The Worry List

Kolleen Lucariello never fails to peak my interest between her humorous perspective on life and practical applications from daily experiences. In this Attitude UPGRADE she reminds us there is a great, biblical cure for worrying.

"The room was silent," Kolleen says. "The small lump in the center of the enormous bed across the room lay motionless. It had been a full day and I sensed my muscles relaxing as my body began to enter a well-deserved rest.

"Then the small lump spoke, 'Miiiiiimmmiiiiiii….'

That sure got my (Dawn’s) attention! Was something wrong? Scary?

Kolleen continues . . .

Our six-year-old grandson had been assigned the extra bed in Papa and Mimi’s room while we vacationed together. After hours at the water park, it was now time to say goodnight and rest up for the next day's adventures.

His words broke the silence. “Miiiimiiii, I'm just having a hawrd time falling asleep.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“Well, it’s just that I have a whoarry list in my mind with about eight things on it that I can’t stop thinking about.”

I listened as one-by-one he began to list them. 

• First on the list was the fear he might lack self-control.
• Next came worry of the not–good–enough kind.
• Number three was the worry he would never become the best football player of all time. He was worried that his Uncle Jeff thought less of him because he had missed a few catches when they’d played football together that day.

It was difficult for me to suppress a few chuckles as he made his way through his list of worries.

I, of course, have the benefit of age which allows me to recognize his list of worries now would be different than his list of future worries. Even so, I took his worries seriously.

Why? Because I recognized a few similarities between his list and my own.

When he finished, I said, “Okay, now let’s turn your worry list into a prayer list.”

From Worries to Prayers

1. We began praying for self-control.

I assured him that regardless of our age, everyone struggles to maintain control of self. This will require a lifetime of reliance upon Jesus.

As I listened to him articulate the reason for his worry, it occurred to me how the loss of self-control can lead a person into embarrassment or even humiliation.

In an instant, I was transported back to a few I-wish-I-hadn’t-said-that moments when my failure to employ self-control over my tongue led to embarrassment for me—and others.

Wise Solomon wasn’t joking when he wrote, “your mouth can ruin everything” (Proverbs 13:3b NLT). On the flip side, he said, “Those who control their tongue will have a long life” (13:3a).  

2. We prayed for patience as we grow in the abilities God has given us—at every age and stage.

It doesn’t matter if we are six, 26, 56 or 86, God has given us talents, and we have the potential to fulfill a purpose for Him.

God filled the grandson of Hur with “the Spirit of God, giving him great wisdom, ability, and expertise in all kinds of crafts” (Exodus 31:3 NLT). He was “a master at every craft!” (vs.5).

Does that mean he didn’t need to develop it? Doubtful. But it sounds like he, and others with him, served God by using their talent as instructed.

3. We also prayed for God to help us both break the habit of assuming we know what people are thinking.

He had convinced himself that he knew what Uncle Jeff thought of his athletic ability with no confirmation his assumptions were correct.

Oh, my heart! He’s too young to create his own account of what someone may, or may not, be thinking about him, I thought.

First, we create narratives based upon our own insecurities, opinions, or point of view.

Then we insist others must be thinking exactly as we are.

Overthinking creates worry.

No need to worry what others may be thinking when we accept that we all miss a few catches, right?

With the conversation between Grandmother and Grandson complete, stillness filled the room, and I heard the deep breathing of a six-year-old at rest.

He was able to rest physically because he had put his worry list to rest mentally.

It is likely we’d ALL sleep a little more soundly by taking a rest from our worry lists.

This was Paul’s instruction in his letter to the Philippians, and it is ours now:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done” (Philippians 4:6 NLT).

Don't worry . . . pray!

What keeps you awake at night? Turn your worry list into your prayer list and then thank God for all He has done.

Kolleen Lucariello, #TheABCGirl, is the author of #beYOU: Change Your Identity One Letter at a Time and is the Co-Director of Activ8Her, Inc. She is passionate to every woman realize her identity in Christ and live accordingly. Kolleen and her hubby, Pat, make their home in Central New York. She’s the mom of three grown children and Mimi to six incredible grands. For more information about Kolleen, visit www.speakkolleen.com. 

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Clkr-Free Vector-Images at Pixabay.

Five Ways to Speak God's Love Language

Debbie W. Wilson always has a fresh perspective on familiar Christian truth. In this Relationship with God UPGRADE, she reminds us that there are ways we can learn to "speak God's love language."

Debbie says, “My husband doesn’t show me love,” the distraught woman who sat before me complained.

