Five Ways to Speak God's Love Language

Debbie W. Wilson always has a fresh perspective on familiar Christian truth. In this Relationship with God UPGRADE, she reminds us that there are ways we can learn to "speak God's love language."

Debbie says, “My husband doesn’t show me love,” the distraught woman who sat before me complained.

I (Dawn) think that nearly every married woman has thought that from time to time. We just want more and more love—and not only from a spouse! But remember, when we "speak" someone's love language, it isn't always with words.

Debbie continues . . .

This woman’s husband provided for her financially, maintained her car without being asked, vacuumed the house, and cleaned up after supper. But she longed for quality time and deep conversations.

Because acts of service were not her love language, this woman had overlooked her husband’s demonstrations of love.

A hunger to express and experience love runs through the human DNA.

Considering this made me wonder if that need extends to our relationship with God. If so, what are some ways to enhance this love relationship? Does God have a love language?

Hebrews 11:6 says faith is God’s love language.

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (NIV).

Did you catch the reciprocal nature of faith as described in this verse? Those who believe in God also believe God rewards them for seeking Him.

Loving Jesus enables us to receive His love. John 14:21 says,

“Those who love me will have my Father’s love, and I, too, will love them and show myself to them” (GW).

Let’s look at ways to enhance our love relationship with God.

5 Ways to Speak God’s Love Language

1. Pray

Prayer demonstrates a relationship with God and faith that He is good.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened… Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matt. 7:7-11 NIV).

2. Demonstrate Trust through Thanksgiving

Gratitude demonstrates faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty. It shows I believe He is bigger than my mistakes and the wrongs I’ve endured (Rom. 8:28).

Faith allows me to pray with thanksgiving before I see God’s answer (Phil. 4:6-8).

A large ministry fired an honorable young man without cause. His mother wrestled with God over this betrayal. Before the year was out, a scandal hit the press concerning those who’d mistreated her son.

“God spared my son,” she said. “And I’d thought He’d forgotten him.”

“Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God’s will in Christ Jesus that you do this” (1 Thes. 5:18 GW).

3. Worship

Worship shows we believe He is worthy of our devotion and reminds us He’s bigger than anything clamoring for our time and attention.

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything” (Ps. 46:10 The Message).

4. Obey

Obedience demonstrates love and faith (Jn. 14:15-16).

“Whoever knows and obeys my commandments is the person who loves me” (Jn. 14:21 GW).

“In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome” (1 Jn. 5:3 NIV).

5. Live Clean

Receiving and appreciating our forgiveness shows faith in Jesus and increases our love for Him (1 Jn. 1:9, Titus 2:14).

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love” (Luke 7:47 NLT).

Through faith we express our love to God and experience His love in return.

Every step we take in faith causes God’s heart to sing. 

Does your relationship with God need a boost? Consider the list above. Which one needs your attention?

Debbie W. Wilson, Bible teacher and former biblical counselor, combines insight and encouragement to inspire people to trust Christ with their lives. Her books include Little Faith, Big God, Little Women, Big God, and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband Larry founded Lighthouse Ministries, a nonprofit biblical counseling and Bible study ministry. Debbie enjoys dark chocolate, a good mystery, and the antics of her two standard poodles. Find free resources and connect with Debbie at RefreshingFaith.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Kalhh at Pixabay.

Uplift Your Worship

Morgan Farr continues to amaze me by her determined mothering and ministry. In this Christmas UPGRADE, she gets personal—sharing how God taught her lessons through a classic Christmas carol, 'O Holy Night.'"People tend to love Christmas music or absolutely hate it," Morgan says. "There seem to be few people who are neutral in this debate."

Count me (Dawn) in the first group. Long before I became a Christ-follower, I believe Christmas hymns and carols played a part in drawing me to Christ.

Morgan continues . . .

I happen to be one who adores Christmas music. But this was not always the case.

Christmas of 2017, I had a breakthrough. I learned to worship more freely through the lyrics of "O Holy Night" and a rowdy two-year-old.

My family was stationed in San Diego, California, at the time. My husband was working with Naval Special Warfare and was gone more often than not. We had three children ages three and under, so my life was chaotic.

On a rare weekend when my husband happened to be home, we decided to take the kids to see a matinee of the Christmas movie, The Star.

The kids were three, two, and eight-months-old, so I wasn’t entirely sure how sitting through a movie would go.

I think I talked myself out of going twice on the way there. 

Mercifully, the only other people in the theater were a set of grandparents with their two young grandsons.

