What Do You Have Apart from Jesus?

In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, I want to share the blessing and power of not doing anything apart from Jesus.

February 1, 2022, when I couldn't sleep in the night, I started thinking about what life would be like apart from Jesus. In that long night, the Holy Spirit was my Comfort and Peace, but my mind turned to my Savior.

I thought about all He had done for me. I thought about Him praying in Heaven for me. The more I meditated, the more I realized how He touched every part of my life, and that I, in fact, had no life apart from Him.

Here is what I reminded myself about that night.

Nothing Apart from Jesus

1. Apart from Jesus, there's no PATH to eternal hope and heaven.

In other words, there's no salvation. Jesus said,

I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me (John 14:6).

Apart from our Savior, we have no hope for eternity; but with Jesus, we have "a living hope" (1 Peter 1:3).

2. Apart from Jesus, there's no PURPOSE for spiritually-meaningful life and legacy.

We all have personal goals—some made with much prayer and in seeking God, and others planned without Him.

The best way for a Christ-follower to live is to prayerfully ask God for direction.

Why?

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10).

God planned works for us to do. He had jobs, careers, and responsibilities in mind when He created us.

I've thought about this a lot. I believe:

• God gifted me and He empowers me.
• He knew I would be a wife, mother, and grandmother.
• He knew I would be a writer, speaker, and love to sing in the choir.
• He has provided all I've needed, in my weakness, to be strong in Him.
• He designed me to love truth and show mercy.
• He gave me the desire to live for His glory.

He did all of this for me and in and through me as I am "in Christ"—and I am so grateful!

Perhaps you might review your own life. Consider how God has prepared the way and used you in ways you never would have imagined.

Perhaps you are like me. Without the Lord, I have no spiritually-meaningful life. Without Him, my legacy would be shallow. But with Him . . .

3. Apart for Jesus, there's no POWER for godly choices and change.

We may be able to overcome some issues with sheer will power, but godly choices requires knowing God. When we have the "mind of Christ," we will think differently (1 Corinthians 2:16).

Also, because Jesus stands in victory, we do not have to sin! As a popular song says, "sin's curse has lost its grip on me." * I have both the desire and the enabling to overcome temptation in Christ (1 Corinthians 15:57) and through the Word of God (1 Corinthians 10:13; Psalm 119:11).

I am being transformed through the "renewing" of my mind (Romans 12:2). God is changing me to become more like His Son (Romans 8:29).

Without Christ, we can do nothing, but with Him—when we abide in Him, when we live in His strength—what a difference!

4. Apart from Jesus, there's no PROVISION for spiritual growth and godliness.

God gives us great grace. It is the grace of God that He chooses to bless us instead of give us what our sin deserves.

Paul reminds us that nothing good dwells in our flesh (Romans 7:18). How can that which is not good do good? Even our so-called goodness is as "filthy rags" before God—tainted by sin or wrong motives.

Oh, how we need Jesus!

In Jesus, God made a way not only for eternal life, but blessings as well. In Christ, we are given many spiritual blessings and we are able to live "to the praise of his glory" (Ephesians 1:3-14).

God give us "grace gifts" (spiritual gifts) to help us "bear much fruit" (John 15:8) as we serve Him and pursue God-given goals.

• Father God calls us to be holy as He is holy (1 Peter 1:15-17).
• He gave us the Holy One, Jesus, to enable our holiness (John 6:68-69).
• And Jesus prayed the Father would send the Holy Spirit to guide us into righteousness (Romans 8:14; Galatians 5:16).

Clearly, it is God's will that we be holy; but we cannot be godly apart from our Savior.

5. Apart from Jesus, there's no PEACE in the world's confusion and chaos.

Just listening to newscasts for one day is enough to either make us angry or make us afraid. We rightly ask, "What in the world is going on?"

We may be tempted to panic. We crave peace in all the confusion and chaos. 

Yet, as Christ-followers, we know there's more going on than earthly headlines.

