Upgrade Your Generosity

I think Holly Hanson is an expert when it comes to saving money, but she's also an expert giver in many ways that count. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she encourages us to upgrade our generosity.

“When you are faced with a charity request, it’s easy to get overwhelmed," Holly says, "but I’ve discovered you can give generously by using your brain and not necessarily your own wallet.”

Were you holding your breath like I (Dawn) was when you first saw the title of this post? I sometimes think, "I wish I had more money to give." I don't think I have much to give. But Holly inspired me. Maybe we need to rethink generosity.

Holly continues . . .

If you are like me, you’ve probably been hit up a lot lately for charitable gifts. It seems there is always a need coming to the forefront.

• Maybe there’s a family that walks to school in clothes that are in bad shape.
• Maybe there’s that homeless shelter down the street with a lot of hurting people.
• Maybe there’s an obvious need you see that someone is too embarrassed to mention.

Should you feel compelled to do anything?

I think the Bible has a very clear answer.

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it" (Proverbs 3:27, NASB).

That verse hit me in the gut the first time I read it.

I felt overwhelmed. I certainly couldn’t afford to help EVERY person who had a need.

But then I realized, I’m a money-saver by nature. I didn’t have to pay for it all! It was in my power to help!

I just had to use the gifts God gave me, tap the resources I have access to, and be obedient.

Using a pool of options, I am now able to find solutions for many of the needs I see, without spending a fortune.

1. Inspire others with your vision.

This is my favorite method. When I start to dream big, I tell my friends what I am thinking, and let them join in. By expanding my web of influence, I can sometimes get major donations for my projects, just by dropping a name or two. Sometimes friends will use their own resources to contribute to my project.

I work as a Realtor and recently, I helped sell a divorcing neighbor’s home. He was frustrated about the divorce and didn’t want to move all of his things out, but was willing to give them to my homeless project just because he was inspired by my “pitch.” When I sent him a picture of all of his things being worn and used by the homeless, he said it was the best thing that came out of his divorce.

Incidentally, it also prompted him to ask me why I do things like that, and I was able to tell him about my love for Jesus and the call he has placed on my life.

2. Join as many free sites as you can.

I belong to a “buy nothing” Facebook page that only offers free things to give and take between members. When I see something that would benefit a friend, a young mom, or help the homeless folks I serve, I request it.

I also belong to a local “classifieds” page on Facebook that also frequently advertises free items for pickup.

3. Utilize your consumer connections.

To help my daughter make homeless hygiene packs:

• We asked her orthodontist and dentist to donate toothbrushes and toothpaste;
• We hit up some local hotels for travel sized shampoo, conditioner and wet-wipe amenities;
• We redeemed coupons for free lotions and body wash; and
• We asked friends to check their cupboards for washcloths, soap, razors, and lip balms.

The kits cost very little this way, but serve a great need.

4. Keep your spending focused.

Are you considering giving a gift to a missionary?

Do you want to thank your pastor’s wife for something?

Are you in need of a professional service?

Upgrade your generosity by allowing those in your church, faith community or circle of friends to be the vendors for your purchase.

By buying from them instead of an outside company, you bless their businesses and help them pay their bills. When they have more money, they can afford to be more generous as well, and the circle gets bigger.  

Smart spending is a super-strategic way to build God’s kingdom!

What specific need can you fill this week, and who can you ask to help you?

Holly Hanson is a veteran Emmy Award-winning journalist who finds her calling in her family motto: “Love God, Serve Others.” Holly has written and produced internationally for Women of Faith, Turning Point Ministries, and locally with KFMB-TV, KFMB-AM and KPBS Radio. She is the founder of the Moms Inc. Ministry and is a licensed California Realtor. She is married and is a mom, step-mom, and step-grandma. Holly is active at Shadow Mountain Community Church, in El Cajon, California, serving with women's ministry, children's ministry, and singing in the Shadow Mountain Choir.

Are Resolutions a Good Idea?

Author and speaker Kathy Collard Miller is one smart lady. I've grown to trust her insights. In this UPGRADE for the New Year, she asks us to get real about resolutions.

Kathy asks, "Did you make a resolution but you’ve already forgotten it, flubbed it up or forsaken it? It’s hard to believe a resolution won’t succeed, right?"

I (Dawn) want to say, "Don't go there!" I've blown more resolutions in decades of living than I care to remember. I wish I'd known a wiser perspective.

Kathy continues. . .