As the movie progressed, the song 'O Holy Night' played in the background. This song has been a favorite for most of my life, so I played it often in my house; but that afternoon it got a new place in my heart.

As soon as he recognized the song, my two-year-old son stood up in the aisle and belted out 'O Holy Night' at the top of his lungs.   

Listening to my two-year-old unapologetically celebrating was a moment that permanently changed the way I think of worship—and the lyrics of 'O Holy Night' were the catalyst.

Lessons from 'O Holy Night'

1. Raise Your Voice.

“O holy night! The stars are brightly shining; it is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.”

In the first part of the song, we simply call out the gloriousness of the night. Do you speak openly of God’s incredible gift to us? If not, what is holding you back?

Psalm 145:11 says,

“They shall speak of the glory of thy kingdom, and talk of thy power.”

Speak boldly of the gift that God gives us. Share the news of His glory with those around you.

2. Recognize the Need.

“Long lay the world in sin and error pining, till He appears and the soul felt its worth.”

When I share with someone about why I follow Christ, is this what I say? Without Christ, we are lost to sin, permanently separated from God.

Philippians 3:8 says,

"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ."

Do I explain that life without Christ leaves a hole that leaves me searching? Do I show with my actions that Christ is worthy of my worship?

3. Remember the Hope.

“A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.”

Jesus Christ was born, lived a sinless life, was crucified and buried, only to raise again three days later— redeeming us all from our depravity. He is the hope that generations cried out for and that we get to experience through salvation.

When I am weary of the happenings of the world, do I remember that Jesus is King of Kings and will return in glory?

4. Revel in Him.

“Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices! O night divine, O night when Christ was born; O night divine, O night, O night Divine.”

Do I worship the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords with appropriate adoration?

1 Chronicles 16: 23-25 says,

“Sing to the LORD, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.”

Am I hesitant to sing out in church or with my family on the chance that I might fumble the words or miss a note? Not anymore.

My son’s rendition of 'O Holy Night' reminded me that when worshiping our Savior, the notes don’t matter, the stumbles are forgotten.

It is the act of worshiping the Most High God with everything that I have that matters. It reminds me to focus on the incredible gift we have been given in Christ, not just at Christmas, but every single day.

This holiday season, I want to encourage you to break free of any restraints that might prevent you from fully worshipping God.

If you need an example of what that looks like, check out the children in your church. See what it looks like to approach the Creator of the universe through the eyes of a child.

After all, that is how the Savior of the world appeared on that oh, so holy night.

How can you worship him more this holiday season?

Morgan Farr, an Army wife, is a succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Morgan homeschools her four young children and trains her working dogs while leaning heavily on Jesus. Morgan is the Director of Publishing at Planting Roots, a ministry for military women and wives. You can connect with Morgan on all major social media channels using her handle: morgandfarr.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Angeles Balaguer at Pixabay.

4 Steps to Contentment

Lina Abujamra, a pediatric ER doctor, wrote a powerful book for singles, and in this Attitude UPGRADE, she helps singles deal with discontentment. But there’s a message here for all of us!

“I like to fix things,” Lina says. “Give me a problem and I’ll give you a solution.”

I (Dawn) think most women are “fixers” at heart—part of that nurturing trait God gives us. I love how Lina uses scripture to help us “fix” a serious spiritual problem.

Lina continues . . .

Fixing things isn’t unusual for an ER doctor, and the more I read about Paul’s approach to life, the more I am convinced he’d be a great fit in the ER too.

In 1 Corinthians 7:17-24, Paul moves from the problem of discontentment to give us four simple steps for developing an attitude of contentment.

Here’s how:

1. It’s a matter of OBEDIENCE.

Consider 1 Corinthians 7:17, 24: “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him . . . So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.”

Paul isn’t suggesting contentment as an option. He uses the active verb “let” to strongly point to the necessity of exercising our will in this matter. The verb let means “to make” or “to cause to.” Contentment is not simply a suggestion.

Accept the life that God has called you to. If you’re married, be married. If you’re single be single. But whatever you do, put your heart and mind into it and actively embrace it by faith.

God cares about your obedience. When you embrace the attitude of contentment, you are willfully showing your obedience to the Lord. It is an attitude that is based not on your circumstances being what you desire them to be, but on what the Lord has provided for you today.

2. It’s a matter of ACCEPTANCE.

I like to say it another way—want what you have. We’re so much like Eve, with closets full of stuff, but always yearning for the one thing we don’t have.

