moved on from the Ashley Madison scandal, the issue of adultery is not one we should move on from,” Laurel says. “Sadly, even Christians have affairs; however, it doesn’t have to be so. There are numerous ways to prevent this from happening.”

Just this week, I (Dawn) heard about another Christian couple who find their marriage "on the rocks. Lasting, faithful marriages don't just "happen." It takes commitment to keeping vows and intentionally protecting their relationship.

Laurel continues . . . 

Most people don’t start out their marriages with an intent to cheat, but somehow they fall into this sin. Prevention is possible, with the right knowledge and effort.

With that in mind, here are some ways to help prevent extramarital affairs:

1) Before you commit a lifetime to someone, go for pre-marital counseling.

While pastoral counseling for a few sessions prior to tying the knot is excellent, most couples would greatly benefit from more in-depth counseling prior to walking down the aisle. Make sure you are compatible before marriage … don’t wait until after the honeymoon is over to discover there are traits or characteristics about your spouse that you cannot tolerate for a lifetime.

2) Once you commit, COMMIT!

 You’ve said “I do” or “I will” and you should stand by that vow. You know the saying, "Nothing worth having comes easily." A long and healthy marriage doesn’t come easily, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth your efforts.  

3) Put God first in your marriage.

Growing in your faith as a couple is critical in maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. Attend church and Bible study together. Pray together. Worship together. A strand of three cords is not easily broken!

It’s through Christ that you are really able to stand by your commitment. 

4) Attend to your marriage.

This means placing your spouse second only to God. This means nurturing your relationship. Choose your wife over football. Choose your husband over a night out with the girls.

Listen, I am not suggesting you can’t ever spend time with people or activities other than your spouse (in fact, just the opposite); however, if you are consistently placing your spouse on the backburner, your marriage will suffer. 

5) Be willing to sacrifice for your spouse.

Your marriage doesn’t have to suffer, but you may have to.

Be open to communication. Speak your spouse’s love language (see Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages). Fight fair.

What does this mean? Be willing to listen more than you speak. (That's a personal challenge for me since I naturally talk more than my husband. Ok, I talk a lot more than my husband.) Be willing to apologize when you are wrong and do so quickly. Be willing to set down your pride for the sake of your marriage.

6) Guard your heart.

Just because you are in love with the person you marry does not mean you never find anyone else attractive. When you become attracted to someone else (whether it’s their appearance, personality, similar interests, etc.), that can lead to dangerous territory.

Be very careful about placing yourself in a position that might expose you to temptation.

7) Don’t rely on your friends.

Don’t, I repeat, don’t rely on your friends to fix your marriage. Venting to your friends may feel good in the moment, but in the long run it can damage your marriage and your friendships. I am not saying you can’t speak to a trusted friend and align in prayer for your marriage, but this is completely different than bad mouthing your spouse. It’s also different from getting marriage advice from your friends, which is also not a good idea.

One good use of your friends is to have a mentor couple that you and your spouse can learn from. This should be a couple who has been married longer than you, is in a different season of their marriage than you, and has a fully committed marriage with a foundation and focus on God.

8) At the first sign of struggle, seek help.

You might start with pastoral counseling, and maybe this will be enough to get your marriage back on track, but finding a licensed therapist may be the best thing for your marriage.

Don’t allow your marital problems to become an excuse to seek comfort in the arms of another.

Our help ultimately comes from the Lord, but He has provided wisdom and knowledge to other people who can be instrumental in not helping your marriage survive, but thrive. Place your trust in Him and love your spouse with His love. Impossible to do 100% of the time, but worth the effort.

There is a lot that goes into establishing and maintaining a marriage in which both partners are fully committed to one another. In the midst of problems, cheating is never the answer.

Hebrews 13:4 commands us to “Let marriage be held in honor among all.”

Will you commit to saying no to affairs … and yes to your marriage?

Dr. Laurel Shaler is a licensed social worker and nationally certified counselor. She is a faculty member at Liberty University, and is in the process of adopting with her husband, Lt. Nicholas Shaler. Laurel can be contacted via her website.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of marcolm at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The 'Trick to Treating' Fear Until It Disappears

Kathy Carlton Willis, an author and speaker, shares an Attitude UPGRADE today about fear. Halloween-time seems to be all about spooking people. As Kathy shares a memory from her growing-up years, she substitutes Kathy’s “trick-or-treat” with a “trick for treating” fear until it disappears. 