• We know Jesus, the Prince of Peace, is coming back to set things right.
• We know that—whatever happens to our earthly bodies—sin, circumstances, and the evil one cannot destroy us.
• We know that apart from Jesus we might panic, but in Him, we have peace that the world cannot understand.

Jesus desires to give us HIS peace, far beyond the peace promoted in this world (John 14:27). It's the kind of peace that enables us to not be troubled or afraid in the scary circumstances of life.

Apart from Jesus we may feel hopeless, purposeless, powerless, helpless, and restless. But all that changes when we are alive in Him.

"No guilt in life no fear in death,

This is the power of Christ in me.

From life's first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny." *

How grateful I am that I do not live apart from the One who loved me enough to die for me, the One who has provided all I will ever need.

Is there some area of life where you are apart from Jesus? Do you have a personal relationship with Him? What do you have that has not come from Him?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

* Lyrics from "In Christ Alone" by Stuart Townend and Keith Getty.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Matteo Vistocco at Unsplash.

When Mom Is in Heaven . . .

In this Mother's Day UPGRADE, Dawn reminds us to honor our moms for as long as we can. Why? "When Mom is in heaven," she says, "a big piece of our heart is there too." This is my first Mother's Day without my mom; and my husband's mother went to heaven in late 2021.

A few days after I wrote this post, I received news that a dear friend's elderly mother was in transition. Family members have gathered, and they will likely experience Mother's Day without their mom too.

The simple fact is, Mother's Day looks a lot different when a loving Christian Mom is dying or already in heaven with Jesus.

It's just so hard!

My sister was my mom's caregiver for so many years. I know she is hurting too. While there is relief when our loved one is out of pain, caregivers also experience great sorrow.

People speak of "losing" someone in death, but I haven't lost my mom. I know exactly where she is.

Knowing Mom is safe and well in the place where she lives forever helps me deal with the pain.

More about that later.

Perhaps someone reading this is struggling. I hope this will encourage you.

Five things to remember when facing Mom's earthly absence on Mother's Day:

1) It's normal to grieve.

I watched a television commercial promoting a lovely Mother's Day necklace. A tear slipped from my eye. Never again this side of heaven would I be able to give my mom a gift of any kind. Not even a Mother's Day card.

We can change the channel when the commercial comes on and avoid the card aisle at the drugstore, but that won't bring her back.

Grieving is natural, and no one can tell us when to stop grieving.

We can look at old scrapbooks of special events with our mom in the photos, but suddenly we realize there will be no more photos. We close the scrapbook. It's just too hard.

In time, a new awareness sets in.

In grieving, we eventually realize that great grief means great love.

If we did not love our mothers so much, we would not grieve them so deeply.

So what helps?

• Pause for a while and feel the depths of your grief.
• Then take your pain to Jesus—totally human, totally God—the One who understands how you feel. He is intimately acquainted with your situation (Psalm 139:b NASB). You are not alone. He does not stand back, avoiding your pain. He wants to comfort your heart through the watch-care of the Holy Spirit.

2) Some memories are sweet, others are hard, and some are funny!

After pausing to feel grief, allow your thoughts to drift to happy days when your mother was still on earth. Ask God to help you remember some sweet memories.

It's OK for tears to flow.

Memories can still be sweet, even when difficult or painful.

We can know that, as Bible-believing believers, someday all those tears of grief will be wiped away, and death, mourning, crying, and pain will end (Revelation 21:4).

In the midst of grieving your mother's death, perhaps you will recall some funny memories. That's OK!

Some of my favorite funerals and celebration services included funny stories of the deceased. Loved ones laughed through their tears.

Stories are reminders that the one we love was completely human and will be missed.

So what helps?

• If you feel comfortable, pull out that scrapbook again, or look at photos on social media or on your phone.
• Try to remember the place and time for each picture. Choose joy, and thank God for the memories.

(Bob's mother, left, and mine — when they were young.)

