Three Steps toward Dependence

I've long admired Kathy Howard for her skill in communicating biblical thruth through creative Bible studies, and recenty she tackled a topic that is hitting many people where they live. In this Caregiving UPGRADE, she provides a fresh perspective for weary caregivers.

"Self-reliance and independence hinder our caregiving," Kathy says.

Didn't I (Dawn) say it is a "fresh perspective"? I've read many posts promoting independence for caregivers, but never one on learning dependence.

Kathy continues . . .

Caring for my aging parents demands more than I have to give. I remember one night in particular.

Voices penetrated the heavy shroud of sleep. I could hear the anxiety in Mom and Dad’s conversation, but I couldn’t make out the words.

I threw back the covers and stumbled across the hall to their room. Dad lay on the floor beside the bed. I managed to get him sitting, but I could not get his 230-pounds off the floor and back in the bed.

My husband was stirring in the other room, so I called for help. Together we got Dad back in bed.

Thankfully, the fall only caused a few bumps and bruises. But it dramatically reminded me of my limitations.

My natural bent toward self-reliance is reinforced by a culture that admires this quality.

Our culture teaches us that independence is good and dependence is to be avoided at all costs.

While true in certain instances, self-reliance and independence can hinder believers. When we face circumstances and situations we cannot control, change, fix, or conquer we are thrown off balance.

What do we do when we simply can’t do it?

There is nothing easy about caring for aging parents.

No matter how much we love them, the task demands more than we have to give—physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally. We need help from family members, friends, and health professionals.

But even that won’t always be enough.

Soak in this glorious truth for a moment: Our deficiency is an opportunity for God to demonstrate His sufficiency. Our dependence allows God to prove Himself dependable.

Within ourselves, we don’t have what it takes to tackle life’s hardest challenges, but God has more than we need.

A passage in 2 Corinthians beautifully shows us how Paul depended on God to carry him when he couldn’t go on. Paul had encountered a situation in Asia so desperate, he saw no way out of it with his life (2 Corinthians 1:8). Yet, miraculously God delivered him.

When the situation was hopeless, Hope flooded in. And Paul learned utter dependence on the One who is utterly dependable (2 Corinthians 1:9-10). 

The passage reveals that God allowed this situation to happen so that Paul and his companions would learn to rely on God (2 Corinthians 1:9).

And Paul continued to depend on God. When God chose to leave the “thorn” in his life, Paul learned the sufficiency of God’s grace. In his weakest moments, God’s power was revealed.

Paul’s weakness became a stage for God’s strength.

God also wants us to trust Him with all the circumstances of our lives—including caring for our aging parents. He longs to show us He is trustworthy, reliable and powerful. So, how can we let go of independence and learn to depend on Him?

Let’s follow Paul’s example toward dependence in 2 Corinthians.

1. Reflect on God’s past provision.

Think about all the times in your past when God has worked. Remember the times He has comforted you, encouraged you, delivered you from danger, given you clear direction for the path ahead.

Reflecting on God’s past provision and faithfulness will strengthen your future trust in Him.

2. Contemplate the scope of God’s power.

Meditate a few moments on our powerful, almighty God. The God who created the universe is not weak or powerless. He heals the sick, raises the dead, and holds the stars in place.

He can provide what you need for your daily life. Even the hardest days of caregiving.

3. Sit quietly in God’s gracious presence.

The same God who spoke the world into existence is the same God who delivered Paul. And He is the same God who longs to fill you with His grace and strength.

Linger with Him today. Ask Him to give you an awareness of His presence with you.

When we depend on Him, our caregiving role is a chance for God to demonstrate His strength in our lives. Paul expressed this truth:

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me" (2 Corinthians 12:8-9).

Caring for our parents provides ample opportunity for God’s power to work in our weakness. For God to show Himself worthy of our dependence.

Depend on Him today.

What are some other ways you can purposefully work to foster dependence on God for caregiving today?

Kathy Howard, a Bible teacher and former “cultural Christian,” now lives an unshakeable faith for life and encourages other women to also embrace real, authentic faith. Kathy is author of 8 books, including “30 Days of Hope When Caring for Aging Parents” (May 2018). Get free discipleship helps on her website: www.KathyHoward.org.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Unclelkt at Pixabay.

10 Ways to Foster Gracious Speech

Kathy Howard, who sometimes calls herself a "confused southerner," is not at all confused about the truth of scripture. In this Communication UPGRADE, she encourages us to use our words wisely, with gracious speech.

“Our words have the power to build up or tear down," Kathy says, "but gracious speech has been an area of struggle for me.”

I (Dawn) have never had a serious problem with using words to tear other down, but it took me a while to learn how to effectively use words to encourage others. I'm glad Kathy addresses both issues!

Kathy continues . . .