Although it’s against common beliefs that resolutions might not be the best idea, they often don’t succeed because of three reasons.

Let’s see what will work instead.

1. Resolutions are often “all or nothing.”

Haven’t we all resolved to:

• “...study the Bible every day”?
• “...never get angry at my children again”?
• “...always be content in everything”?

Do you see those “absolute" words: every, never, always? Who can do that? Only Jesus and we aren’t Him!

How about if we become realistic with our desires?

• “I’m going to study the Bible three times this week for five minutes each?”
• “I”m going to examine when I become angry most often and ask my friend to pray for me at one of those times.”
• “I’m going to choose one area of discontent and surrender to God in that area today.”

Those are reachable, but even if we don’t reach them—

God’s unlimited second chances called “mercy” are always available to re-boot our plans.

2. Resolutions are often beyond our personal resources.

If we are using a huge resolution to try to force change within us, it’s usually beyond our level of maturity or trust in God. Who hasn’t wanted to trust God in every situation?

When I’m thinking that way, I love to be reminded of Jesus’ compassion for the father who replied, “I do believe; help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24 ESV). Jesus healed his son anyway.

God knows the next step for our growth and He’s not impatient with our progress.

3. Resolutions are often beyond our control.

Did you know there’s a difference between desires and goals?

Desires are what we would like but we may not be able to reach them because someone else has to cooperate. You may desire to have a spectacular marriage but guess who else has to have that desire—and take action? Right!

There’s nothing wrong with the desire. The problem is thinking we can force it to happen ourselves.

Different from desires, goals are attainable and within your control. A goal regarding your marriage might be, “I will think of something positive I like about my spouse three times (or five—whatever is a reasonable number) this week.”

Can you do that regardless of your spouse’s involvement? Yes. And it may have an impact on your marriage towards making it spectacular.

These three perspectives can be drawn from First Timothy 4:15:

“Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress” (ESV).

The word “progress” is the idea of “a pioneer cutting his way through the wilderness” (Vine’s Biblical Dictionary). Guess how a pioneer does that? One step at a time with a machete or axe. Not one fell swoop with a mile long sword.

If God had intended for us to have instant, complete, “all or nothing,” perfectly-fulfilled “resolutions,” He wouldn’t have used the word “PROGRESS.”

He would have inspired Paul to write “perfection.” Plus, He says, “practice these things.”

That takes time and involves seeking the power of the Holy Spirit moment by moment.

So how are your resolutions going? Great? I hope so. But if not, don’t be discouraged. How can you consider revising them to be more reasonable, attainable, and realistic?

Kathy Collard Miller is a popular speaker and award-winning author of over 50 books. Her most recent book is Choices of the Heart in the Daughters of the King Bible Study Series. Kathy has spoken in over 30 US states and eight foreign countries. Find out more about Kathy at her website.

3 Ways Worry Hurts Your Kids

Cindi McMenamin is a wise woman with a heart for women and families. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she asks us to examine how our worrying might not just be our own problem.

“It’s natural for a mom to worry that her children will be hurt," Cindi says, "but do you and I ever consider how we might be hurting our children by worrying about them?”

Whenever I (Dawn) see a mom in a worried state, I watch her children. It's so apparent how a mom's worries and fears affect little ones!

Cindi continues . . .

Take a look at what worry does to us, and ultimately, to our children:

1. Worry Stresses Us Out - Which Stresses Out Our Kids

Worry causes stress—and stress kills. Literally.

Stress not only impacts a woman's health, appearance, relationships, and overall quality of life, stress prematurely ages us. Worry is also linked to ulcers and other health problems.

So when you are worrying and stressed out, you are stressing out your children, as well.

By choosing not to worry, you are investing in your health, which is a gift to yourself and your family.

2. Worry Pushes Our Children Away.

One of the reasons children grow up and stop telling their parents what is going on in their lives is because they “don’t want mom to worry.”

When I was writing my book, When a Mom Inspires Her Daughter, I asked daughters, ages 12-40, about their relationships with their moms. Through their answers, I discovered that most daughters, regardless of their ages, said their moms worried about them too much.

They knew mom cared for them, but it concerned them, and at times annoyed them, that their mothers worried so much.

By choosing not to worry, you are investing in your relationship with your children and keeping the channels of communication open with them, regardless of their ages.  

3. Worry Models Mistrust to Our Children.

Worry says to our children and others: "God can't work this out." Therefore, worry is the sin of having no confidence in God.

I know that you, like me, aren’t consciously thinking those words when you worry. But I also know you don’t want to display that type of mistrust to your children.