3) It's God-honoring and mom-honoring to remember her legacy.

All moms leave some kind of legacy. This is hopefully doubly true in Christian families. There is Mom's legacy in family traditions, and her legacy in Christ.

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his faithful servants (Psalm 116:15 NIV).

If your mom lived even nominally for Jesus, that's more than the vast number of moms have done around the world—moms who have never trusted in the Lord. It's not that those other moms don't love their children. It's only that they could not show the love of God to their children.

If your mom walked closely with her Savior, however, she will likely have left a profound "heartprint" in your life—transformational truth, and inspiration to follow her heart as you follow in Jesus' steps.

So what helps?

• Your mom may not have been perfect, but thank God for giving you life (Psalm 139:13) and the legacy of her love. If she taught you about the Lord, His Word, and His ways, praise God for that (Deuteronomy 4:9; Proverbs 1:8-9).
• Thank God for her influence in your character and your understanding of Father God (Proverbs 31:25-27).

4) Life now is about more than trying to "make Mom proud."

Proverbs 17:6b (NLT) says,

Parents are the pride of their children. *

It's natural that children take pride in their parents. That's why we have special days to celebrate them—Father's Day and Mother's Day. God tells us to honor our parents (Exodus 20:12); and the scriptures go one step further with moms: We must never "despise" (neglect) them when they are old (Proverbs 23:22b).

Yes. It's good to take pride in our parents.

Children also normally want to make their parents proud.

It's suggested that Mom is glad when we're making wise choices.

May your . . . mother rejoice; may she who gave you birth be joyful!" (Proverbs 22:25).

Most parents are happily proud of their children, even if they don't communicate it. Parental pride and gladness are often linked. I remember telling one of my sons after he displayed an act of kindness, "I'm so glad you were born. I'm so proud of you."

You may hope that you made your mama proud; and that feeling may continue after she's in heaven.

But your mother would want MORE for you.

Your mom would want you to live a wonderful, fruitful, God-blessed life. She would want you to live for more than simply making her proud.

She would want you to make God smile.

Turns out, that's a biblical concept.

May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor. . .  (Numbers 6:25-26a NLT)

God smiles when He sees His children looking to Him for wisdom and direction. When we seek Him out for the right way to live (Psalm 119:35 Msg), He pours out His favor in our lives.

Your mom wouldn't want you to become a sour, legalistic Christian. But she would want you to walk in submission, faith, and obedience to God because that's the way to a blessed life.

So what helps?

• Why not write a note in your journal or to post on social media to celebrate your Mom's life—rise up and "call her blessed" (Proverbs 31:28). Your mom may be in heaven, but you can still share part of her story or why you loved her.
• Ask God how you can make Him smile. What would that look like? What would move God's heart to bless you? The Bible gives some insight: Hosea 6:6 NLT; Psalm 147:11 ESV; 1 John 5:3a NIV; Matthew 6:33 NIV)

5. We know we will see our Christ-following Mom again.

Only God knows our hearts, but if your mother has genuinely received Jesus as her Savior (trusting in His death, burial, and resurrection; and repenting of sin and asking for His forgiveness) — and you have genuinely done the same — you will see your loved one again.

Again, what helps?

• Praise God for your mother's salvation. ** (She's not only your mom. If you both know the Lord, she's your sister in Christ!)
• Be sure you know the Lord too. (How do you know—how can you be sure—you know Jesus? Here is a presentation of the good news of salvation in Christ; and here are some evidences of salvation.)

I cannot wait to see my mom, my husband's mom, and a few precious adopted "moms" I've loved along the way. What a wondrous day that will be!

Let me offer a prayer for those who hurt this Mother's Day.

Father God,

I ask you to encourage those who have mothers in heaven. Comfort them and bring them peace.

Remind them of sweet memories so they will have tears of joy mingled with their grief.

Show them how they can best honor their mothers this Mother's Day and in the years to come. Amen.