Eve had no contentment despite all God had given her. She went after the one thing she didn’t have and fell strait into the pit of sin. The only way out was God’s saving grace.

If you’re living your life with a nagging desire for the one thing you don’t have, maybe it’s time you call it what it is—sin—and confess it right now. Ask the Lord to forgive you and give you the grace to embrace the life He’s called you to live.

3. It’s a Matter of WORSHIP.

It’s time for a perspective check. This God we call “Father” is the One who called the world into existence. He is bigger than your biggest imagination of Him He is higher than your highest thoughts of Him.

He is also the God who has called you to your life as you know it. I know this to be true because God repeats different forms of the word called seven times in 1 Corinthians 7:17-24.

Your singleness is not a mistake. It is God’s plan for your life today.

Will you choose to exalt God for who He is? Will you worship Him no matter what? When you do that, you will find that contentment will come a bit easier and more naturally for you.

4. It’s a matter of ENDURANCE.

In 1 Corinthians 7:20 and 24, Paul instructs us to “remain.” To remain means to stay. To stay, when you feel like leaving, is not always easy. It takes mental toughness and spiritual tenacity … eyes focused upward … determination … grit. It takes the Lord standing by your side—which is why I love Paul’s whisper to us at the end of verse 24: “remain with God.”

With God makes all the difference. With God frees you to be who you were meant to be. With God is the answer to all your fear.

God’s presence with you is how you can remain when you feel like moving. God’s presence near you is how you can rejoice when you feel like crying. God’s presence with you is how you can remain content in the calling God has given you.

Contentment is satisfaction with God’s sufficient provision. He is adequate to meet all of your needs.

Which of these four steps to contentment would make you a more content person today—whether you are single or married?

Lina AbuJamra is a Pediatric ER doctor, author, and speaker. Her passion is to apply her life-saving, decision-making, and hope-giving skills from the Emergency Room to rescue and recover people from spiritually deadly situations. She has written two books:  Thrive: The Single Life as God Intended, and Stripped: When God’s Call Turns from Yes to Why Me? You can connect with her daily at livingwithpower.org.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of anankkml at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Living in the Light: The No-Fear Zone

Quirky humor and deep wisdom—that's Rhonda Rhea. One of her books, How Many Lightbulbs Does It Take to Change a Person? helps women live in God's light. In this humorous post, she encourages us to move out of the darkness of our fears.

“I don’t care what anyone says, I never laugh in the face of danger,” Rhonda said. “But sometimes, when danger isn’t looking, I point and make faces and call it a big stupidhead. Of course, then if danger looks over, I look down and pretend I’ve been picking lint off my jacket the whole time.”

Oh Rhonda ... I don't think I've ever called danger "a big stupidhead," but I will from now on!

Rhonda continues …

I decided early in life it might be wise to give a respectable deference to danger and fear, at least to their faces. I guess it’s partly because when I was a kid, Bozo the Clown used to sit in a dark corner of my room every night and brood creepishly. It was always in the same corner. Then in the morning he’d be gone and there would be a floor lamp there instead. Eerie.

Since I obviously know my way around the fear topic, here’s my helpful tip of the day: 

If you’re panicking, try taking deep breaths. Unless you’re panicking because you’re drowning. Because then you’re definitely going to need a whole different tack.

On the more serious side, though, isn’t it glorious that as we breathe in the presence of the God of light, we see our fears fade?

When the angel came to the shepherds to announce the birth of the Messiah, the glory-light must’ve been shocking. “The glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid.” (Luke 2:9, NKJV) But the angel’s first words to the shepherds were, “Do not be afraid” (verse 10, NKJV). No need to fear! In fact, the angel brought the good news that the birth of the Messiah was ushering in our salvation.

Has there ever been a greater reason for rejoicing? And that’s just what happened. “And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: ‘Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!’” (verse 13, NKJV) What a sound and light show that must’ve been! But the shepherds didn’t stay frozen in fear. No, they got up and hurried off to find the Christ.

That angel chorus wasn’t the only Jesus-welcoming light party. When the wise men sought the Messiah, they were led by God’s magnificent starlight. “And there it was—the star they had seen in the east! It led them until it came and stopped above the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed beyond measure. Entering the house, they saw the child with Mary His mother, and falling to their knees, they worshipped Him.” (Matthew 2:9-11, HCSB)

Light can lead us to that place of worship. Worship is the exhale as we breathe in His light.

Ever scared of the dark? When we get those dark fears out of the way, we’re free to worship and praise—the perfect response as we encounter the Lord of light.

