Upgrading Your 'Pinterest Perfect' Christmas Season

Morgan Farr is a young, highly-motivated wife and mom and her passion to help women build physical, emotional and spiritual strength makes me smile. In this unique Christmas UPGRADE, Morgan shares a personal story that changed her perspective.

Morgan says, "As a new mom and a recovering perfectionist, I was in search of a 'Pinterest perfect' Christmas season until God reminded me of what really matters."

I (Dawn) have felt that pressure to be "perfect" at Christmas. Haven't you? That pressure does not make for peace! Thank the Lord, there's a better way.

Morgan continues . . .  

Normally, Christmas is a beautiful time. The music, the juxtaposition of the red and green—it just gives a warm and delicious feeling.

This time last year was an especially beautiful time of the year for me because our first son, William, was born. It was such a sweet and lovely time.

But this year is a little different. I recently learned:

God will humble us exactly where we need it—even during the holiday seasons.  

Let me set the stage for you. I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with our second son, Henry, and I have been experiencing some morning sickness.

Recently, I was getting ready for my group of ladies to come to my home for Bible study and some holiday festivities.

Now, I should clarify that I like for my home to be spotless when the ladies arrive. I color coordinate for the season we are in, I have coffee and tea available, and I always have some kind of little snack for the ladies as well.

On this particular morning, my son needed a diaper change. As I changed him, I got hit with a horrible bout of morning sickness. I left my son clean but naked on the floor as I ran to the sink to be sick.

I didn’t quite make it.

Instead I was sick on my son, on the floor, on part of the wall and the snacks that I made for my ladies.

My son proceeded to play in the mess, and then grab onto my leg with his dirty little hand. So my outfit was ruined, the snacks were ruined, and my son was crawling around the house naked smearing vomit on the floor. My husband came downstairs to help and all I could get out was a strained, “catch the baby!”  

My friends were so understanding when they arrived, yet I was irritated I had ruined our holiday festivities. And that is when God humbled me. He used this gross little episode to teach me what is important in the holiday season. Yes, God used morning sickness and a toddler to teach me the meaning of Christmas.

This is what I learned: 

1) We have to recognize that it is all about Jesus.

The Christmas season isn’t about the wrapping paper. It doesn’t matter that I have a beautiful centerpiece on my table if I let people leave our Christmas party without the knowledge that Jesus is their Savior. Without Him, they are bound for hell (Matthew 25:46).

The Christmas story isn’t awesome because of the story itself, but rather for the story that follows 33 years later when that little baby grew up and died on the cross for us.    

2) We have to recognize that it can’t be perfect. 

Until we are reunited with God in heaven, nothing here can be perfect.

Jesus was born in a manger, and it's not the pretty scenes you see in yards during the holiday season. He spent his first two years in Egypt hiding from Herod who wanted to kill him. Not pretty.

No amount of red, green, and gold at the holiday season will cover up the reality that we live in a world of sin, and this world is temporary (2 Corinthians 4:18).

3) We have to recognize that God loves us anyway.

God doesn’t love us because we are perfect. The fact is, we aren’t.

God loves us because of what His one and only Son did for us (Galatians 1:4). When Christ died and rose from the dead, He defeated Satan and his evil plans for the world. Through Christ’s death and resurrection, we have been invited into the Kingdom as a child of God.

Oh, how much He loves us!

God used a toddler, morning sickness and a Bible study to remind me of the point of this holiday season.

What about you? What things do you need to let go of to keep focused on Jesus during this holiday season?

Morgan Farr is an Army wife currently stationed at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, with her wonderful husband Brian. They currently have two children, one-year-old William, and Henry, who they will welcome in April. Morgan is a homemaker who dedicates her free time to ministering to other Army wives through Bible studies, one-on-one interactions and physical training. She writes about her transition out of feminism and into biblical womanhood on her blog, The Forgiven Former Feminist. You can find her thoughts on fitness, health and training programs on her other blog,  Farr Functional Fitness.  

Graphic adapted from a photo at Pixabay.