Is your mom in heaven? Could you try some of these suggestions to face this Mother's Day with peace, and a "heavenly" perspective?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Vlanka at Pixabay.

* Note: Most versions say "father" rather than "parents."

** I know that some moms give no evidence of receiving Christ. We cannot, however, see into their heart and mind. Perhaps they had a conversation wth God before they died. We just do not know—but God does. We can take comfort in the biblical truth that God is loving, kind, and just. And we can thank Him for the years He allowed our Mom to care for us.

On Tapestries and Pots

In this Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, Dawn says Christ-followers may not understand the mysterious workings of their sovereign God, but they must remember He is also a loving Heavenly Father—and His children can trust Him.

I love this picture. Two objects in the photo above are vivid pictures to me of God's loving, sovereign rule, and of my need to rely on Him.

Look with me a few minutes at these two objects:

1. The Tapestry

Tapestries are beautiful, traditional works of art. This one pictured above is a famous one, "The Lady and the Unicorn." * Tapestries inject great touches of style, personality, texture, and color into homes.

Some are simple designs. Others are intricate. But they all have something in common.

The backsides of tapestries are often a knotted mess.

Even if all the knots are neatly clipped, it's still can be challenging to distinguish the creator's design from the backside.

Unfortunately, we only see the backside of our lives.

God always knows the design He is creating in and through us—the Creator makes no mistakes, and His plan for us will be accomplished. But we may not understand all the whys of His working.

We are not omniscient—all-knowing like our God.

Besides that, His thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways—they are far above and beyond our own thoughts and ways (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Because He is God and we are not, we need to trust Him in the processes and outcomes of our lives.

2. The Pot

The second object in the photo that reminds me I need to rely on God is the pot next to the couch.

Pottery reminds me of God's sovereign rule. In the story of the Potter and the Clay (Romans 9:19-24) we're reminded that God can do with us as He wills. (See also these scriptures.)

It's a simple but profound concept.

God is the potter; we are the clay. God is the Creator; we are the created.

In a broad sense, God is the Potter and humanity is a lump of clay; and from this lump God makes various vessels.

It is His right to do with the clay whatever He desires, and He makes sovereign choices.

The giant lump of clay is dirty and flawed, but God pulls from the lump to create beautiful vessels of honor fit for His service.

And He makes vessels of dishonor that also serve His holy purposes.

(I know this scripture passage is controversial, and I won't go into all the ramifications of Paul's words here—but clearly he says God has the right to do with us as He wills.)

Paul makes the case: Who are we to "talk back to God"? Who are we to say that God is not just and fair? We're lumps of clay!

The point I want to make here is:

We humans have so much pride, tremendous arrogance, when it comes to God's sovereign rule. 

It's foolish that fallen, flawed creatures think they have a right to question and pass judgement on their Creator's actions. We have no right to demand explanations from the sovereign ruler of the universe! He owes us no apologies.

In an attempt to understand, we can ask questions of God as His creation and His children—David did; Mary did.

But we must not question God as judges.

Biblical Christians realize their desperate need for a savior, and that the Savior is Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, an irreverent attitude toward our Creator and our Savior can manifest itself even after we have received God's salvation. (That's why believers through the ages were told to fear God—to reverence and obey Him.)

Some Christians believe that once we are Christ-followers, we deserve "special treatment" from God. In other words, we have a right to never suffer, to never face tough circumstances, etc.

That is not biblical thinking.

We should expect trials and suffering, and in them, God calls us to cooperate with Him as He purifies us to make us vessels for "nobel use, consecrated and useful to the master of the house, ready for any good work" (2 Timothy 2:20-21 RSV).

God has bigger plans for us than we can imagine.

And so, just like the potter smashes and reworks clay, the Heavenly Potter may purify us by:

• smashing some of our dreams,
• crushing some of our plans,
• and reworking the "clay" of our lives to better fit His purposes.

Becoming a smashed pot is painful, but it is necessary, because the Father who loves us wants to conform us to the image of His dear Son (Romans 8:29-30.).