“When I was a young girl, I had quite an imagination, and just as many fears,” Kathy says. “For example, I was convinced there was a monster under my bed. I just knew he had several knives positioned to pierce my sleeping body at any moment. I’m not sure how many times my mom reassured me that there was nothing under my bed but a little dust!”

I (Dawn) think all of us had some sort of imaginary monster fear in our childhood. But it’s those grown-up fears that really do a number on us. I love Kathy's remedy for sending fears packing.

Kathy continues . . . 

I like using an acronym for fear to remind myself why I should not worry about “what ifs.”

False

      Evidence

            Appearing

                  Real

Whenever we struggle with fears, it is important to realize that our feelings often lie to us, and we must override our heart with our mind at times by trying to focus on facts.

The Spirit within us is often a still small voice. In order to hear Him we must first quiet the loud fears to listen to the real truths. Truth is always there, we just don’t see or hear it because truth gets covered up by our fears.

Truths are comforting; fears are overwhelming.

Truths never change; fears are always changing.

You can be certain God isn’t orchestrating your fears and confusion. And if you feel powerless, like no one loves you, or like you might lose your mind, see what Scripture says:

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV).

Journaling can help us deal with our fears. It helps us put into words the dark clouds we sometimes struggle explaining to someone else.

We can overcome our fears by clinging to the promise that God is always with us. Prayer and meditation give us wisdom and strength to deal with fears outside of our own abilities to cope.

Some people are more fearful than others. Perhaps this is due to personality traits. Or baggage we carry from our life experiences. But all of us deal with a certain amount of fear.

When we face our fears head on, we can deal with them in productive ways. At most, ten percent of our fears become reality. Isn’t it sad to spend so much time worrying about something that likely will never come to pass?

Fears are like monsters under the bed.

They aren’t really there, but they scare us so much we are often too paralyzed to get up and look under the bed to prove to ourselves the monsters are merely figments of our imagination.

Is there a monster under your bed?

Consider this:

"For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs" (Zephaniah 3:17 NLT).

How can the reality of God's love help calm your fears?

Kathy Carlton Willis writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. Not many funny girls also have Bible degrees! Kathy’s a pastor’s wife, which gives her plenty of opportunities to grin with grace. She shines the light on issues that hold women back and inspires their own lightbulb moments. Almost a thousand of Kathy’s articles have been published in books, magazines, newspapers and online publications. Her books, Grin with Grace and Speaker to Speaker: The Essential Speaker’s Companion are receiving rave reviews. Kathy lives with her pastor/husband, Russ, in Rockdale, Texas. Kathy’s website tagline describes her best: Light & Lively: His Reflection/Her Laughter.

How to Face Five 'Giants'

"Giants" can appear in all our lives. But we can knock them down if we have the right weapons. In this Spiritual Life and Victory UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson says, "Let's take on five of these giants!"

     

When a Philistine named Goliath tormented and mocked Israel, young David, a simple shepherd boy, came out against him. But David didn't use the armor King Saul suggested to fight the giant; he used a bag filled with five smooth stones. One in particular took the giant down (1 Samuel 17:1-51).

In the same way, we can use five purposeful, "powerful pebbles" to take our giants down. 

1. For the Giant of Fear, we need The POWER of God. 

Whether we are afraid of the unknown, or we fear failure, or our stomach is tied in knots because we're facing a tough challenge, God is more than able to help us. We can place our confidence in His power and strength.

David said, "I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble" (Psalm 59:16, NIV).

God's grace offers strength for our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9; Psalm 56:3-4; 57:1; Isaiah 40:28-30; 41:10b, 13; Philippians 4:13).

2. For the Giant of Insecurity, we need The PRESENCE of God.

This giant says, "You can't succeed" ... or "Who do you think you are?" ... or "You're stupid" ... or "So-and-so is better, smarter, prettier, wiser and more spiritual than you." We compare ourselves and think people won't like or accept us. But remembering the presence of God—and who He is—is a powerful weapon against our insecurities.