Christmas Ministry That Makes Jesus Smile: Part 2

Yesterday, Dawn Wilson shared six creative ways to make Jesus smile as we think about Christmas ministry and outreach. In Part 2, here are four more ways to think outside the gift-wrapped box.

7. Share gift coupons.

Many fast food restaurants have inexpensive books of coupons. These can be purchased in bulk and kept in the car's glove compartment to share with the homeless or others in need. Clip them to a Christmas tract or New Testament.

Some beauty salons and barber shops offer coupons for free haircuts for the needy. What other kinds of gift coupons can you find to purchase and share?

8. Prepare Ziploc® Gift Bags ... or Purses.

The Bible tells us to be wise and prepared, not foolish and lazy (Proverbs 6:6-8).

When we are prepared to minister, God will give us opportunities.

Store some gift bags in your car for the homeless. Things that will be helpful to them to take care of themselves (new toothbrush and toothpaste, hand sanitizer, etc.). Add a couple of food bars and a tract or New Testament.

One variation on this is to purchase used-but-good purses at thrift stores and use them to store helpful items in your car trunk. (Since these are for women, add sanitary supplies.

I once had a young mom in a parking lot beg me (with tears) for sanitary supplies. We chatted as I walked her into the store to buy a good supply of them and was shocked when she told me she was using old ripped-up clothing she found in a dumpster!)

9. Relieve Some Christmas Fatigue.

Be alert to ways you can ease some stress in Jesus' name.

Offer a night or two of free childcare to a weary single mom so she can go Christmas shopping ... or just take a nap! Take a young mom or low-income widow (or widower) a ready-to-cook meal or two for their freezer. 

If you can afford it, ladies, give your pastor's wife or another church staff member's wife a visit to a spa! Christmastime can be super stressful on minister's wives. (If you can really afford it - go with her! You may need some relief too!)

Think about how God has comforted you in stresses and hurting times, and consider how you can extend the same kind of comfort to others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

10. Offer your expertise.

Use what you know!

• If you are a hairdresser, consider offering free haircuts to the homeless or the needy.
• Handymen can offer one hour of "fixing" things around the house to widows at their church.
• An auto mechanic might tweak someone's car.
• An organizer could help a "messie" get organized for the holidays.

Opportunities are directly linked to your God-given gifts, and your learned skills or expertise.

Consider this question: "What is in your hand?"

It's a question God challenged me with one Christmas season: "What's in your hand, Dawn? What is right in front of you that you can use for My glory?" It's a question God asked Moses (Exodus 4:2) to get him to notice what the Lord might use to perform miracles!

For Moses, it was his simple, everyday shepherd's staff. For me, it was my pen and computer. As a writer, I ended up helping a (writing-challenged) Christian friend write her Christmas newsletter that year. And a couple of times, I've helped a friend by researching a topic for a biblical presentation to use at her Christmas tea.

Whatever God has blessed you with, consider how He might want you to use it to bless others during the holiday.

What is in your hand?

Do you have other ideas for Christmas ministry that would make Jesus smile?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God(with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the Director of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, image courtesy of tiverylucky at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Christmas Ministry That Makes Jesus Smile: Part 1

In this Christmas UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson helps us think of creative ways to make Jesus smile as we think about Christmas ministry and outreach.

In essence, we want to think of ways to be the heart, hands and feet of the Lord during the holiday season. There is no doubt God cares about the poor and needy and Christ-followers should care and help them too!

Operation Christmas Child (with Samaritan's Purse) and Angel Tree Christmas (with Prison Fellowship) are two familiar, popular ministry outreaches during the Christmas season.

World Help offers an entire catalog of ideas for offering practical support (internationally) as a way to touch people with the love of Jesus. I highly recommend this outreach.

Beyond these, there are many local ministry opportunities to consider during this time of year.  

Here are just ten other ways to think outside the "gift-wrapped" box!

1. Set up a Gift Wrap Station.

Get creative to think of ways to raise funds for your favorite ministry.