I love to address God by the phrase "Father God," because it reminds me of who He is—not that it encompasses all He is, but that it helps me understand His working in my life.

1. He is my loving Heavenly Father. His purposes in and through me are for my growth and good, and for His glory.
2. He is the sovereign God of the universe—powerful and majestic, all-knowing, just and wise. Nothing takes Him by surprise, and nothing is outside His control.

Knowing these two great truths brings me peace, no matter my circumstances!

In a book promo for Heaven Rules by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, I read these words:

"Heaven is ruling, always ruling. That doesn't mean that we won't experience distress, but it does mean we can find a refuge by looking upward and letting His peace rule in our hearts." **

Though He owes me no explanations, I believe my Father God will someday help me make sense of the messy knots on the backside of my life tapestry—the abuse, the struggles with sin, the cancer. And I believe my Father God will use me for His purposes, as the Potter designs and uses the clay.

My Father God does this to make known the abundance of His mercy and the riches of His glory. And His gracious providence leads me to worship Him.

It also leads me to trust Him. As I look at the photo above, I imagine sitting down on that couch and relaxing in the midst of my tough circumstances. How can I do this?

My God is in control—and He loves me!

Do you flinch at God's workings in your life? How does knowing God loves His children and is powerfully designing their lives for their good and growth, and for His glory, help you trust Him more today?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

* The traditional woven tapestry in the meme, "The Lady & the Unicorn" is available at Art & Home.

** Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, Heaven Rules: Take Courage. Take Comfort. Our God Is in Control, Moody Publishers, 2022. (Quote is here.) 

Spread the Aroma of Christ at Christmas

I love the inviting scents of Christmas. Cookies baking in the oven. Christmas ham. Hot chocolate with crushed peppermint on whipped cream. Cinnamon, cranberries and cloves simmering on the stove.

I recently saw an article titled "Super Simple Holiday Stovetop Simmer." In the article, Lora Bloomquist said, "With a few simple grocery store ingredients and tap water, you can enjoy a fragrant-smelling holiday home every night of the week." (Ah. I like simple.)

The RECIPE includes cranberries, cloves, Saigon cinnamon, and sliced lemons. (What's not to love?)

Fragrance is part of making the home "cozy" during the holidays, Bloomquist said, and this is "easier and less expensive" than burning fragrant candles. (Some candles can be a problem for people with allergies; but I'm not sure about cinnamon and cloves.)

As I thought about Christmas fragrances, a passage of scripture came to mind:

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere.

For we are the aroma of Christ to God . . . (2 Corinthians 2:14-15a).

Yes. There is an aroma more fragrant than any Christmas spices that might simmer on your stove!

The Sent One is the 'Fragrant' One

Let's backtrack a bit into the Old Testament.

• We first hear about pleasing aromas—or "sweet savors"—rising to God in the Jewish sacrifices (as in Exodus 29:18, 25; Numbers 15:3). Some of the sacrifices were designated for the atonement of the people until the promised Messiah would come.
• Later, when God, through Ezekiel, told the Jewish people He would bring them from all the lands where they had been scattered, God said: "As a pleasing aroma I will accept you . . . And I will manifest my holiness among you in the sight of the nations (Ezekiel 20:41).

The aroma of a sacrifice is important to God. Over and over in the book of Leviticus, the "aroma" of sacrifice is mentioned as pleasing Him. But why? 

It's not the smell, but what the smell REPRESENTS.

Jesus was the "sent One"—the promised Messiah. The Father sent the Son to be the Savior of the world (1 John 4:14; Galatians 4:4-5). When Jesus was born in Bethlehem, He would as an adult become the "once for all" sacrifice for sinners (Hebrews 7:27). He would die in our place—the substitutionary atonement for our sin.

Paul said Jesus loved us so much He chose to die for us, and that sacrificial offering was "fragrant" to God (Ephesians 5:2b).