Fear can be devastatingly powerful. It can rear its ugly head at the most inopportune moments. And when it arrives, it all but takes over our thoughts. It’s tough to think of anything else when fear makes its way into our gray matter.

In Psalm 27:1, David reminds himself of the God who chases away fear: “The LORD is my light and my salvation—whom should I fear?” (HCSB) Fear may be powerful, but it’s nothing compared to our God.

Bozo? You got nuthin’.

When do your worst fears arise? When they surface, ask God to help you focus on scripture truth about God and His presence, and on Jesus, the One who conquers our fears.

Rhonda Rhea is a radio personality, speaker and the author of 12 books, including Espresso Your Faith and the newest, Join the Insanity: Crazy-Fun Life in the Pastors’ Wives Club. Along with her daughters, she hosts the weekly TV show, “That’s My Mom” on Christian Television Network. Rhonda and her daughter, Kaley Faith Rhea, have their first co-authored novel releasing in 2014 with the second soon following. She lives in the St. Louis area and is a pastor’s wife and the mother of five practically-out-of-the-house children.

Waiting with Purpose

Jamie Wood is a young woman with great spiritual insight. She has learned many of life's lessons through her experiences in ministry, but also through the "School of Waiting."

Can you feel the struggle in these words?

"Lord, I’m tired of waiting! What are you up to? Will it happen for me? Dare I hope for it?

Do you see me? I feel like the only one. I don’t want to start all over again. Lord?"

Have you ever prayed a prayer like that? I did as a young single woman when it seemed like God would never give me a husband or a ministry. I was frustrated with God's timetable, but God brought me wise counsel ... words of wisdom much like Jamie shares.

She continues ...

If you are a woman, if you are human, then any one or more of these thoughts must resonate with you. In my experience, waiting on the Lord has proven to be one of the most difficult aspects of my Christian journey. 

I know what Scripture says about the truth of who God is and the plan He has for my life, but living out the tension between faith and doubt has brought me to my knees on more than one occasion. I know God doesn’t work on my timetable, that His timing is perfect, but my challenge has been to learn to wait…not aimlessly or without hope, but with PURPOSE!

God most poignantly taught me to wait with purpose when I was 30 years old. I had hit a new decade and ... Still. No. Husband. Everything in me wanted to scream, “God don’t you see my lonely heart?”  “Do you care?”

I was also battling lies from the enemy to just settle, that my standards were too high. (Maybe someone reading this can relate to that?)

So, one day, as I was yet again talking to God about this area of my life, He brought to mind an acronym that helped me put waiting into perspective.  W - A - I - T.

W – Worship. “And He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many shall see and fear (revere and worship) and put their trust and confident reliance in the Lord" (Psalm 40:3). Worship means to declare worth, to attribute worth. When I worship God, I am saying that God has worth, that He is worthy.  

God reminded me through worship that He is the only One who can satisfy all my heart’s desires. To put it plainly, God is enough. 

Despite the brokenness in the world and the desires in my life that may or may not be met, I can go to God in worship and be reminded that He will be enough.

A – Attitude. "The Lord will perfect that which concerns me" (Psalm 138:8). God showed me that He promised to accomplish His purposes in my life. Since that was a promise, my attitude needed to reflect His faithfulness.

I – Intimacy. “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry” (Psalm 40:1). God reminded me that as His daughter, He hears me. Often that’s all I need – to be reminded that I’m not alone.  He sees my desperate heart and hears my plea!

T – Trust. "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13). Trust. A hard five-letter-word. 

I had to come face to face with a hard question: Do I trust God? When that is settled in your heart, you can wait with purpose. He will come through!

I hope this helps to encourage you to wait with purpose in whatever your heart is longing for.

And just in case anyone is curious, God brought along my husband shortly after this lesson and He used Craig’s List to do it! I posted a suitcase for sale and you got it, Jeff is the man I sold it to. Little did I know I’d be inheriting that suitcase back one day!

What are you waiting for today? Are you waiting with purpose - trusting God?

Jamie Wood was born into a Pastor’s family and desires to disciple women for Christ. She has served as a conference planner for Anne Graham Lotz at AnGeL Ministries, as the Women’s Spiritual Life Director at San Diego Christian College, and on staff in the Women’s Ministry Department of Shadow Mountain Community Church. She has traveled to 33 countries and loves teaching others how to study and apply God's Word. Jamie, her husband Jeff and their baby son, David, live in San Diego.