For example, some department stores are willing to allow you to set up a free Christmas gift-wrapping station. Schedule ahead of time, ask stores to donate the wrapping paper, and then accept donations to benefit a local charity or international ministry (again, like one I trust, World Help!).

I know one child who baked cookies (accepting financial donations) in her neighborhood ... and a seamstress who gave her time and expertise in an announced "mending" day (again, for donations).

2. Deliver trees to low-income families.

Some Christmas tree lot owners are willing to give trees away a few days before Christmas if they know they will go to needy homes. Use pick-up trucks and get some tree stands, and deliver these free trees to the financially-stretched ... maybe to a poor, single-parent family. Add a note or Christmas card, or even a special Christmas tract or booklet.

You might also add some decorations. (Buy nice ones from Goodwill, The Salvation Army, or Amvets to help their organizations.) As a bonus, offer to pick the trees up after Christmas for disposal.

3. Participate in your church's food drive.

My church collects food for the hungry all year long, and there is a big push for food during the holidays.

Consider giving canned vegetables, beans and fruit, canned soup, canned tuna or chicken, rice or dried beans, boxes of cereal or crackers, peanut butter and jelly. Be sure they do not have expired dates!

4. Make a "from Jesus" Christmas Basket.

Fill a big decorated basket with Christmas dinner for a needy neighbor or friend. Include cans or boxes of food to prepare and cookies. (If you're certain it won't be spent on alcohol or cigarettes, add a gift card for your local grocery store so they can buy fresh meat and produce.)

Let them know the basket is "from a frend, in Jesus' name" (Colossians 3:17). Include a tract or booklet (see suggestion #2).

5. Send Christmas Cards to the "Forgotten."

We're to remember the poor (Deuteronomy 15:11b; Proverbs 31:20; Galatians 2:10) and those mistreated or imprisoned (Hebrews 13:3) all year long.

As part of our remembering, we might send Christmas cards to prisoners, the military overseas, Vets in hospitals, orphans, children's wards in hospitals, or people in nursing homes.

(Contact organizations for suggestions, or do this through your women's group or Sunday school. Prison chaplains are especially eager to lift inmates' spirits at Christmas-time.)

6. Contact a Missionary - Fill a Need.

It's not always a cash gift missionaries need. Ask them!

For example, one missionary who visited my church needed measuring cups, measuring spoons and tea towels to give away in a "cake ministry" the Lord has given her in Africa. She helps women in impoverished areas learn how to make simple cakes (a special recipe she created) and then gives them the tools they need but can't afford to buy. Our Sunday school class collected a bunch of these items for her ministry.

My husband and I once sent taco seasoning packets to a foreign missionary couple. They were craving tacos and had meat, vegetables, cheese and flat tortillas, but couldn't get the right seasoning where they were serving.

One ministry needed blank journals for an outreach. Another wanted "pillow case" dresses for little girls. Another, shoes for children. Another, socks and blankets for the homeless.

(NOTE: Remember to add in the cost for shipping to the missionaries.)

Part two of this post continues tomorrow.

Meanwhile, be thinking: What are YOU doing this Christmas to minister in ways that would make Jesus smile?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God(with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the Director of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, image courtesy of tiverylucky at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Cultivating Joy in Your Family This Christmas

Becky Harling, a conference and retreat speaker, is the creator of many praise challenges. She just bubbles over with joy! For this Christmas UPGRADE, I asked her to share how we might cultivate joy in our homes during the holidays.

"The angel who announced the birth of Jesus to the shepherds declared that the birth of Christ was good news of great joy," Becky says, "Yet, so often during the holidays, 'joyful' is not the word someone might use to describe our homes. Tense, hurried, stressed or chaotic might be a better fit.

"Yet, God wants us to experience great joy."

Try as I (Dawn) might, I tend to exhibit all the characteristics of "holiday hurry" disease. I have to be intentional about peace, or my days are robbed of joy. Are you like me? Let's learn wisdom and cultivate some joy!

Becky continues . . .