At the beginning of Jesus' ministry, the Father said He was "well pleased" with His Son (Mark 1:11). Jesus was without sin, and the ONLY ONE who could provide the perfect and pleasing sacrifice—acceptable to God.

Jesus' life is the sweetest "savor" of all, because He is our Savior!

According to John 3:16, those who know the Savior in a personal relationship have eternal life—and that is cause for great rejoicing!

But not everyone we meet knows Him!

That's why 2 Corinthians 2:14-15a is so important. Paul said our lives are a Christ-like fragrance rising up to God.

If you are a Christ-follower, God desires to use you to spread the fragrance of the knowledge of Him everywhere!

• In your family
• In your neighborhood
• At your workplace
• In every setting the Lord opens to you

Just as a holiday fragrance might waft from our stovetop and fill the house with a pleasing aroma, our lives ought to fill the world with the pleasing aroma of Christ.

I laughed a little as I wrote that last sentence.

I realized it takes heat to make a stovetop fragrance fill our home. It doesn't do much sitting in a pan of water with no heat.

It may take a little "heat" from the Holy Spirit—or some difficult circumstance God uses to fire us up with a reminder of His great mercies and grace—to motivate us to share the Gospel with others.

We who enjoy the fragrance of Christ in our salvation: how can we not desire that beautiful blessing for others?

As you consider some of the lovely scents of Christmas this week, how might you share the "aroma" of the risen Christ in your circle of influence?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Public Domain at Pixabay.

'Forcing a Piece' Doesn't Work in Parenting

In this Parenting UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson reminds us that each child is unique in personality and gifts, and we're wise to discover that uniqueness and cultivate it.

I discovered early on in parenting that siblings are different and should never be compared. Each has unique giftings and will make different contributions in the world.

As my two sons grew up, one of our family traditions was putting together a puzzle at their grandparents' home in Palm Springs, Californai, during the Thanksgiving holiday.

Every year a new puzzle was completed—even if Grandpa Wilson had to finish the project after everyone went home.

Lessons in Puzzle-working

I loved watching my boys work the puzzles.

Our youngest, the "Mr. Social" of the group, would stay at the task only as long as his cousin or his older brother would work with him.

He worked quickly, picking up random pieces and laying them down again. Once, he impatiently tried to "force a piece" into the puzzle—bending one of the "bumps" in the process.

His frustrated brother became a teacher, explaining that "pieces have to be a perfect fit or the puzzle won't come out right."

Unlike our youngest, our methodical oldest child enjoyed quiet time alone with the puzzle, carefully analyzing each piece, categorizing the shapes, and relishing each new discovery. When others joined him, he often directed their efforts with a "Try that one," or "Try it the other way."

While everyone participated in the project, he was clearly a manager.

How unique each boy was. Working the puzzles highlighted those differences.

Lessons from Baseball Cards and Sports

Puzzle working wasn't the only activity that revealed their personalities. The boys' traits became obvious in other areas of their lives.

Both collected baseball cards and, like many children, dreamed of playing in the big leagues.

Our youngest's cards were randomly stached in cluttered drawers and overstuffed school bags so he could pull them out at random to enjoy them.

Our older son categoried his and methodically placed them in boxes. An entire notebook was devoted to a favorite at the time, Orel Hershiser.

Eventually, he helped his brother sort his collection, and they shared hours "talking baseball."

The boys made relatives laugh as they mimicked sports announcers, pretending to call the games on television. The youngest focused on the action. The oldest developed the strategy behind each play.

Though they played and excelled in other sports, it was in baseball that the pieces of their life puzzles began to fit.

Our youngest—temporarily labeled "Wild Thing" in his youth for his mean fastball that sometimes lacked accuracy and sent batters scurrying out of the batter's box—became an outstanding pitcher with a Nolan Ryan bite. Meanwhile, his older brother's pitching—steady and strategic—resembled his hero Hershiser, the deliberate "Bulldog."

The oldest expected the youngest to react to life and sports as he would—with intensity!