Years ago, when our young family lived in Wyoming, my parents regularly came all the way from Louisiana to visit us. Just before one such visit, we purchased a dining table and chairs for a long-empty breakfast area. I couldn’t wait to show off the new furniture.

The first time we gathered around the table, Mom pulled out her chair and sat. As she scooted forward, a leg of the chair caught in the groove between two tiles. The leg snapped off, the chair tilted, and my mother hit the floor. HARD!

My immediate reaction was not words of grace.

“You broke my chair!” is what came out of my mouth.

Not, “Are you alright?!” or “Let me help you!”

My mother looked so hurt. Not physically; the tumble wasn’t bad. But I terribly hurt her feelings.

My quick words revealed what was in my heart – I cared far too much about material things. My first thought had been for the chair, not my mother. And my thoughtless words wounded her.

The apostle Paul knew our words have the power to build up or tear down. In his letter to the Christians in Ephesus, he tells them – and us – exactly what effect our speech should and should not have on others.

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers" (Ephesians 4:29, KJV).

First, our speech should not “corrupt.”

Far more than curse words, corrupt speech is graceless speech.

It tears down, deflates. Whenever we speak corrupt words to our spouse, our child, our coworker, or friend, they deflate like a beach ball full of holes.

Any words not wholesome or beneficial tear them down emotionally and spiritually. Little by little the air goes out. Sadly, I’ve seen my own words have that effect on other people.

Second, our speech should “benefit” or “minister grace” to others.

Like air blown into a deflated beach ball, good and edifying words will encourage and build up an individual, helping them to reach their full potential in Christ.

Even when we long for our words to give grace to others, sometimes things break down between our desire and the words that flow out of our mouths.

Sadly, our words will betray us, revealing the junk we have hidden in our hearts. Things like insecurity, hurt, unresolved anger, selfishness and pride produce words that wound, tear down and corrupt.

Would you like your words to consistently encourage, build up, and give grace to others? Here are ten things we can do to foster this “gracious” overflow:

1. Regularly reflect on the unbounded grace God has lavished on us.
2. Remember God will hold us accountable for every word we speak (Matthew 12:36).
3. Constantly check our hearts for sinful attitudes and motivations. (See Matthew12:34-36.)
4. Ask God to heal old hurts, soothe anger, and humble pride.
5. Refuse to use "corrupt" speech – any words that wound, discourage, or tear down.
6. Commit to using "good" words - kind and gracious words that build up and encourage.
7. Find something positive with which to begin and end every conversation.
8. Don't waste time talking about things that can't be changed.
9. Focus on the other person. Ask questions about them and their feelings.
10. Exercise self-control. Sometimes the most gracious thing to say is nothing.

With God’s grace flowing through us, our words can be tools of grace God uses to build up, encourage, and edify.

When was the last time your noticed the power of your words to either wound of give grace? What was the result?

Kathy Howard helps women live an unshakeable faith for life no matter the circumstances. This post is adapted from her new Bible study Lavish Grace: Poured Out, Poured Through, and Overflowing. Lavish Grace is a 9-week journey with the apostle Paul that helps readers discover God’s abundant grace for their daily lives and relationships. You can find out more about Kathy and her speaking and writing, or find free resources at her website. 

Heart graphic is adapted, courtesy of Morguefile.

Upgrade Your Holiness in 2015

Dawn Wilson writes about agreat opportunity to UPGRADE your walk with God in 2015. It's called New Start 15.

You can learn more about it here, at the Heart Choices Today website. Kathy Howard, the originator of New Start 15, shares her heart about the campaign, which includes:

• a month-long Bible Reading plan,
• more than a dozen bloggers, and
• great resources.

There is also a special Facebook page.

Anyone can pursue something powerful for one month, and this will be a life-changer for those who don't just "sign on" but embrace what God wants to teach us.

Upgrade Your Holiness in 2015. Can  you think of a better goal? Better than a list of New Year's resolutions!

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

4 Ways to Foster an Awareness of God's Presence

Looking for a Bible study for your women's group? Check out Kathy Howard's books and studies. In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, she highlights the powerful presence of God.

"The Creator of the universe, the eternal, almighty God is personally present with you all the time, everywhere," Kathy says.

I (Dawn) always appreciate Kathy's depth and wisdom. She takes tough biblical truth and serves it up in ways that encourage us to live out what we believe. When tough times come (like America's 9/11), it's so comforting to know God is real, present, and loves us!

Kathy continues ...

Most Christians believe God is always with them. Scripture teaches it, so Christians accept with faith that God is omnipresent. For instance, David wrote about the omnipresence of God:

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast" (Psalm 139:7-10, NIV).

All of God is present everywhere, all the time. That means God is with us, all the time.

Yes, we believe it. But, too often we fail to practically live out what we accept intellectually. We believe God is present with us, but we rarely experience His presence.

