Conquer Your 'New School Year' Fears

Doreen Hanna equips and empowers women, and has a special place in her heart for the younger generation. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she helps us face our fears about sending children “off to school.”

“I’m at a loss," Doreen says, "attempting to find an encouraging word to impart to my kids as they start back to school this year!”

I (Dawn) remember those days long ago when I first sent my homeschooled children to a "regular" school. I knew fear is not of God (2 Timothy 1:7), but my mama heart was still concerned they might not remember the values I'd taught them. I wish I'd had Doreen's wise counsel back then.

She continues . . . 

Many moms who are sending their children off to school—be it public, Christian, Montessori, a home-school academy or college—may feel fearful. 

• Fearful … especially after the family watched the evening news together over the summer months and saw some of the horrific occurrences in our own country as well as across the world. 
• Or after they sought to find the least provocative clothing trends for their kids and teens for the new season.
• Or, of most concern to any caring mom, after watching the behavioral changes that seemed to have happened overnight this summer. This confirms in her heart the suspicion of rebellion that is becoming more evident almost daily.

As a mom of two girls, now in their early 40s, I can still remember those lazy summer days. I loved those “don’t have to get up early and get them out the door” days. I enjoyed spending more casual time with them, their friends, and their friends’ moms.

Conversely, I had a reality check one summer, enabling me to see who my girls were choosing to spend time with and what their parents were like. 

Fear gripped my heart, because I saw the power of peer influence like I’d never seen it before.

However, I seized the opportunities and found this was a great way to observe and quietly evaluate everyone without pulling out my Personality Profile test or a Relationship Questionnaire! 

Children playing together reveal so much about who they are. 

And how we parents react when a conflict or crisis transpires between our children reveals so much about us.

To be honest, as moms we are very concerned when see our children not picking the best quality of friends. Or when we see that the parents of their friends are careless about their own children’s behavior, except when it reflects upon them.

The basis of every mom’s greatest concern is really not about the school, it is about the relationships they develop. Peer pressure can trump just about anything if our relationship with our children isn’t one of open communication. 

We often fear WHO is speaking into our children’s lives more than WHAT is being taught! This validates the popular quote, “More is caught than taught.”

Our children can sense or observe our fear. Therefore, as we seek to be faith-believing moms, we need to embrace the words God has given us to live out before our children: 

“He has not been given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7, NKJV).

Repeating that regularly helped me greatly back in those days, and still does today in moments when I tend to lean toward fear. Remember …

Our children need to see us as the nurturing queen mother, yet standing boldly as a princess warrior. 

Will you accept the challenge today to memorize 2 Timothy 1:7, enabling you to walk in authority that is filled with love and gives you peace of mind?

Doreen Hanna is the Founder & President of Modern Day Princess. She delights in every opportunity to equip and empower women of all ages, and is the co-author ofRaising a Modern Day Princess. Visit her website for more information about Modern Day Princess.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of stockimages at Freedigital.net.

Keeping First Things First in Ministry

Melissa Mashburn’s effectiveness in ministry is founded in the words “keep it real.” In this Ministry UPGRADE, she reminds us to consider our focus and priorities.

“Ministry can become all consuming, but it’s important to remember to keep first things first and that’s making your own family a priority,” Melissa says. “Every day you are given a gift—your family. Yes, you have a call to do more, serve more and love the people in your community more, but ultimately, your family is your first ministry.”

I (Dawn) observed firsthand how the enemy destroys children with parents in ministry. “Family” must be a priority!

Melissa continues . . .  

There are so many things to love about ministry, like being able to be a part of someone else’s faith journey, using your gifts and skills for the Kingdom, and doing something with your life that is far beyond anything you could do on your own.

Unfortunately the “job” can become overwhelming. You can find yourself stuck in a never-ending cycle of trying to catch up. 

After fifteen years in full time ministry at a local church in South Florida, I finally realize a few things about ministry:

1. You will never get it all done. There will always be room for improvement or one more thing on your ministry task list.
2. It’s not all up to me. You are there to do your part, but the whole thing doesn’t rest on your shoulders. If it’s God’s will, He will make it happen— with or without you.
3. Your family is your first ministry. If you are married and have children, they need to see they are number one in your life, not your job or ministry.

Ministry is fun, challenging, and it makes a difference; and the great thing is, whether we are in full-time ministry or not, each one of us is called to ministry. Whether you’re just starting out or you’ve been doing ministry a while, it’s important to learn how to keep first things first.

I almost lost my oldest son ten years ago when he was airlifted to the local children’s hospital where he spent 51 days in the PICU. Even now I shudder to think how close we came to losing him. By some miracle he walked out of that hospital.

