What's Better Than 'Counting to 10'?

In this Attitudes UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson helps us think biblically about our anger issues.

Some things just tick me off.

Insensitive people. Liars. Bratty kids. Government overspending. Immodest women in Wal-Mart. People who stab me in the back.

In the past, when I felt my ire growing, I practiced the old adage, “When angry, count to 10.”

The only problem is, I vented a lot of inner anger in between 1 and 9. And inner anger can be just as destructive as the kind we allow to explode all over others.

Between 1 and 9, I knew I wasn’t much like Jesus.

The mishandled stress and bitterness poisoned my soul. So, what’s better than counting to 10?

Breathing … praying … forgiving … thanking.

(1) Breathing

OK… to be honest, when I’ve “counted” in the past, I slowed down and breathed. It was calming. But it needed to be more than a physical exercise. We need to be still in those moments and acknowledge the presence of God (Psalm 46:10).

Now, when a circumstance arises that threatens to tick me off, I breathe out the venom and breath in God’s prescription for peace. At that moment, I surrender to what God is doing, and yield my rights to the Holy Spirit. 

I believe this is what Jesus did on the cross. He surrendered in the Garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:39-46), already determining He would not run from the plan to secure salvation for those who would believe. And indeed, He did not come down off the cross as His enemies “encouraged” Him to do with mocking remarks (Luke 23:37).

A surrendered soul is free to experience the tough things in life with sweet, inner peace. There may be a spark of protest, but it is quickly extinguished with the grace, love and forgiveness of Christ.

(2) Praying

One of the biggest heart changes for me—an action that turned reactions into responses—was to instantly pray (Philippians 4:6; Ephesians 6:18; Matthew 5:44). To pray for my offender. To pray for strength in my temptation. To pray for God’s grace in my time of need. Prayer turns our focus God-ward.

Try that when someone yells at you and you're tempted to react more like the devil than Jesus!

(3) Forgiving

I realized that we always have a choice to forgive (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32; Matthew 6:14). Rather than spewing angry words and bitterness that defile others, I can choose to cover them with kindness and pour out the love of Christ. Again, my heart attitude is God-ward rather than ruled by circumstances.

Try that next time someone cuts you off in traffic ... or takes your place in line ... or gets the praise you think you "deserve." Instant grace can be difficult, but it's a sign of spiritual maturity.

(4) Thanking

I’ll admit it. This one is tough. But the Bible says we’re to be thankful in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

We thank God, not necessarily for the circumstance itself—although we might recognize how a situation causes us to stop and think and perhaps find a lesson in the pain—but that He will use even this tough thing to shape us and make us more like Christ. We acknowledge that God uses and redeems all things for His glory (Romans 8:28).

So, if it helps you, count to 10 when you’re ticked off, but don’t stop there. Practice these biblical responses—breathe, pray, forgive, and thank—and watch God flood your life with His peace.

What really ticks you off? Own your anger ... and then consider which of these biblical responses could best help you deal with it.

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God, and Upgrade with Dawn. In these ministries and as President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego), Dawn encourages, edifies and energizes women. She wrote "The Blessing Basket" in the new book, It's a God Thing. Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Waiting with Purpose

Jamie Wood is a young woman with great spiritual insight. She has learned many of life's lessons through her experiences in ministry, but also through the "School of Waiting."

Can you feel the struggle in these words?

"Lord, I’m tired of waiting! What are you up to? Will it happen for me? Dare I hope for it?

Do you see me? I feel like the only one. I don’t want to start all over again. Lord?"

Have you ever prayed a prayer like that? I did as a young single woman when it seemed like God would never give me a husband or a ministry. I was frustrated with God's timetable, but God brought me wise counsel ... words of wisdom much like Jamie shares.

She continues ...

If you are a woman, if you are human, then any one or more of these thoughts must resonate with you. In my experience, waiting on the Lord has proven to be one of the most difficult aspects of my Christian journey. 

I know what Scripture says about the truth of who God is and the plan He has for my life, but living out the tension between faith and doubt has brought me to my knees on more than one occasion. I know God doesn’t work on my timetable, that His timing is perfect, but my challenge has been to learn to wait…not aimlessly or without hope, but with PURPOSE!

God most poignantly taught me to wait with purpose when I was 30 years old. I had hit a new decade and ... Still. No. Husband. Everything in me wanted to scream, “God don’t you see my lonely heart?”  “Do you care?”

I was also battling lies from the enemy to just settle, that my standards were too high. (Maybe someone reading this can relate to that?)

So, one day, as I was yet again talking to God about this area of my life, He brought to mind an acronym that helped me put waiting into perspective.  W - A - I - T.