How do we experience great joy in the midst of the hustle and bustle of the Holiday season? And, how do we encourage joy in our kids during one of the most demanding and draining times of the year?

In search of the answers to these questions, I did a bit of research on joy.

I discovered that: (1) joy is primarily relational and (2) our brains have a joy center!

I know, right? Isn’t that amazing?

Studies indicate the "joy center exists in the right orbital prefrontal cortex of the brain. It has executive control over the entire emotional system.”

The joy center grows in infancy. Neurologists and psychologists teach us that when infants see delight in the eyes of their parents, the joy center of their brain is strengthened.  In other words, when babies see their parents’ eyes sparkle and light up in response to them, they know they are loved and their joy center develops.

“If the joy center develops correctly, an individual can find the path back to joy, in spite of the most difficult trauma.” * 

Even if your joy center didn’t develop properly in childhood, that part of your brain can be regenerated. Not only can you as a parent develop your child’s joy center, you can strengthen your own joy muscle!

Strengthening your joy muscle begins when you internalize the truth that you are the sparkle in your Heavenly Father’s eye.

Friend, God--your heavenly Father--is madly and categorically in love with you! God's Word teaches that He take great delight in you. He even sings and dances over you. (Zephaniah 3:17) His eyes sparkle and light up when you come to spend time with Him.  

It’s possible that you’ve never felt like anyone was particularly glad to see you. That’s not true of God. You are the sparkle in God’s eye. As you internalize that truth you are more able to pass the sparkle on to your kids, your spouse, your friends and neighbors.

So, how do you go about internalizing that truth and passing it on to your kids--especially during the Holidays? I have a few suggestions.

1. Spend a few moments praising God each day.

As you lift your focus to the sparkle in God's eye, your cares won’t feel nearly as burdensome, and you’ll feel His love more deeply.  

Listen to Christmas music that is focused on praising Jesus Christ. As you listen, remind yourself: God’s eyes sparkle when He gets to spend time with you! He’s glad to be with you. Praise Him that He designed you to experience joy and you have the privilege of passing that on to your child.

2. Smile often. 

Smiling sends the message that you’re happy to see someone. When your kids wake up in the morning or come home from school allow them to see the sparkle in your eye. Communicate that you’re glad to see them and you’re happy to be with them.

3. Sing when you’re stressed.  

When you feel stressed out or tense, start singing or turn on some music. Music often lightens our mood and helps us to enjoy God’s presence. Even if you can’t carry a tune, your efforts will release some of the stress.

4. Speak affirming words.

Let your kids know you’re proud of them and you praise God for them.

It’s easy to criticize when you’re stressed over busy schedules or tight finances; but scolding doesn’t strengthen anyone’s joy center. So, let it go and choose to affirm.

Friend, I think we need more joy in our world, don’t you? The angels acknowledged this when they proclaimed at Jesus' birth, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy" (Luke 2:10).

As you look at the Holiday season with all its demands, why not make it your goal to cultivate joy. Praise God that He is the joy giver and that you are the sparkle in His eye. Seek to strengthen your joy center and your child’s.

Make it your goal to PASS ALONG THE SPARKLE this Christmas, and I think you’re going to find your home a much happier place!

Which of the four “S’s” for cultivating joy can you begin today?

Becky Harling. Authentic. Passionate. Funny. Insightful. Becky is a frequent speaker at conferences, retreats, and other venues. She is the author of Rewriting Your Emotional Script, Freedom from Performing, The 30 Day Praise Challenge and The 30 Day Praise Challenge for Parents. Becky is married to Steve Harling and has four adult kids and five grandkids. Visit her website and blog!

* Quote from James G. Friesen, E. James Wilder, Anne M. Bierling, Rick Koepcke and Maribeth Poole, Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You (Van Nuys, CA: Shepherd's House, 2000), p. 12

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of suphakit73 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Margin for Error

Deborah DeArmond writes, from experience, about the ups and downs in relationships. In this Marriage UPGRADE, she reminds us to treat each other with exceptional grace.