That left a mark on our family. It changed us—some things good, some bad—and it certainly helped us rethink what’s important. 

We took our eyes off what was most important, and let our ministry take first priority instead of our family. That’s hard to admit, but it’s true. 

Since then, one of my new favorite sayings is “Family First.” Here’s what it means: We need you to do what you do at the church, in the schools, at your jobs, for sure, but your husband and child(ren) come first. If ever there is an emergency or something you need to tend to—be there. Be fully and completely there.

You only get one chance to be the wife or mom you can be. Someone else can be the room mom, the PTA president or do your job at work. But NO ONE can take your place when it comes to family.

Through that season we learned, slowed down and start reprioritizing family in the face of ministry; but, to be honest, “Family First” continues to be a constant challenge for us.

Friend, don’t miss out on the incredible blessing right in front of you.

Are you going to be perfect? “No one is perfect, not even one” (Romans 3:11 ESV).

Does that mean we don’t try?  No, it just means we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and do the very best we can with each and every day.

Whether at work, in the car line, at the PTA meeting, in the church or wherever ministry might take you, you are in the mission field. Your family needs you before you head out to serve others.

"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her" (Proverbs 31:27-28 NIV).

Oh yes, our friend The Proverbs 31 Woman is an overachiever, but guess what, her family is her first ministry. She does what she needs to do for her family, and then she sets out to do other things.

By taking care of first things first, we have room to do the other things God brings our way. 

What are some ways you can start today to reprioritize your day so you can make your family your first ministry? Who do you need to talk to help you as you shift things around to make your family your ministry?

Melissa Mashburn passionately pursues God every day by taking her everyday, ordinary life and placing it as her offering to Him. She is an author, speaker, mom, pastor’s wife, and trained communicator through CLASSeminars. With her extensive background in ministry at the local church, Melissa leads women to “keep it real” in their lives and ministries. She is married to her best friend, Matt (22 years), and is the proud mama to two adult sons. You can find her on her site, Melissa Mashburn: Real Women, Real Life, Real Faith.

Photo Credit: Image ID : 27065415 - http://www.123rf.com/photo_27065415_happy-young-family-with-child-resting-outdoors-in-summer-park.html

Grace Comes in XXL

Rhonda Rhea combines humor with biblical truth for a blend that zings right to the heart. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she enlarges our concept of God's grace.

“Veni, vidi, venti”—maybe that’s not how everyone says it," Rhonda says, "but I’m pretty sure it means:  “I came, I saw, I ordered a large coffee.”

Coffee? What's that got to do with grace, I (Dawn) ask? Hold on. As usual, Rhonda has an important point to make.

She continues . . . 

Some days the coffee just doesn’t seem large enough.

Or maybe it’s simply that however big it is, the to-do list seems bigger.

But God’s grace? It’s always bigger than enough. And in 1 Peter 1:13 we’re told to stay just-had-a-large-coffee kind of alert to His grace.

“So brace up your minds; be sober…morally alert; set your hope wholly and unchangeably on the grace (divine favor) that is coming to you” (AMP).

Just think about God’s saving grace, His seasoning grace, and His sustaining grace.

His grace:

1. It Saves Us! We can’t earn grace or it’s no longer grace.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

If you have given your life to Christ, your sin has been thoroughly erased through the gift of His grace.

2. It Seasons Us! Then once we’re saved, we continue to live in that grace.

It’s His grace that changes us, grows us, seasons us. It doesn’t add duties so that we can live up to our salvation. It’s a change of purpose because of a change of heart. He transforms our desires, our thoughts, our words and our actions. That’s more of His grace at work.

“He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time” (2 Timothy 1:9).

3. It Sustains Us! He also gives us comforting grace for trials we face.

It’s the kind of grace that holds us up when circumstances are difficult and when life is painful.

When Paul was in pain, the Lord told him, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

There it is again—the “enough-ness” of His grace. It’s everything we need.

Just when you think there couldn’t possibly be more, there’s more grace still.

“For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace” (John 1:16, ESV).

So I’m thinking about the grace of God today and His great love for me. I’m thinking about that grace upon grace, my heart overflowing with gratitude.

You can bask in that grace too. Know that it’s yours.

Do you want a stronger faith? Second Timothy 2:1 says to “be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.” If you’re searching for strength, look toward His grace.

So are you ready to let staying alert to God’s amazing grace be the “venti-est” part of your to-do list today?

