Upgrade Your Integrity

Pam Farrel is on a mission to help people grow with God’s truth and godly wisdom. In this Character UPGRADE, she focuses on the priority of integrity.

“Sin leaves a wake,” Pam says. “Behind every selfish action is a sea of hurt and pain.”

My (Dawn's) husband used to say, "It's not a matter of whether we're selfish, but rather how selfish we are." Selfishness can erode the strongest marriage!

Pam continues . . .

Bill and I are known as relationship specialists; experts on love and romance. This means is we need to live out our love! We need to make every effort to get along, work through issues, and give plenty of mercy and grace to protect our marriage.

Because our love—and yours—is about living and leaving a family legacy.

Protect Love and Legacy: the Bible tells us this is a priority:

“Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough? Clean out the old leaven so that you may be a new lump...” (1 Corinthians 5:6-7).

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

The “A Priority” is to guard our life and protect the gift of love God gave.

God will bless your choice to keep your vows:

“He who walks in integrity walks securely…” (Proverbs 10:9).

“He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity” (Proverbs 2:7).

“For the Lord is righteous, He loves righteousness; The upright will behold His face” (Psalm 11:7).

 “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).

In my newest book, 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman: Success in Keeping It Together, I share that on my desk are several items to remind me that it pays to walk in integrity.

On my desk you’d find:

1. Photos of me with Bill as well as photos of our children, grandchildren, mentees, parents—all those whose lives I would undermine if I cheated on my vows.

2. A compass given to me by a wise mentor in leadership who said, “Let God’s voice be your compass”

3. All my Bibles. Looking at God’s Word all day, every day, reminds me to be in it—and to let it impact the way I live.

4. A barnacle attached to a stone as a reminder that a barnacle cannot live apart from the stone just as I cannot survive apart from Christ, the Rock of my Salvation.

5. A frame with verses about living with integrity visible on the front, and stories of the harmful wake others left when they wandered from Christ and His plan for committed love.

6. A heart paper weight to remind me to have a whole heart for God.

7. A figurine with an umbrella on it, reminding me that life is best when lived under what I call “God’s umbrella of blessing.”

“For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord, You surround him with favor as with a shield” (Psalms 5:12).

8. A turtle, because if you see a turtle on a fence post you should ask, “How did that turtle get there?

Turtles can’t climb, so someone placed the turtle on high. In the same way, God gave each of us a legacy, a platform, so God can take us down a few notches—or elevate and bless us—depending on our choices. 

“Be humble in the Lord’s presence, and he will honor you” (James 4:10).

Integrity may not be easy—but it can be SIMPLE. Guard your heart, your life, your love and your legacy.

What will you place on your desk to remind you that “those that honor God, God honors”? (1 Samuel 2:30) 

Pam Farrel and her husband Bill, are international speakers and authors of 40 books including their two newest: 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman and 7 Simple Skills for Every Man, each designed to help a person, using simple skills, to create a life that he/she will love to live, and a way to love those in his/her life. Find them at www.Love-Wise.com, where they are helping people in all their most vital relationships by intersecting God’s wisdom with people’s desire to be loving. 

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of usamedeniz at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

My 5 'Rs' for a Long Marriage

A sweet young girl approached me at the book table after I spoke at a women’s event. “The woman who introduced you said you’ve been married almost 40 years,” she said. “What’s your secret?”

I’ve been asked that a lot lately, and I’ve been hesitant to answer (maybe because I have so many of my friends’ great marriage books in my library). I thought, “What more can I say?”

But I'm beginning to realize how few marriages last for four decades or more, so I decided I’ll share my own UPGRADE Your Marriage encouragement.

I think a good long marriage boils down to five "Rs."

(1) Remembrance

My husband and I remember our vows. There were no “if” statements on our wedding day, no back door escape clauses. We made commitments to each other until death. Those vows meant something. They still do.

(2) Responsibility

We took our Ephesians 5 responsibilities seriously. It started with verse 2 to “walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us…,” and continued through the verses about sexual purity and other godly behaviors as “children of light”—we learned how to walk in wisdom and submit to one another in love  (vv. 3-21).

Out of that understanding and growth, God gave us the strength and insight to embrace our “marriage responsibilities” (vv. 22-33). My husband strives to love me as Christ loved the church, and I seek to submit to him as to the Lord. Love and humility are to reign, not selfishness.

(3) Respect

One of my guiding principles is Ephesians 5:33: “let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Respect is a man’s core emotional need. If I don’t fill up his “respect cup,” who will? That is how he feels loved. So I let that respect begin at home, and I smile at him and praise him in public – letting the world know I’m “proud of my man.”

(4) Response

As his wife, I also want to be a faithful responder. I want to respond to his masculinity with biblical femininity and to his authority in our marriage. I respond to his advice and counsel, and support his goals and dreams.

I’m careful to be modest in public, but drop that modesty in private, responding to his need for physical intimacy. I respond to his human frailties with understanding, grace and forgiveness; and I give him a safe place to share his thoughts. I respond with gratitude and contentment for his provision (while recognizing that God is my ultimate Provider).

(5) Renewal – No marriage is easy. We need constant renewal—God’s wisdom, power and enabling. God’s Spirit helps us check our hearts and motives so we won’t put each other on pedestals or trample each other’s hearts. The closer each of us gets to God, the closer we are drawn to each other, so we try to seek Him and His plans first.

My friends who write marriage books offer many practical tips that complement each of these points, but when I keep these 5 Rs in mind, the rest seems to take care of itself.

Every marriage can improve. Which of these “R” words would UPGRADE Your Marriage today?

Dawn Wilson is the founder of Heart Choices Ministries and creator of UpgradeWithDawn.com and also blogs at LOLwithGod.com. Dawn's ministry encourages, edifies and energizes women with the truth of scripture so they can better enjoy life, bless others and honor God. She lives in San Diego with her husband Bob and a rascally maltipoo named Roscoe.