But our easy-going youngest never could understand why it was so hard for his brother to simply relax.

As their sports careers intertwined in high school, however, and interesting change took place.

Our oldest child gained respect for his fun-loving, confident younger brother. And our youngest learned discipline and leadership skills from his brother.

Though big league dreams ended, our oldest ended his senior year of high schol satisfied with his accomplishments in sports, knowing he had done his best.

But our youngest son's senior year escalated from excitement to ectasy as his baseball team reached the San Diego finals. His brother watched him pitch the winning game, and then joined my husband in advising him when scouts came calling.

Big brother was truly delighted when the Philadelphia Phillies drafted our young son in 1998.

Some time later, it was no surprise to any of us that our oldest ended up coaching high school sports. It was a perfect fit for our analytical son. His pieces of the puzzle made sense too.

Don't Force a Piece

I sometimes shake my head as parents try to "force a piece" in the puzzle-life of their child. In the process, they break their child's spirit and end up with a completed picture that was never intended by God.

If we love our children, we will help them see how their puzzle pieces fit.

So how can we cooperate with God to help the puzzle pieces of our children fit properly?

1. Never Compare.

It's not wise to compare your child with anyone—whether in the family, or at school, church, or anywhere else.

It's the foolish parent who says, "Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?"

I actually said that once to one of my sons. His response? "Because I'm not him!"

(Well, duh. Lesson learned.)

The Bible explains that comparison is not wise because God is the giver of all our gifts, of all we receive in the way of personality, skills, etc. (James 1:17; 1 Corinthians 4:7; Isaiah 45:9).

2. Cultivate Their Uniqueness.

Help your child discover his or her unique personality, gifting, and other distinguishing traits and skills. And then take steps to cultivate them.

Childhood is the time to try out many activities, not only for fun, but to discover innate strengths and weaknesses.

Don't "force pieces" where they don't belong.

• A child may try out for sports and discover a new passion—or may genuinely hate exercise.
• A child may take up a musical instrument and thrive, or hate every single second of practice.
• A child may exhibit a "gift" for writing from an early age, or struggle with it in school.

(NOTE: I'm not saying we should allow for "quitters"—and there may need to be some parent/child negotiations. But we do need to become aware when there's not a good fit, and make allowances for that.)

Sometimes a different approach can make a difference.

For example, a boy may say he "hates" reading, but can find inspiration to read in the sports pages of a newspaper, or a biography about someone in history (a pirate or ruthless warrior, perhaps).

Help your child see the different personality types in the scriptures as well—impulsive Peter, wise Esther, etc. And help your child understand how Jesus grew in a number of areas in his young life (Luke 2:52).

3. Praise Efforts.

Even when children operate in their uniqueness, they may have days when they don't measure up. They are not failures, even when sometimes failing.

They are learning important information for future attempts.

So don't provoke (exasperate/embitter) your children, causing them to lose heart (become discouraged)—Colossians 3:21/ Ephesians 6:4. Intead, train them well and encourage them with appropriate praise.

(NOTE: This is not the same as the philosophy of praising everyone for everything all the time.)

4. Focus on an Eternal Perspective.

Help your child see more than today.

Encourage the use of spiritual gifts, as they become apparent, to love God and serve others.

Help them discover how they can become more like Jesus—no matter their personality or gifting.

In all their activities, be sure to include spiritual quests and community outreaches to the glory of God.

In all this counsel, remember that you will never be a perfect parent. You will make many mistakes—even in pursuing your child's uniqueness.

If you love with wisdom, and discipline with love, they will understand your inability to be perfect.

Children may be puzzling at times, but they are created in the image of God, and His creation is precious—every single child! Take time to consider the pieces of their puzzle, because it's so worth it!

I'm so glad we—for the most part—worked the puzzle right.

If you are a parent, have you discovered your child's/children's uniqueness? What part of the puzzle of their lives is yet to be discovered? Ask God to help you!

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Piro4D at Pixabay.