“Marriage settles over the years. Kind of like the sugar in the bottom of the tea glass,” Deb says. “It's still there and just as sweet as it's always been. But unless we stir it up a bit, we lose some of the flavor.”

I (Dawn) love this picture of sugar in tea, especially as it applies to marriage. The Bible tells us to “stir up” each other to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24), and marriage is certainly a place where this is true. But it all begins with true fellowship and grace.

Deb continues . . .

My husband and I recently completed what may be the most significant collaboration of our marriage, with the exception of producing our sons. We’ve written a book together. Two heads, two hearts, but only one set of hands on the keyboards. It’s only practical.

The topic? Marital conflict. And I assure you we’ve personally tested every idea in the book. We did it while writing the book.

We’re incredibly qualified to author this work; we’ve been disagreeing for years. Forty-plus, to be exact. We’re both strongly opinioned, and not hesitant to share our thoughts—intensely, at times. But at least neither can say, “I didn’t know you felt that way.”

Those intense moments of fellowship, however, have not dimmed the intensity of our love. It’s as fierce as it’s ever been.

Recently, however, during one of those “he said, she said” conversations, I stopped to consider whether it was time to cut one another a break.

The issue was insignificant, a matter of principle. Or so I thought. The Lord encouraged me to examine which “principle” had placed me on my high horse. “Was it love?” His Spirit inquired. “Patience? Selflessness or humility?

Um. No. It was the I’m right, I know I’m right, so just admit it, principle. It’s not in the love chapter. Or the Beatitudes. Or anywhere biblical.  I looked. Ugh.

Then God threw me a lifeline.

“Create a margin of error for one another.”

What does that mean? Isn’t it a financial term? Math is my third language, so I looked it up. Here’s the definition:

Margin for error:

1. An extra amount of something, such as time or money, which you allow because there might be a mistake in your calculations.
2. A small amount that is allowed for in case of miscalculation or change of circumstances.

 An extra amount of something? Like humility, patience or love, perhaps? Or what about mercy?

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy" (Matthew 5:7)

In case of a change of circumstances? Isn’t that our address these days? At the corner of empty nest and why don’t you listen to me anymore? 

So how do we fix it?

How do we inject kindness, patience, and mercy into our interactions?

Create a margin for error.

• Accept there is a possibility: you said it and I didn't hear you.
• Abdicate the need to be right; send the high horse out to pasture.
• Create a margin of extra love to smooth the path.

Some tips to create that margin.

1. Face-to-face communication. Ditch the drive by interaction with ten assorted and unrelated topics on your way out the door or while he’s watching football. Eye contact makes a difference.

2. Write it down. I’m a list maker. If it’s on the list, it gets done. Science confirms our recall is better if we use both head and hand. We get it.

Plus there’s a written record in the event you need evidence in court, “I’m sorry, your honor, I had to put him in time out. Dry cleaning was definitely on his list!”

3. Check for understanding. Confirm you both heard and understood the details in the same way.

“We’re leaving for the airport by 4:30 pm, right? You’re comfortable with that?”

4. Let. It. Go. It’s not my gift.

Ron once said to me, “It’s not enough that I eventually just agree with you. You want me to believe you are right!” Why is that a problem? I mean, I was right, right? So he should acknowledge it. Don’t you agree?

And then I hear the Holy Spirit, tapping His toe. I got it.

Another definition defines margin as a place of safety or something that makes a particular thing possible. Like loving one another, fiercely, all the days the good Lord gives us with fewer bumps and scrapes. Or scraps.

Which of the tips for creating margin would help your relationship today?

Deb DeArmond’s passion is family—not just her own, but the relationships within families in general. Her book, Related by Chance, Family by Choice: Transforming the Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationships explores tools and tips to building sound relationships between moms and the girls who marry their sons, and her new book, I Choose You Today, helps couples strengthen their marriages. Deb and her husband, Ron, live in the Fort Worth area. For more about Deb, visit her "Family Matters" site.