W – Worship. “And He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many shall see and fear (revere and worship) and put their trust and confident reliance in the Lord" (Psalm 40:3). Worship means to declare worth, to attribute worth. When I worship God, I am saying that God has worth, that He is worthy.  

God reminded me through worship that He is the only One who can satisfy all my heart’s desires. To put it plainly, God is enough. 

Despite the brokenness in the world and the desires in my life that may or may not be met, I can go to God in worship and be reminded that He will be enough.

A – Attitude. "The Lord will perfect that which concerns me" (Psalm 138:8). God showed me that He promised to accomplish His purposes in my life. Since that was a promise, my attitude needed to reflect His faithfulness.

I – Intimacy. “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry” (Psalm 40:1). God reminded me that as His daughter, He hears me. Often that’s all I need – to be reminded that I’m not alone.  He sees my desperate heart and hears my plea!

T – Trust. "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13). Trust. A hard five-letter-word. 

I had to come face to face with a hard question: Do I trust God? When that is settled in your heart, you can wait with purpose. He will come through!

I hope this helps to encourage you to wait with purpose in whatever your heart is longing for.

And just in case anyone is curious, God brought along my husband shortly after this lesson and He used Craig’s List to do it! I posted a suitcase for sale and you got it, Jeff is the man I sold it to. Little did I know I’d be inheriting that suitcase back one day!

What are you waiting for today? Are you waiting with purpose - trusting God?

Jamie Wood was born into a Pastor’s family and desires to disciple women for Christ. She has served as a conference planner for Anne Graham Lotz at AnGeL Ministries, as the Women’s Spiritual Life Director at San Diego Christian College, and on staff in the Women’s Ministry Department of Shadow Mountain Community Church. She has traveled to 33 countries and loves teaching others how to study and apply God's Word. Jamie, her husband Jeff and their baby son, David, live in San Diego. 

Forgiveness Is a Personal Choice

Renee Fisher's book about forgiveness encourages us to look at forgiveness from many angles, but this focus is my personal favorite.

"The only person you have control over is yourself." Fisher writes. "The only attitude you can control is your own."

Sometimes that's tough. We hurt and wish we could make others understand. But the issue is, God wants to change our hearts.

Fisher continues . . .

We can’t control what other people do, how they act, or what they feel. We can only make choices for ourselves.

For instance, Paul knew his story was less than perfect.

Before his conversion, he persecuted Christians! But he didn’t let the sins of the past stop him from becoming a mighty Christ-follower. He received the title of apostle because he wasn’t afraid to truly let God transform him. He gave his weaknesses to God and became a new man. The former enemy of Christians became one of the most influential leaders of the early church.

For I am the least of all the apostles. In fact, I’m not even worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted God’s church. But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me - and not without results (1 Corinthians 15:9-10, NLT).

When we beat ourselves over the head about our shortcomings, mistakes, and even what we assume to be failures, remember all those imperfect people who made it into the “Hall of Faith.” Remember those who have gone before us.

• Peter denied Jesus three times.
• Abraham slept with his servant.
• Paul persecuted Christians.
• Jonah ran away from God’s call.

You’ve made mistakes.

So have I.

But we can move forward.

Christ can transform you and me - just like He transformed Paul.

Proverbs 26:11 says, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.” Don’t be a fool, caught forever in the trap of the same old mistakes.

You might be weak. You might be humble. But with the power of God within you, you can choose a new life.

Just look what happened to those Bible characters.

• Peter became the rock on which Christ build his church.
• Abraham became the father of many nations.
• Paul became a great missionary and wrote many of the New Testament epistles.
• Jonah went to Nineveh and helped save the city from destruction.

What’s the similarity between these men? They all had a choice, and they chose obedience.

Remember, the only person you have control over is yourself.

Sometimes God uses sin to force us to start over. Sometimes our sufferings have nothing to do with you and everything to do with others’ actions.

Ask God to help you forgive those around you who may have hurt you without realizing it. Ask God for the same measure of grace to use on yourself for being less than perfect.

God cares about you.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

God loves you because He created you and there is no one else like you.

Don’t waste his grace today.

Do you think it’s possible to forgive someone who doesn’t ask for your forgiveness back? Why or why not?

(Adapted from Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me, © 2013 Harvest House Publishers.)

Renee Fisher, the Devotional Diva®, is the spirited speaker and author of four books including Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me. A graduate of Biola University, Renee’s mission in life is to “spur others forward” (Hebrews 10:24) using the lessons learned from her own trials to encourage others in their walk with God. Learn more about Renee at DevotionalDiva.com and ForgivingMe.com.