Dr. Bill Elliff, a pastor of Arkansas, says: "Everything flows from the presence of God." Abiding in God's presence will encourage us. He never leaves us!

God told His people, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest" (Exodus 33:14). But in another sense, we must seek His presence—become more aware of it and choose to rest there (Psalm 105:4). 

In God's presence there is "fullness of joy!" (Psalm 140:13b) In fact, the Westminster Shorter Catechism encourages us to glorify and enjoy God forever. It will be one of our preoccupations in heaven, and we can get started now!

3. For the Giant of Worry, we need The PROVISION of God.

This giant suggests we're going to lose something: our family, our friends, our job, our shelter, etc. Worry's brow is always wrinkled. Worry is tense, clutching things. But all our worry makes our God seem to others that He is a "lesser god." After all, can't He take care of us?

God provides for our needs according to the riches found in Jesus (Philippians 4:19). The Lord is our providing shepherd (Psalm 23:1; 34:9b). He gives us all we need so we can "abound in every good work" (2 Corinthians 9:8). We can cast our burdens on Him, knowing He will care for us and sustain us (Psalm 55:22).

4. For the Giant of Confusion, we need The PERSPECTIVE of God.

There is so much that can confuse the truth these days. The giant of confusion says, "Everyone is doing it" ... or "What is truth, anyway?" This giant has one foot in the world and another in the Word—pulled by the culture and struggling with priorities. Easily distracted and discontent, this giant is always looking for the next exciting thing, even if it's "borderline" good.

We've forgotten to pursue the perspective of God—His wisdom. The truth sets us free, and the Spirit of Truth will guide us in the challenges of life (John 8:32; 16:13). It's Satan's lies, the world's pull and our own deceived hearts that enslave us. Sometimes our thoughts and ways don't align with God and His Word (Isaiah 55:8). We need to seek the Lord's wisdom and heed His advice (Proverbs 12:15; Psalm 3:5-6; 25:4-5).

5. For the Giant of Affliction, we need The PEACE of God.

This giant says, "God doesn't care about you; just look how you're suffering!" ... or "Don't say anything about Jesus—they'll laugh at you" ... or "You're struggling more than anyone. Poor you!" This giant carries heavy burdens and may be tearful or angry. This giant's mind is full of questions and doubts about God. 

Hurts, struggles, suffering, afflictions. They come to everyone. But what is our weapon to deal with them? God's peace. 

Isaiah 26:3 says, "You will keep in perfect peace the mind [that is[ dependent [on You], for it is trusting in you" (Holman CSB). God will guard our minds from anxiety and keep us in His unfailing peace when we focus on Him, lean on Him and hope confidently in Him. "The Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials...." (2 Peter 2:9a).

These are only a few of the giants you may face. But remember:

Whatever your giants, you need to pick up the "powerful pebbles" of God's Power, Presence, Provision, Perspective and Peace and defeat them! 

These and many other weapons of faith can bring victory.

David ran toward the giant, Goliath. He was intentional and he used the weapons God gave him. Just as you have these five "pebbles" (and more), you also have five intentional choices you can make when faced with giants.

They are my "Principles for Giant Slayers."

Praise the Lord. Move your eyes from your problems and focus on the Problem Solver.

Pray without ceasing. Keep a running conversation with the Lord—big, bold prayers, not wimpy ones!

Prioritize your life. Sometimes dealing with our giants doesn't work because we haven't aligned our will with the will of God for our lives. Make dealing with personal sin issues (through confession and repentance) a priority!

Pursue the giant. Get intentional and proactive about making new choices that can help you defeat any weaknesses and sins in your life. Don't make haphazard choices; make positive, Bible-based decisions that build your life. Think about the consequences of your choices.

Persist in the battle. While David's giant fell with one blow, yours may tougher. Remember what Jesus said when his disciples returned after an unsuccessful time of ministry—specifically, trying to rid someone of a demon: "This kind goes out after much prayer and fasting" (Matthew 17:21). Sometimes the battle isn't easy. Take courage and persist!

What are your toughest giants? When and where do they attack you? Which of the "powerful pebbles" or principles for giant slaying do you need to use right now?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God(with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the Director of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.