I (Dawn) think that nearly every married woman has thought that from time to time. We just want more and more love—and not only from a spouse! But remember, when we "speak" someone's love language, it isn't always with words.

Debbie continues . . .

This woman’s husband provided for her financially, maintained her car without being asked, vacuumed the house, and cleaned up after supper. But she longed for quality time and deep conversations.

Because acts of service were not her love language, this woman had overlooked her husband’s demonstrations of love.

A hunger to express and experience love runs through the human DNA.

Considering this made me wonder if that need extends to our relationship with God. If so, what are some ways to enhance this love relationship? Does God have a love language?

Hebrews 11:6 says faith is God’s love language.

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (NIV).

Did you catch the reciprocal nature of faith as described in this verse? Those who believe in God also believe God rewards them for seeking Him.

Loving Jesus enables us to receive His love. John 14:21 says,

“Those who love me will have my Father’s love, and I, too, will love them and show myself to them” (GW).

Let’s look at ways to enhance our love relationship with God.

5 Ways to Speak God’s Love Language

1. Pray

Prayer demonstrates a relationship with God and faith that He is good.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened… Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matt. 7:7-11 NIV).

2. Demonstrate Trust through Thanksgiving

Gratitude demonstrates faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty. It shows I believe He is bigger than my mistakes and the wrongs I’ve endured (Rom. 8:28).

Faith allows me to pray with thanksgiving before I see God’s answer (Phil. 4:6-8).

A large ministry fired an honorable young man without cause. His mother wrestled with God over this betrayal. Before the year was out, a scandal hit the press concerning those who’d mistreated her son.

“God spared my son,” she said. “And I’d thought He’d forgotten him.”

“Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God’s will in Christ Jesus that you do this” (1 Thes. 5:18 GW).

3. Worship

Worship shows we believe He is worthy of our devotion and reminds us He’s bigger than anything clamoring for our time and attention.

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything” (Ps. 46:10 The Message).

4. Obey

Obedience demonstrates love and faith (Jn. 14:15-16).

“Whoever knows and obeys my commandments is the person who loves me” (Jn. 14:21 GW).

“In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome” (1 Jn. 5:3 NIV).

5. Live Clean

Receiving and appreciating our forgiveness shows faith in Jesus and increases our love for Him (1 Jn. 1:9, Titus 2:14).

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love” (Luke 7:47 NLT).

Through faith we express our love to God and experience His love in return.

Every step we take in faith causes God’s heart to sing. 

Does your relationship with God need a boost? Consider the list above. Which one needs your attention?

Debbie W. Wilson, Bible teacher and former biblical counselor, combines insight and encouragement to inspire people to trust Christ with their lives. Her books include Little Faith, Big God, Little Women, Big God, and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband Larry founded Lighthouse Ministries, a nonprofit biblical counseling and Bible study ministry. Debbie enjoys dark chocolate, a good mystery, and the antics of her two standard poodles. Find free resources and connect with Debbie at RefreshingFaith.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Kalhh at Pixabay.

'Squirrel Distractions'—During Prayer

In this Prayer UPGRADE, Dawn writes about her experiences with distractions—which bother her most when she's praying!

Some of the funniest dog humor is about "squirrel distractions." Perhaps you've seen some of the funny memes about a dog that is one minute intently obeying his master... and then the next minute is bounding off after a scampering squirrel.

I've been easily distracted like that since early childhood. In elementary school, my wind wandered off all the time. Teachers scolded me, and I had to learn how to keep my mind on a tight leash.

As I got into high school, I tried to understand whether God made my random, easily distracted brain this way—or if my crazy brain circuitry is one way my body is affected by The Fall (Genesis 3).

Regardless, I know the Lord understands my struggle.

By the time I got to college, I was still highly distracted. In classes, I wrote everything down, just to survive.

I once challenged a professor who had placed a question on a test. He misquoted what he said in class.  The test did not align with what he actually said, so everyone answered the question wrong. When questioned about that, my professor was adamant that the class must not have heard him correctly.

But I (not so humbly) proved him wrong with my copious class notes—much to my classmates' delight.

I continued to write countless lists and take notes—becoming a "detail person"—to get through college and then, motherhood.

I think I'm a lot like the awkward disciple Matthew in the hit series, The Chosen. And yet—look how Jesus used him!

Whether at work or play, I live by lists, and lots and lots of note-taking.

In church, I've always taken detailed notes so I won't be distracted by the pretty lady's hairdo in the row across from me, or the man tapping his knuckles on the pew.