Rhonda Rhea is a humor columnist, radio personality, speaker and author of 10 books, including How Many Lightbulbs Does It Take to Change a Person?, Espresso Your Faith - 30 Shots of God's Word to Wake You Up, and a book designed to encourage Pastor's Wives (P-Dubs): Join the Insanity. Rhonda,a sunny pastor's wife, lives near St. Louis and is "Mom" to five grown children. Find out more atwww.RhondaRhea.com. 

Blog post adapted from Espresso Your Faith—30 Shots of God’s Word to Keep You Focused on Christ.

'Personal Trainers' for the Next Generation

Do you have what it takes to be a personal trainer? In this Parenting UPGRADE, Holly Hanson, founder of Moms Inc. at Shadow Mountain Community Church, tells us why the job doesn’t demand spandex—it demands spirituality!

“As Moms, training up the next generation is the only job we actually are required by God to do,” Holly says. “The Bible does not command us to clean our homes—can I get an “Amen”?—it does not compel us to make gourmet dinners, it does not even charge us with the responsibility of making sure our kids go to school in the most expensive jeans or latest clothing fashions.”   

So what's the mandate? I (Dawn) think parental training is a hefty job description, but Holly says it is all possible by simply following the road map laid out in the Bible.

She continues . . .

What the Bible DOES mandate is found in Proverbs 22:6:

^“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (KJV).

1. It says to “train up.”

“When I think about training, I picture an Olympic gymnast training for the gold medal. She didn’t start as strong as she is now. She listened to advice, she studied her craft and she modeled the examples of the greats who came before her.

Our kids are like that gymnast, and we are their spiritual gold-medal trainers.

2. Notice, it does not say “your” child—it says “a” child.

That means we also have a responsibility to our grandchildren, the children of our friends, those at our church, and those in our neighborhoods and our extended families. We have a responsibility to model the behavior and impart the values the Bible gives us, wherever God has granted us influence.

3. We should train up that child in the way he should go.

How do we know the way he should go? It all comes down to our own training.

We aren’t born with deep knowledge of God’s Word. In fact, the Bible clearly spells out that we are born “desperately wicked” with dark, sinful hearts.

 ^“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9, KJV)

God says we are like sheep who have all gone astray on our own. It’s only through Jesus’ blood and His salvation of our own wicked lives that we are even able to do any good in the lives of others.

But the salvation is just the first part of the equation. God gives us one (or more) spiritual gifts the very minute we are saved, and He expects us to develop and use them. Some of the gifts you may possess could include: Administration, discernment, evangelism, exhortation, faith, giving, knowledge, leadership, mercy, pastor, prophecy, serving, teaching and wisdom.

4. And when he is old, he shall not depart from it.

This brings us to the next generation: US! 

The Bible tells women they are responsible to influence not only the children in this world, but also to influence and train each other.

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God” (Titus 2:3-5, NIV).

Do you feel like you are ready to share some of your knowledge and training with another woman? If not, do you know someone who is older or further in their faith than you—someone you can learn from?

It’s a long process to maturity.

We need to spend time with our mentors, ask questions, serve under their leadership and watch and imitate what they do.

Our churches will die if there is not a continual line of leaders trained and ready to step into service.

And just because you may be a mom with little ones, don’t think that gives you a pass from growing at this stage in your life. If you don’t start now, you may miss an opportunity in the future because you haven’t done the groundwork to be spiritually mature and ready for it.

I want to challenge you to be ready. Train yourself first. You can’t pass on what you don’t know. You can’t know unless you learn. Time to get started!

How can you become a better “personal trainer” in a child’s life?

Holly Hanson is a veteran Emmy Award-winning journalist who finds her calling in her family motto: “Love God, Serve Others.” Holly has written and produced internationally for Women of Faith, Turning Point Ministries, and locally with KFMB-TV, KFMB-AM and KPBS Radio. She is married and is a mom, step-mom and step-grandma. Holly is active at Shadow Mountain Community Church, serving on the Women's Ministries Council, singing in the choir, and running Moms Inc., a ministry she founded and directs.  

Help, Lord ... She Has Breast Cancer!

Janet Thompson is a three-time breast cancer survivor, but that’s not her complete identity. She is a godly woman with incredible wisdom for the body of Christ, and in this extended Ministry UPGRADE, she helps us with a sometimes-scary topic.

“It’s hard to know what to say or do when a friend or relative drops the bombshell news that she has breast cancer,” Janet said. “Often our natural response is to recoil and retreat.”

I (Dawn) don’t know about you, but sometimes my heart moves me to share with people who are hurting—people I dearly love—but fearful thoughts hold me back. Janet’s practical wisdom will help us minister with strength and compassion.

(Keep reading to see why the little lamb in that picture is so meaningful!)