Thankfully, we can purposefully foster an awareness of God’s presence that will gladden our hearts, nourish our souls, and feed our holiness.

Here are a few, quick suggestions to build and maintain an awareness of God’s presence:

1. Learn more about His holy character – Read Bible passages that give insight into the nature and character of God, then contemplate how those truths impact how He works in the world and in your life.

2. Determine a means to remind yourself to concentrate on Him throughout the day – For instance, put small notes in places throughout your house or office where you will see them regularly. Each time you spot them, stop and reflect on God and the truth that He is with you when they catch your eye.

3. Never allow much time to go by without thinking about Him – In case you miss or forget your reminder prompts in the suggestion above, set up a back-up plan.

One way to do this is to set an alarm on your phone to break into the busyness of your day and turn your thoughts back to God and the reality of His presence.

4. Start an ongoing conversation - Form a habit of talking to God throughout the day. Converse with Him, as you would a friend who is physically with you. Talk with Him about urgent, important things and even the small, mundane things.

God is always with you. He knows your thoughts, your heart, your needs, and your heartaches. Maintaining a constant awareness of His presence will comfort, encourage, strengthen and challenge you!

Let’s talk more about ways to help us foster a constant awareness of God’s presence. Share ideas you have. Think outside the box!

Kathy Howard writes to have something to do while drinking coffee and eating chocolate. The author of 6 books, Kathy helps women live an unshakeable faith for life by encouraging them to stand firm on our rock-solid God no matter the circumstances. Find out about her Bible studies and get discipleship and leader helps at her website and blog.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of adamr at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Are You a Fence Builder or a Fence Destroyer?

Kathy Howard’s Bible studies invite women to go deeper into God’s Word. I appreciate her wisdom. I asked her to write an UPGRADE to help us encourage our hunger for holiness. What does “fence building” have to do with that? Hang on …

“Our neighbors are building a fence,” Kathy said. “They moved in several months ago, but until recently the property line between our driveway and their backyard was wide-open.”

You’ll likely agree—fences can be positive or negative “barriers.” While I love my neighbors, I [Dawn] am glad for the fences in my neighborhood. But there are some other fences I’d like to tear down.

Kathy continues …

I knew when the dad played catch with his three sons and I could enjoy the beautiful landscaping around their patio.

But all that began to change when I left town last week. The first thing I noticed when I got home was the sturdy wooden posts firmly planted in the ground every few feet between our yards. Within days, cedar fencing replaced my unobstructed view of my neighbors and their yard.

I’m not against suburban fences. This one will benefit them and us.

But watching that physical fence go up reminded me of other kinds of fences we tend to build, particularly between ourselves and God.

Our heavenly Father longs for intimate fellowship with us. He invites us to know Him fully and deeply. Yet a lack of holiness in our lives erects a barrier.

Since God is the epitome of holiness, He remains separate from everything sinful. Therefore, to experience deep intimacy with God, we must respond to His call to live holy lives. Amazingly, this call to holiness is also an invitation to draw close to the Holy One.

“LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous” (Psalm 15:1-2a).

Do you long for deeper intimacy with your heavenly Father? Remember, according to Scripture, a close connection exists between living a holy life and experiencing God’s presence.

In other words, sin builds barriers and creates distance between each of us and God. Holiness breaks down barriers and moves us ever closer.

So how can we tear down those barriers?

Only the Holy Spirit can transform us, but we must cooperate with Him to foster holiness in our lives. Here are a few practical things we can do:

1. Practice an Awareness of the Presence of God.

We know from the Bible that God is always with us. He sees everything we do and knows our thoughts, attitudes and motivations. Purposefully remembering this truth and disciplining ourselves to regularly think about Him will nourish holiness in our lives.

2. Stay in the Word.

The Creator of the universe has revealed Himself, His will and His ways to us in the Bible. It describes the holy life to which God calls us. But we cannot live by God’s Word unless we know God’s Word. Reading and studying the Bible will plant God’s truth in our hearts.

3. Be Proactive in Your Battle against Sin.

Sin takes root in our lives, growing and multiplying. To be holy, we must dig it out by the roots and get rid of it. Ask God to also help you recognize areas of weakness in your life so you can guard against potential sin.

Sweet believer, do you long to be embraced by the Holy One? A pursuit of holiness is a pursuit of God Himself.

Will you take some time to pray and ask God to show you any barriers separating you from intimacy with Him? Let’s get ready to tear down that fence!

Kathy Howard, the author of six books, helps women live an unshakeable faith for life by encouraging them to stand firm on our rock-solid God no matter the circumstances. Her newest six-week interactive study, Embraced by Holiness: The Path to God’s Daily Presence, encourages the pursuit of holiness and draws women into the circle of God’s holy, loving embrace. For information about Kathy’s studies and discipleship or leader helps, visit her website: www.kathyhoward.org.