But my greatest frustration spiritually—the thing that breaks my heart about my walk with God—is that I get sooooo distracted in PRAYER.

I believe Satan delights in this. He loves it when I'm praying, and suddenly I'm thinking about groceries I need to buy, or other lesser things.

There are so many untamed quirrels running around in my brain.

But over time, I've found a few simple solutions that help. I wondered if they might also help others—those who are easily distracted in prayer, or simply those who'd like to focus more.

There are all kinds of ways to pray. Some are short bursts, like Peter's "Lord, save me!" when he was walking on the water and began to sink (Matthew 14:30). But most of us would like to have extended prayer times, and it's important to be attentive.

Four Ways to Be More Attentive in Prayer

1. Seek Out Quiet.

That means, turn off the TV and other noisy distractions.

For me, it even means turning off Christian music, because even though music might be conducive to prayer for others, I end up taking way too long listening and singing instead of praying. Sometimes I give up the prayer time altogether. (Everyone is different in regard to that.)

When I shut out as many sound distractions as I can, I'm better able to focus on talking to God. I have to tell all the noisy squirrels, "BE STILL!"

"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10a). "Be still before the LORD...." (Psalm 37:7a).

Begin to be still by asking the Holy Spirit to calm your mind and prepare your heart. Focus on the second part of Psalm 46:10—"know that I am God."

3. Remember You're in a Conversation.

Sometimes when I'm distracted, I feel like I'm praying AT God rather than conversing WITH Him.

Prayer is simply talking with God.

Prayer for prayer's sake accomplishes little or nothing. But prayer as a means to talk to God and draw closer to Him accomplishes much! Prayer is more about the attitude of the heart than the words we pray.

Most of the time, we might close our eyes to prevent distractions. But sometimes I have kept my eyes open and looked at a "picture of Jesus" or even an empty chair so I can better visualize being in God's presence.

What helps me is to pray aloud. It's much easier to catch myself getting off track when I hear the prayer rather than "thinking" it.

R. A. Torrey said,

"If we would pray aright, the first thing we should do is to see to it that we really get an audience with God, that we really get into His very presence. ...

"we should have the definite consciousness that we are talking to God, and should believe that He is listening and is going to grant the thing that we ask of Him."

We need to be convinced that prayer is the most important conversation in our day. He will meet us when we call on Him.

"The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth" (Psalm 145:18).

3. Write As You Pray.

Have you ever noticed that when you write something down, you hone in on what is important?

When I write, I focus better.

I often write down my actual prayer to God. (Usually, I use paper. But I've been known to "write" the words on my hand with a finger, or on my table as I pray.)

Some call this "journaling" our prayers. Writing helps us remember all God has done and is able to do. I simply find it a way to focus and "cast" all my concerns on Him (1 Peter 5:7).

4. Pray God's Attributes.

When all else fails, I pause and start thanking God for His marvelous attributes.

As I said, I'm a list person; and the discipline of listing God's attributes (His love, mercy, goodness, wisdom, power, etc.) helps me remember who He is—remember Who I am talking to.

Then I key off those attibutes.

For example:

• God is wise, so I can ask Him to help me make a medical decision.
• God is merciful, so I can come to Him and confess a besetting sin.
• God is sovereign, so I can intentionally commit to trust Him regarding a difficulty in my life.

God reveals His many attributes in scripture, so I need to study who He is in the Word of God. (It's helpful to think about the names of God too.)

As I get further along in my prayer, I can expand to a prayer list or gratitude list, or things God speaks to me about that I want to research later.

But I need to be careful. Sometimes even simple prayer requests can send me down rabbit holes of distraction. I might jump from a prayer request ... to a memory ... to any number of things.

TIP: Jot down one or two words about the distracting thought and get back to praying!

5. End the Conversation.

I've been known (too often) to simply trail off in my conversation with God and start something else. One day I thought about how that might look if I did that to a human.

It's SAD... and RUDE!

I decided I want to end each conversation well. I tell the Lord how much I love Him, and recommit to obeying Him throughout the day.

Just as I would with a good friend, I've even said, "I'll talk with you again later!"

Be Intentional

I know that many of the things I've mentioned as "distractions" are not wrong in and of themselves—and they may not distract you at all. The point is, we need to be intentional about our focus on prayer.

Sometimes I do listen to Christian music or pull out a hymnal and meditate on the words of great hymns. Or I read Christian books as a launching pad to understanding more about God's will and ways. There are so many positive activities with spiritual purpose that can be incorporated into a devotional time that includes extended prayer.