Janet continues . . .

Maybe it’s the fear of facing our own mortality or the time and emotion required if we do get involved. We ease our conscience by thinking: she would rather be alone right now anyway. Or she needs her family at a time like this. Or she has so many friends; I know someone will help her.

We may send a card or make a call offering to help, closing with “I’ll be praying for you,” then on we go about our life while her life crumbles. Yet the Bible clearly tells us,

“Help each other in troubles and problems. This is the kind of law Christ asks us to obey” (Galatians 6:2 NLV).

How can we put that verse into practical terms? Here are some ways my friends and family came along side me during my initial breast cancer journey and two recurrences.

Helping with the Bad Days

1. Don’t Just Offer to Help—Do Something Tangible.

When asked the generic question, “How can I help you?” our common response is, “I’m fine, but thank you for asking.” Truthfully, we need everything but are afraid to ask.

Another well-meaning comment I received was, “Just call me if you need anything.” Now how many women are going to pick up the phone and ask for help, especially if they are not feeling well?

So instead of offering to help—just jump in and do something. 

• Schedule her friends, family, and church to bring meals. Use your lunch break to take her lunch and eat with her.
• Offer to drive her to doctor’s appointments or treatments and take notes for her.
• Shuttle her kids to and from school or find someone who can.
• Sit with her during chemo treatments or accompany her to radiation. Talk, read a book to her, or just hold her hand.
• Take her children on a play date or to your house.
• Do her laundry.
• Do her grocery shopping. If she is too sick to dictate a list, take an inventory of her refrigerator and cupboards and make your own list.
• Answer her email.
• Bring her a gift that makes her feel feminine.
• If she feels like talking, sit and chat with her. When she doesn’t feel like talking, just be a presence in her home so she doesn’t feel alone.
• Babysit her kids so she and her husband can have some private time.
• Clean her house or pay someone to do it.
• Go with her to pick out a wig or prosthesis.
• Pick up prescriptions.
• Run errands.

 2. Don’t Say, “I’ll Pray For You,” Unless You Mean It.

A promise to pray isn’t just a feel good phrase. We are telling someone that we will petition God on her behalf, and we are living falsely if we don’t. I find it’s best to stop in the moment and pray right then. It keeps me honest and blesses the other person.

Helping Her Enjoy the Good Days

1. Be Happy with Her When She’s Happy.

Cancer is a grim word. Overnight life becomes serious, tense, and laden with fear. Capitalize on the moments when there is an opportunity to laugh or smile. Be ready, because it may only last a moment, but the break from pain and fear is immeasurable.

Avoid topics that you know will bring her down. You aren’t minimizing or making light of the seriousness of the situation, but you are giving her a recess from the intensity. Don't fake happiness, but take advantage of humorous or lighter moments. Don’t let the serious eclipse the humorous.

2. Nurture the Little Girl Inside Her.

The nurse in charge of the breast-care unit gave me a white stuffed toy sheep named “Fleece.” Taking Fleece with me everywhere, I held him as a shield in front of my sore breast, tucked him under my arm as an armrest, and snuggled next to him in bed.

I indulged my childish need for security and no one chastised me for it. They acted like it was normal.

3. Shower Her with Love.

Love is the best gift you can give to your friend suffering with breast cancer. Don’t desert her when she needs you most. Right now, she requires extravagant love, and God will help you when your heart is breaking or it just seems too sad or too hard. John 13:34 tells us to love one another just as God has loved us.

God is the author of love and He knows just what your friend needs. He will show you how to love her when she is feeling unlovable.

Surprise her. What woman doesn’t love an unexpected gift or demonstration of how valuable she is to us?

The Bible assures us in Proverbs 17:17,“A friend loves at all times.” As a three-time breast cancer survivor, I assure you there are three things that will endure through the good and bad times—faith, hope and love—and the greatest of these is love.

Did Janet's "bad days ... good days" counsel help? Or are you still struggling with what to say to someone with breast cancer? If so ...

Check out Janet’s helpful suggestions in “The Top Thirteen Things to Do or Say and NOT to Do or Say to Someone with Breast Cancer.”

Janet Thompson is a three-time breast cancer survivor, speaker, and author of the “Dear God” book series including, Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer: A Companion Guide for Women on the Breast Cancer Journey. Janet found purpose in her breast cancer journey by writing for her breast cancer sisters the book she wished she had going through her surgeries and treatment. Visit Janet on her website.

This article includes excerpts from Dear God, They Say It’s Cancer: A Companion Guide for Women on the Breast Cancer Journey.

Graphic: stuffed Hansa sheep is available on Amazon.