How we live will, to a great degree, impact how our children live. What we worry about, they will tend to worry about.

On the flip side of that, where we put our trust will greatly impact how they will choose to handle situations in life, too.

Even if they don't imitate your faith or degree of trust, they will know on Whom you rely (or don’t rely) and it speaks louder to them than any lecture. 

The choices we make—including whether we decide to worry or trust God—will no doubt influence our children's choices well into their adulthood.

We tend to think that how much we worry is an indication of how much we love our children. But it is actually an indication of how little we know God. Because the more we get to know God as the all-knowing, all-loving, Perfect Parent, the more easily we will trust Him with what is most important to us and experience peace, no matter what happens.

God gave us a formula in His Word to help us stop the worry:

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7, NLT).

The very next verse tells us how to stop the worrying, so we can experience that kind of peace that comes through praying about everything:

"… Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise" (verse 8).

There it is.

• Think about what is true, not what “might happen.”
• Focus on the facts of the situation, not your fears.
• Think on God’s character—that which is honorable and pure and lovely and admirable—and what He can do, not the worst possible scenario.

As you focus on God’s goodness, God’s love, and God’s ability to control all that you cannot, there is no room in your mind for fear or worry.

Trust God with your children. He can control all you think you must and all you are convinced you can’t. And He knows exactly what He’s doing in your child’s life – and yours.

What will you start doing today to stop worrying about your children and start trusting God with them?

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker and popular author who helps women find strength for the soul. She is the author of several books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 125,000 copies sold), When a Mom Inspires Her Daughter,  and her  newest book, 10 Secrets to Becoming a Worry-Free Mom, upon which this post is based.  For more on her ministry, discounts on her books, or free resources to strengthen your walk with God, your marriage, or your parenting, see her website: StrengthForTheSoul.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesty of stocksnap.io.

Have You Been Skimpy with Gratitude?

Dianne Barker is a super-practical woman of God who cares about relationships. In this Marriage UPGRADE, she offers practical wisdom for better spousal interaction (but the basic premise of expressing gratitude is true for all relationships).

"Marriage can bring out the worst in us," Dianne says.

I (Dawn) don't think anyone will dispute that. While marriage has the potential to grow and bless us, it certainly does point out all the rough spots in our character. Dianne's post today is a good way to deal with some of those "worst in us" days.

Dianne continues . . . 

In younger days, when things didn’t go my way, I’d “have it out” with my husband—in my thoughts. I didn’t dare put my annoyance into words, but in my mind I gave him a hearty tongue-lashing. He had no idea.

And then I’d silently settle my ruffled feelings and sulk a while.

One day the Lord caught me sulking over a disappointed expectation and interrupted my pity party.

You could be praying about bigger things.

I’ve heard the stories.

• Husband leaves a devoted wife for someone else.
• Another wife struggles to stay with a husband addicted to pornography.
• Huge challenges overwhelm the grieving widow.

Yes. I could be praying about bigger things.

I wasted a lot of life pouting over small irritations—wishing I could change this husband of mine. The Lord has a way of putting things in perspective.

Instead of letting marriage bring out the worst in me, I decided to let it bring out the best.

Two choices changed me from the inside out: prayer and praise. I learned to pray about what my husband isn’t, and praise him for what he is.

Grumbling about everything he does wrong isn’t beneficial. Praying—taking concerns to my Father—is a positive use of emotional energy wasted on anger and pouting, which never bring change.

I looked for reasons to praise my husband, express appreciation, and compliment him. I wasn’t sure he noticed until I overheard him say to a friend, “My wife has a gift of encouragement. She brags about everything I do!”

Why not thank him for carrying out the garbage, mowing the lawn, filling my gas tank, and changing the oil?

A heart overflowing with praise and gratitude to the Lord can’t help expressing gratefulness in other relationships.

Listen to this.

“Just as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so go on living in him—in simple faith. Yes, be rooted in him and founded upon him, continually strengthened by the faith as you were taught it and your lives will overflow with joy and thankfulness” (Colossians 2:6-7, Phillips).

Marriage needs constant nourishment. Does your relationship suffer the tatters of neglect?

Like a soothing ointment on a raw wound, gratitude promotes healing.