But this I know:  I always need to CARE enough about prayer to PREPARE.

Or else my prayer time might go something like this: 

"Dear Father God ... oh, wait ... squirrel!"

What are some of the ways you prepare to focus on talking to God? What tends to distract you most?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, and the creator this blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts, and writes wiki-type posts as a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Practice for Our Prince

To say Morgan Farr is strong is an understatement, but add two words to that, and it just about sums up this young mom's character. She is "strong in Christ." In this Parenting UPGRADE, she applies the word "practice" to parenting, and explains how we are to "practice" to the glory of God in our families."With children," Morgan says, "being present is more important than being perfect."

As a former homeschooling mom, I (Dawn) saw that truth in action almost daily. I am grateful I had the opportunity to spend those early days of childhood development alongside my children. I can attest that what Morgan says is true.

Morgan continues . . .

I had a basketball coach tell me once, "Practice makes perfect." At the time, I believed him.

But now as an adult, I realize that the truth is what was said by football coach Vince Lombardi:

"Practice does not make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect”.

Parenting is a lot like coaching. We are given these people, and we are responsible for helping them learn and practice the fundamentals that will make them great in their lane.

All coaches deal with struggles and setbacks with their athletes. The way that a good coach battles this is by being present with their athlete—teaching, instructing, modeling, and retraining when they get off their groove.

Parenting is no different.

The most common complaints that I hear among fellow parents is as they deal with screen time, outside play, and teaching children to be selfless.

This raises the question:

As parents, what are we helping our kids to practice?

As I share with you how my family "Practices for our Prince," I want to remind you that I am not a psychologist, pediatrician, or counselor. I am a theologically-minded mother focused on raising my children to live for Christ.

Help Your Children "Practice for Our Prince."

1. Practice with Your Tools.

The first tool anyone ever owns is their own body.

Learning to eat, walk, talk, and control yourself is an early part of doing God’s work, even if it doesn’t seem like it! Teaching children to be masters of their body is so important. They have to be taught to eat well, rest, exercise, play, sleep, and care for their bodies well.

As a young child, the focus should be purely on play, as God created them to be that way for their own development.

However, as a child ages and the call God has placed on them becomes clear, learning to discipline their body so that they can perform optimally is crucial.

For example:

• If your child wants to be a missionary in a remote village where they'll have to haul water from a well, they will have to be able to haul water!
• If your child feels God is calling them to be a first grade teacher, they'd better have the mobility to get up and down off the ground over and over again in a given day!

Helping a child to be fit and active is easier if they understand the why, and it helps if they see YOU doing it too.

In our family, we eat well, walk, jump, run, skip, hop, dance, and even lift weights, so that we can be used exactly as God wants to use us!

2. Practice Being a Good Steward.

The next topic is by far the most commonly discussed. Kids go to school, do homework, and maybe they play a sport. The rest of the time, they are on their phone or computer, or playing video games.

The dreaded "screen time debate" is fairly simple in my mind.

If you are the parent, and you have decided what the screen time limit is, when the time is up, you simply turn off the screen!

There are a LOT of apps and devices that can help you manage screen time well. (Contact me if you need some recommendations.)

The best way I have found to talk to my kids about screen time is to draw a PIE CHART of their day.

• Fill in how much time they spend, and show that time is a gift from God.
• Teach them that we want to be a good steward of the time God has given us.
• This means no more than—fill in your designated amount of screen time here—per day.

And parents, hold to this as well. Keep YOUR screen time in check so that you are helping your child practice appropriate boundaries and maintain focus.  

Here's a Hint:

Practice Being "HANDS and FEET."

In order to encourge children to limit screen time, help them cultivate their bodies, and be present in the world.

Mark 12:31 tells us to “love our neighbor”—so get out and do it! Be the hands and feet of Christ.

• Volunteer with the church nursery.
• Go paint your elderly neighbors fence.
• Arrange to help the expecting mother on your street every week when she brings in her groceries.
• Is your church hosting a VBS? Volunteer to set up and break down.

Open your eyes—and your children's eyes—to the needs around your neighborhood, church, and local community. Lead your children by example.

Show your children what it means to work hard as the hands and feet of Christ.

3. Practice What You Preach.

This is perhaps where we can have the greatest impact of all, by praying for our children without ceasing.

• Tell them you are covering them in prayer,
• Pray for them out loud and by name, and
  
• Pray for them silently as you work.

Keep a prayer journal so you can look back and see all the ways God answered prayers with both "yes" and "no" answers. Teach your children that God’s answer of “no” is just as important as His answer of “yes”.

Finally, even with excellent practice, no one can be truly perfect. Only Jesus did that.

While we may train a child in the way he or she should go, children still have free will and sometimes they choose differently than we hoped that they would.

Pray fervently for your children, help them practice as they grow, and release them well to the plan that God has for them.

Which practice will you take up this week?

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life… while moving all over the country. Morgan believes in integrity, authenticity, and grit. Although she writes for many different publications, you can almost always find Morgan’s most recent ramblings on her blog.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Filip Urban at Unsplash.

Taken to the Brink of Death

Yvonne Ortega has survived many tough circumstances in her life, and the Lord taught her powerful lessons through each trial. In this Prayer UPGRADE, she shares a personal story of desperation, and how God answered her prayers.

“After the remediation and restoration of my home, I expected to feel better," Yvonne says. "Instead, I became sicker and sicker. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I felt nauseated, dizzy, and worn out.”

When I (Dawn) read that, I thought, "Wow! What was wrong?" Does that make you curious too?

Yvonne continues . . .

For two and a half years, the mystery continued. Some strange smell overpowered me. No one seemed to smell it but me.

I needed help and couldn’t wait much longer.

So what did I do?

1. I prayed day and night.

I prayed and claimed God’s promise in the Bible:

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5, NASB 1995).

"God, I’m not making this up! Please tell me what’s wrong with my house.

"I’m on the brink of death. I’ve lost twenty-five pounds. My clothes hang on my body. I’m doubled over in pain. I can hardly stand up, much less walk. I need your wisdom!"

2. I called my primary care physician.

When the receptionist answered, I managed—between sobs—to get the words out:  “No more virtual appointments. Somebody has to see me.” I described all of my symptoms.

It was just before Christmas. Nothing was available except for a virtual appointment on January 5, 2021, and an in-person one on January 25, 2021.

I took both.

Meanwhile, I continued to pray that God would bring me answers.

The first answer from God came through the man who came over to rake leaves before Christmas. He found two gas leaks in the gas line to the generator.

The gas company couldn’t fix the two leaks because they were on a private line. A qualified technician fixed them immediately.

When the doctor heard my story, he believed me and ordered a thorough check of my home. That check revealed that every single valve on the gas line was loose.

I was being slowly poisoned to death in my own home.

No wonder I couldn’t stand the smell of any food preparation on my gas stove.

I also had gas heat and couldn’t tolerate the smell from the vents. That odor kept me from turning on the gas fireplace. During that cold winter, I bundled up, kept the stove and heat off as much as possible, and prayed for a miracle in my home.

It should have been my refuge.

3. I thanked God.

I thanked Him for every single person He brought to encourage, support, and lead me back to health.

He used many.

• A friend sent me a link to symptoms of gas poisoning. I had all of them but one and took the information to my specialists.
• The doctor asked about a mammogram, which I had already scheduled. He referred me to the lab and radiology for several blood tests, a stomach CT scan, a bone scan, and an appointment with the gastroenterologist for a complete examination. After all the tests, the preparation for a colonoscopy and an endoscopy, and then the two procedures, I felt wiped out for a week.
• The gastroenterologist sent tissue to the lab for three biopsies. The nurse was to call me if everything was okay. The doctor would call if a serious health problem showed up.

A week later, my phone rang. It was the doctor. My legs felt like Jell-O®.

However, he said, “I’ve called with good and bad news."

I expected the effects of the gas leaks to be, at the least, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Crohn’s disease. I burst into words of gratitude and praise to God that it was neither one.

“I was looking for cancer," he said. "You didn’t have it. You had one polyp, which I removed. It was aggressive and would have turned to cancer. You’re a miracle.”

He talked to me about diet, rest, and slowing down my pace.

My church, prayer partners, and others have surrounded me with reminders of another promise in God’s word:

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3 NIV).

Without God’s wisdom and love poured into me, and those God used to help me, I would have died in my home.

I'm so glad I prayed.

What will you pray for this week?

Yvonne Ortega is a licensed professional counselor, a bilingual professional speaker, and the author of Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward (paperback, Kindle) and Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer (Kindle), both available here. She not only survived but thrived after a domestic violence marriage, breast cancer and the loss of her only child. With honesty and humor, Yvonne uses personal examples and truths of the Bible to help women move from broken to beautiful. Find out more about Yvonne on her writing page.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Isabella and Zsa Fischer at Unsplash.