Begin here:

• List seven qualities about your spouse to praise God for daily (character qualities, talents, good deeds, spiritual commitment, love for the children, sacrificial work, financial contribution to the family).
• Pray, thanking the Lord daily for each of those qualities.
• Verbalize to your spouse at least one genuine compliment every day. “Honey, I really appreciate…” (a deed performed, wisdom shown, patience extended).
• Express affection every day through words and touch. Say “I love you” and hug each morning before leaving for work. Say “I missed you” and hug each evening after work.
• Find time to cuddle. If you’ve been ignoring each other, this may feel awkward. Do it anyway. God intended for us to enjoy marriage, not merely endure it.

Going overboard with gratitude will bring out the best in you!

Have you been skimpy with gratitude? If you're married, why not try these five steps to "overboard gratitude" today?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage TruckDown the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Christian Women in Media. (Post adapted from Help! I’m Stuck and I Can’t Get Out! The Maximum Marriage Maintenance and Repair Kit, available soon at www.diannebarker.com.)

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Ben White, Morguefile.

Catch Me

Kaley Faith Rhea is a young author and TV show co-host with a unique perspective on life. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she asks us to consider falling back on the Lord in faith and confidence.

"I’ve never hesitated to do a trust fall. Ever," Kaley says, "But I’ll admit it’s less because I’m a trusting person and more because I’m short enough a fall from this height wouldn’t cause any real damage."

Oh, Kaley, in all my years I (Dawn) have NEVER done a trust fall. I think I'd sooner jump out of a plane than trust that my pranking friends would catch me in a trust fall! But I know you've got something to teach me ... us ... here.

Kaley continues…

In seventh grade I went to a cheerleading practice. Suddenly they wanted me to let my fellow twelve- and thirteen-year-old girls lift me up, throw me into the air and catch me.

Have you ever heard the sound of twelve- or thirteen-year-olds catching another twelve- or thirteen-year-old out of the air?

I will tell you.

It sounds like getting punched in the face.

Oh, I "noped" right outta there. Really put my trust fall record into perspective.

I think I tend to do the same thing with the Lord.

Father, I will trust you...

• Only as far as I can be sure I won’t get hurt.
• Or only as far as I have a backup plan in place.
• Or only as far as I’m really the one in control here.

Which is no kind of trust at all.

In my life I have determined—through a great deal of data analysis and scientific observations—there are three specific situations during which I most need reminding that God is the One in control:

1. When everything feels out of control.

2. When I’ve accidentally convinced myself I am in control.

3. All the other times.

It is so easy when things go wrong to lose sight of the One we can absolutely trust.

Or maybe even to look at God—who is in control, after all—and to blame Him. How could He let this happen? Why didn’t He stop this?

I don’t know the answer every time to be honest. But I do know that every time God is good. He is the source of goodness.

And I do know that every time God loves you. He is the God who loved us enough to send his Son Jesus to die where we deserved to die.

God is good, even in a fallen world. God is love, even when it seems like your fallen world is especially falling apart.

When you are hurting or devastated or even just proud, and you wonder Can I trust God? Can I really trust Him?

While you’re quoting Jeremiah 29:11 to yourself, maybe listen to Paul in Romans 8, too, where he writes, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (verses 38-39).”

Paul—whose life was filled with more hardship than I know how to imagine—had this brilliant, God-given trust that none of those hardships for one moment could keep him from experiencing the love God had for him. He could feel secure in God’s love in the face of everything. He had that assurance because of Jesus.

So I suppose in my life I have discovered—only through a miracle of grace—there are three specific things I need when I am arrogant or weary or battered enough to forget in Whom I can place my trust:

1. I need to focus on Jesus.

2. I need to read about Jesus.

3. I need to ask Jesus to, by His grace, give me the wisdom to trust Him when everything human in me is screaming Jesus may be the answer to a lot of things, but Jesus can’t be the answer to this.

Jesus IS the answer to this.

 If Jesus is the answer in the face of death and demons and “anything else in all creation,” Jesus is the answer to every one of your thises.

Dear Jesus, You are perfect. You love me perfectly. Remind me through your Spirit there is no height I could fall from too high for You to catch me. If I believe You loved me enough to go to the cross, I have to believe You love me enough to catch me when my life or my ego seems out of control. Lord Jesus, I trust You.

Are there any areas of your life where you’ve been reluctant to trust in Jesus? How can you surrender to Him today?

Kaley Faith Rhea is the co-author of Turtles in the Road, releasing this year. Along with writing and teaching at writers’ conferences, she co-hosts the TV show, That’s My Mom, for Christian Television Network’s KNLJ in mid-Missouri. Kaley lives in the St. Louis area.